MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ mention of various forms of abuse including SA, mention of suicide in some detail, mention of death
PREFACE
I understand this is the internet and I cannot expect people to have grace or mercy on me for any of this. All I can do is ask that if you’re going to give me your input, that you try and be as kind as possible. My heart is hurting and I really don’t feel I am in a place to hear that I need to entirely -drop- this therapist right now. My background of abuse and trauma will hopefully explain why that is, but I am not ready to let go. I am mostly posting this to vent, but also hoping that if anyone does have any advice that could help me even just in the short term with coping, that it will be gently shared.
BACKGROUND
I will try and keep this as short and sweet as possible but there’s a whole lot of history here. I am 27F, and I grew up in an unimaginably abusive home. Sex trafficking, severe physical, sexual, and emotional abuse from my father and my older brother (very patriarchal family), and a slew of very complicated and scary health issues including a liver disease and cancer. My family set me up to never be able to move out or live independently because they genuinely have viewed me to be their property. The severity of this can hopefully be summed up in just a few example:

• Was never allowed to even get myself a glass of water in the kitchen or learn to cook • Was not potty trained and had to rely on my mom to go to the bathroom into my teenage years • Drinking only from sippy cups until teenage years • Location monitored on my phone • Every credit card transaction / finance watched closely • Could not move away from college 

My brother was allowed and able to do all these things, but I was not. My entire life, teachers and “adults” that were supposed to catch these things did not even bat an eye. They instead placed me in remedial classes and ESL assuming that I just had a learning disability or a language barrier (which I do not). When I told teachers in the past about my abuse, it was handled extremely poorly and no authorities ever got involved. My life felt worthless; meaningless. Like I could scream from the rooftops of my school that I was being abused and no one cared.
This past January, I did the unthinkable. I left my family and got my own apartment. Friends, therapists, coworkers, everyone who remotely knew me has been pushing me to do this for years and I genuinely thought I would die in my situation. I developed severe Stockholm syndrome so a huge part of my lack of leaving was due to my own internal thought patterns. I did it through the help of my current therapist, which is my… fourth? therapist that’s attempted to help. The last ones took advantage of how naive I was and hurt me (one of them has been arrested). This therapist, however, invested everything to get me out. He really wanted to see me free. And I am forever grateful for him.
MY CURRENT THERAPIST & BACKSTORY
I started seeing this therapist early in 2022 when I was still living with my family. I became severely bedridden and could not even go to the bathroom without my mom or dad escorting me. My anxiety and panic were at an all time high. I was on a leave of absence from work, and this therapist was the only reason I had for HAVING to get out of bed and forcing myself to drive, and most days I couldn’t even do that. He was patient, compassionate, and was willing to go to great lengths to help. Though mostly irrelevant, he’s 45M. He got into school for counseling later in life so when I started seeing him, he was just an intern under the director of the practice. At the time, the director of the practice was seeing an old time friend of mine (who happened to recently become my coworker). My friend had gotten concerned about why I wasn’t showing up to work and why I was struggling so much. I didn’t want to open up to her about it because I couldn’t open up to anyone at the time. However, my friend asked the director of the place if she knew anything about me. The director broke into my therapist’s file under the guise of “he is my intern, I can look at his stuff” and then relayed all of that information to my friend. It became an entire case against the state board and I fought tooth and nail to get that director in trouble. In the end, nothing was done and in retaliation, the director fired my therapist and I had to wait until my therapist found a new job in order to see him (he was pre-graduation by just a few weeks so he couldn’t ethically talk to me until he had another practice). During the worst moments of my life, I was without my therapist (no fault of his, and he checked on me frequently), but it was really only for a few weeks. To me that was a lot since I had been going 2-3 times a week, sometimes 4 because of my situation.
THE CRYSTAL AND THE SAGE
My therapist had gone out of town briefly and came back with a crystal he got. He told me when he purchased it he knew he wanted to give it to someone. And he said that it made him think of me and he wants me to have it. He said he wants it to be a reminder that he cares and others care and that it represents my truth to hold close. Months later, he went on another trip and said he got sage that someone gave him that was super special and he wanted me to have it. He was very invested in making sure I felt like he cares and has my back. I was never into spirituality in the same way as him so I respectfully accepted his kindness but kind of scoffed at him. It became more of a joke.
HOW MY BROTHER AND MY THERAPIST STARTED TEXTING
The director of the previous practice had tried to harass me with a fake number, as well as to my therapist. She wanted to try and get us to drop the case, I guess? When I continued to get texts from fake numbers, my therapist asked me to give him the number that was blowing up my phone. It turns out, timing was absolutely terrible. My brother (who moved out of state) was the one who started harassing me. My parents/brother allowed me to go to therapy to “work on my panic attacks” but they began hating the fact that my therapist was helping me become independent. My brother was outraged and texted me anonymously to kill myself. Because I still thought at the time that it was the director of the place, I went ahead and shared the number with my therapist. And that’s how it all began.
THE VIDEO THREATS FROM MY THERAPIST
Things got out of hand over the months. My therapist felt extremely protective of me and a “savior complex” kicked in. The reasoning for this is worth noting / important. My therapist lost his sister to suicide when they were young, and he also lost his father shortly after. His sister apparently had also been assaulted and my therapist had mentioned to me before how he views me as a friend, someone to protect, like a sister. He admitted his struggle with transference and said his main and only concern was to get me to move out of my family’s house. To take a leap of faith. He was desperate to do that. He offered to help me get an apartment near him so he could help me out, he offered to babysit my dog for me (my golden retriever is my emotional support animal that my parents have used as a bargaining chip), he offered to see me in therapy 5 times a week if I just moved. I just wasn’t ready. But my brother would not relent.
My therapist still does not know that I know this, but my brother showed me some of the videos my therapist sent him. Three separate threatening videos. In them, my therapist was shirtless with a ski mask on saying he was part of the FBI and that if my brother didn’t behave himself, that he would have his people come after him. My brother said that I was threatening him and that if I didn’t get this man to stop, it would be trouble. My therapist got extremely activated and decided to take it as a challenge.
My therapist also at some points asked my brother “how to assault me” because he wanted to know what my brother did/wanted him to admit it. But if an outsider saw the texts, it would seem like my therapist was asking to participate in assaulting me. It looked HORRIBLY incriminating.
THE MOVE OUT
I got the courage one night. Drove my dog over to my therapist’s house and moved in with a friend while I apartment hunted. My therapist was incredibly proud of me and poured so much love and care into my dog. I truly felt hopeful and optimistic and I eventually applied for my own apartment and got approved. Because of severe Stockholm syndrome and lack of knowing how to do ANYTHING, I would end up visiting home (somehow, they allowed that and I did not die!)
THE ASSAULT
Long story short (I am not super comfortable going into this part), people from the temple I was sex trafficked in (linked with my family), showed up and assaulted me at gun point in a van. I told my therapist. He was extremely upset on my behalf and called the police. He told me it was essential that I get restraining orders and that I stop going over to my parents house even if I have Stockholm syndrome. He said he could no longer be patient on that because I was actively being attacked. I told him I was still too nervous to go no contact and I could tell he was frustrated with me.
WHEN MY THERAPIST SECRETLY SAT OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT*
My brother / someone from the temple decided to start things up once he figured out the person he was texting earlier was in fact my therapist. He threatened my therapist and challenged him to meet up. My brother was bluffing but my therapist took it seriously. My therapist arranged to meet him outside my apartment at 9pm that night. I had a weird gut feeling so I texted my therapist that night and asked him not to do anything stupid, but I had no idea what he had up his sleeve. Without telling me, my therapist sat outside my apartment waiting for my brother (who never showed) to meet him. Why my therapist chose to meet him RIGHT OUTSIDE my new residence was extremely irresponsible.
I went to take my dog out to the bathroom that night and my friend and I were hanging out. She noticed a dark car with someone sitting and staring with a mask on. We walked closer and it was my therapist. I yelled at him because I was so worried he would’ve gotten shot or attacked and that he would get hurt as a result of trying to fight. My therapist apologized and was so embarrassed. He awkwardly said “you weren’t supposed to know about this…” and drove off full force. We hopped in my friends car and followed him to wherever he tried to run off to. He then promised me he would leave. About 20 mins later, my friend and I decide to go out to get food and we see him sitting in another part of my apartment complex still ready to fight. I was so upset that he lied to me multiple times and that he was risking his life. What would’ve happened if he got attacked? But my therapist apologized again and said “I just need to look him in the eye” implying he was ready to kill.
THE DREAMS ABOUT MY THERAPIST’S LATE SISTER
As my therapist had told me, his sister had passed away from suicide when they were young. He admitted to have transference in a way where he viewed me in a sisterly way. For a while, I continually had dreams about his sister and it was very weird. I told him I don’t believe in a lot of things like crystals or burning sage but that these dreams felt incredibly vivid. In the dreams, her sister was assuring me that my therapist was sent in my life to be the brother I couldn’t have. That he was sent to me as a brother, and I to him as a sister.
THE HOSPITAL
Just within the span of days after he showed up to my apartment, I was hospitalized due to complications with my liver, and I reached out to my family for help. My therapist was upset with me for interacting with my family at all. My therapist even visited me in the hospital and said that I don’t need to call my family for help and that I have him and my other friends who will have my back. After I was discharged from the hospital, I asked my therapist if I could take my dog back for at least a weekend (he took my dog in while I went to the hospital in order to help me. He said he would hang onto him while I recovered and caught up on rest). So when he gave me my dog for the weekend, out of guilt, I took my dog with me to visit my family. I just felt the need to run back. My dad manipulated me a lot about missing my dog so I felt obligated.
MY THERAPIST’S FRUSTRATION
I admitted to my therapist that I had taken my dog to my parents for the weekend (after I already gave him my dog back). My therapist was so upset about it. He had put so much love and time into my dog and helping me, and then I took him back to the hands of my abusers. This is when him pulling back began. He felt like he was doing all of this extraneous stuff for me and I was just taking steps back.
THE SUICIDE METHOD
As he got over his frustration a little bit, I became very suicidal to the point where I purchased a rope and planned it out. I made him the beneficiary of my bank accounts as a thank you to him for everything. He told me he would do what he could to help me. He said I could bring my dog back to him if I just need a life break. He didn’t know I had the rope but he knew I was thinking suicide. When I went back to drop my dog off, I admitted I had a rope. I gave it to him. He realized I was genuinely going to kill myself and was so grateful I told him the truth. He told me he would be there for me to help me through it. Showed me grace and compassion and everything.
THE MAJOR PULLBACK
No warning. No indication. My therapist immediately pulled back. Hard. He told me to call him later that week (I usually have therapy 3x a week but he was out of town), and so I did as he said and called him to update him. He immediately flipped out. “Ugh, I cannot be in anything extra to your therapy space. I am going through things on my own and I need to pull back. I can’t take calls any hour of the day anymore. I can’t take your dog. You don’t even listen to me anyway. You do what you want and go to your parents. So, I don’t know what to say. I am committed to you as your therapist but that’s it. If you feel suicidal outside of that, go to a hospital and get sedated.” I was absolutely crushed and felt so awful and guilty like I did something wrong. I didn’t want to bother him. I didn’t want to lose him. He made me feel loved and cared for (platonically, as a brother) and I felt so safe with him. Until this moment. He was very hung up on the fact that I kept going home to my family despite his efforts.
After calming down he explained how he feels like he needs to step back because his emotions shouldn’t affect my therapy and that he’s doing it to help me. But it felt very selfish. He over exerted himself by showing up to my apartment and sending threatening videos when I never asked for it, all because HE wanted to. And now he pulls back because HE wants to. None of his decisions were based on what I would feel, but what would best serve him.
THE RELAPSE AND THE DREAMS
Because my therapist stepped back so hard, I relapsed and said “screw it” / went back to my parents. I still had my apartment but I backslid majorly.
During this time I was so distraught. This therapist made me feel supported. And no, I didn’t attach onto him in an unhealthy way where he became my only hope. But he did feel like the brother I wished I had, and he felt like such a deep and important part of my life and I was devastated.
I started having dreams again about his sister and I cried. I felt like I was given this gift and then it was taken away.
THE BACK AND FORTH
My therapist began telling me that he thinks I should have additional support in this season especially while he “takes a break from extraneous stuff” with me. He said when he was younger and going through things, he had two therapists.
A week later I told him I found a second therapist and he said: “ummm I don’t know. I feel protective over that. Maybe don’t get a second one. Find a support group but I don’t want you seeing another one.”
I stood my ground and said I might still find one and he said “well then make sure the other one is a woman and is closely in touch with me.”
It felt very wishy washy and he did a lot of similar things like this for a while.
But when I listened to him and decided against a second therapist, he pulled back again. He said he wouldn’t take any more texts or calls outside of session once again and made me feel like an obsessed freak when I wasn’t even really doing much at all. Or asking for anything.
VISITING MY THERAPIST’S LATE SISTER’S GRAVE
My therapist is a famous author and singesong writer. Online, it’s very easy to find his sister’s name and I did some digging and found out where her grave is located. I was feeling really awful, like I was grieving the loss myself which is so incredibly psychotic. I know. But it more so felt like I was grieving the loss of this brotherly love I once felt from my therapist. But it’s been a couple months at this point and he still refuses to take texts or calls, and is very argumentative and angry in sessions. And I just wanted to take some flowers to the grave in private, not tell him, and just accept that he can’t be what I needed him to be for me.
MY FAMILY FINDS OUT
When I went to the cemetery, the place was huge. So I had to go into the office and ask for the location of his sister’s grave. They gave me a piece of paper with her name and grave location on it and I eventually just threw it in my wallet. My dad stumbled upon my wallet while I was at home one of the days and noticed the last name and asked me if I was still seeing my therapist. They don’t like him for obvious reasons. But I admitted to my parents that I do still see my therapist and that he’s more like family than they’d ever be. They abused me. But I stood in my truth. At the end of the day I will not deny that my therapist DID help me immensely and if that means I have to be abused for the truth, I’ll do it.
MY THERAPIST INSISTS ON INFORMATION
He knew that I was hiding something. I told him my family was abusive again but I didn’t say why. He spent an entire session saying he needs to know what happened. I said no multiple times and that I didn’t want to talk about it. He used language like “you have to tell me before you leave my office” and “if you care so much about me you’ll tell me.” He even told me he was going to take my hand and promise me that he won’t react. He held it and looked me in the eye and promised he’d meet me with compassion. I refused. He then asked me if I’ve been lying to him. Deceptive. It broke me and I felt like it was just such an insult. But I stayed strong and he apologized for bothering me about it.
Last week comes around and it feels like such a hindrance. He’s continuing to be short with me and not answer my texts, not taking emergency calls, and just… is continuing to be cold. I even texted him that I was genuinely feeling suicidal and he told me he can’t help me outside of session. Period.
So then after my latest session, I told him I’d text him what happened because I was too uncomfortable to say it. I told him I visited his sister’s grave, about the dreams, everything. I said I felt really hurt at his pullback and how it felt selfish.
He responded by gaslighting me endlessly and it absolutely crushed me furthermore. He responded as follows:
“Ok crystals and dreams? I don’t believe in them. I don’t believe that was my sister. I don’t know how I feel about you visiting her grave. I am not your brother and I can’t be your brother. And yes it was a nice gesture I guess but clearly you are focusing on the wrong thing. Let’s not talk about the weeds and the details. Let’s focus on you.” And completely shut down any further conversation about it.
In the past I have insisted and begged him to process him showing up at my apartment with me because I am still shaken up. He just always says “I never should’ve gotten involved like that but we are NOT going to talk about this ever again” and has always refused to hear how I felt about it.
He went back on vacation this past weekend and refused to take my call when I needed help, refused to text me, or anything. I called off work two days in a row because I was so devastated at his anger toward me and the gaslighting. It felt so unfair. I wanted to talk to him over the weekend because I was genuinely so hurt and felt like I truly lost him. He didn’t care.
WHERE TO GO FROM HERE?
I had an appointment in person tonight. First in person one since I told him about everything. I am embarrassed and feel so guilty that I visited his sister’s grave behind his back. It makes me feel psychotic. But at least I was honest and didn’t wait until I got caught / did not gaslight him.
I have a major surgery tomorrow and he won’t help me with my dog. I’ve gone back to my parents for now until I am recovered.
I want to tell him how hurt I am but I have tried that. He never understands. I miss him. As a brother.
I ended up going to session and he asked me why I feel off in therapy. He literally said “other than me slightly having to pull back right now what have I really done?”
I don’t know if I ever can get him to see my side or my pain in this.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Again I know the majority of people will want to come at my therapist or me for doing wrong things. I know it doesn’t seem like this, but he really isn’t intentionally manipulative or gaslight-y, he’s just trying to regulate himself.
I have grace for him. And for myself. So please, please try and respond with compassion. I don’t want to lose him. But I feel like I kind of am.
What are your overall thoughts, in the most gentle way possible? Was I wrong for telling him the truth about the grave?

I can literally give 100 examples of abuse / dysfunction but I can't be bothered to recall all of them. I just need reassurance that this is not normal. These are not necessarily the worst, just the ones I recall from the top of my mind:
1) There was this one time, I was maybe 8 or 9 years old, he picked me up at school and drove me around to. He would ask me to identify the trees and each time I go it wrong I was slapped hard.
DAD: "What's that tree called?"
EIGHT YEAR OLD ME: "A pine tree?"
*SMACK*
"What's that tree?"
"Hmm... an oak?"
*SMACK*
This went on for a few hours. I remember it was night time when we got home. The worst part is he made lose an episode of Dragon Ball.
2) There was this one time, I was maybe 6 or 7 years old, I got out of school at 3PM and instead of going straight to my grandmother's house a few feet away, I went to a classmate's house to play in his backyard, which was literally 15 seconds from my grandma's house. At around 5 or 6PM my distraught grandma found me at my classmate's backyard playing soccer. When she told my father, instead of him telling me "Your grandmother was worried sick. Never do that again. If you want to go to your friend's house you have to tell her first so she knows where you are." He could have told me that but instead he chose to beat the living shit out of me. Kicks, belts, slippers, screams, tears, rage, cowering under the bed, etc, which bring me to my next memory...
3) My father used to do this thing where he would beat the shit out of me and then he'd get tired because he's always been out of shape. So he would sit in the couch while I was cowering away in some corner, bawling my eyes out, hardly being able to breathe. He would say "Come here that I won't beat you". And in my mind I'd be like "Nah, that's a trap". And he'd insist "Really, come here, father won't beat you this time". And because any kid craves his father's affection and security, I'd slowly start walking towards him and when I was in reach he would slap the fucking shit out me. Like you would slap an adult who just spat in your face or . Of course all I did was being a stupid kid and thinking I can use toothpaste as hair gel or something. I remember there was also a time I got the shit kicked out me for putting bubblegum in my hair. Not only they had to shave my hair, they also had to beat the shit out of me.
4) There was this one time, I was maybe 4 or 5, I was taking a bath with my older brother and he walked in the bathroom yelling about some shit and he started whipping us with a belt. Like, straight up whipping my bare bottoms with a belt. I had no idea what was happening but I remember my brother cowering behind the toilet seat and my mother on her knees saying "Please no more! No more!"
4) I have these weird flashbacks where my dad used to beat up my mom when I was 2 or 3 years old (my older brother confirms it happened) and at some point my mother realized she could avoid a beating if she focused her husband's attention on me. I remember her face all twisted with rage and hatred as she told my father "Get him! Get him!" as he hit me for being "a piece of shit who will never amount to anything".
5) He would start yelling the words "Worthless son" and repeat that for what felt like forever when he was mad at me (or mad at something and taking it out on me).
6) When I was twelve I put an earring and took it off the same day. When I told my mother the drama queen told me the hole will never heal and that I ruined my life (that was common theme) and my father did the best he could: he slapped me no less that fifty times in the face.
7) My father has slapped me at least 250 times in my first 13 years of life but who's counting?
8) This one time I was home from school and I waiting to watch a new Dragonball episode. My father came home and said "Come! I have a surprise" and I was like "But Dragonball is about to start" and he yelled "COME WITH ME! I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU ACT?". So I got up and we got into the car. He drove to a school where there was going to be a clown show. And my father was like "See? A clown show" and I was like, not showing any emotion because fuck this shit I wanna go home and watch dragonball. but I also don't want to upset my father so I said nothing. So we came inside, watched the clown show. It sucked. I fucking hate clowns. I respect those who like them, I just think it's . Then on the way home I was quiet and almost in tears because it was the episode where Goku turned into a Super Sayan for the first time and I feel like a piece of childhood was robbed from me. My father asked "So, did you like it?" and I shrugged my shoulders and my father berated me the rest of the way home for not appreciating him.
9) He goes through my shit. He doesn't believe in privacy. "You want privacy? Get a job!". Dude... what?! Well, now I got a job and I still got not privacy so... He just walks in my room and starts opening drawers and reading my notes and dossiers. Receipts, bank account info and so on. Needless to say, I could never have a diary. Now I lock my door. They used to get inside my room using a spare key I knew not about. They are sneaky like that.....
10) This one time, I was maybe 6 or 7, I got into a fight at school. I was protecting myself and ended being beaten but I was feeling good because I stood up for myself. When I got home, my father beat me up. "This is not how we raised you!" It was the first time I made an association between the bully and my father. The same feeling of injustice and indignation arose. Except of course you can't beat up your father. That would be wrong. Only your father should be able to beat you, a tiny defenseless scared little boy.
11) My father turned me into a submissive bitch made boy. Trauma bond was effective. I didn't love him but I kinda hoped for his approval up until a point? Anyway, any bully knew I was soft and an easy target for mockery. They would drop my pants and call me names. Then in 7th grade I started listening to heavy metal and started rebelling. I was ready to stand my ground, ready for everything. I went really fucking crazy on the whole "troubled teenage years" thing. In reality I was a scared little puppy, showing my teeth so the bad wolves stay at bay. You know what? It fucking worked. But there were a few times I had to prove my worth. I fought, I drank, I did ALL THE DRUGS ON PLANET EARTH...
12) My father would always say "Your friend won't be there for you when you need them, family is all you have". I had few close friends, needless to say. I still don't trust anyone. I believe most people are like that "Family above everything". Except they had great families and I kinda understand the sentiment. In my extended family everyone hated each other. Not hate hate, more like... holy fuck! What is this? What's all this... yuck... this silence? These unresolved issues?
Oh, and you know what the best part is?
THIS TOTALLY NEVER HAPPENED!
IT'S ALL IN MY HEAD!
I WAS A PROBLEMATIC CHILD WITH LOW SELF-ESTEEM!
JUST NATURALLY A MELANCHOLIC CHILD!
At least according my gaslighting parents. If it weren't for my older brother I would have by now convinced myself I was experiencing false memories, maybe these were nightmares I had as a kid... but no... shit really happened...
Of course I became a 36 year old failure to lauch stoner who still lives with his abuser / parents because I have no drive for anything and quite frankly I'm addicted to weed and I can get it cheap and it's a way for me not to dwell on things. Plus, I live at their expenses like... yeah, my father thinks I like him because he pays for my gas. He has no idea how quickly and comfortable I would be not speaking to him ever again in my life.
I lived away from them for 6 years. First two years I spoke with them like twice a month. It was so peaceful. My mental health is declining since I moved back home a year ago (long story). All these flashbacks. All this pent up rage. All these unsaid words. And of course you can't say anything because my father is a narcissistic cry baby who takes any criticism as a personal attack and I'm sick of his presence being a trigger. And my mother is always ready to defend me and attack him. "There you go, talking about that shit again! Your father loves you!"
You know what, mom? Love is not enough. Lots of abusive husbands love their wives, lots of abusive mothers love their kids... it's not the intention that counts, you morons. You can't be like "But I love you" and expect everything to be okay. ARGHH!!!!! WHY GOD??? I DON'T EVEN HATE MY FAMILY, I JUST CAN'T STAND MY FATHER!
Why must a six year old wish his mother would divorce his father? Why would a six year old wish his father died? It's not normal!
The silence around these issues is deafening. What if it were sexual abuse? Would it be my fault as well? For wearing panties around my father? "You know how that makes him feel". I'm not joking. Sometimes I wonder...
I really want to go no contact but how the fuck do you even start... I just want some boundaries. Don't speak to me. Fuck off. Get out of my life. You ruined me. I hate you. I hate you both really! FUCK OFF!!!

I know this is a long story, but apparently it’s a very unique and rare story, and I’m really crossing my fingers that someone can give me a professional opinion…
I’m a 32F. On 4/22/19 I had RNY gastric bypass surgery. I’ve been very successful with my weight loss, and have never really had any serious complications to speak of. I worked my butt off and went from 256lbs to 120-125lbs and felt great. I maintained that weight loss for 3 years.
About a year ago I started having pain across my upper abdomen, usually after eating. It was mild-moderate, but bearable for the most part. After an abdominal ultrasound and a HIDA scan, my gallbladder came back as being mostly nonfunctional, and had tons of stones, so it needed to be removed.
On 4/12/23 I had my gallbladder removed, and about a day after I came home I started experiencing SEVERE burning from my stomach, up through my chest, almost to my throat. Constantly. 24/7. When I went to my doctor to explain I was still having symptoms, and that they were actually amplified by 10000 post gallbladder removal, he told me that during my surgery/endoscopy following surgery they noticed that the bile from my liver is flowing in the wrong direction. He said there was bile all over the inside of my abdomen in places it shouldn’t be (he’d used a green dye injection before surgery that made the bile light up green). He said this was very rare after gastric bypass surgery, but there was a way to fix it.
On 5/9 I had a second surgery, a small bowel resection and small bowel to small bowel anastomosis to fix my bile reflux. I ended up being hospitalized for 5 days because I had an internal bleed at my new connection site. My hemoglobin dropped down to 7. I was having bloody BMs, I was in so much pain, exhausted, had to have 3 blood platelet transfusions - the entire experience was HORRIBLE. I didn’t eat for 4 days. After several weeks of being unable to eat much at all, I dropped down to 111lbs from a very happy and comfortable 125lbs. I’m still well within my healthy BMI range being only 5’2”, but I don’t like being at this weight at all. I feel and look unhealthy.
Here comes the extra weird part. After all that… the second surgery didn’t even work. At all. As soon as I started eating again the burning feeling returned (even during the 4 days I didn’t eat, I could still kind of feel it but it wasn’t nearly as bad). My doctor said he’s never seen that in his 30 years of practicing medicine in the bariatric field. That this surgery has ALWAYS worked to correct the bile reflux issue. 100% success rate. That he could use the footage from my surgery as a case study because it’s so incredibly rare.
My doctor brought my case to a bariatric conference with other surgeons, solely focused on interesting and unique bariatric cases. The medical team at the conference came up with a theory, and they ended up being correct.
After a second HIDA scan post-gallbladder removal - it turns out that the bile is actually refluxing into my old, remnant stomach. The excluded one no longer being used post gastric bypass. He said it was a significant amount, and that this is practically unheard of. I’ve only been able to find two case studies in existence on the internet… less than 50 people in total between both. In one of the studies they removed the remnant stomach entirely (84% success rate 6+ years post op), and in the other they used a medication called Ursodiol (80% success rate).
I feel like this is an important piece of information, so I’m choosing to include it. During my gallbladder removal, my doctor fixed a small hernia and apparently there was a large piece of omentum (15 × 12 x 2 cm) partially obstructing my bowel that he also corrected and removed. The omentum was adhered to the biliopancreatic limb at the enteroenterostomy. I have a theory that this reflux issue has been happening much longer than I knew, and this piece of omentum was actually helping keep it at bay. That removing it essentially opened up the flood gates. No clue if this is a sound theory, but it’s the only one I have. My doctor couldn’t tell me why my symptoms became so much worst after my gallbladder was removed, but I read this bit in the surgical report and it struck a cord.
My doctor is currently out of town; I’m seeing him again mid-June to talk about my options. From what I remember of our conversation prior, my options will be: try Ursodiol (the side effects are scary; I’m already a very nauseous person and am really struggling with eating. This also feels like a bandaid fix to me), alternatively, reverse my gastric bypass surgery OR remove my remnant stomach.
It’s worth noting that I’ve been on Cholestryamine for about a week and a half and it’s been reducing the burning by about 25-30%, I’d say, which has been nice.
I’m so sorry for the novel. I’m reeeeally hoping there are some liver specialists and/or bariatric surgeons in this sub with knowledge and experience in this area. I guess my question to the physicians here is: if I were your daughter, which option would you recommend to me? Have any of you actually encountered this issue before?? If so, what worked for you and your patient(s)? I’m leaning toward removing my remnant stomach - only because it’s a permanent fix, and there is actually a case study suggesting it’s a pretty effective course of treatment (but the study only had 19 people in it). I can’t find a shred of evidence that shows reversing my bypass would correct this issue, but I’m obviously not a doctor.
I’m feeling pretty broken and alone with this issue. I just want to feel normal again, not feel like my abdomen/chest are on fire, eat like I was eating, maintain my weight where I was happy. I’m just… broken. Any advice, guidance or insight would be SO greatly appreciated.
Full surgical report from the 1st surgery & HIDA Scan report link in comments.

Stand Name: 「The Muffin Man」
Namesake: The Nursery Rhyme "The Muffin Man"
Localized Name: 「The Crumpet Chef」
Stand User: Drury Lane
User Appearance: Drury Lane is a street in the Covet Garden area of London. It is known for many things, but used to be slums inundated with prostitution and gin palaces. Now it is home to two theaters, some hotels, a coffeeshop, and many retailers. Rumor has it there used to be a serial killer who would lure children to dark alleys with muffins on string.
There once was a baker who specialized in baking muffins. He would sell them for cheap every day. He didn't make much of a profit, but he loved doing what he did, even if he lived in the slums of Drury Lane. One night there was a knock at his bakery, with a frightened young girl outside. The girl pleaded to him, saying she was being chased and asking for a place to hide.
The baker quickly ushered her in and hid her in a side room. Soon another knock was at the door, more forceful, punctuating their knocks with screams asking "Where is she!?" Grabbing the closest thing he could find, a rolling pin, the baker readied himself. The man's tone sounded like he had intent for violence, and the baker steeled himself. He would defend the woman, he could see the blonde woman was pregnant, he wouldn't let any harm come to her. Such was his code. Soon he shouted back.
"Leave this place, there's nothing for you!"
A crash sounded as the window broke and the voice snarled. "I know she's in here! Where is she!" The thug had a crazed look on his face and was holding a knife.
"Get out of my shop!" The baker yelled at him.
The thug lunged at him and the baker used the rolling pin to hit the side of the thugs head. It made the thug stumble, but not enough as the knife still plunged into the baker's chest. The thug stumbled back, but the baker fell to his knees. "Tell me where she is or both of you die!"
"I will not!" The baker tried to lunge with a second wind but the thug beat him to it and stabbed him in the arm. As he cried out in pain the thug stomped on his bleeding arm. "I said. WHERE IS SHE!" The baker then heard a quiet yelp. The thug seemed to hear it too.
But the baker couldn't allow the man to keep going so he grabbed the ankle of the thug trying to trip him up. But something else happened. He felt himself slipping away, but he saw some substance begin to spread on the thug's leg. Was that... bread? Even though his hand fell in weakness his grip remained strong and the thug came crashing to the ground. The baker grabbed the thug's shoulder with his other hand, even though it stayed on the ground, the same thing occurred. The bread began to spread faster across the dazed thug, and by the time he finally noticed it, he was almost covered. He could only let out a few moments of a scream before silence.
When the sounds of a scuffle ended in a loud series of thumps, the woman waited a few minutes, before she began to hear weak wheezing. She threw caution to the wind, and ran to try and help, but the baker was lying in a pool of his own blood. He was surrounded with chocolate-chip muffins and a severed hand, the only sign of the thug. She tried to help, but it was too late. She asked the man if there was anything she could do to repay him or his family, but the baker answered he had none. But she resolved to get his name, and gift it to her child. He kindly obliged and shared his name.
Stand Type: Sentient Long-Range Natural Humanoid Stand
Stand Appearance: 「The Muffin Man」 is a lanky, gray humanoid with an oversized chocolate chip muffin for a head. It has bulky forearms that transition into Oven-Mitt like hands, all of which are seemingly made of bread, the left arm seems to also have bananas while the right had blueberries. It has bulky shins which have a frilled shape around the ankles, similar to a muffin liner, and all of this is seemingly made of bread, the left had bits of apple and cinnamon and the right has various tree nuts. Its torso, biceps, and thighs are covered in divots, similar to a muffin tray.
Stand Ability: 「The Muffin Man」 has one ability.
Muffinication: When 「The Muffin Man」 touches something it will slowly be covered in a bread-like substance, the targeted area will slowly be transformed into a muffin. 「The Muffin Man」 can choose what kind of muffin it turns into, deciding between either a common type of muffin or a muffin using the transformed materials as extra ingredients. IE. knife can either become Chocolate chip muffin or knife muffin. Targets will retain their shape, unless 「The Muffin Man」 places them in one of the several divots along its body, at which point they will become muffin shaped. If they are taken out they retain their muffin shape for 12 hours. Dead things can be permanently turned to muffin.
Stats:
Power: B
Speed: B
Range: C (Must be within 20 meters of Drury Lane)
Persistence: C
Precision: A
Development Potential: N/A
While most people never knew for sure what transpired in the bakery that night, time marched on. People eventually forgot about the kindly old baker. All except one. A boy inspired by the baker's code of honor. While he may have had to resort to the life of a thug following his mother's death, he never reached the depravity of the man who tried to kill his mother. He had some sixth sense for searching a person's personality, and the luck to continuously find good condition, unattended muffins whenever he ventured out of his main turf, Ogre Street and into Drury Lane. But most of all, he carried on the name of the man who saved his mother's life.
And as for Drury Lane itself, it is said to be a favorite of the hungry, as fresh muffins laying out for free are around almost every corner. And murderers avoid it, as many who go in, never come out fully intact. Some even rave about how their hands were turned into muffins.
If I win gold, I'll take the new flair and ask for next week to be Space themed.

MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ mention of various forms of abuse including SA, mention of suicide in some detail, mention of death
PREFACE
I understand this is the internet and I cannot expect people to have grace or mercy on me for any of this. All I can do is ask that if you’re going to give me your input, that you try and be as kind as possible. My heart is hurting and I really don’t feel I am in a place to hear that I need to entirely -drop- this therapist right now. My background of abuse and trauma will hopefully explain why that is, but I am not ready to let go. I am mostly posting this to vent, but also hoping that if anyone does have any advice that could help me even just in the short term with coping, that it will be gently shared.
BACKGROUND
I will try and keep this as short and sweet as possible but there’s a whole lot of history here. I am 27F, and I grew up in an unimaginably abusive home. Sex trafficking, severe physical, sexual, and emotional abuse from my father and my older brother (very patriarchal family), and a slew of very complicated and scary health issues including a liver disease and cancer. My family set me up to never be able to move out or live independently because they genuinely have viewed me to be their property. The severity of this can hopefully be summed up in just a few example:

• Was never allowed to even get myself a glass of water in the kitchen or learn to cook • Was not potty trained and had to rely on my mom to go to the bathroom into my teenage years • Drinking only from sippy cups until teenage years • Location monitored on my phone • Every credit card transaction / finance watched closely • Could not move away from college 

My brother was allowed and able to do all these things, but I was not. My entire life, teachers and “adults” that were supposed to catch these things did not even bat an eye. They instead placed me in remedial classes and ESL assuming that I just had a learning disability or a language barrier (which I do not). When I told teachers in the past about my abuse, it was handled extremely poorly and no authorities ever got involved. My life felt worthless; meaningless. Like I could scream from the rooftops of my school that I was being abused and no one cared.
This past January, I did the unthinkable. I left my family and got my own apartment. Friends, therapists, coworkers, everyone who remotely knew me has been pushing me to do this for years and I genuinely thought I would die in my situation. I developed severe Stockholm syndrome so a huge part of my lack of leaving was due to my own internal thought patterns. I did it through the help of my current therapist, which is my… fourth? therapist that’s attempted to help. The last ones took advantage of how naive I was and hurt me (one of them has been arrested). This therapist, however, invested everything to get me out. He really wanted to see me free. And I am forever grateful for him.
MY CURRENT THERAPIST & BACKSTORY
I started seeing this therapist early in 2022 when I was still living with my family. I became severely bedridden and could not even go to the bathroom without my mom or dad escorting me. My anxiety and panic were at an all time high. I was on a leave of absence from work, and this therapist was the only reason I had for HAVING to get out of bed and forcing myself to drive, and most days I couldn’t even do that. He was patient, compassionate, and was willing to go to great lengths to help. Though mostly irrelevant, he’s 45M. He got into school for counseling later in life so when I started seeing him, he was just an intern under the director of the practice. At the time, the director of the practice was seeing an old time friend of mine (who happened to recently become my coworker). My friend had gotten concerned about why I wasn’t showing up to work and why I was struggling so much. I didn’t want to open up to her about it because I couldn’t open up to anyone at the time. However, my friend asked the director of the place if she knew anything about me. The director broke into my therapist’s file under the guise of “he is my intern, I can look at his stuff” and then relayed all of that information to my friend. It became an entire case against the state board and I fought tooth and nail to get that director in trouble. In the end, nothing was done and in retaliation, the director fired my therapist and I had to wait until my therapist found a new job in order to see him (he was pre-graduation by just a few weeks so he couldn’t ethically talk to me until he had another practice). During the worst moments of my life, I was without my therapist (no fault of his, and he checked on me frequently), but it was really only for a few weeks. To me that was a lot since I had been going 2-3 times a week, sometimes 4 because of my situation.
THE CRYSTAL AND THE SAGE
My therapist had gone out of town briefly and came back with a crystal he got. He told me when he purchased it he knew he wanted to give it to someone. And he said that it made him think of me and he wants me to have it. He said he wants it to be a reminder that he cares and others care and that it represents my truth to hold close. Months later, he went on another trip and said he got sage that someone gave him that was super special and he wanted me to have it. He was very invested in making sure I felt like he cares and has my back. I was never into spirituality in the same way as him so I respectfully accepted his kindness but kind of scoffed at him. It became more of a joke.
HOW MY BROTHER AND MY THERAPIST STARTED TEXTING
The director of the previous practice had tried to harass me with a fake number, as well as to my therapist. She wanted to try and get us to drop the case, I guess? When I continued to get texts from fake numbers, my therapist asked me to give him the number that was blowing up my phone. It turns out, timing was absolutely terrible. My brother (who moved out of state) was the one who started harassing me. My parents/brother allowed me to go to therapy to “work on my panic attacks” but they began hating the fact that my therapist was helping me become independent. My brother was outraged and texted me anonymously to kill myself. Because I still thought at the time that it was the director of the place, I went ahead and shared the number with my therapist. And that’s how it all began.
THE VIDEO THREATS FROM MY THERAPIST
Things got out of hand over the months. My therapist felt extremely protective of me and a “savior complex” kicked in. The reasoning for this is worth noting / important. My therapist lost his sister to suicide when they were young, and he also lost his father shortly after. His sister apparently had also been assaulted and my therapist had mentioned to me before how he views me as a friend, someone to protect, like a sister. He admitted his struggle with transference and said his main and only concern was to get me to move out of my family’s house. To take a leap of faith. He was desperate to do that. He offered to help me get an apartment near him so he could help me out, he offered to babysit my dog for me (my golden retriever is my emotional support animal that my parents have used as a bargaining chip), he offered to see me in therapy 5 times a week if I just moved. I just wasn’t ready. But my brother would not relent.
My therapist still does not know that I know this, but my brother showed me some of the videos my therapist sent him. Three separate threatening videos. In them, my therapist was shirtless with a ski mask on saying he was part of the FBI and that if my brother didn’t behave himself, that he would have his people come after him. My brother said that I was threatening him and that if I didn’t get this man to stop, it would be trouble. My therapist got extremely activated and decided to take it as a challenge.
My therapist also at some points asked my brother “how to assault me” because he wanted to know what my brother did/wanted him to admit it. But if an outsider saw the texts, it would seem like my therapist was asking to participate in assaulting me. It looked HORRIBLY incriminating.
THE MOVE OUT
I got the courage one night. Drove my dog over to my therapist’s house and moved in with a friend while I apartment hunted. My therapist was incredibly proud of me and poured so much love and care into my dog. I truly felt hopeful and optimistic and I eventually applied for my own apartment and got approved. Because of severe Stockholm syndrome and lack of knowing how to do ANYTHING, I would end up visiting home (somehow, they allowed that and I did not die!)
THE ASSAULT
Long story short (I am not super comfortable going into this part), people from the temple I was sex trafficked in (linked with my family), showed up and assaulted me at gun point in a van. I told my therapist. He was extremely upset on my behalf and called the police. He told me it was essential that I get restraining orders and that I stop going over to my parents house even if I have Stockholm syndrome. He said he could no longer be patient on that because I was actively being attacked. I told him I was still too nervous to go no contact and I could tell he was frustrated with me.
WHEN MY THERAPIST SECRETLY SAT OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT
My brother / someone from the temple decided to start things up once he figured out the person he was texting earlier was in fact my therapist. He threatened my therapist and challenged him to meet up. My brother was bluffing but my therapist took it seriously. My therapist arranged to meet him outside my apartment at 9pm that night. I had a weird gut feeling so I texted my therapist that night and asked him not to do anything stupid, but I had no idea what he had up his sleeve. Without telling me, my therapist sat outside my apartment waiting for my brother (who never showed) to meet him. Why my therapist chose to meet him RIGHT OUTSIDE my new residence was extremely irresponsible.
I went to take my dog out to the bathroom that night and my friend and I were hanging out. She noticed a dark car with someone sitting and staring with a mask on. We walked closer and it was my therapist. I yelled at him because I was so worried he would’ve gotten shot or attacked and that he would get hurt as a result of trying to fight. My therapist apologized and was so embarrassed. He awkwardly said “you weren’t supposed to know about this…” and drove off full force. We hopped in my friends car and followed him to wherever he tried to run off to. He then promised me he would leave. About 20 mins later, my friend and I decide to go out to get food and we see him sitting in another part of my apartment complex still ready to fight. I was so upset that he lied to me multiple times and that he was risking his life. What would’ve happened if he got attacked? But my therapist apologized again and said “I just need to look him in the eye” implying he was ready to kill.
THE DREAMS ABOUT MY THERAPIST’S LATE SISTER
As my therapist had told me, his sister had passed away from suicide when they were young. He admitted to have transference in a way where he viewed me in a sisterly way. For a while, I continually had dreams about his sister and it was very weird. I told him I don’t believe in a lot of things like crystals or burning sage but that these dreams felt incredibly vivid. In the dreams, her sister was assuring me that my therapist was sent in my life to be the brother I couldn’t have. That he was sent to me as a brother, and I to him as a sister.
THE HOSPITAL
Just within the span of days after he showed up to my apartment, I was hospitalized due to complications with my liver, and I reached out to my family for help. My therapist was upset with me for interacting with my family at all. My therapist even visited me in the hospital and said that I don’t need to call my family for help and that I have him and my other friends who will have my back. After I was discharged from the hospital, I asked my therapist if I could take my dog back for at least a weekend (he took my dog in while I went to the hospital in order to help me. He said he would hang onto him while I recovered and caught up on rest). So when he gave me my dog for the weekend, out of guilt, I took my dog with me to visit my family. I just felt the need to run back. My dad manipulated me a lot about missing my dog so I felt obligated.
MY THERAPIST’S FRUSTRATION
I admitted to my therapist that I had taken my dog to my parents for the weekend (after I already gave him my dog back). My therapist was so upset about it. He had put so much love and time into my dog and helping me, and then I took him back to the hands of my abusers. This is when him pulling back began. He felt like he was doing all of this extraneous stuff for me and I was just taking steps back.
THE SUICIDE METHOD
As he got over his frustration a little bit, I became very suicidal to the point where I purchased a rope and planned it out. I made him the beneficiary of my bank accounts as a thank you to him for everything. He told me he would do what he could to help me. He said I could bring my dog back to him if I just need a life break. He didn’t know I had the rope but he knew I was thinking suicide. When I went back to drop my dog off, I admitted I had a rope. I gave it to him. He realized I was genuinely going to kill myself and was so grateful I told him the truth. He told me he would be there for me to help me through it. Showed me grace and compassion and everything.
THE MAJOR PULLBACK
No warning. No indication. My therapist immediately pulled back. Hard. He told me to call him later that week (I usually have therapy 3x a week but he was out of town), and so I did as he said and called him to update him. He immediately flipped out. “Ugh, I cannot be in anything extra to your therapy space. I am going through things on my own and I need to pull back. I can’t take calls any hour of the day anymore. I can’t take your dog. You don’t even listen to me anyway. You do what you want and go to your parents. So, I don’t know what to say. I am committed to you as your therapist but that’s it. If you feel suicidal outside of that, go to a hospital and get sedated.” I was absolutely crushed and felt so awful and guilty like I did something wrong. I didn’t want to bother him. I didn’t want to lose him. He made me feel loved and cared for (platonically, as a brother) and I felt so safe with him. Until this moment. He was very hung up on the fact that I kept going home to my family despite his efforts.
After calming down he explained how he feels like he needs to step back because his emotions shouldn’t affect my therapy and that he’s doing it to help me. But it felt very selfish. He over exerted himself by showing up to my apartment and sending threatening videos when I never asked for it, all because HE wanted to. And now he pulls back because HE wants to. None of his decisions were based on what I would feel, but what would best serve him.
THE RELAPSE AND THE DREAMS
Because my therapist stepped back so hard, I relapsed and said “screw it” / went back to my parents. I still had my apartment but I backslid majorly.
During this time I was so distraught. This therapist made me feel supported. And no, I didn’t attach onto him in an unhealthy way where he became my only hope. But he did feel like the brother I wished I had, and he felt like such a deep and important part of my life and I was devastated.
I started having dreams again about his sister and I cried. I felt like I was given this gift and then it was taken away.
THE BACK AND FORTH
My therapist began telling me that he thinks I should have additional support in this season especially while he “takes a break from extraneous stuff” with me. He said when he was younger and going through things, he had two therapists.
A week later I told him I found a second therapist and he said: “ummm I don’t know. I feel protective over that. Maybe don’t get a second one. Find a support group but I don’t want you seeing another one.”
I stood my ground and said I might still find one and he said “well then make sure the other one is a woman and is closely in touch with me.”
It felt very wishy washy and he did a lot of similar things like this for a while.
But when I listened to him and decided against a second therapist, he pulled back again. He said he wouldn’t take any more texts or calls outside of session once again and made me feel like an obsessed freak when I wasn’t even really doing much at all. Or asking for anything.
VISITING MY THERAPIST’S LATE SISTER’S GRAVE
My therapist is a famous author and singesong writer. Online, it’s very easy to find his sister’s name and I did some digging and found out where her grave is located. I was feeling really awful, like I was grieving the loss myself which is so incredibly psychotic. I know. But it more so felt like I was grieving the loss of this brotherly love I once felt from my therapist. But it’s been a couple months at this point and he still refuses to take texts or calls, and is very argumentative and angry in sessions. And I just wanted to take some flowers to the grave in private, not tell him, and just accept that he can’t be what I needed him to be for me.
MY FAMILY FINDS OUT
When I went to the cemetery, the place was huge. So I had to go into the office and ask for the location of his sister’s grave. They gave me a piece of paper with her name and grave location on it and I eventually just threw it in my wallet. My dad stumbled upon my wallet while I was at home one of the days and noticed the last name and asked me if I was still seeing my therapist. They don’t like him for obvious reasons. But I admitted to my parents that I do still see my therapist and that he’s more like family than they’d ever be. They abused me. But I stood in my truth. At the end of the day I will not deny that my therapist DID help me immensely and if that means I have to be abused for the truth, I’ll do it.
MY THERAPIST INSISTS ON INFORMATION
He knew that I was hiding something. I told him my family was abusive again but I didn’t say why. He spent an entire session saying he needs to know what happened. I said no multiple times and that I didn’t want to talk about it. He used language like “you have to tell me before you leave my office” and “if you care so much about me you’ll tell me.” He even told me he was going to take my hand and promise me that he won’t react. He held it and looked me in the eye and promised he’d meet me with compassion. I refused. He then asked me if I’ve been lying to him. Deceptive. It broke me and I felt like it was just such an insult. But I stayed strong and he apologized for bothering me about it.
Last week comes around and it feels like such a hindrance. He’s continuing to be short with me and not answer my texts, not taking emergency calls, and just… is continuing to be cold. I even texted him that I was genuinely feeling suicidal and he told me he can’t help me outside of session. Period.
So then after my latest session, I told him I’d text him what happened because I was too uncomfortable to say it. I told him I visited his sister’s grave, about the dreams, everything. I said I felt really hurt at his pullback and how it felt selfish.
He responded by gaslighting me endlessly and it absolutely crushed me furthermore. He responded as follows:
“Ok crystals and dreams? I don’t believe in them. I don’t believe that was my sister. I don’t know how I feel about you visiting her grave. I am not your brother and I can’t be your brother. And yes it was a nice gesture I guess but clearly you are focusing on the wrong thing. Let’s not talk about the weeds and the details. Let’s focus on you.” And completely shut down any further conversation about it.
In the past I have insisted and begged him to process him showing up at my apartment with me because I am still shaken up. He just always says “I never should’ve gotten involved like that but we are NOT going to talk about this ever again” and has always refused to hear how I felt about it.
He went back on vacation this past weekend and refused to take my call when I needed help, refused to text me, or anything. I called off work two days in a row because I was so devastated at his anger toward me and the gaslighting. It felt so unfair. I wanted to talk to him over the weekend because I was genuinely so hurt and felt like I truly lost him. He didn’t care.
WHERE TO GO FROM HERE?
I had an appointment in person tonight. First in person one since I told him about everything. I am embarrassed and feel so guilty that I visited his sister’s grave behind his back. It makes me feel psychotic. But at least I was honest and didn’t wait until I got caught / did not gaslight him.
I have a major surgery tomorrow and he won’t help me with my dog. I’ve gone back to my parents for now until I am recovered.
I want to tell him how hurt I am but I have tried that. He never understands. I miss him. As a brother.
I ended up going to session and he asked me why I feel off in therapy. He literally said “other than me slightly having to pull back right now what have I really done?”
I don’t know if I ever can get him to see my side or my pain in this.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Again I know the majority of people will want to come at my therapist or me for doing wrong things. I know it doesn’t seem like this, but he really isn’t intentionally manipulative or gaslight-y, he’s just trying to regulate himself.
I have grace for him. And for myself. So please, please try and respond with compassion. I don’t want to lose him. But I feel like I kind of am.
What are your overall thoughts, in the most gentle way possible? Was I wrong for telling him the truth about the grave?

The People’s Republic of China (PRC) is the world’s emerging superpower. However, it is also a country facing a growing number of economical, social, and ecological issues.
China’s GDP exceeds $11 trillion dollars, making it the second largest in the world after the US. Despite this, its rate of economic growth has sharply dropped to 6% in 2016 from 9% in 2013. The PRC has a highly centralized and government-managed economy, along with strictly regulated political life. Notwithstanding, some Chinese provinces are allowed to pursue independent economic policies.
China officially has a multi-party political system. However, in practice, there is only one party that holds significant power — the Communist Party of China (CPC), which was founded on July 1, 1921. The CPC’s ideology is based on the Marxist-Leninist doctrine introduced by Karl Marx (a Prussian economist) and Friedrich Engels (a German philosopher and businessman) in the 1880s. This doctrine was later supplemented by the theory of Socialism by Vladimir Ulyanov-Lenin (a Russian politician and revolutionary).
The doctrine postulates that society is composed of two major economic classes — the working people (exploited) and the bourgeoisie (exploiters). According to this theory, a global economic crisis will lead to a revolution, with the working class taking control of the world and the bourgeoisie being eliminated. Ultimately, capitalism will cease to exist, and communism (where goods are freely available and nobody works) will prevail. Mao Zedong, the founder of the CPC, adapted this theory to the Chinese context by including Chinese farmers in the definition of the working class.
The PRC government plays a central role in both the political and economic aspects of China. The CPC governs China through an administrative pyramid, with the Central Committee (Politburo) and the National Congress at the top.
The National Congress is comprised of over 2000 delegates who are elected mainly from local CPC committee members. This assembly convenes for a two-week session in Beijing once a year. The 22 Chinese provinces are managed by regional governors appointed by the Central Committee, and their primary objective is to fulfill the CPC’s goal of achieving GDP growth. The government operates based on five-year plans.
The list of other political parties in China includes:
Revolutionary Committee of the Kuomintang (53,000 members, representing Taiwan residents in China); China Democratic League (130,000 members, mainly composed of the middle class); China Democratic National Construction Association (69,000 members, consisting of entrepreneurs); China Association for Promoting Democracy (64,000 members, primarily intellectuals); Chinese Peasants’ and Workers’ Democratic Party (65,000 members, representing government employees); Zhigongdang of China (15,000 members, representing overseas Chinese); Jiusan Society (68,000 members, comprising individual professionals); Taiwan Democratic Self-Government League (1,600 members, including prominent Chinese celebrities). All of these parties are aligned with and support the CPC in its major initiatives and policies. Opposition to the CPC is not tolerated.
Economic Review
Administratively China consists of 22 provinces, 5 autonomous regions, 4 municipalities directly under the central government, and 2 special administrative regions.
China’s main economic regions:
Eastern Coastal Region: This region includes provinces like Guangdong, Jiangsu, and Zhejiang, as well as Shanghai. It has been a major driver of China’s economic growth due to its proximity to international trade routes and its well-developed infrastructure. The Eastern Coastal Region contributes approximately 45–50% to China’s GDP. Western Region: The Western Region comprises provinces such as Sichuan, Chongqing, and Yunnan, as well as the Tibet Autonomous Region. This region is known for its rich natural resources, including minerals, energy, and agricultural products. The Western Region contributes around 15–20% to China’s GDP. Central Region: The Central Region includes provinces such as Henan, Hubei, and Hunan. It is characterized by a mix of industries, including manufacturing, agriculture, and services. The Central Region contributes roughly 15–20% to China’s GDP. Northeastern Region: The Northeastern Region consists of provinces like Liaoning, Jilin, and Heilongjiang. Historically, this region was a vital industrial base for heavy machinery, mining, and manufacturing. However, it has faced economic challenges in recent years. The Northeastern Region contributes approximately 7–10% to China’s GDP. Pearl River Delta: The Pearl River Delta is a highly urbanized and economically dynamic region located in Guangdong Province. It encompasses cities like Guangzhou, Shenzhen, and Dongguan. Known as a manufacturing and export hub, it has played a pivotal role in China’s economic growth. The Pearl River Delta contributes around 10–15% to China’s GDP. Yangtze River Delta: The Yangtze River Delta region covers Shanghai and the surrounding provinces of Jiangsu and Zhejiang. It is one of the most economically developed and prosperous regions in China. With a strong focus on finance, manufacturing, and services, the Yangtze River Delta contributes approximately 20–25% to China’s GDP. China’s Latest Economic Updates
Stock Market
The Shanghai Composite rose from 2892 in November 2022 to 3284 (as of May 17, 2023).
Currency
Yuan rose from 6.7 in Jan 2023 to 7.0 as of May 17, 2023
Employment
In March 2023, China’s surveyed urban unemployment rate decreased to 5.3%, the lowest in seven months, from February’s 5.6%. Those aged 25–59 saw their jobless rate drop to 4.3% from 4.8% in February, while those aged 16–24 increased to 19.6% from 18.1%. The unemployment rate in 31 large cities and towns also declined to 5.5% from 5.7%.
Employees’ average weekly working hours across China increased to 48.7 in March from 47.9 in February. In the first quarter of 2023, the unemployment rate slightly declined to 5.5% from 5.6% in Q4 2022. The government has set a target of around 5.5% for the year, with the creation of approximately 12 million new urban jobs. China has also set a 2023 GDP growth target of about 5%.
GDP
China’s economy grew by 2.2% (SA) in Q1–2023, the third consecutive quarter of expansion following the removal of travel restrictions in Dec-2022 and a three-year crackdown on tech firms and property. However, the uneven recovery showed that while consumption, services, and infrastructure spending picked up, slowing inflation and rising bank savings led to doubts about demand.
In Mar-2023, the central bank cut lenders’ reserve requirements for the first time in 2023 and Beijing promised more fiscal stimulus.
Inflation
In April of 2023, China’s inflation rate declined to 0.1% from the previous month’s 0.7%, which was lower than anticipated. The decrease in prices for both food and non-food items was due to an unstable economic recovery after the enclosure policy was lifted. Food prices fell notably due to lower prices of pork and fresh vegetables, while non-food prices fell due to lower prices for transportation and housing. Inflation for health remained steady, while education costs increased.
Trade
Country’s exports rose unexpectedly by 14.8% YoY to a high of USD 315.59B in March 2023, rebounding sharply from a 6.8% drop in January-February combined and beating market consensus of a 7% fall. It was the first advance in shipments since September 2022 as Beijing boosts trade with developed countries and emerging economies. Steel products (53.2%) and refined products (35.1%) were the largest contributors. Exports to China’s largest partner, ASEAN, rose 35.43%, while those to the EU (3.38%) and Russia (136.43%) also increased. Conversely, exports fell to Japan (-4.8%), Taiwan (-27.6%), and the US (-7.68%), while they expanded to Australia (23.7%) and South Korea (11.3%).
SVET Analysis Space (A-):
Advantages:
Strategic location: China is located in the heart of Asia, which gives it a strategic location to engage in trade and diplomacy with neighboring countries. China also has access to the Pacific Ocean, which allows it to trade with countries in the Americas and Oceania. Natural resources: China has significant reserves of coal, iron ore, and other minerals. The country is also the world’s largest producer of rare earth elements, which are essential in the manufacturing of high-tech products. This resource base has fueled China’s economic growth over the past few decades. Agricultural productivity: China has a large and fertile agricultural base, which allows it to produce significant amounts of food. The country is the world’s largest producer of rice and wheat, and it has made significant advances in crop yields through the use of technology and modern farming practices. Disadvantages:
Natural disasters: China is prone to natural disasters such as earthquakes, floods, and typhoons, which can cause significant damage to infrastructure and disrupt the economy. Resource depletion: China’s rapid economic growth has led to the depletion of some of its natural resources, such as water and arable land. This depletion can lead to environmental degradation and food insecurity in the future. Energy dependence: Despite having significant reserves of coal, China is also heavily dependent on imported oil and gas to meet its energy needs. This dependence makes the country vulnerable to supply disruptions and price fluctuations on the global market. Voice (C):
Pluses:
Stability: The Chinese government prioritizes maintaining stability and order in the country, which has helped to ensure social cohesion and economic growth. Economic development: China’s political system has enabled it to pursue policies that have led to rapid economic growth and development over the past few decades. Nationalism: The Chinese government emphasizes the importance of national unity and pride, which has helped to foster a strong sense of identity among Chinese citizens. Strategic planning: The government’s focus on long-term planning has enabled China to achieve its ambitious economic and geopolitical goals. Minuses:
Lack of political freedom: The Chinese government tightly controls political expression and restricts freedom of speech, assembly, and association, which has led to criticism from human rights groups. State control: The government’s control over the economy and key industries can stifle innovation and limit the potential for private sector growth. Lack of transparency: The Chinese government is known for being opaque in its decision-making processes, which can lead to uncertainty for businesses and investors. Human rights violations: The government’s policies towards ethnic minorities, such as the Uighur population in Xinjiang, have been criticized by the international community for alleged human rights abuses. Ethos (B-):
Han Chinese: The Han Chinese are the largest ethnic group in China, accounting for over 90% of the population. They enjoy the most favorable treatment from the government and have access to the best jobs, education, and healthcare. However, this has led to some resentment from minority groups who feel marginalized. Ethnic minorities: There are 55 recognized ethnic minority groups in China, including Tibetans, Uighurs, Mongolians, and others. They often face discrimination and limited opportunities for advancement. Some minority groups, such as the Uighurs in Xinjiang, have also been subject to government repression. Rural residents: China’s rural population is around 40% of the total population. They often have limited access to education, healthcare, and job opportunities compared to urban residents. However, the government has implemented policies to try to bridge this gap, such as investing in rural infrastructure and offering subsidies to farmers. Urban residents: China’s urban population is growing rapidly and has access to more job opportunities, education, and healthcare than rural residents. However, this has also led to increased competition for resources and rising income inequality. Time (B-):
Positive scenarios:
Continued economic growth: China’s economy has been growing rapidly over the past few decades, and it is likely to continue. This could result in increased prosperity and an improved standard of living for many Chinese citizens. Technological advancement: China has made significant strides in technology and innovation, and this trend is likely to continue. This could result in China becoming a global leader in technology, creating new industries and high-paying jobs. Improved infrastructure: China has been investing heavily in infrastructure, such as high-speed rail and new airports, which can improve transportation and connectivity and stimulate economic growth. Increased global influence: As China’s economy and political influence continue to grow, it could become a dominant player on the global stage, shaping international politics and economics. Negative scenarios:
Environmental degradation: China’s rapid economic growth has resulted in severe environmental problems, such as air and water pollution. If this trend continues, it could have severe consequences for public health and the environment. Social inequality: China’s economic growth has also created significant social inequalities, with a wealthy urban elite and a poorer rural population. This could result in social unrest and instability. Political repression: The Chinese government’s increasing control over the media and the internet, and its crackdowns on dissent, could result in greater political repression. Economic slowdown: China’s economic growth has already slowed in recent years, and if this trend continues, it could result in job losses and economic instability, which could have global consequences. Overall
The Chinese reforms were initiated by Deng Xiaoping (1978–1992) in the late 1970s. These reforms aimed to open up China to foreign investment, encourage private enterprise, and modernize various sectors of the economy. As part of these reforms, the number of directly controlled industries was drastically reduced. Additionally, the number of price-controlled goods decreased from approximately 300 to around 20.
With that said, the government still exercises strict regulatory oversight and establishes guidelines and policies that private businesses must adhere to. State-owned enterprises (SOEs) continue to play a significant role in the Chinese economy and frequently receive preferential treatment and support from the government.
Those policies were continued under Jiang Zemin (1993–2003), during which China was accepted into the World Trade Organization (WTO) on December 11, 2001, and also under Hu Jintao (2003–2013). However, when Xi Jinping (2013-present) assumed power, there was a gradual shift towards increased direct control over the economy and the establishment of a more centralized system. This change was accompanied by the active implementation of mass-surveillance technologies.
That happened synchronously with the end of the world’s latest 80-year-long generational cycle, which began in the 1940s and 1950s. This cycle was characterized by massive political decentralization, resulting in the emergence of several dozen new states between 1940 and 2000. After the 2007–2008 debts debacle, this cycle of economic expansion, driven by the exploitation of readily available resources, came to a close. However, it was artificially extended for the next 15 years through the easing of monetary policies pursued simultaneously by central banks worldwide.
That led to an unprecedented growth of private businesses worldwide. It was accompanied by increased prosperity and a rising level of education across all segments of the population. Small and medium-sized entrepreneurs, particularly in the high-tech industry, began to assume leading positions in the economic landscape. However, this economic progress was not accompanied by significant political reforms.
The old class of hereditary, mostly populist politicians, who often lacked education, managed to stay in power throughout that period, largely due to the outdated electoral system based on indirect political representation. However, when blockchain technologies were utilized to establish algorithmic consensus and enable effective direct governance, this new system faced resistance from entrenched political clans in all countries, resulting in its suppression.
China is currently at the forefront of this trend, with its political class focused on leveraging high-tech advancements to achieve both economic efficiency and comprehensive political control. However, there are two significant obstacles that China faces along this path.
Firstly, China is confronted with a shrinking population. In recent years, the country has undergone a substantial demographic shift characterized by an aging population and a decline in the working-age population. This is partially attributed to the one-child policy that was enforced from 1979 to 2016, resulting in a diminished labor force and a growing proportion of elderly individuals.
Secondly, there is a culmination of the resource-exploration and expansionist phase of global economic growth, accompanied by escalating political and military tensions worldwide. This situation is likely to result in a reduction of China’s import markets and an increased dependence on a less-competitive domestic market. Consequently, this could potentially lead to a scenario of stagflation, characterized by stagnant economic growth coupled with high inflationary pressures.
Faced with these fundamental challenges, it is highly probable that China will resort to aggressive and militaristic policies in an attempt to expand its territory directly or enforce its economic dominance in the Asian region through alternative means.
China is expected to continue on its trajectory towards increased global dominance through local conflicts and enhanced technological control over the economy and population over the next 15–20 years. However, this trend could be altered by a new wave of decentralization, which would require a significant deviation from current policies.
Such a shift may occur when not only the current generation of older politicians, but also the subsequent one (which is likely to further reinforce the existing trend), is replaced by “enlightened” technocrats who advocate for a return to decentralized approaches in both politics and economics.

my 10 year old golden retriever got sick in March and was put down on May 27. My father and I are looking at new puppies and thinking of picking one up in a few days. If we both genuinely would like another dog, is it too soon? I believe getting another dog definitely would help us to feel better. Am I going to be judged for this?

I left my last job about a week ago because I felt they were being abusive. I took a pay cut just to get out.
I've been at the new job about a week now. I don't like the low pay and 12 hour shifts that I have to do.
I found a job listing for the same job with a different company and the pay is comparable to my pay at my old job. Not sure how long the shifts are but I'm wondering if I even want to apply if the shifts are going to be the same.

Top of the Day for 31/05/2023

^{[FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/TopOfThe/comments/dtlta2/mod_post_info_and_faq/} Discord GitHub)
^{Times shown are in UTC and dates are formatted as Day/Month/Year.
On mobile you can scroll and slide the tables to reveal more info.}

Most Upvoted Posts of the Day

Place	Title	Author	Subreddit	Score	Posted
1st	TIL a family in Georgia claimed to have passed down a song in an unknown language from the time of their enslavement; scientists identified the song as a genuine West African funeral song in the Mende language that had survived multiple transmissions from mother to daughter over multiple centuries	u/admiralturtleship	todayilearned	84,317 Upvotes	30/05/2023 12:27 UTC
2nd	Reddit legends Bad Luck Brian and Doge meet in Japan, May 2023	u/TheDogeAcademy	pics	74,097 Upvotes	30/05/2023 16:25 UTC
3rd	Home Depot employee named Andrew gets fed up with rude customer to the point he quits his job.	u/Lazy_Mouse3803	facepalm	71,590 Upvotes	30/05/2023 07:47 UTC
4th	Who are these people?	u/sexyparul	memes	64,876 Upvotes	30/05/2023 09:54 UTC
5th	Samarkand bread from Uzbekistan	u/solateor	oddlysatisfying	63,932 Upvotes	30/05/2023 02:15 UTC

Most Upvoted Comments of the Day

^{Note: These may not be entirely accurate. Currently these are out of the comments taken from the top 5 submissions.}

Place	Body	Author	Subreddit	Score	Posted
1st	So I was 19 at this point, and I was the manager of the hardware department at Walmart. One day, I had a customer who absolutely freaked out and flipped his shit on me because I wouldn't mark down a gallon of paint.(...)	u/RomanKlim	facepalm	14,637 Upvotes	30/05/2023 11:20 UTC
2nd	[Poor old grumpy. Everywhere he goes people are assholes for no reason, in every shop he has problems with the staff having attitude, when ever he goes out in the car some idiot starts road rage on him, every time he’s in a bar he gets in a fight.

When will all the people of the world stop uniting and tormenting this innocent man? Now I know what you’re thinking, but It cant be anything HE is doing wrong. He would know if he was the problem.](/facepalm/comments/13vjtoh/home_depot_employee_named_andrew_gets_fed_up_with/jm6fgl5/)u/UncleBendersfacepalm13,122 Upvotes30/05/2023 08:33 UTC 3rd"we just wanted to check the price on something, and he just went crazy"(...)u/Dutch-in-Tahitifacepalm11,920 Upvotes30/05/2023 08:02 UTC 4thI feel for the employee. Dealing with the public is the fucking worst.u/Technical_Activity78facepalm9,938 Upvotes30/05/2023 08:33 UTC 5thHell, I was a Pharmacist for CVS and I did this. The Store Manager, who was actually below me in status pay grade and replaceability was standing up for this crazy bitch, and I just turned to him and Said "Fine, run your fucking store without a Pharmacist, I took my License off the wall and walked out, took a week off and had a new job in a Week with a competitor down the road. I eventually got out of Retail and went Hospital.u/Bargdaffy158facepalm9,784 Upvotes30/05/2023 11:58 UTC

1. What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games (ex: resolution, FPS, settings) or programs you will be using.

Some gaming, and work (Microsoft Word, Excel, PowerPoint)

2. What is your maximum PRE-TAX budget before rebates and shipping?

Probably in the range of $500 - $800 as I already have some of the more expensive parts of the build. There is some flexibility here though

3. When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.

Within the next week or two.

4. What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ex: toweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc)

PC parts, I already have externals that I am happy to use.

5. If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? How old are they? Brands and models are appreciated.

AMD RADEON RX6800 AMD Ryzen 5 7600X (does not include a cooler) XPG LANCER DDR5 RAM 8 X 2 GB

6. Will you be overclocking (ex: CPU/GPU/RAM)? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line?

Probably not

7. Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSDs, mass HDDs, Wi-Fi / Bluetooth, VR, VirtualLink, tensor cores, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc.)

WiFi and Bluetooth would be great. I have a cat and my bedroom gets a bit dusty/furry, but I'm not sure if that has any implications for cooling

8. Do you have any specific case preferences (ex: mITX/mATX/mid-towefull-tower sizes, styles, colours, window or not, LED lighting, etc.), or a particular colour theme preference for the components?

Open to a mid or full tower. Happy with a dark colour like black or gray. No lighting. I like the panels where you can see into the tower but not mandatory by any means.

9. Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? Note: some post-secondary students can get Windows 10 for free at OnTheHub or through their school's IT software distribution department.

I think I may be able to get this for free, but include it in the budget anyway. There's some leeway as I mentioned earlier.

10. Will you be upgrading this PC in the future (ie: will you swap out better parts later on or will you build an entirely new tower later)? If so, when?

Probably not for at least 4 to 5 years, maybe longer. My current build is pushing 10 years with minimal upgrades.

11. Do you have a brand preference? (ex: AMD/Intel for CPUs, AMD/NVIDIA for video cards, etc.)

Not really but it looks like I am going with AMD lol

12. What are the specs of your old PC / laptop? Do you want to see if it can be upgraded instead? If so, paste its build from PCPartPicker here.

N/A

13. Extra info or particulars:

N/A

Cover Art <<Previous Start Next >>
While Moriko was being wined and dined by the princesses, Mordecai mulled over the information he’d learned from ‘eavesdropping’ on her thoughts. And if he understood everything correctly, the spymaster Lady Yuriko was also a princess, albeit from a few generations ago or more. She would have joined the clan in much the same way as Orchid had, and probably only returned as an advisor only after the pain of loss had faded from her closest family being claimed by the passage of time.
Long life amongst the long-lived was easy. Long life mingled with those who were not so long-lived was hard. He suspected the royal family was slightly longer lived than most pure-blooded humans, especially those who showed signs of other bloodlines such as young princess Bridgette, but given what he learned of the Azeria clan almost all of the ‘converted’ princesses could expect to live several centuries, depending on how powerful they grew and thus how many tails they gained.
One of the more interesting things to learn also brought him a bit of relief. While it wasn’t enough to complete the picture of what was going on with Kuiccihan, seeing how they had combined shopping with counter-espionage and probably a little bit of propaganda helped normalize the kingdom a bit from his point of view.
While hardly utopian, the country as a whole had struck him as being almost too serene and egalitarian. This minor bit of political maneuvering showed that a lot of thought and work went into keeping it that way, which fit with what Aia had told him about his daughter having taken some effort in designing the country she helped found. And he was pretty certain that the princesses were sincere, rather than just putting up a good cover. He might be wrong, but it seemed rather unlikely. False paradises tended to be a touch too rigid in weird places, and so far he’d not gotten any signs of that, and there was no attempt to mask it as an actual paradise.
Mordecai was torn about his decision to tuck away so many specific memories. It seemed so logical at the time, it had been so very long and the attack on the village had been thorough, and honestly, it made focusing on the life he had here now easier, but he also regretted not knowing the names of all his children. And though he knew the names of some of his children thanks to the genealogy book, he sort of dreaded the idea of learning the way they would be pronounced now and then having them clash with his memories of them when he did finally retrieve them.
Perhaps not his most rational choice ever, but even if his primary brain was made of crystal instead of the messy goop that made up his avatar’s brain, emotions were not exactly rational. Especially where family was concerned. And the thought of family turned his mind back to the princesses. They were quite the array for a single generation, but given the number of nonhuman and possibly empowered bloodlines supposedly present, this was not as much of a surprise as it might have been. Mordecai really hoped that when the dungeon had greater capacity, either Orchid or one of the other royals would be willing to be thoroughly examined, he wanted to see what was going on for their heritage paths.
All biological life used a physical pattern to carry information from the parents, mingling to create a new pattern. While this was not well known outside of people who had reason and methods to research it in depth, what was less well known was that there were more carriers than the physical.
The next most common was spiritual patterns, energy waveforms that imprint from a strong individual onto one whose spirit and soul were just beginning to form. Between sympathetic magic and literally surrounding the embryo, mothers had the strongest imprinting of spiritual patterns onto their offspring. Typically fathers had the second largest impact. However, sufficiently powerful entities could leave imprints upon those who lived near them for long periods of time, which is why tribes or villages of more mortal races who served a single dragon for many generations tended to take on draconic traits, despite no actual mingling of bloodlines.
Then there were the bloodline travelers, the blessings and curses specifically tied to an individual and all their progeny. While normal spiritual patterns mingled and could change and fade, these acted more like symbionts or parasites, exactly duplicating themselves and attaching to each descendant during conception. Upon occasion a particularly powerful yet poorly constructed curse acted like a disease, infecting all future progeny of anyone the actual carrier had sex with, even if that other person did not conceive a child with the curse bearer. Blessings being so poorly constructed were even rarer, but it was with good reason that most people preferred being ignored by the sidhe over gaining even their blessing.
Beings that did not innately have a physical form generally did not have a physical carrier or pattern and relied entirely upon spiritual waveform patterns.
Constructed entities were all over the place, assuming that they could pass on heritable information rather than just manually constructing a new entity.
As for dungeons… come to think of it, he didn’t know if there was a way to pass on dungeon-specific heritage information. They didn’t have parents. His avatars could pass on physical information based on the form he constructed, and he was pretty sure he made at least a small imprint in the way of spiritual energy, but he had no idea about passing on heritable information for his core. Could that be done?
For that matter, with his new avatar form: if he fathered a child with this avatar, what information would be passed on? What would be the default ‘true’ form for the child? He had no idea, that had not been part of his considerations when making this pattern.
While Mordecai continued to muse over this thought via his avatar, his core was focused mostly on Moriko, while occasionally checking in on Kazue. Moriko seemed to be handling things better now that she’d adjusted and most of her fears laid to rest. He was somewhat curious about how she’d come to have such a high level of concern about interacting with the court. To be fair, her worries were not entirely unfounded, but she was also getting the chance to learn a lesson about power, whether it be political or fiscal. The more power one held and the more securely one held it, the less one had to worry about all the minor proprieties. A well-established monarchy was much like an ‘old money’ family, they did not have fear or envy or need eating at them.
Moriko’s concerns about such games would more likely come into play around minor nobility who cared about raising their rank and standing. From what he’d seen through Moriko’s experiences, that seemed most likely to be second or third-generation new nobility, as the first-generation folk seemed to be people like that champion, Bellona.
The night waned on, and eventually, a well fed Moriko made her way back to the temple intending to fall asleep, only to find her room filled with boxes she had to figure out how to handle.
As for Kazue, well, he had the attention of her core at least, but her avatar was having a little ‘adventure’ for the night, and neither party had ventured into the library yet. Instead, they had set up in their respective rest areas, and Kazue was having a little ‘camp out’ with her friends.
For the shrine maidens, Kazue had asked them to have this little party with her after they had finished the plays. It had been early enough they probably could have pushed through the library if they had focused on just solving normal puzzles, but this was a chance for these friends to reconnect. Plus he suspected that she had some special plans for the library the next day.
As for the explorers, they’d had a slightly rough time. It seems his wife had been feeding the laganthros all the information about the tactics that the party had been using, and the rabbit folk had put together teams to stress and test the explorers, taking advantage of numbers and foreknowledge to make up for the lack in raw power.
Running through five different groups of coordinated combatants who had prepared themselves for exactly the party’s anticipated tactics had worn their patience thin. The harassing attacks and traps of the third floor’s boss room had then pushed them to their breaking point, and they stopped trying to conserve their resources, unleashing their strongest spells and straining flesh and bone to their limits to finish Betty and Umbrowl off as fast as they could. Which wasn’t as fast as they would have liked, as the pair had taken notes and did their best to play keep away while throwing out ranged attacks and triggering traps. Neither of the bosses were quite strong enough to solo any of the kitsune with great odds of success, but in this home environment and with the advantage of the redesigned traps they were able to push the kitsune to their limits before Kazue had called the fight in the visitor’s favor.
So now they were resting and healing up as they prepared to challenge the fourth floor’s library the next day.
<<Previous Start Next >>
My Discord if you would like to talk about the book or see what else I am up to (I also try to stream once a week, but that's strictly hobby level).
My Patreon if you want to support me directly.
Also to be found on Royal Road.
$3 Patreon: Early chapters, lore excerpts $5 Patreon: Short Stories $10 Patreon: New stories not published anywhere else (Until after I finish this story at least)

I'm currently contemplating cutting my parents off for a bit and I'm struggling with the guilt I'm feeling around doing it.
Gonna give background bc reddit is anonymous so buckle up:
I was sexually abused by my older sibling from the ages of 10-12. It stopped because at 12 I told my mum, not really understanding what was happening, but knowing it shouldn't be.
My parents gave me a choice then about what I wanted to do: go to the police or have us both go to therapy and move on. I honestly didn't understand why they were both so upset at the time and I didn't want anyone to get in trouble so I said the therapy option. We both had 2 sessions and it wasn't mentioned again for several years.
I never processed what happened to me as a child or how I felt in that, I managed to push down the memories with self harming and pinching myself, to the point I don't have a clear recollection of those 2 years of my life anymore. I refused to acknowledge it to my friends and it was never mentioned within the family until I was 16.
The only reason I mentioned it at 16 was because I had a meltdown after hearing my brother playing his guitar really loudly, by that point I had developed musical "hallucinations" of faint guitar playing even when he wasn't there which I now understand to be flashbacks. I went in and told him to turn it down as I was becoming increasingly agitated (I also have autism & ADHD) he laughed at me and told me to fuck off. Usually this happens and I'd just leave, but for some reason in that moment I flipped out and started screaming that he ruined my life and he just laughed and I lost it, I tried to strangle him with his guitar whilst screaming that I hate him until my dad came in and physically dragged me off him, taking me outside. I was inconsolable and asked my parents to kick him out, they obviously said no, so I left to go stay with friends. This was the first time we acknowledged this in 4 years.
Once I had let this out I confided in my CAMHS (child mental health) worker about the trauma, the musical hallucinations, the self harm and the fact I wanted to not live. She got me in touch with social and then youth services to help me find somewhere else to live.
My parents were annoyed by this decision of me to leave, but refused to have my brother to move out, so I was placed into a homeless hostel for my own protection and peace of mind. They maintain to this day that I was never kicked out and chose to leave off my own accord.
I stayed there for about 4 months, it was a horrible dangerous place for a 16 year old quiet nerdy kid, I quickly grew hostile and developed a drug problem for a while. Then my brother moved out so I returned home to live with my parents.
Around this time my mother's alcoholism, pill dependencies and mental health issues also really began to intensify, but I did end up staying there for just shy of 2 years. I was no longer the sweet top of class nerdy kid and was now a college dropout, with severe depression. My mum would routinely scream abuse at me whilst blackout drunk also. Still I was determined to fix things so at 18 I re-enrolled in college to finally get my A Levels despite my dad's anger about this (he wanted me to work and pay rent) and I stopped using the drugs I was on. Life was starting to slowly get back on track.
Until about 2 months later, a week or so after I turned 19 when my parents informed me my brother had fucked up his life again and was moving home in 4 days.
I pled and protested with my parents that 4 days does not give me time to find somewhere else to live, they got angry at me for dredging up the past and being unfair on them and my sibling. My sibling also sent me abusive messages calling me names because I was making them feel bad.
So with no other real choice I found myself homeless and sofa surfing, sleeping with guys for places to stay etc, until I made it up the waitlist for the local YMCA hostel. My mates that I stayed with for most of it lived over 20 miles away so I was unable to get to college and flunked my A levels. I was kicked out of college shortly after I moved into the YMCA.
My family eventually "forgave" me for my behaviour and got back on speaking terms. All the while I'm living in hostels & unsafe situations. The next 5 or so years are a traumatic mess to be honest, I ended up an alchoholic with multiple suicide attempts, so much trauma, an eating disorder, further traumas and assaults by the unsafe people I lived with and an apathetic attitude towards living. My mother also was a big drain on me over that time, exhibited narcissistic behaviours, triggered me with food and on one holiday scratched herself up and tried to convince me I did it while she was drunk, I actually did cut her off for 3 months after this till we both got sober, but reconnected with her due to pressure from my dad.
Eventually in 2021 when I was 25, after a pretty serious suicide attempt and psychiatric admission I realised I was an alcoholic and joined AA and there I started to get well, for the first time in my life.
AA really saved me from myself and helped me get my life back on track, at this point I had my own place and a decent job and started trying to make something of myself and be a better person, which has been working well, but the one thing I never addressed in any of that was the trauma.
I still had to see my brother throughout the years due to parental pressure and as such had sort of siphoned off my trauma and had a disconnect to it and I thought that was working.
Unfortunately earlier this year I spiralled into a major depressive episode, I remained sober, but even the best of programs couldn't hold the suicidal ideation at bay. I ended up in a psych ward this time for 5 weeks. It was terrifying to be in a place where my life was on track, yet I still felt so disgusting and hopeless I didn't want to live. Although I still wasn't fully ready to admit that my trauma is what brought me that point. Despite daily flashbacks, self harming behaviours and nightmares of the abuse where I was at fault. I had it so compartmentalised and was keen to look for any other cause other than that.
My dad came to visit me after I'd been there about 2 weeks and informed me that my brother isn't doing well and I need to make more of an effort to see him. For the first time in my life I attempted to put a boundary in place and said that actually I don't think I should be seeing him ever again. Dad asked me "Is this because of the stuff that happened when you were kids?" And I responded "Do you mean the reason I keep ending up in places like this, no matter what I do?" And that was the first time I ever verbally acknowledged that this trauma was at the route of everything.
We spoke at length for several hours, my dad explaining that they always chose him because I'm capable while my sibling is a fuck up. I said I'm not coping. I'm literally in a psych ward? He said that he put me on a life raft while he helped my sibling and I said you didn't put me on a life raft, I went to a fucking YMCA. After that he heard me for the first time and semi acknowledged that they'd made some wrong moves and said he'd speak to mum about what to do moving forward so I don't have to see my brother again and can finally unpack this immense trauma in therapy.
That conversation opened the flood gates while I was in hospital and I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist with Complex-PTSD and assigned a trauma therapist. I was absolutely broken having finally admitted the guilt and shame I've felt my whole life, but at the same time felt some hope, that I can finally move on.
Until a week or so later when I spoke to my mum and mentioned the conversation with my dad, she said he had never spoken to her. She seemed uncomfortable and bored when I spoke about uow it has affected me and asked how it would make my sibling feel if I stopped seeing him. When I relayed it explaining how dad finally started to acknowledge how difficult it has been when they chose my brother over me, she stopped me and angrily/defensively stated "I have to stop you there. I person have NEVER chosen anyone over anyone." At this point I shut down. I ended the call and fell into a deeper depression hole that the nurses took weeks to pull me out of.
A few days before my release I saw my dad and I brought up the situation asking what's happening with it and he and mum had any conclusions around me not having to see sibling and he snapped and dismissively said "What do you expect me to do about it? I think the best thing is if you just move on and not dwell on stuff." Again I shut down and once again the batton was passed back to me to hold.
See that's what I've been doing my entire life. Carrying it so my family don't get upset, excusing my parents, excusing my sibling, justifying them. I've carried this burden, the blame, the self hatred and it's nearly killed me so many times. I just don't want to do it anymore. To carry it for them.
I got out 3 weeks ago and have slowly been returning to life, my parents barely contacted me for a week after I got out and I was supposed to be putting inplace boundaries, but felt too bad/missed them too much. They haven't asked how I am or how I'm feeling, because they don't want my answer. My mum ended up booking this weekend away just the two of us, but I ended up feeling this overwhelming sense that I shouldn't be going away with her, especially whilst I'm barely well again and I said I'm not ready for an overnight. Naturally I've got the usual silent treatment from her. I just feel so guilty, but again it's brought up all of this.
It's like my gut is screaming at me CUT THEM OFF, but I'm scared and I love them, even if they are toxic. I'm hesitant to unpick in therapy and scared I'm just going to go back to denial. Every person I've spoken to has suggested I cut them off for at least a few months, just while I focus on therapy and finally processing the trauma. I'm just so scared to do this. I want my parents around and I want them to love me, but they just can't do that in the way I need and I'm really scared of hurting them.
At the same time I know I NEED to put myself first and work through this, I think I need to let go with love, just for a bit.
Sorry this ended up being miles longer than expected, if anyone's read to the end of this misery, do you have any advice or words of encouragement, or alternatively if I'm being unreasonable please let me know. I just want to get this right, because right now I'm just sick of hurting.

I'm currently contemplating cutting my parents off for a bit and I'm struggling with the guilt I'm feeling around doing it.
Gonna give background bc reddit is anonymous so buckle up:
I was sexually abused by my older sibling from the ages of 10-12. It stopped because at 12 I told my mum, not really understanding what was happening, but knowing it shouldn't be.
My parents gave me a choice then about what I wanted to do: go to the police or have us both go to therapy and move on. I honestly didn't understand why they were both so upset at the time and I didn't want anyone to get in trouble so I said the therapy option. We both had 2 sessions and it wasn't mentioned again for several years.
I never processed what happened to me as a child or how I felt in that, I managed to push down the memories with self harming and pinching myself, to the point I don't have a clear recollection of those 2 years of my life anymore. I refused to acknowledge it to my friends and it was never mentioned within the family until I was 16.
The only reason I mentioned it at 16 was because I had a meltdown after hearing my brother playing his guitar really loudly, by that point I had developed musical "hallucinations" of faint guitar playing even when he wasn't there which I now understand to be flashbacks. I went in and told him to turn it down as I was becoming increasingly agitated (I also have autism & ADHD) he laughed at me and told me to fuck off. Usually this happens and I'd just leave, but for some reason in that moment I flipped out and started screaming that he ruined my life and he just laughed and I lost it, I tried to strangle him with his guitar whilst screaming that I hate him until my dad came in and physically dragged me off him, taking me outside. I was inconsolable and asked my parents to kick him out, they obviously said no, so I left to go stay with friends. This was the first time we acknowledged this in 4 years.
Once I had let this out I confided in my CAMHS (child mental health) worker about the trauma, the musical hallucinations, the self harm and the fact I wanted to not live. She got me in touch with social and then youth services to help me find somewhere else to live.
My parents were annoyed by this decision of me to leave, but refused to have my brother to move out, so I was placed into a homeless hostel for my own protection and peace of mind. They maintain to this day that I was never kicked out and chose to leave off my own accord.
I stayed there for about 4 months, it was a horrible dangerous place for a 16 year old quiet nerdy kid, I quickly grew hostile and developed a drug problem for a while. Then my brother moved out so I returned home to live with my parents.
Around this time my mother's alcoholism, pill dependencies and mental health issues also really began to intensify, but I did end up staying there for just shy of 2 years. I was no longer the sweet top of class nerdy kid and was now a college dropout, with severe depression. My mum would routinely scream abuse at me whilst blackout drunk also. Still I was determined to fix things so at 18 I re-enrolled in college to finally get my A Levels despite my dad's anger about this (he wanted me to work and pay rent) and I stopped using the drugs I was on. Life was starting to slowly get back on track.
Until about 2 months later, a week or so after I turned 19 when my parents informed me my brother had fucked up his life again and was moving home in 4 days.
I pled and protested with my parents that 4 days does not give me time to find somewhere else to live, they got angry at me for dredging up the past and being unfair on them and my sibling. My sibling also sent me abusive messages calling me names because I was making them feel bad.
So with no other real choice I found myself homeless and sofa surfing, sleeping with guys for places to stay etc, until I made it up the waitlist for the local YMCA hostel. My mates that I stayed with for most of it lived over 20 miles away so I was unable to get to college and flunked my A levels. I was kicked out of college shortly after I moved into the YMCA.
My family eventually "forgave" me for my behaviour and got back on speaking terms. All the while I'm living in hostels & unsafe situations. The next 5 or so years are a traumatic mess to be honest, I ended up an alchoholic with multiple suicide attempts, so much trauma, an eating disorder, further traumas and assaults by the unsafe people I lived with and an apathetic attitude towards living. My mother also was a big drain on me over that time, exhibited narcissistic behaviours, triggered me with food and on one holiday scratched herself up and tried to convince me I did it while she was drunk, I actually did cut her off for 3 months after this till we both got sober, but reconnected with her due to pressure from my dad.
Eventually in 2021 when I was 25, after a pretty serious suicide attempt and psychiatric admission I realised I was an alcoholic and joined AA and there I started to get well, for the first time in my life.
AA really saved me from myself and helped me get my life back on track, at this point I had my own place and a decent job and started trying to make something of myself and be a better person, which has been working well, but the one thing I never addressed in any of that was the trauma.
I still had to see my brother throughout the years due to parental pressure and as such had sort of siphoned off my trauma and had a disconnect to it and I thought that was working.
Unfortunately earlier this year I spiralled into a major depressive episode, I remained sober, but even the best of programs couldn't hold the suicidal ideation at bay. I ended up in a psych ward this time for 5 weeks. It was terrifying to be in a place where my life was on track, yet I still felt so disgusting and hopeless I didn't want to live. Although I still wasn't fully ready to admit that my trauma is what brought me that point. Despite daily flashbacks, self harming behaviours and nightmares of the abuse where I was at fault. I had it so compartmentalised and was keen to look for any other cause other than that.
My dad came to visit me after I'd been there about 2 weeks and informed me that my brother isn't doing well and I need to make more of an effort to see him. For the first time in my life I attempted to put a boundary in place and said that actually I don't think I should be seeing him ever again. Dad asked me "Is this because of the stuff that happened when you were kids?" And I responded "Do you mean the reason I keep ending up in places like this, no matter what I do?" And that was the first time I ever verbally acknowledged that this trauma was at the route of everything.
We spoke at length for several hours, my dad explaining that they always chose him because I'm capable while my sibling is a fuck up. I said I'm not coping. I'm literally in a psych ward? He said that he put me on a life raft while he helped my sibling and I said you didn't put me on a life raft, I went to a fucking YMCA. After that he heard me for the first time and semi acknowledged that they'd made some wrong moves and said he'd speak to mum about what to do moving forward so I don't have to see my brother again and can finally unpack this immense trauma in therapy.
That conversation opened the flood gates while I was in hospital and I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist with Complex-PTSD and assigned a trauma therapist. I was absolutely broken having finally admitted the guilt and shame I've felt my whole life, but at the same time felt some hope, that I can finally move on.
Until a week or so later when I spoke to my mum and mentioned the conversation with my dad, she said he had never spoken to her. She seemed uncomfortable and bored when I spoke about uow it has affected me and asked how it would make my sibling feel if I stopped seeing him. When I relayed it explaining how dad finally started to acknowledge how difficult it has been when they chose my brother over me, she stopped me and angrily/defensively stated "I have to stop you there. I person have NEVER chosen anyone over anyone." At this point I shut down. I ended the call and fell into a deeper depression hole that the nurses took weeks to pull me out of.
A few days before my release I saw my dad and I brought up the situation asking what's happening with it and he and mum had any conclusions around me not having to see sibling and he snapped and dismissively said "What do you expect me to do about it? I think the best thing is if you just move on and not dwell on stuff." Again I shut down and once again the batton was passed back to me to hold.
See that's what I've been doing my entire life. Carrying it so my family don't get upset, excusing my parents, excusing my sibling, justifying them. I've carried this burden, the blame, the self hatred and it's nearly killed me so many times. I just don't want to do it anymore. To carry it for them.
I got out 3 weeks ago and have slowly been returning to life, my parents barely contacted me for a week after I got out and I was supposed to be putting inplace boundaries, but felt too bad/missed them too much. They haven't asked how I am or how I'm feeling, because they don't want my answer. My mum ended up booking this weekend away just the two of us, but I ended up feeling this overwhelming sense that I shouldn't be going away with her, especially whilst I'm barely well again and I said I'm not ready for an overnight. Naturally I've got the usual silent treatment from her. I just feel so guilty, but again it's brought up all of this.
It's like my gut is screaming at me CUT THEM OFF, but I'm scared and I love them, even if they are toxic. I'm hesitant to unpick in therapy and scared I'm just going to go back to denial. Every person I've spoken to has suggested I cut them off for at least a few months, just while I focus on therapy and finally processing the trauma. I'm just so scared to do this. I want my parents around and I want them to love me, but they just can't do that in the way I need and I'm really scared of hurting them.
At the same time I know I NEED to put myself first and work through this, I think I need to let go with love, just for a bit.
Sorry this ended up being miles longer than expected, if anyone's read to the end of this misery, do you have any advice or words of encouragement, or alternatively if I'm being unreasonable please let me know. I just want to get this right, because right now I'm just sick of hurting.

My Chemical Romance formed in 2001 in New Jersey and would go on to define the 2000s "emo" scene. The 2004 album "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge" and 2006's "The Black Parade" remain defining albums of the decade and have only grown with praise over time, while lead vocalist Gerard Way, guitarists Ray Toro and Frank Iero, and bassist Mikey Way have become icons all with massively devoted fanbases. Notice I named four band members there. A cursory glance of google images shows five band members in many of the pictures. More recent photos only show the four mentioned above, to reflect that currently, the band lacks a drummer. As far as the fandom was concerned, there never was one, despite all of the photos you see showing five members. What happened to the drummer, and why, compared to many other fanbases who cling desperately to the 'classic lineup', are MCR fans so eager to erase him? This is the story of how MCR's most famous drummer destroyed his reputation and became a pariah to the fanbase of his own former band.
The Golden Age of Bob:
Almost immediately after the release of Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, My Chemical Romance was left without a drummer after Matt Pelissier was removed from the group. While not officially confirmed, poor live performances are often given as the reason for his dismissal. Quickly, MCR found a replacement in the form of Bob Bryar, who had previously been a drum tech for The Used, who MCR were close with at the time. Bryar would appear in every music video made for Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, played on the live album "Life on the Murder Scene", and would continue to perform with the band through their next album, "The Black Parade" and its corresponding live release. Bryar's time with the band marked the band's explosion in popularity, and as such Bryar was showered in praise, fan art, and would appear in the band's infamously common RPF (I believe his most common ship was with Ray Toro), though to a lesser extent compared to other band members due to him being more introverted and not seeming too fond of the spotlight.
Bob Leaves MCR:
On March 3rd 2010, the following message was posted to the My Chemical Romance website, to devastation among the band's devoted fanbase:
"As of 4 weeks ago, My Chemical Romance and Bob Bryar parted ways. This was a painful decision for all of us to make and was not taken lightly. We wish him the best of luck in his future endeavors and expect you all to do the same."
No reason has been given to why Bryar left the group, though many rumors have circulated over the years. Bob is known to have not been a fan of the band's decision to scrap their initially planned fourth album, which would later be released under the name "Conventional Weapons", and disliked the poppier direction of its follow-up "Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys". In addition, Bob was beginning to have complications with his health on The Black Parade tour. Bob had received both third degree burns and a staph infection as a result of the filming of "Famous Last Words" music video, and would later have to sit out shows from November 2007 to January 2008 due to a "golf ball sized lump" in his wrist causing him to lose control and feeling in his fingers. Apparently, he had had problems with his wrist for years by that point. These injuries would leave lasting effects and ultimately make playing drums extremely difficult for Bob, leading to him essentially never playing drums again after leaving the band.
The more sinister explanation for his departure was that he had been feuding with, or even bullying Mikey Way and had been kicked out as a result, but only hearsay and Bob's actions post departure support this theory.
The Golden Age of Bob Making an Ass Out of Himself:
My Chemical Romance had broken up relatively recently, and even more recently, Mikey Way had gotten a divorce from his wife. Immediately after this, Way began dating a 19-year-old girl named Sarah. Immediately, people began accusing Mikey of cheating on his wife with this 19-year-old fan, and one of these accusers would be former bandmate Bob Bryar, who replied to an image of Mikey with Sarah's family with two emojis. 👪🍳 . This translated to "Family Breakfast". People praised Bob's joke as hilarious, due to Mikey being an enemy towards a lot of the fandom at the time. After this, Bob proceeded to run the joke into the ground. Eventually, however Bob went too far, replying to a tweet of Mikey's speaking about his drug addiction with the same two Family Breakfast emojis. By this point, the fandom had decided Bob had gone too far, being viewed as someone making fun of his former bandmate's drug addiction.
Bob had done a lot more than simply Family Breakfast to rub the fandom the wrong way, however, with some of the highlights including:
- Spreading (false) MCR reunion rumors, and just rumors about the band in general
- Making jokes about leaking Gerard Way's nudes. In addition, his profile picture of him wearing a black mask was interpreted by many (though not universally), as blackface
- Posting a "Find Kanye" meme many viewed as racist
- Making jokes about cops shooting protestors at 2015 Baltimore Protests inspired by the death of Freddie Gray
- As a side note, while many fans will point to Bob as having stolen from the band or setting the band's tour van on fire, neither of these are true. The former was done by Bob's replacement Michael Pedicone, and the latter is attributed to Matt Pelissier, though it's doubtful Matt actually set the band's van on fire either.
The combination of his edgy sense of humor and the Family Breakfast incident had made Bob a pariah among the MCR fandom, being viewed as a racist bully towards Mikey who was bitter about no longer being a band member. Bob was now intentionally forgotten by the fandom outside of naive and new fans asking what he had done. He no longer received any fan art or appeared in fanfic, a tumblr blog was made solely to edit him out of previous band photos, and fans would only ever mention My Chemical Romance as having four members. By 2015, Bob had abandoned his social media pages.
As for the remaining members of My Chemical Romance, none of ever commented on Bob's controversies. Mikey would later refollow Bob on Twitter, and according to Bob himself later on, the two had reconciled. During 2022, new action figures of the band would be made by Kidrobot featuring Bob, suggesting that his erasure from the band's history did not extend to the band members themselves.
Resurgence:
With his social media pages gone, Bob largely remained out of the public eye, getting a new job as a real estate agent. In June 2021, however, he would briefly return to social media in order to auction off the drum kit he had used for the "Helena" music video, donating the proceeds to Williamson County Animal Control and Adoption Center located in Franklin, Tennessee. According to Bob, this was his final drum kit and he was "permanently closing the book on his drumming days", citing the wrist issues he still dealt with, as well as his old age, weight, and desire to pursue "something new". His brief return caused fans to re-evaluate their treatment of Bob, with the aforementioned Tumblr blog dedicated to erasing him from photos being shut down. Bob would return once again in October 2022 to auction off his iconic Black Parade costume to benefit animals affected by Hurricane Ian, citing that "it's just sitting in a box doing nothing and people need help with money right now". During this auction however, Bob would have a concerning twitter incident.
​
Bob's Breakdown:
On the night of October 24th, Bob's twitter became active, with him demanding Worm (an associate of MCR) call him, and then shortly after, speaking out for the first time about the hatred he had received from the fandom. He mentioned wanting to be interviewed about his controversies and had seemingly picked up a new favorite annoying joke to shove into every post in the form of "Period. Ah!" Shortly after this, Bob claimed to have been driving while under the influence. Fan reaction was largely very concerned about his mental health, and many showed remorse about how Bob had been treated over the years and condemned those who were not sympathetic to his tweets, many pointing out that several fans had told Bob to kill himself during what many considered to be a mental breakdown. Fortunately, Bob would later return a few days later fondly reminiscing about his time on MCR, before quietly disappearing once again.
​
Conclusion:
While nowadays you can find more fans willing to reevaluate Bob's behavior as "not that bad" or at least believing the backlash to him was blown way out of proportion, it would be difficult to say Bob's image has been rehabilitated, with many more than willing to recap his various controversies to new fans wondering who he did, or on rarer occasions, who the hell Bob even is and genuine fans of him being hard to come by. Praise for him often comes in the form of "I'm not defending what he did, but.." At this rate, it's likely Bob's twitter incidents will continue to overshadow him for the foreseeable future, and in the eyes of many fans, My Chemical Romance are a band without a drummer, at least unless Jarrod Alexander gets a promotion form touring musician to full member. He seems to be the only one of the band's four long-term drummers fans seem fond of.

I'm currently contemplating cutting my parents off for a bit and I'm struggling with the guilt I'm feeling around doing it.
Gonna give background bc reddit is anonymous so buckle up:
I was sexually abused by my older sibling from the ages of 10-12. It stopped because at 12 I told my mum, not really understanding what was happening, but knowing it shouldn't be.
My parents gave me a choice then about what I wanted to do: go to the police or have us both go to therapy and move on. I honestly didn't understand why they were both so upset at the time and I didn't want anyone to get in trouble so I said the therapy option. We both had 2 sessions and it wasn't mentioned again for several years.
I never processed what happened to me as a child or how I felt in that, I managed to push down the memories with self harming and pinching myself, to the point I don't have a clear recollection of those 2 years of my life anymore. I refused to acknowledge it to my friends and it was never mentioned within the family until I was 16.
The only reason I mentioned it at 16 was because I had a meltdown after hearing my brother playing his guitar really loudly, by that point I had developed musical "hallucinations" of faint guitar playing even when he wasn't there which I now understand to be flashbacks. I went in and told him to turn it down as I was becoming increasingly agitated (I also have autism & ADHD) he laughed at me and told me to fuck off. Usually this happens and I'd just leave, but for some reason in that moment I flipped out and started screaming that he ruined my life and he just laughed and I lost it, I tried to strangle him with his guitar whilst screaming that I hate him until my dad came in and physically dragged me off him, taking me outside. I was inconsolable and asked my parents to kick him out, they obviously said no, so I left to go stay with friends. This was the first time we acknowledged this in 4 years.
Once I had let this out I confided in my CAMHS (child mental health) worker about the trauma, the musical hallucinations, the self harm and the fact I wanted to not live. She got me in touch with social and then youth services to help me find somewhere else to live.
My parents were annoyed by this decision of me to leave, but refused to have my brother to move out, so I was placed into a homeless hostel for my own protection and peace of mind. They maintain to this day that I was never kicked out and chose to leave off my own accord.
I stayed there for about 4 months, it was a horrible dangerous place for a 16 year old quiet nerdy kid, I quickly grew hostile and developed a drug problem for a while. Then my brother moved out so I returned home to live with my parents.
Around this time my mother's alcoholism, pill dependencies and mental health issues also really began to intensify, but I did end up staying there for just shy of 2 years. I was no longer the sweet top of class nerdy kid and was now a college dropout, with severe depression. My mum would routinely scream abuse at me whilst blackout drunk also. Still I was determined to fix things so at 18 I re-enrolled in college to finally get my A Levels despite my dad's anger about this (he wanted me to work and pay rent) and I stopped using the drugs I was on. Life was starting to slowly get back on track.
Until about 2 months later, a week or so after I turned 19 when my parents informed me my brother had fucked up his life again and was moving home in 4 days.
I pled and protested with my parents that 4 days does not give me time to find somewhere else to live, they got angry at me for dredging up the past and being unfair on them and my sibling. My sibling also sent me abusive messages calling me names because I was making them feel bad.
So with no other real choice I found myself homeless and sofa surfing, sleeping with guys for places to stay etc, until I made it up the waitlist for the local YMCA hostel. My mates that I stayed with for most of it lived over 20 miles away so I was unable to get to college and flunked my A levels. I was kicked out of college shortly after I moved into the YMCA.
My family eventually "forgave" me for my behaviour and got back on speaking terms. All the while I'm living in hostels & unsafe situations. The next 5 or so years are a traumatic mess to be honest, I ended up an alchoholic with multiple suicide attempts, so much trauma, an eating disorder, further traumas and assaults by the unsafe people I lived with and an apathetic attitude towards living. My mother also was a big drain on me over that time, exhibited narcissistic behaviours, triggered me with food and on one holiday scratched herself up and tried to convince me I did it while she was drunk, I actually did cut her off for 3 months after this till we both got sober, but reconnected with her due to pressure from my dad.
Eventually in 2021 when I was 25, after a pretty serious suicide attempt and psychiatric admission I realised I was an alcoholic and joined AA and there I started to get well, for the first time in my life.
AA really saved me from myself and helped me get my life back on track, at this point I had my own place and a decent job and started trying to make something of myself and be a better person, which has been working well, but the one thing I never addressed in any of that was the trauma.
I still had to see my brother throughout the years due to parental pressure and as such had sort of siphoned off my trauma and had a disconnect to it and I thought that was working.
Unfortunately earlier this year I spiralled into a major depressive episode, I remained sober, but even the best of programs couldn't hold the suicidal ideation at bay. I ended up in a psych ward this time for 5 weeks. It was terrifying to be in a place where my life was on track, yet I still felt so disgusting and hopeless I didn't want to live. Although I still wasn't fully ready to admit that my trauma is what brought me that point. Despite daily flashbacks, self harming behaviours and nightmares of the abuse where I was at fault. I had it so compartmentalised and was keen to look for any other cause other than that.
My dad came to visit me after I'd been there about 2 weeks and informed me that my brother isn't doing well and I need to make more of an effort to see him. For the first time in my life I attempted to put a boundary in place and said that actually I don't think I should be seeing him ever again. Dad asked me "Is this because of the stuff that happened when you were kids?" And I responded "Do you mean the reason I keep ending up in places like this, no matter what I do?" And that was the first time I ever verbally acknowledged that this trauma was at the route of everything.
We spoke at length for several hours, my dad explaining that they always chose him because I'm capable while my sibling is a fuck up. I said I'm not coping. I'm literally in a psych ward? He said that he put me on a life raft while he helped my sibling and I said you didn't put me on a life raft, I went to a fucking YMCA. After that he heard me for the first time and semi acknowledged that they'd made some wrong moves and said he'd speak to mum about what to do moving forward so I don't have to see my brother again and can finally unpack this immense trauma in therapy.
That conversation opened the flood gates while I was in hospital and I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist with Complex-PTSD and assigned a trauma therapist. I was absolutely broken having finally admitted the guilt and shame I've felt my whole life, but at the same time felt some hope, that I can finally move on.
Until a week or so later when I spoke to my mum and mentioned the conversation with my dad, she said he had never spoken to her. She seemed uncomfortable and bored when I spoke about uow it has affected me and asked how it would make my sibling feel if I stopped seeing him. When I relayed it explaining how dad finally started to acknowledge how difficult it has been when they chose my brother over me, she stopped me and angrily/defensively stated "I have to stop you there. I person have NEVER chosen anyone over anyone." At this point I shut down. I ended the call and fell into a deeper depression hole that the nurses took weeks to pull me out of.
A few days before my release I saw my dad and I brought up the situation asking what's happening with it and he and mum had any conclusions around me not having to see sibling and he snapped and dismissively said "What do you expect me to do about it? I think the best thing is if you just move on and not dwell on stuff." Again I shut down and once again the batton was passed back to me to hold.
See that's what I've been doing my entire life. Carrying it so my family don't get upset, excusing my parents, excusing my sibling, justifying them. I've carried this burden, the blame, the self hatred and it's nearly killed me so many times. I just don't want to do it anymore. To carry it for them.
I got out 3 weeks ago and have slowly been returning to life, my parents barely contacted me for a week after I got out and I was supposed to be putting inplace boundaries, but felt too bad/missed them too much. They haven't asked how I am or how I'm feeling, because they don't want my answer. My mum ended up booking this weekend away just the two of us, but I ended up feeling this overwhelming sense that I shouldn't be going away with her, especially whilst I'm barely well again and I said I'm not ready for an overnight. Naturally I've got the usual silent treatment from her. I just feel so guilty, but again it's brought up all of this.
It's like my gut is screaming at me CUT THEM OFF, but I'm scared and I love them, even if they are toxic. I'm hesitant to unpick in therapy and scared I'm just going to go back to denial. Every person I've spoken to has suggested I cut them off for at least a few months, just while I focus on therapy and finally processing the trauma. I'm just so scared to do this. I want my parents around and I want them to love me, but they just can't do that in the way I need and I'm really scared of hurting them.
At the same time I know I NEED to put myself first and work through this, I think I need to let go with love, just for a bit.
Sorry this ended up being miles longer than expected, if anyone's read to the end of this misery, do you have any advice or words of encouragement, or alternatively if I'm being unreasonable please let me know. I just want to get this right, because right now I'm just sick of hurting.

I’ve never felt like such a heartless person before, but I need to vent. I made a decision on a whim to adopt a rescue puppy that a friend was fostering. I had been wanting a dog, but I've never raised a puppy/owned a dog alone and always said I'd wait til I had a partner. But I thought it'd been long enough - I work from home, I'm ready for this. I had been searching rescue websites for adult dogs, but then my friend had an adorable puppy (3.5 months) at the ready and it seemed like fate. Obviously I know now that I didn't think things through enough. The foster mom didn’t know his personality very well, as she’d had him for less than a week before giving him to me, so I sort of had no idea how high energy/outdoorsy he is. I'd been wanting a companion dog since I’m living alone, but I’ve never raised a puppy and now I feel like I’m drowning due to the same things a lot of people have said on here. Reading these posts have been the only thing giving me some comfort. I've been suffering from some of the worst anxiety attacks since day 3, and I figured it would get better with time but it just hasn't. Even when a day seems to be going amazing, I'll get this sudden, overwhelming feeling of loneliness/fearegret and start bawling. I need help every single day. Sometimes I just need people to come and sit with me so I don't start panicking (which I do daily). I feel the best when someone is here with me, and I'm sad as soon as they leave (like I'm the dog lol). I’m training him, giving him mental/physical stimulation, he’s house broken, and he sleeps in his crate. He doesn't do well with day time crating but I'm working super hard to make him comfortable with it. The only thing that's hard is how much he wants to be outside when I work full time. Besides normal puppy stuff, early wake up calls, biting, etc, there’s nothing wrong with him. He's just a good tempered dog with a crazy bark who doesn't know when to lay down most of the day. These are all things that will fade and he'll become a normal dog one day - I know that. But I feel completely void. I’ve never felt so lonely, anxious or depressed in my life. I only really feel connected to him when he's napping next to me. I feel like my house isn't my house anymore and I miss my old life so much. I’ve lost ten pounds from barely eating and I'm sleeping terribly. I'm falling behind at work, because I got a new position the day after getting him and training is so hard unless he's napping. I’m stressed almost every minute that he’s awake, and even when he’s asleep I’m nervous about when he’ll wake up. I have tried to establish time for myself where I crate him for an enforced naps and leave to do something, like grocery shop, go to my moms, whatever. But every time I leave I dread coming home, and I can't focus or enjoy myself thinking he's unhappy in his crate. I’ve rearranged my house and home office so he can be comfortable (he could climb x-pens so we needed a different space) and I can try to get work done. We do training courses, I’ve signed him up for the vet so he can get the remainder of his shots and be able to do doggy day care. I'm going through all the motions but it's like my brain can't accept that he's permanently in my life. My mom has been my biggest helper, and she keeps coming up with solutions and how to make things better for me. Her and my step dad have helped with all arrangements in my home/yard to make this possible. In turn, they're becoming more attached to him. They love him and think he's adorable, even when he's crazy, and just want me to push forward. But I've already started thinking about opening the conversation up with the foster mom that I'm not ready for this. I can't get it out of my head that I will wait until the 5 week mark and if I still cannot emotionally handle this, I'm giving him back to her. I'm trying to express this to my family, and while they are extremely empathetic, they're all thinking I'll get over it and keep the cute puppy. And he's SUPER cute, but ultimately my responsibility only. Even the thought of doggy daycare isn't a relief to me because a bigger part of me doesn't want to make things work - I just want to go back to my old life. I'm scared of what will happen during the "teenage years" if I'm already this stressed out now. I really feel like giving up when I think about the unknown. While I could just wait to fall in love with him and start understanding this process better, I could also return him to a good foster mom and let her know what family I think he should be matched with. In my head, I'm rationalizing it that I'll have kept him the length of a foster parent. At the same time, he's a great puppy and I don't want to just give up and then regret it later. Any thoughts? When did you know it was the puppy blues vs time to re-home? Did you ever feel this disconnected, and when did things change? Is 5 weeks enough time? Sorry, I'm just all over the place.

Dog 364 days🤣 Male/ unaltered 68 pounds Rescued at 7 months, full of worms and GI issues until about a month ago This is just about his nails 2 months Seattle
I have a golden retriever we rescued from a not so savory person. His stomach issues have resolved, and that’s not my issue anyways. He was at the vet frequently the first 4 months we had him (6months-10months). The vet did all of his nail trims and never mentioned any aggression. About 6 weeks ago I noticed his nails needed to be trimmed. I went to do it, but I got the clippers near his nails and he went to bite me. I got an electric file, and the same thing happened. He has no issue with us touching his feet, but if we try to trim his nails at all, he goes to bite us. Our vet charges for an appointment and a nail trim to bring him in. I can’t pay that much money every month. I’ve tried working with treats and just bringing clippers near him, and he’s fine until I go to do the actual trim part. Then he tries to bite again.. We took him to a groomer and they were great, but only able to get through the back two paws with a muzzle and treats. I don’t want to muzzle him, force it, and make it traumatic, but I’m out of ideas. What else can we try?

Our dog just gave birth to 3 adorable healthy puppies and is it wise to just let them suck on their mother teats any time they want? And will they stop once they are full? Should I be concerned about them being overfed? Any advise is appreciated!

I(27f) recently moved in with my friend (46f) and her 4 kids ages 6-13 after a bad night with my abusive stepdad. She knew I had 2 dogs and agreed that they could come since she already has 3 dogs and taking care of mine while im at work wouldn't be any trouble.i work 3 12 hour shifts a week. Sometimes shifts are back to back and due to the drive from her place I leave at 6 and don't get home until 830. On my working days all she has to do is let my dogs outside. On my off days I take care of my dogs and hers. Over the weekend I worked 2 of my 3 days so I wasn't around during the day to help with the dogs. Sunday night I decided to stay on my mom's couch so we could spend memorial day together and not have to drive an hour just to spend time together. On Monday morning I got a text from my friend saying my puppy had messed in her crate and so did one of my friends dogs. I stayed late with my mom and received another text around 9 from my friend saying my puppy messed again and the mess was bigger now and that she was tired of taking care of my dogs and didnt want them around. I got to her place around 10 and and the dogs were all outside and my puppies crate was flooded with pee and poo. It looked as if my friend let my puppy stay in her mess all day and never cleaned it the first time. I cleaned up the mess and had talked to my mom about moving the dogs and later heard my freind on the phone with my mom talking about me moving them. I know my mother and the things she says about me to other people so I packed up my dogs and informed my friend they would be staying elsewhere. I haven't spoken to my friend much since and my mother is calling me a child and an A-hole for overreacting and causing problems and telling me to get over it. I'm starting to think she might be right. So AITA and did I overreact?