Fingerprint hack cheat sheet
33f and 43m fell in love but cut contact
2023.03.22 13:42 ThrowRA88girl 33f and 43m fell in love but cut contact
I (33, married, 5 yrs old kid) met a Spanish guy (43, married, 10 and 13 yrs old kids) here while we were both posting NSFW.
Long story short: my husband forced me to post nudes and told me to also have fun and chat as long as there are no feelings. When I deleted nudes he would be cruel and push me hard to the wall and threaten me and i became cold for him and sad and lonely... I felt sad and decided to have fun because my husbabd would tell me I am not beautiful and I have to send nudes and also forced me to sell nudes here.
I was chatting with a few guys but this one became my soul mate. We would share everything and even show our faces and even stopped posting and would send nudes only to each other. He would still sometimes post a few photos though.
Husband said he liked him and forced me to show him my face...
He would always be next to me and be a shoulder to cry on when I had a hard time. But I always told him I feel pain because he sleeps with his wife (while husband and i dont for months) and he has no problem being with her while saying he loves me. Although he never said something like "omg i am so in love i really want to meet you". He would say "okg what a woman so hot". He would message me 1st every morning and we would chat 24/7. Less in the evening8 when we would send a message like "pssst 💋".
One day, a week ago I told him I feel pain and jealousy and maybe we should cut contact and he reacted a little bad and said he needs time and kind of hates me a little but he was okay after 2 days (i said i regret saying it on the next day).
And on Monday evening my husband told me he is mad I am in love and have feelings and told me to block him or he will stab me with a knife. Layer he said he can't do it because he loves me and i have to look after our kid, but he would definitely hack his account, delete it and post his nudes all over Spain and ruin his business.
I stopped replying to this guy and he was worried. Tuesday morning he was asking if i am okay. I sent him this message:
"Hey, I am okay. I don't know the best way to start, but we have to cut contact. We cannot go on like this forever. It affects our lives. We can't be together either so it is really an illusion like you once said. It will be hard, but isn't life hard... I am so grateful for the time spent. I appreciate our experiences together, but it is time for both of us to move on without one another. I wish you all the best. Truly. He will do very bad things to you if we continue. And I don't want anything bad to happen to you. You have a beautiful wife and children. Love them every day. Time will heal what cannot be fixed now. A day will come when the hurt and memories will fade away and you will be free."
And his last words to me were these:
"In all this time I have never asked you for anything. Neither nude photos, nor videos, nor photos of your face ... everything we have shared has been because we wanted to. And I have always treated you with much respect. I think you know me well enough to know that's not true. Thanks for answering, I needed to know that you're okay. I respect your decision although I don't share it, but it is you who is really in danger and I am afraid that something could happen to you. thank you for giving me so much and making me so happy in this time. I don't know if I'll delete the profile or leave it hoping to talk again one day. wish you all the best I swear that all this has not been a game for me and that I have real feelings and I hope that you have not believed the amount of nonsense that he have said to you. but I guess that doesn't matter anymore if you've made the decision to separate us ...I will miss you very much and I will never forget you Personally I have nothing to forget, because a beautiful feeling and experiences as magnificent as we have had is not something I want or can forget. Rather, it is the bad experiences that a person does not want to remember.
Also, it is very likely that I will make a tattoo with your first design, so I will not only remember inside myself.
I say goodbye here, I'm going to miss you a lot. Love you.❤️"
I never replied again. Just reacted with love and a crying emoji to his message. He didnt send message again too. I feel sad and as if I lost someone very special and I am nervous and cried a lot. Would you give me some advice?
My husband said he asked russian hackers to hack his account and they told him he is chatting with 10 other girls and that he is lying to me. He said he is just a guy who is cheating on his wife and is bored of his marriage.
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2023.03.22 13:16 Harriv Tourism, moving and studying in Finland? Ask here!
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2023.03.22 11:43 CharityReasonable984 LOOKING FOR WAYS TO ACCESS YOUR PARTNERS MOBILE DEVICE HIRE THIS RELIABLE HACKER TO GET REAL TIME MESSAGES FROM YOUR PARTNERS DEVICE WITHOUT THEM KNOWING HACK INTO ALL THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS
The most effective and fastest way to catch a cheating husband is to hire a Cyber Expert[Ethical Hacker] to hack his phone and get you remote access to his phone, you will be able to access his phone remotely without him knowing. These specialists have state-of-the-art equipment that can hack into any phone or computer, they can also get indisputable evidence of cheating within a few minutes to a few days. You will have complete access to everything on your husband’s phone without him knowing. He helped me when i needed to catch my cheating Ex.
Email: [[email protected]
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2023.03.22 11:37 CharityReasonable984 GET GREAT HACKING RESULTS FROM THIS HACKER HOW TO HACK INTO MY HUSBANDS CELLPHONE I NEED TO HACK INTO MY HUSBANDS CELLPHONE I GAINED ACCESS TO HIS PHONE WITHOUT TOUCHING IT HOW I CAUGHT MY CHEATING HUSBAND
It’s very possible to do and quite easy as well but I don’t think you have the required skills and tools, but still quite easy because you can easily contact someone to do it for you, I once suspected my ex-boyfriend of cheating and I decided that I would apprehend him with undeniable evidence, I knew his phone is the best way to catch him so I contacted TOBE who was introduced to me by a colleague, I told him what I wanted and all he requested was his number and email, he hacked Into his phone and linked all his messaging apps to mine, I could see who he calls, texts, exchange pictures and videos with all at the comfort of my phone, I was able to gather all the needed evidence within 7 days, he could not even deny it when I presented it to him, this ended our relationship because I cannot deal with a cheat whom I gave my 100% commitment too. you can reach out to him AT [[email protected]
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2023.03.22 11:27 chetty_bangg Recent Step 2 Writers: What did you guys end up putting on your cheat sheet?
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2023.03.22 11:08 suep222 Accusations/mental illness F34 and M36
Myself (34F) and my husband (36M) are married 4 years and together about 20 (we split in the early days and dated other people and got back together) we have 2 kids (5 and 6).
Husband, let's call him Ben. Ben didn't have a great childhood and also has undiagnosed GAD and probably OCD or ADHD
5 years ago Ben developed a delusion that I am cheating on him. This started small but it grew and grew. I would try my best to reassure him and clear away any of the ‘evidence’ he had, eg why I looked up certain things on my google, why I shaved my legs before I went to work (I work in a residential home with young people and my shifts include sleepovers) but there was also things i couldn't ‘prove ‘ to him, like why im online at the same time the man, he thinks I'm cheating with is online, or snapchat accounts he believed I created to talk to other people (which i haven't, I have set up Snapchat in the past but solely for the kids to mess with the filters) or a random number on my notepad that i deleted, I honeslty cant remember. Anyway the list goes on and on. It became so bad he would track me, use hidden voice recorders in my bag going to work ( he believed I brought someone to my job to have sex when the service users were sleeping! ) he hacked into my Google account, backed up my phone to his email, and during his episodes he would constantly accuse me and ask me questions. All this while working and having 2 very young kids was beyond exhausting.
In saying that, he wasn't constantly like this, he would have episodes that could last 2 days to 4 weeks or more. It escalated one night and he went to the hospital and got seen by a psychiatrist and put on antipsychotics and SSRI’s . He was stable for a short while and then it returned. Fast forward to now, I kicked him out as this was the longest and most heightened and aggressive episode to date and I couldn't take much more, also the kids are bit older now and noticing things, like him shouting at mammy or him being so preoccupied with trying to find ‘evidence’ on me etc. He is currently in a homeless shelter and I had to leave my job temporarily as I have nobody to mind the kids while on sleepovers, so I am only receiving social welfare(very little)
So, I came here as I am so confused, beyond devastated and angry and at a loss. I am confused as deep down I know he is mentally unwell and I should be showing him empathy and giving him space to heal. I love him with all my heart and sole. But also to have your husband not trust you for this long and all his behaviour to date (he said some VERY VERY nasty things to me) I don't know if I can take him back and withstand more of it. But he is trying to help himself by taking medication and therapy. Anyone experience something similar or anyone with advice, I'm at rock bottom here!
To add if anyone is thinking it, No I haven't cheated at all, I have not texted or contacted or met anyone that he doesn't know about!
TLDR; Husband is mentally ill, however I don't think I can take any more of his accusations. But I truly love him and so deeply confused and hurt.
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2023.03.22 10:26 daniellehunter5828 Top Healthcare App Development Trends That Will Dominate In 2023
The healthcare industry is growing as people become more health conscious. However, it is still insufficient to effectively serve billions of people. Chances are you've seen this during the COVID-19 devastation. When everything depends on human resources, things get more complicated.
However, as we have already discussed, the healthcare industry has undergone many changes in the past ten years. Globally, there is a significant transition to digital platforms in health systems. Today, we have applications for every aspect of healthcare, including scheduling doctor appointments, monitoring patient health issues, diagnosing and treating, and offering remote healthcare services. However, as technology develops, so do fresh shifts and transformations in healthcare applications. The same holds for the creation of healthcare apps.
In recent years, healthcare technology has advanced significantly, and experts predict that it will do so in the upcoming years. With the advanced usage of Artificial Intelligence (AI) and the Internet of Things (IoT), healthcare application is becoming more important to improve patient outcomes and deliver better healthcare services.
This article aims to explain the latest trends in healthcare application development
With this article, you can learn more about the top healthcare app development trends that will dominate in 2023. But first, let’s take a look at the different types of healthcare applications we are already using in our present life.
Two Types of Applications in Healthcare
Patient-centered and doctor-facing solutions can be used to categorize any health-related solution. Each category has variants.
1) Patient Applications
These services cater to patients, increase their involvement in their care, and make it easier for them to communicate with their doctors.
Through a secure interface, the patient portal enables users to check their medical records, book appointments, complete pre-visit forms, and view invoices. Patients can also manage billing claims and other documents virtually.
- Health Tracker Mobile Application
This group of apps helps users keep track of various health-related tasks such as tracking symptoms, heartbeat irregularities, sleep tracking, and many more. Users of apps like Glucose Buddy can also use them to track diseases such as diabetes and more.
This app suite includes fitness, lifestyle, and nutrition solutions that make it easy for consumers to track their daily activity levels and motivate them to adopt healthier daily routines and more physical exercise.
- E-learning Mobile Applications
These types of apps increase public awareness about the latest advancements in the healthcare sector and other instructional materials. It also helps medical students understand, educational apps can also contain a glossary of words, pictures and diagrams, anatomical images, and other materials.
2) Doctor Applications
This type of healthcare application is useful to health professionals, clinics, hospital admin staff, and so on.
With the help of technology like video conferencing, phone calls, and chat; practitioners can connect with patients remotely through telehealth solutions, which are digital applications. They provide physicians with a practical and economical way to provide care by reducing the number of no-shows.
They support the management and centralized storage of patient data as an integrated EHEMR solution. It helps the hospital admin staff to collect, store and manage the History of visits, recommendations for laboratory testing, vital signs, and other medical information in a secure manner.
- Social Networking Mobile Applications
Simply stated social networking mobile application helps healthcare professionals to connect and collaborate with each other. Here, care teams can exchange knowledge, discuss related topics and establish connections with each other to enhance their knowledge and build a more advanced healthcare system for the future.
As a general audience or as a medical professional, you might be using one of these healthcare mobile applications. There are some of the technologies that healthcare app developers might have used to make your user experience more enjoyable and reliable that make you stay connected to the application for a longer period of time. Let’s discuss some of them here.
Top Healthcare App Development Trends In 2023
Let us discuss the top healthcare app development trends.
1) Integration of IoT (Internet of Things)
IoT is the technology that enables physical devices to connect to the Internet. It is often used to connect two different devices and transfer data efficiently. One such example is wearable fitness trackers, which enable users to keep track of their daily exercise routine, calories, heart rate, sleep patterns, SPo2, and more. The integration of the IoT in healthcare applications
helps users to track and record important health data while medical professionals can use these records to enhance their treatments and gain insightful information.
2) Blockchain Technology
Hackers can access anything online. As keeping patient data safe and secure is one of the top priorities of the healthcare industry, blockchain technology is helping the industry to keep records safe and secure in an efficient manner. Apart from associating it with Bitcoin, the advanced algorithm of blockchain technology is helping various industries to protect their data.
The healthcare industry receives billions of pieces of information every day, and blockchain could enable the industry to exchange and store data while preventing system intrusions. Healthcare app development company uses blockchain technology-based specially built algorithm for the systems that record important information to make it difficult to hack, modify (recorded and stored information), or cheat, the system.
3) Artificial Intelligence
The technology known as artificial intelligence is useful in many industries, especially the healthcare sector. For example,
- The most recent AI innovations offer more accurate choices compared to traditional systems.
- The use of artificial intelligence (AI) will also reduce the rate of human error in the system administration and can help medical professionals to enhance their medical examination.
- AI technology called robotic process automation (RPA) can help with the early diagnosis, patient data analytics, data, enhanced data accuracy streamlining health payments, and other processes related to healthcare.
Not only that, but even the biggest names in the technological world, including Microsoft, IBM, AWS, and many more are offering AI/ML-powered healthcare IT solutions
4) Augmented Reality: The Future of Healthcare
We talked about how blockchain and artificial intelligence (AI) is changing the healthcare industry. Now is the perfect time to highlight Augmented Reality and examine how it impacts the healthcare industry.
The usage of AR in healthcare applications helps to enhance the skills and understanding of doctors as they diagnose the patient. Along with this, it helps the individual training session to make it more advanced and allows medical professionals to understand the information they need to improve their skills.
Some healthcare applications are already using AR to enhance their service offering. Some of them are:
- Apps that show where defibrillators or AEDs are located nearby for quick, early diagnosis; A fantastic example of one of these is the AED4EU app;
- Google Glasses can help mothers who struggle to breastfeed;
- Predict evaluation of symptoms with AR apps, especially in ophthalmology;
- Pharmaceutical drug application information allows medical students to view drug action in three dimensions.
5) Virtual Reality in Healthcare
Virtual reality is one such emerging technology in the healthcare sector (VR). VR has the power to completely change how doctors diagnose and treat patients.
In addition, it allows physicians to practice surgical procedures and treatments in a safe virtual environment. VR can be used to create immersive experiences that help medical students to better understand their lessons in the virtual environment created for their practical sessions. Additionally, it makes it possible for medical professionals to engage medical students in interactive anatomy and biology lessons.
6) Improved Cyber Security
A strong cyber mesh protects healthcare applications from all threats, though not forever, but undoubtedly for a long time.
You can hire app developers with a thorough understanding of the cyber security for your healthcare app development requirements to protect your system from any kind of malware attacks. Using the upgraded cyber mesh, you can enhance your authentication system, allowing only authorized devices to connect and access private medical information, and only within the network.
7) Enhanced Usage of Cloud
Any healthcare worker will tell you that storing patient data or paperwork is one of the most difficult responsibilities. However, with the introduction of cloud-based options, many of these activities will become more straightforward than ever. Patients' electronic health records (EHR) are accessible twenty-four hours a day.
The healthcare industry stores about 30% of all digital records worldwide
. And it is expected that contribution will increase to 36% by 2025, which is 6-11% faster than the manufacturing, financial and media, and entertainment sectors.
The use of cloud-based technologies not only benefits hospital management but also health insurance providers. They can securely store important information about each patient's healthcare premium and insurance number. So we can confidently declare that 83% of structured and unstructured data in the healthcare sector is being stored on cloud platforms for better management, availability, and accessibility as well as security assurances.
8) Women's Wellness Apps
According to a general report, women account for 50% of healthcare app users worldwide. So why not create a niche-specific app for them? As a result, it is estimated that the global market for femtech will reach $50 billion by 2025
For their health and fitness, modern women want modern solutions. The app can provide components that help them to track their menstrual cycles, pregnancy periods, and postpartum periods. Moreover, such healthcare application also offers customized food plans, exercise, meditation, cycle monitoring of the ovulation period, and many more. Therefore, reaching out to a top app development company with such a wellness app idea can have a positive social impact.
To take a look at the success ratio, mobile applications such as Clue, Flo, and Natural Cycles are popular women's wellness apps with 500K to 100M+ downloads each on the Google Play Store and Apple App Store.
Important Factors to Consider for Healthcare App Development
Even though you are aware of all the technological trends there are some factors you should never ignore while creating a health app,
If your health application collects holds, manages, or transmits protected personal information to healthcare providers (such as name, SSN, and other data) it must comply with HIPAA regulations. As you might not be aware of such regulations, it is important for you to hire app developers with prior experience in the Healthcare industry to make sure your healthcare application meets all the necessary criteria.
2) Data Interoperability
Based on the Interoperability and Patient Access final rule, it is important to prioritize patient information and ensure that health information is readily available to all parties involved in care. So no matter what, your healthcare application should technically share medical data through a secure healthcare API
and connect seamlessly with the existing business environment. If you are confused about whether your healthcare application will be able to meet the specific guideline or not, make sure you reach out to an app development company with an extensive working portfolio. They will make sure your app data stays secure enough and meets all the guidelines.
These are some of the healthcare app development trends that are ruling in the year 2023. The next step will be to find the right person for healthcare application development that can integrate these trends well into your mobile app idea. The best solution for that is to hire android developers
from a healthcare app development company like Hyperlink InfoSystem that works with these cutting-edge technologies.
Originally published on Hyperlink InfoSystem
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2023.03.22 10:19 TheOneRSdriver Top 200 crew looking for YOU
2023.03.22 09:46 CherryJohnson Wednesday's Fixture & Broadcast Cheat Sheet [OC]
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2023.03.22 09:40 Specialist_Most_2499 Hack cheating wife phone How to stop my spouse from spying on my phone Spy devices for cheating spouses Husband spying on my phone Hire A Hacker To Hack Your iPhone How to Catch a Cheater Spy Cheating Spouse's Phone without Touching Their Phone how to find out if my boyfriend is
The rate of betrayal and treachery is expanding step by step because of changing ways of life and considerations. Many spouses are becoming profoundly worried about future of their relationships and that of their children as a result of infidelity of their husbands or wives. They lie in the room like bodies and search for their shortcomings the entire day. Try not to rebuff yourself. Nobody will help you aside from you. Get up, on the grounds that now is the ideal time to make a move.
Assuming you at any point feel that your spouse is lying or concealing something from you that he has never done before, he might be undermining you. This could be on the grounds that you are not focusing on him or her, or perhaps he/she is more attracted to another person, office young lady or your attractive neighbor. Could it be said that you are attempting to follow him, pay attention to his calls or read his messages or talk while he is away? No, don't get it done. This is a truly modest endeavor and on the off chance that your doubts just emerge as a misconception, it can destroy your relationship. Along these lines, you should depend on a brilliant method for following his cell activities. So employ a hacker and begin spy on your better half.
Email: [email protected]
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2023.03.22 09:07 lenantonio I feel guilty about my immersion time
So like any diligent language learner, I've been logging my immersion time like I'm fuckin' reportin' to some power trippin', micromanagin' boss before it hit me . . .
Each video and podcast has a miscellaneous amount of seconds where—you guessed it—I'm literally NOT IMMERSING in my TL.
Now I'm all for tips, tricks, hacks, and optimising one's learning but this almost feels criminal with all the free time that I'm getting away with here. Reminds me of that TV show: "How to Get Away with Language Murder" (then again, I may have mistaken the show for some polyglot's YouTube channel).
Anyway, like Lady Macbeth, I can't seem to wash my hands clean. No amount of scented soap can hide the disgusting, foul stench of BLATANT, ABUSIVE cheating.
It's tearin' me apart, guys. How do you cope with the burden and shame of looking at your immersion hours knowing that a good percentage of it was NOT spent on immersion at all????
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2023.03.22 07:33 Fluid-Impression-811 Types and Uses of Precision Measuring Instruments
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2023.03.22 07:27 CS_cloud When will BSG Region lock China?
This is a serious Question. I play on EU Servers either really early in the morning (5am-9am) or really late in the day (8pm-1am) and especially mornings the game feels unplayable because of the sheer amount of blatant Chinese cheaters. Its Chinese player who voip in Chinese, have Chinese Ingame names and are not even trying to hide their hacks.
I want to make it clear that im not saying "Bsg fix Cheating". I know that BSG is activly working on that and im very happy seeing the progress they made but especially on EU Chinese Cheaters are a very common encounter.
China has nearly triple the population of Europe so keeping servers full shouldnt be a problem and i dont see any good reason why they shouldnt be locked to Chinese servers exclusivly. There is no benefits of them being able to queue on other Servers and im pretty sure that the majority of legit Chinese players will stick to Chinese servers because they have no benefits from playing on other Regions.
Simply region locking China to themselfs will only improve Game quality for the regions they infest and will make it easier for BSG to get more of them banned because they cant just blatant cheat on less populated Servers and receive less reports then they would get on populated Chinese servers.
I hope that Nikita or other BSG Devs see this and would be interesting to hear if other Regions like NA and OCE have a similiar issue.
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2023.03.22 07:21 NoDontBeep STRESSED & don’t know what to do.
CONTEXT: I need advice. I started working at two places at the same time, and after the first week, they both gave me part-time hours due to training. Now, the closer place to where I live is offering me full-time hours, while the other job, which is further away and takes approximately an hour to commute to, is still only offering me part-time hours. I want to focus my attention on the closer job because they prioritize me, and I'm starting to feel overwhelmed trying to balance two new jobs and memorize everything. I spent five hours creating a cheat sheet for the full-time place and sent it to my manager, who was grateful for it and plans to use it for future training. However, the new closer job has been quickly letting people go, and I am concerned about job security, especially since they have terminated employees for seemingly minor reasons like waiting too long to be served or not having a bubbly enough personality. While I do have a good personality, I am not perfect, and I cannot meet unrealistic expectations. Despite my concerns, my manager at the closer job expressed happiness with my performance and does not want me to leave. Additionally, they offered me the opportunity to manage their social media for a monthly pay of $150, which would require me to post one update each day. What is your advice?
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2023.03.22 07:12 SeanSg1 Is there anything better than a filled cheat sheet?
2023.03.22 06:56 bingodrivetrucos Bingo Drive Trucos Creditos y Monedas Gratis
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2023.03.22 06:22 bingodrivetrucchi Bingo Drive Trucchi Illimitate Crediti e Monete Gratis
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2023.03.22 06:18 BkGamingYtIsCool there's a reason why bad people are bad people
I feel like nobody takes me seriously when I talk about this. I've made 2 posts on a different subreddit asking for advice, and 1 other post here venting about it and people have only had a bad reaction.
Pretty much, I've been struggling with urges to harm my cat for 6 months now, and acting on them for a portion of that time. At face value, yes, I am a cat abuser. I'm a horrible person who deserves to be thrown in jail for the rest of my life, and get the living daylights beaten out of me everyday. I should have all of my remaining human rights stripped away, for I am not deserving of them, nor am I worthy of being considered a human. I get it, I get it, I'm the scum of the earth. But really, there is so much more nuance to the situation that it isn't fair to make these distinctions without compassion and understanding. Yes, cat abusers have feelings too, shocker.
As for my past, I haven't had much of a childhood, or at least a very good one. Being forced to leave my home land in the Caribbean because of a natural disaster that destroyed the entire island, separating me from half of my family for over 9 months, wasn't a very good start at 6 years old. Witnessing my brother's abuse which included him being beaten relentlessly and punched to the point he was hospitalized wasn't so great. Same with the guilt of watching my brother's hand be smashed with a hammer, breaking the bones in it, after he begged me to lie for him so he wouldn't get in trouble, and my young self being too conflicted to know what I should do. Same with being beaten, myself, for making the mistake of stealing my mother's credit card to experiment with other forms of money. I wasn't trying to do anything bad, of course, I simply had only used cash to buy things and wanted to learn what that little plastic card could do, but my parents didn't know that, they didn't care to ask me. This same type of thing happened on and on, witnessing threats of abuse, witnessing abuse, being threatened with abuse, being abused, over and over. At some point, when I was 10 years old, my father's untreated bipolar disorder sparked up and he had a manic episode. He was convinced that my mother was doing drugs in their closet and cheating on him, and my parents would fight about this everyday. My mom signed the divorce papers but my dad refused to, and they stayed separated for a while.
This was actually the happiest period of my life, when I would stay over at my dad's apartment on the weekends. I remember when he first took me over there, and immediately asked me how the place smelled. I later learned that this was because my mom went over to the place before my dad picked me up, and commented on the smell, which my dad was eager to fix. I fondly remember sleeping on a queen size bed for the first time, with big fluffy sheets and the most comfortable pillows I've ever layed my head on, copper pillows, I believe. I'd have the fan blowing in my face, and be so incredibly relaxed. My dad would take me to buy all the snacks I wanted with the money he earned from his music studio, and I'd stay up all night, using his MacBook to play Roblox with my online friends, having the best nights of my life. After a while, my dad's manic episode had subsided, and my parents moved back in together, happily cuddling on the couch as we watched my favorite children's television show. All was well, and there was absolutely no abuse in this period. It wasn't as good as being alone with my dad, of course, but it was still way better than my life before.
Sadly, though, good things can't last forever, and my dad soon passed away due to complications with his Sickle Cell disease. I felt absolutely nothing, I cried at his funeral but I was no longer capable of feeling. I stayed in this numb state, struggling with online school, and just getting by. After a little under a year of this, I was struck by grief. I just broke down, so incredibly sad, mad, disappointed, every negative emotion I could feel towards his death. The sound ringed in my ears of people at his funeral saying "This is all part of God's plan", "Everything happens for a reason", as I clawed my hair out trying to think, "why? what was the reason?", "why would god do this to me?". It was so intense, I couldn't handle the pain of thinking about it everyday and slept as much as I could to make it stop. When even that didn't work, I tried to go to sleep again, but permanently this time. That still didn't work, and I didn't know what to do other than just continuing my suffering. I was trying my best to keep going, to make it until the end of the year, or at least until my birthday, but that didn't help. On my 11th birthday, I was in the stage of trying to stand up for myself, and I really didn't feel like going out for my birthday, so we rescheduled for the next week. That next week made a horrible day for me, in a way I didn't expect. I was feeling okay enough to go, and started to get ready. My mom wasn't very happy with me though, as she saw the outfit I had prepared. "Go change that hoodie", she said, "It has stains on it". I didn't know what else I should wear and asked why I couldn't just keep the hoodie on. "You look like a homeless person", she began screaming, "You're embarrassing me! People are going to think I'm a bad mom!". At this point I began crying, in pain at the fact that she would think of me as an embarrassment. It shouldn't have surprised me, really, when in the past she had threatened to ship me off to Mexico for not having good enough grades, and threatened to put me in foster care because she disliked the green polo shirt I wanted to wear. It still hurt, though, it always hurts, and I can never get used to the pain. Through the sobs, my heart and mind were racing to find a solution. Find a new shirt, keep defending my current attire, or just give up. I tried the first two options but nothing seemed to work, I couldn't make her happy, so I gave up. She stormed away, frustrated at my response, and I handed her something I soon discovered to be the final straw. "I don't want to go anymore", I said, deciding to be honest with her and myself, and stand my ground as a brand new tween. But it was a mistake, because it only unleashed a slur of yelling and screaming and shouting, as she stormed off to her bedroom. She'd done this quite often before, but this time, she reunited me with an old enemy, the belt. I was still being hit after my dad died, but usually that'd be a slap or punch to the mouth. Not this time, however. She furiously hit me with the belt, over and over and over, as I cried "I just wanted to be comfortable". All of our arguments over clothing have surrounded this, the fact that I want to be comfortable in what I wear and in my own body, but seemingly, my mom wasn't a big fan of that. She then began dragging me across the house, yelling and choking me, saying she wants to cut me and plaster me to the wall, and, of course, put me in foster care, because I'm such a worthless piece of trash that she doesn't deserve the burden of being my parent. My mom brought up this event a few times afterwards, but she seems to have forgotten the details that are now ingrained in my brain, as she sees it as a funny little thing that happened on my birthday, and not as the event that has made tears pour out of me for nights on end, wondering what I did to deserve this treatment.
Anyways, this goes to say that my past has not been good. The history of mental illness in my family has caused a myriad of problems for me, including the cat abuse. You may think "But that's not an excuse!", one thing I've been told before is that "Your mental illness is not your fault, but it is your responsibility". Okay, so I'm still a horrible person for abusing my cat, understood. But throughout my childhood, or lack thereof, I've only been taught that the proper reaction to something you don't like is violence. Cats scratch and bite, which is painful, which I don't like. I feel as though I've been in enough pain at this point, and I won't tolerate some stupid feline adding to that. So, I'd get really angry when my cat would bite me, and I'd try to avoid hitting him, but nothing really worked. I asked and people suggested giving away the cat, which wasn't an option, or staying away from it, which also wasn't an option, as I still wanted to have a good relationship with the cat despite this setback. The urges didn't stop and my cat wouldn't stop biting me, so I gave in. I started hitting him when he bit me to make him stop, but it didn't work. No matter what I did, I couldn't get this cat to stop hurting me. That was, until one day, when I beat him so badly that he released his bladder out of fear on my living room floor. Since then, I would just beat him whenever he upset me to make him stop, and it'd work. Sometimes, anyway. When he just wouldn't cooperate, I'd take him somewhere private, like a bathroom, and beat him until he'd emptied his bladder and/or bowels as a result of my punishments. All I'd wanted was to not be hurt by the little animal that's supposed to look up to me. The abuse is what gave me that. I used it as a coping mechanism, recreating my abuse and taking back control. I'd also get quite a few marks on my hands and arms after our session, that served as a visible form of the pain I endured, making me feel less invisible.
So no, while it isn't an excuse for what I've done, I wish people would look at my situation with more compassion and understanding about the things that lead someone to do this. I would love to be diagnosed with whatever's wrong with me and receive treatment and therapy and medication and whatever I need to stop doing this, but I'd only be able to access that by admitting to what I've done, which just isn't an option for me. As of now, I am 13 years old, and the responsibilities of dealing with my mental illness are too much for a kid like me to handle alone, so I just wish people were more understanding.
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2023.03.22 05:48 BingoDriveTriche Bingo Drive Triche Astuce Illimite Credits et Pieces Gratuit
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