Article source: https://cabness.com/click-engine-review/
Can you receive real hot buyer traffic on autopilot using The Click Engine little traffic system? Is it all a scam?
I’ve come across a number of online scam websites. Many fraudsters share characteristics, such as claiming to be able to help you make quick money with little prior knowledge or a small investment. That is why it is so enticing.
At the end of the day, though, only the individual who sells the program makes money.
That’s why I signed up and paid $4.90 to give it a shot.
I wanted to find out if the click engine was the new “Hercules” or a sleazy “sales funnel” that would catch me and slowly drain my $4.90 per month.
And what I found surprised me…
This click engine review will provide you with all of the information you need to make an informed decision about whether the click engine is worth your money (or, more importantly, your time).
I’ll go through everything you need to know about the Click Engine, from the sign-up process to the upsells to the bonus, as well as my experience as a member and how it works, so you can decide whether it’s right for your business or not.

What exactly is a click engine?

The Click Engine is a protected list that promotes your offer to its members. It functions similarly to a single ad, however, there are significant differences in this form of email list.
The Click Engine is an email list from which the owner of the Click Engine can send emails to other members of the list. It is an online database of people, often internet marketers (members), who give the Click Engine’s owner their sale pages or landing pages, website URLs, or any offer to promote with other Click Engine members in order to receive leads. This internet marketing service is designed to assist people in earning money online.

How does the Click Engine work?

The Click Engine’s owner will compile a list of its members. In the instance of the Click Engine, this list has a total of 1000 members as of the development of this article.
The owner of the Click Engine will grant Click Engine members permission to receive email offers and click on them if they are of interest. You will receive targeted leads.
Members of the Click Engine are often internet marketers, therefore they receive offers from other internet marketers. As a result, the Click Engine is self-serving as a means of advertising your offer, but in exchange, you receive someone else’s offer to examine.
Article source: https://cabness.com/click-engine-review/

GONZO
Not sure If I am using the flair correctly, I'm not sure how to edit it to say what I want...? Any tips would be helpful..
Since I've begun reading some american literature, I am very fascinated with Hunter S Tompson, his work Fear and Loathing and his Style of writing.
To share my love of his work I am working on a book called "The Feathered Starfish" using his style or GONZO style journalism.
This work is 60% an auto biography if not more, most of the things you will read happened, the drugs consumed, the happenings, the psychosis induced meth stupors, the near death experiences, the memories, they are all real experiences coming from myself- Michael Worthy Duke, and my best homie Josh Carr.
I do add many quotes of Hunters into the book, just for fun, he'd a legend in my eyes.
I have just did my first revision of chapter one, and I will post it on reddit to gain some constructive criticism.
Any and all criticism is welcomed this is my first time writing anything.
Chapter 1: Aufbruch
In the desolate confines of a decrepit apartment in Buckhannon, West Virginia, Duke slouched over his grimy desk, a faint glimmer of hope piercing through the darkness that engulfed him. The rain pelted relentlessly against the windowpane. "I really hope this one does it, man, I don't know how much more of this shit I can take"- Duke whispered with a mix of desperation and anticipation. With trembling hands, he carefully emptied six stamps of fentanyl into the tarnished spoon. Carr, his weary companion, cast a skeptical gaze upon Duke "Well you're not going to die if that's what you want. It's just not how GOD or SATAN works, or maybe I'm thinking of manifestation. Either way, they're both going to make us suffer, I doubt we'll get off that easy, as much as I want it to end, you're just wasting good dope, but go ahead, I won't Narcan you this time"
"You know? You're right, that makes a lot of fuckin sense dude, it's like each time there's something in the way. I always thought it was the LORD SAVIOR, SATAN, or maybe one of his DEMONS hoping I would strike some sort of deal with them to get off of this godforsaken ride" Duke's hands moved with a mixture of determination and trepidation, crushing a few clonidine tablets into a fine powder, adding it to his lethal concoction. The raindrops continued their relentless assault on the window, their rhythmic patter a cruel symphony accompanying their dark ritual. As the orange powder melded with the white, Duke drew back the plunger of the syringe, his eyes fixed on the swirling fusion of drugs and vodka. The amber liquid, held the weight of his hopes and fears, this white-orange liquid could very well be his out. "That's not what I meant, though hat's off to you if it works," Carr says.
In the ethereal glow of uncertainty. Duke's heart raced as he prepared to plunge into the abyss, the needle poised to deliver a bittersweet release. The rain outside intensified, its melancholic symphony matching the intensity of their clandestine act. As the raindrops continued their melancholic descent, Duke pressed the needle against his skin, the moment of truth inching closer. The world held its breath, suspended in the eerie stillness before the storm. The needle was dull and has been used many times before, but Duke hopes this will be the last time. He pressed, and with hesitation, it severed the skin between this world and the world unknown. He pressed on the plunger and as the toxic elixir coursed through Duke's veins, time seemed to distort, stretching into an abyss of darkness. His consciousness is on the verge of oblivion, teetering between life and death. A kaleidoscope of vivid hallucinations painted his mind, a swirling maelstrom of distorted images and fragmented thoughts of fear, abandonment, lost love, and the unforgettable regret of his life so far.
Hours turned into eternity as Duke slipped into a state of unconsciousness, surrendering to the unforgiving embrace of his drug-induced slumber. The world outside carried on, oblivious to his internal struggle.
When Duke fatefully awoke, his surroundings were shrouded in a haze. The dim light filtering through the tattered curtains cast a somber glow over the room, revealing the remnants of his despair. His body ached with a dull ache, each pulse a testament to his fragile existence.
A sharp knock on the door shattered the fragile silence, jolting Duke from his dazed state. His heart raced, the sound reverberating through his chest like a war drum. Slowly, he reached behind the couch and grabbed a pistol, he then stumbled towards the door, uncertainty gripping his every step.
Carr remained peacefully asleep on the sofa, unaware of the potential danger that lay ahead. If the stranger turned out to be a threat, Carr would have to confront the aftermath and dispose of the bodies. Meanwhile, Duke envisioned a scenario where he would paint his doorstep red. In this grim scenario, Duke's action would likely be repeated twice, burdening Carr with the task of disposing of not one, but two bodies upon waking up.
Duke muttered something like "How the fuck did you evoke second-stage manic psychosis on a goddamn Tuesday morning at 7:32 AM? Incredible," Duke grumbled under his breath. His grip tightened around the cold, steel frame of his .357 Magnum-Rhino, resting firmly at chest level, as he cautiously flipped open the peephole. With a deliberate motion, he placed his index finger on the trigger, a well-spoken prayer escaping his lips. "Oh, twisted universe, In this blurry dance between life and death, my words resound: To the enemy of the state lurking beyond this door, I offer this plea. Reveal thyself, if foe you be, let your presence be known, As adrenaline courses through my veins, May my aim find purpose, In this grotesque theater of existence, may the forces that guide us grant me strength in this dark hour, Should the door reveal an adversary, may my aim be swift and true, Grant me the resolve to protect what I hold dear, Yet let mercy temper my actions, even in fear. May peace find us all, in this realm or beyond."
As his heart raced and his vision blurred, he stood firm, bracing himself for any sign of movement. Suddenly, a thunderous knock shattered the silence, echoing like a gunshot. Startled, Duke's instincts took over as he pulled the trigger, blasting a hole through the door. Convinced he had vanquished his adversary, he hastily returned to the living room. In a corner, wild-eyed and gripping an Avtomat Kalashnikova, stood Carr, poised to unleash a barrage of bullets upon Duke's entry. With a swift stop at the coffee table, Duke muttered, "Weird heroes and mold-breaking champions exist as living proof to those who need it that the tyranny of 'the rat race' is not yet final."
In that intense moment, Duke proceeded to lay out two substantial lines of schneef, while Carr discarded the AK, preparing for their habitual morning routine.
Schneef takes the lead, followed by the ritualistic sipping of coffee with a few swigs of dirt-poor vodka or rum followed by another round of Schneef. As the haze thickens, They indulge in a flurry of cigarettes, punctuated by yet more Schneef. Duke then meticulously prepares a 1-0z plastic med cup, a concoction of SOMAs, a 100mg Ghost, and a dose of 40mg Adderall. And then, a 3.5-gram blunt of the finest, high-grade cannabis. A choice between PurplePunch #1, GratefulXChemdog #6, or an obscure local strain only known as BaileyRidge.
With his morning muscle relaxant held loosely in his lips, Duke leisurely strolls towards a weathered shelf adorned with cherished relics. Each plastic circle, steaming with echoes of bygone eras. In a deliberate gesture, his hand reaches out and retrieves a Stevie Ray Vaughan vinyl record, the album "Texas Flood". Duke places the disc upon the turntable, maneuvering the needle to land on the tenth and final track, titled "Lenny."
In the sounds of crackling vinyl and bluesy vibrations, Duke and Carr find a quiet moment, merging the intoxication of sound with their morning ritual. The melodic tendrils of "Lenny" intertwine with the smoke-filled air, creating a harmonious sanctuary within the confines of their dwelling.
Carr begins, his voice etching with concern, "Duke, you know I love you dog, willing to go any length for you. But there's a real possibility that one day you might mistake an innocent stranger at our door for something else entirely." Duke, frustrated by the untimely disturbance, retorts, "Damn it, it's 7 AM on a Tuesday morning. Who the hell would be knocking like an undercover agent if they weren't an enemy of the state?" Carr counters with a hint of humor, "Well, maybe it's just some friendly girl scouts trying to sell us cookies? Or perhaps the postman delivering a parcel?" Duke scoffs, as he brandishes a rattle crafted from turtle shells, wearing a Booger Mask made up of wood and hornets nests. Duke's deep connection to his Native American heritage is evident, as these artifacts are believed to possess the power to repel evil spirits.
Carr, chewing on a mouthful of pepperoni roll, springs to his feet and marches toward the door, eyeing Duke as he sets fire to some sage and palo santo, engulfing the space in smoke. Duke traversed the apartment with purposeful strides, occasionally stopping to shake his turtle shell rattle and speak to the Great Spirit. Meanwhile, Carr reaches the door, peering through the gaping hole in their door.
To his surprise, there are no dead undercover agents, no bloody girl scouts scattered amuck, nor fallen postal workers. Stepping outside, Carr scans the surroundings, his gaze darting left and right. With a sudden surge of curiosity, he sprints toward the mailbox, chirping birds echoing in his ears. The alluring scent of fresh grass beckons him, and he wonders why they don't venture out more often, even just to bask in the scent of blooming flowers. Reaching the mailbox, he momentarily forgets his purpose.
A bird chirps once more, its call now transformed into unmistakable human words, "Post." Carr offers a nod of gratitude before tearing open the mailbox, revealing a vibrant yellow letter adorned with a starfish-shaped white wax seal. Hesitation grips him, recognizing that this could be the perfect weapon to subvert him into an unwitting insurgent—its contents potentially laced with deadly anthrax, capable of bringing an end to both his and Duke's tumultuous existence. Yet, deep down, the knowledge that they have been flirting with death for what feels like an eternity seizes his hesitation. With anticipation, Carr seizes the letter, a glimmer of defiance in his eyes, and heads back toward the door. Before retreating, he tosses a ball of bread to the friendly bird that aided him, a small token of gratitude.
Inside the apartment, Carr's voice breaks the silence, "Looks like we've received some mail. You lucky bastard, you better thank the Great Spirit that you didn't blast a hole in the mailman. You know, if you witness someone offing a postal worker, and then turn in some sort of evidence to help with the arrest and conviction for their murder, there's a $100,000 reward waiting for you." Duke chuckles and with a hint of mischief says, "Oh, come on now. You wouldn't have ratted me out for 100 grand, would you? Is that all I'm worth? Although I must admit, that kind of cash does sound tempting." A grin spreads across Duke's face. "How about this: We order something to be delivered to the unsuspecting folks down the road. I'll take aim with my hunting rifle and wait for the mailman wearing a camouflage ghillie suit, while you capture the entire spectacle on camera. We'll scoop up the reward money and ride into the wind. What do you say?"
The room's energy takes a sudden 180-degree turn as Duke witnesses Carr's eyes widening. Duke, his paranoia deeply ingrained with thoughts of the enemy of the state, mutters "Who the fuck is it? Burn after reading, always. No exceptions. I don't care if it's a letter from my dead mother." Carr responds, "Dude, it's Allicent." Duke's heart skips a beat as memories of the girl who got away rushed to his intoxicated mind. His eyes well up with tears as he stammers, "Not a funny joke, not funny at all." He hastily prepares three consecutive lines of schneef on the coffee table. "She's been missing for four damn years. The last time we spoke, she despised me, despised us. She wanted nothing to do with us ever again."
Allicent was a vision of perfection, encapsulating everything desirable in a woman. Endlessly driven, she possessed an insatiable thirst for adventure. Her smile radiated warmth, except when met with condescension. She was a genius—a basement chemist, mycologist, historian, free-thinker, a natural-born leader amongst so much more. Her beauty was unparalleled, captivating anyone with her deep blue eyes, flowing blonde hair adorned with random braids, and forgotten dreadlocks. Painted with hand-drawn sacred geometry tattoos, her flawless body was a canvas of her own expression. She effortlessly glided through life, this woman could gracefully execute a gazelle flip off a half-pipe and then lay down a wicked bassline on a head full of acid. In their eyes, she embodied the true essence of beauty.
Their minds raveling in disbelief, An unopened letter from Alicent clutched tightly in Dukes hands as he Loomed over the worn wooden desk. His fingers traced the edges, his eyes scanning over the envelope that bore the familiar flourish of Alicent's handwriting... A cigarette hung loosely from his lips, its smoke twisting upwards in the gloom of the room. He scanned the room, his eyes shadowed under the heavy weight of exhaustion and intoxication. Carr sprawled across the ragged sofa, a joint lazily balanced between his fingers as he rustled his nostril trying to clear the ketamine out of it.
An oppressive silence clung to the room, disturbed only by the ramblings of the TV. The voice of 'Gonzo' from "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" echoed through the air, "Jesus, did you see what GOD just did to us, man?" They had been sitting like this for what seemed like an eternity, suspended between anticipation and apprehension, caught in the throes of a drug-induced stupor.
Finally, breaking the silence, Carr exhaled a cloud of smoke, its pungent scent blending with the stale odor of spilled beer and unwashed clothes. He ran a hand through his unkept hair and glanced at Duke with a mix of impatience and curiosity. "So, are we gonna read it or just fuckin' stare at it all day?" he drawled, nodding towards the letter on the table.
Duke blinked, emerging from his daze, and cautiously tore open the envelope, revealing Alicent's familiar handwriting sprawled across the pages. Alicent's familiar handwriting sprawled across the pages, each word etching a growing unease into their hearts.
"The pursuit of happiness..." Duke muttered, reading Alicent's message aloud. Her words painted a vivid picture of a place far removed from the choking grasp of the modern world, a commune nestled amidst nature's bounty. She spoke of the hills of the feathered starfish, a place of tranquility and kinship, a sanctuary from the greed and hatred that plagued society — this was a stark contrast to their own reality.
Yet, amidst her words of contentment, a chilling reference to the "day of the light" sent a shiver down their spines. Alicent's words held an ominous undertone, her tales of happiness tainted with the subtle hint of finality.
Turning over the letter, Duke's gaze fell upon a picture of Alicent, standing on a mountain with rolling hills in the background, dotted with tepees and yurts, bathed in the soft hues of a setting sun sprawled behind her. Her face held a serenity they had never seen, a serenity that seemed to belong to a world far removed from theirs.
Carr leaned over to study the picture. "This place...It doesn't look like anything I've seen before. Where the fuck is she?" he mused, his fingers tracing over the photograph. A deep frown etched itself onto his face as he fell into deep thought.
Duke sat back, his gaze shifting between a typewriter in the corner of the apartment and the picture of Allicent, "The edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over." a tale of a voyage into the unknown. He could feel it in his bones, the gnawing curiosity, the deep-seated desire to uncover the truth of where she was and why she decided to write to them after so many years. His gaze fell onto the typewriter, each key echoing "A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance."
A sense of determination replaced Duke's initial bewilderment. He stood, moving towards an old gun safe, he quickly dials in 0 4 1 9 0 4 1 9, an old suitcase was tucked beneath boxes of ammunition and firearms.
"We had 9 grams of schneef, 120 European Cadillacs, a vial of JORs long lost #5, a knee-high tank of nitrous oxide, a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... and also a quarter of opium, a ball of speed, 2 oz of mushrooms, enough weed to serve the east coast, and a zip lock bag of substances we were either too high or didn't care enough to label. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.”
Carr nodded, stubbing out his joint in the ash-tray. His eyes held a spark of determination, his usually laid-back demeanor was replaced with a newfound sense of purpose. The impending journey already stirring his usually placid demeanor. They knew what they were signing up for, the journey wouldn't be a walk in the park, but Alicent was worth the ride.
As the day began to fade, they started packing. The room was soon filled with the buzzing of zippers and rustling fabric, each item selected for their journey. The once quiet room now bursting with anticipation. Their adventure had begun, but will their determination to DIE fade away as they start this new journey? Will the promise of reuniting with Allicent be enough for them to go on one more day?
Duke paused, his eyes scanning the room, its walls painted with stories of disturning happenings and shenanigans. Among the clutter and graffiti, a worn-out green balloon caught his eye, its faded letters spelling out the haunting words, "RIP Mya...."
A twisted grin curled on Duke's lips as he muttered to Carr, his voice with a hint of madness. "Fuck, man, Remember when you found this in the woods?"
A smirk tugged at Carr's lips. He ran his fingers through his hair before letting out a big sigh, his eyes reflecting a hellish nostalgia. He let out a deep sigh, releasing a cloud of smoke that hung heavy in the air. The memory stirred within him. "Are you joking? I'll never forget that night," Carr began, his voice tremoring with blend of fascination and dread. "I recall being up for days on meth after a witch performed some black magick on me, I heard the loudest crash I've ever heard, almost like a god-damn plane crashed in the woods 35 feet away. I walked into the woods letting curiosity get the best of me.
Duke leaned in, his eyes wide with anticipation yet again even though this was the hundredth time he had heard this story. Carr continued, his voice dropping to a low, ominous tone. "I then saw a bright flash of green light in the distance, but as I got close enough to see what it was it was only that damnned busted balloon on the ground that said "RIP Mya" an 8yr old girl who had passed away. Carr's voice trembled as he recounted the aftermath. "The next day, fate took a hellish turn. Mya, my faithful companion, died without reason or explanation. And then, my young cousin, only eight years old, whispered something that sent me into full-blown psychosis...you shoud've taken the witch seriously, this is just the beginning, when you hear 3 knocks, just know the devil will be waiting"
They shared a nervous laugh, then collectively thought this was somewhat nice reminiscing in their hellish nature, yet hoping this new adventure would bring positive memories to replace all of the dark ones that brim their minds.
Duke turned back to their suitcase, and popped it open to reveal a secret compartment. There, tucked between 2 firearms, was a small amber jar, containing some of the most sought-after cocaine in the world. Miss Pinks's Cocaine, Duke was only 14 when he was able to navigate the Dream Market, Oasis, Hansa, Alphabay, many DarkNet markets on the web, to secure some of the most wanted drugs known to man.
Now this is not your ordinary schneef, this is genuine staghorn, not your cheap knockoff stepped-on monticorn staghorn, this schneef was carefully manufactured in a top-of-the-line German laboratory. Miss Pink uses the finest cocoa leaves, she makes small batches to ensure quality, and most of all, using anhydrous acetone, she washes each batch of these nose beers 15 times. Then an additional 5 times with chloroform. It is truly a testament to the dope feind, this is 98% pure, with a 2% cut of Vitamin B12, to, ya know balance shit out, you gotta take your vitamins.
With practiced ease, Duke poured a small mound onto the glass top of the coffee table. Using a battered ID card, he carefully shaped two neat lines. Carr watched, tapping his fingernails at the speed of sound against the table, Duke has only brought this stuff out once before, who knows when he will again. The illicit substance represented more than just a chemical high—it was their means of escape, a vehicle of dissociation and derealization they so desperately needed.
"Carr," Duke began, offering him the rolled-up Benjamin, "To old times, and to the journey ahead if we end up dying- at least we fed the head."
With a nod, Carr accepted the note, leaning over the table. He snorted the first line, the sharp sensation sending a shudder through him. After a brief moment, he screams "Jesus Christ this shit is jet fuel!" he passed the note back to Duke, who quickly followed suit.
Duke rips the line with ease, then swabbed the remaining powder for some scoobysnax. Carr, who is now blaring techno and dancing says "Bro we should start a go-fund-me, or go build a school in Nepal, fuck I just want to run, Do you think I could outrun an emu? I heard they can run like 30 MPH, I think I could run 30 MPH, idk man I would probably need better shoes-, Duke interrupts and says "Dude you are literally yakked out huh" - "I'm literally yakkychan" -"I'm the lead singer of the yak street boys" they both laugh for a while and lit up a cigarette.
This buzz coursing through their veins, its effects immediate and potent. An electrifying energy pulsed within them, and their senses heightened. They exchanged a look of understanding.
Hours passed as they packed the remainder of their essentials, the room now resonating with the focused hum of their preparations. With every item tucked away into their suitcase, they were a step closer to finding Allicent and the hills of the Feathered Starfish.
As Duke loaded the last of their belongings, he took one last glance around their apartment. The battered furniture, the stained carpets, the spilled beers and unwashed cloths, the dirty needles scattered everywhere. – it was a melancholic farewell to a past that had shackled them for too long. It was time for a fresh start, time to go in a new direction for once and for all and leave this version of themselves behind.
They stood at the precipice of an extraordinary journey, their hearts fluttering with a mix of anxiety and excitement. As the dusk painted the sky with hues of purple and red, they packed up their belongings into Hallii, Dukes' 1991 Mercedes-Benz 420 SEL, they gassed her up and took her down Route 50 towards OHIO blasting the song "KoKo by E.VAX".
To be Continued...

Contact JahCoin#5396 - Or join https://discord.gg/mw2lobbies if interested!
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NORMAL / SHIPMENT BOT LOBBY PRICES: - 1 Bot Lobby - $7 - 3 Bot Lobbies - $20 - 5 Bot Lobbies - $29 - 10 Bot Lobbies - $57 - 20 Bot Lobbies - $105 - 50 Bot Lobbies - $240
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RULES / MUST READ - 1.If there is another player running around Do Not Kill! They are not a bot, bots will all have the same operator for easy identification! - 2.Never use any Player Killing kill-streaks! Replace your streaks for a UAV and Advanced UAV only! This is going to help speed up your kills and tracking of the players. Do not use counter UAVs, SAEs, Chopper Gunners, VTOLs, Ect. You may effect the lobby of the another person. - 3.Equip a grenade! Equip a Tactical Insert! Equip Scavenger Perk for ammunition. Equip Eagle Eye! When you have 20-25 kills (shortly after an advanced UAV is recommended so you don't accidently NUKE), place a Tactical Insert near the spawn to avoid running around and run 15 feet to kill yourself, and pull your standard grenade and hold in hand until it blows. - 4.Never use nuke! Nuke will end the game, and nuke is a high risk of being banned. You may be penalized one game if you call in a nuke.
Notice of how to play: Domination: Spawn and capture your nearest flag. Avoid B. Run to their spawn and murder! Capturing B will cause the game to end faster. This is at your own cost!
Discord: JahCoin#5396 - Discord with Vouches: https://discord.gg/mw2lobbies

Since I've begun reading some american literature, I am very fascinated with Hunter S Tompson, his work Fear and Loathing and his Style of writing.
To share my love of his work I am working on a book called "The Feathered Starfish" using his style or GONZO style journalism.
This work is 60% an auto biography if not more, most of the things you will read happened, the drugs consumed, the happenings, the psychosis induced meth stupors, the near death experiences, the memories, they are all real experiences coming from myself- Michael Worthy Duke, and my best homie Josh Carr.
I do add many quotes of Hunters into the book, just for fun, he'd a legend in my eyes.
I have just did my first revision of chapter one, and I will post it on reddit to gain some constructive criticism.
Any and all criticism is welcomed this is my first time writing anything.
Chapter 1: Aufbruch
In the desolate confines of a decrepit apartment in Buckhannon, West Virginia, Duke slouched over his grimy desk, a faint glimmer of hope piercing through the darkness that engulfed him. The rain pelted relentlessly against the windowpane. "I really hope this one does it, man, I don't know how much more of this shit I can take"- Duke whispered with a mix of desperation and anticipation. With trembling hands, he carefully emptied six stamps of fentanyl into the tarnished spoon. Carr, his weary companion, cast a skeptical gaze upon Duke "Well you're not going to die if that's what you want. It's just not how GOD or SATAN works, or maybe I'm thinking of manifestation. Either way, they're both going to make us suffer, I doubt we'll get off that easy, as much as I want it to end, you're just wasting good dope, but go ahead, I won't Narcan you this time"
"You know? You're right, that makes a lot of fuckin sense dude, it's like each time there's something in the way. I always thought it was the LORD SAVIOR, SATAN, or maybe one of his DEMONS hoping I would strike some sort of deal with them to get off of this godforsaken ride" Duke's hands moved with a mixture of determination and trepidation, crushing a few clonidine tablets into a fine powder, adding it to his lethal concoction. The raindrops continued their relentless assault on the window, their rhythmic patter a cruel symphony accompanying their dark ritual. As the orange powder melded with the white, Duke drew back the plunger of the syringe, his eyes fixed on the swirling fusion of drugs and vodka. The amber liquid, held the weight of his hopes and fears, this white-orange liquid could very well be his out. "That's not what I meant, though hat's off to you if it works," Carr says.
In the ethereal glow of uncertainty. Duke's heart raced as he prepared to plunge into the abyss, the needle poised to deliver a bittersweet release. The rain outside intensified, its melancholic symphony matching the intensity of their clandestine act. As the raindrops continued their melancholic descent, Duke pressed the needle against his skin, the moment of truth inching closer. The world held its breath, suspended in the eerie stillness before the storm. The needle was dull and has been used many times before, but Duke hopes this will be the last time. He pressed, and with hesitation, it severed the skin between this world and the world unknown. He pressed on the plunger and as the toxic elixir coursed through Duke's veins, time seemed to distort, stretching into an abyss of darkness. His consciousness is on the verge of oblivion, teetering between life and death. A kaleidoscope of vivid hallucinations painted his mind, a swirling maelstrom of distorted images and fragmented thoughts of fear, abandonment, lost love, and the unforgettable regret of his life so far.
Hours turned into eternity as Duke slipped into a state of unconsciousness, surrendering to the unforgiving embrace of his drug-induced slumber. The world outside carried on, oblivious to his internal struggle.
When Duke fatefully awoke, his surroundings were shrouded in a haze. The dim light filtering through the tattered curtains cast a somber glow over the room, revealing the remnants of his despair. His body ached with a dull ache, each pulse a testament to his fragile existence.
A sharp knock on the door shattered the fragile silence, jolting Duke from his dazed state. His heart raced, the sound reverberating through his chest like a war drum. Slowly, he reached behind the couch and grabbed a pistol, he then stumbled towards the door, uncertainty gripping his every step.
Carr remained peacefully asleep on the sofa, unaware of the potential danger that lay ahead. If the stranger turned out to be a threat, Carr would have to confront the aftermath and dispose of the bodies. Meanwhile, Duke envisioned a scenario where he would paint his doorstep red. In this grim scenario, Duke's action would likely be repeated twice, burdening Carr with the task of disposing of not one, but two bodies upon waking up.
Duke muttered something like "How the fuck did you evoke second-stage manic psychosis on a goddamn Tuesday morning at 7:32 AM? Incredible," Duke grumbled under his breath. His grip tightened around the cold, steel frame of his .357 Magnum-Rhino, resting firmly at chest level, as he cautiously flipped open the peephole. With a deliberate motion, he placed his index finger on the trigger, a well-spoken prayer escaping his lips. "Oh, twisted universe, In this blurry dance between life and death, my words resound: To the enemy of the state lurking beyond this door, I offer this plea. Reveal thyself, if foe you be, let your presence be known, As adrenaline courses through my veins, May my aim find purpose, In this grotesque theater of existence, may the forces that guide us grant me strength in this dark hour, Should the door reveal an adversary, may my aim be swift and true, Grant me the resolve to protect what I hold dear, Yet let mercy temper my actions, even in fear. May peace find us all, in this realm or beyond."
As his heart raced and his vision blurred, he stood firm, bracing himself for any sign of movement. Suddenly, a thunderous knock shattered the silence, echoing like a gunshot. Startled, Duke's instincts took over as he pulled the trigger, blasting a hole through the door. Convinced he had vanquished his adversary, he hastily returned to the living room. In a corner, wild-eyed and gripping an Avtomat Kalashnikova, stood Carr, poised to unleash a barrage of bullets upon Duke's entry. With a swift stop at the coffee table, Duke muttered, "Weird heroes and mold-breaking champions exist as living proof to those who need it that the tyranny of 'the rat race' is not yet final."
In that intense moment, Duke proceeded to lay out two substantial lines of schneef, while Carr discarded the AK, preparing for their habitual morning routine.
Schneef takes the lead, followed by the ritualistic sipping of coffee with a few swigs of dirt-poor vodka or rum followed by another round of Schneef. As the haze thickens, They indulge in a flurry of cigarettes, punctuated by yet more Schneef. Duke then meticulously prepares a 1-0z plastic med cup, a concoction of SOMAs, a 100mg Ghost, and a dose of 40mg Adderall. And then, a 3.5-gram blunt of the finest, high-grade cannabis. A choice between PurplePunch #1, GratefulXChemdog #6, or an obscure local strain only known as BaileyRidge.
With his morning muscle relaxant held loosely in his lips, Duke leisurely strolls towards a weathered shelf adorned with cherished relics. Each plastic circle, steaming with echoes of bygone eras. In a deliberate gesture, his hand reaches out and retrieves a Stevie Ray Vaughan vinyl record, the album "Texas Flood". Duke places the disc upon the turntable, maneuvering the needle to land on the tenth and final track, titled "Lenny."
In the sounds of crackling vinyl and bluesy vibrations, Duke and Carr find a quiet moment, merging the intoxication of sound with their morning ritual. The melodic tendrils of "Lenny" intertwine with the smoke-filled air, creating a harmonious sanctuary within the confines of their dwelling.
Carr begins, his voice etching with concern, "Duke, you know I love you dog, willing to go any length for you. But there's a real possibility that one day you might mistake an innocent stranger at our door for something else entirely." Duke, frustrated by the untimely disturbance, retorts, "Damn it, it's 7 AM on a Tuesday morning. Who the hell would be knocking like an undercover agent if they weren't an enemy of the state?" Carr counters with a hint of humor, "Well, maybe it's just some friendly girl scouts trying to sell us cookies? Or perhaps the postman delivering a parcel?" Duke scoffs, as he brandishes a rattle crafted from turtle shells, wearing a Booger Mask made up of wood and hornets nests. Duke's deep connection to his Native American heritage is evident, as these artifacts are believed to possess the power to repel evil spirits.
Carr, chewing on a mouthful of pepperoni roll, springs to his feet and marches toward the door, eyeing Duke as he sets fire to some sage and palo santo, engulfing the space in smoke. Duke traversed the apartment with purposeful strides, occasionally stopping to shake his turtle shell rattle and speak to the Great Spirit. Meanwhile, Carr reaches the door, peering through the gaping hole in their door.
To his surprise, there are no dead undercover agents, no bloody girl scouts scattered amuck, nor fallen postal workers. Stepping outside, Carr scans the surroundings, his gaze darting left and right. With a sudden surge of curiosity, he sprints toward the mailbox, chirping birds echoing in his ears. The alluring scent of fresh grass beckons him, and he wonders why they don't venture out more often, even just to bask in the scent of blooming flowers. Reaching the mailbox, he momentarily forgets his purpose.
A bird chirps once more, its call now transformed into unmistakable human words, "Post." Carr offers a nod of gratitude before tearing open the mailbox, revealing a vibrant yellow letter adorned with a starfish-shaped white wax seal. Hesitation grips him, recognizing that this could be the perfect weapon to subvert him into an unwitting insurgent—its contents potentially laced with deadly anthrax, capable of bringing an end to both his and Duke's tumultuous existence. Yet, deep down, the knowledge that they have been flirting with death for what feels like an eternity seizes his hesitation. With anticipation, Carr seizes the letter, a glimmer of defiance in his eyes, and heads back toward the door. Before retreating, he tosses a ball of bread to the friendly bird that aided him, a small token of gratitude.
Inside the apartment, Carr's voice breaks the silence, "Looks like we've received some mail. You lucky bastard, you better thank the Great Spirit that you didn't blast a hole in the mailman. You know, if you witness someone offing a postal worker, and then turn in some sort of evidence to help with the arrest and conviction for their murder, there's a $100,000 reward waiting for you." Duke chuckles and with a hint of mischief says, "Oh, come on now. You wouldn't have ratted me out for 100 grand, would you? Is that all I'm worth? Although I must admit, that kind of cash does sound tempting." A grin spreads across Duke's face. "How about this: We order something to be delivered to the unsuspecting folks down the road. I'll take aim with my hunting rifle and wait for the mailman wearing a camouflage ghillie suit, while you capture the entire spectacle on camera. We'll scoop up the reward money and ride into the wind. What do you say?"
The room's energy takes a sudden 180-degree turn as Duke witnesses Carr's eyes widening. Duke, his paranoia deeply ingrained with thoughts of the enemy of the state, mutters "Who the fuck is it? Burn after reading, always. No exceptions. I don't care if it's a letter from my dead mother." Carr responds, "Dude, it's Allicent." Duke's heart skips a beat as memories of the girl who got away rushed to his intoxicated mind. His eyes well up with tears as he stammers, "Not a funny joke, not funny at all." He hastily prepares three consecutive lines of schneef on the coffee table. "She's been missing for four damn years. The last time we spoke, she despised me, despised us. She wanted nothing to do with us ever again."
Allicent was a vision of perfection, encapsulating everything desirable in a woman. Endlessly driven, she possessed an insatiable thirst for adventure. Her smile radiated warmth, except when met with condescension. She was a genius—a basement chemist, mycologist, historian, free-thinker, a natural-born leader amongst so much more. Her beauty was unparalleled, captivating anyone with her deep blue eyes, flowing blonde hair adorned with random braids, and forgotten dreadlocks. Painted with hand-drawn sacred geometry tattoos, her flawless body was a canvas of her own expression. She effortlessly glided through life, this woman could gracefully execute a gazelle flip off a half-pipe and then lay down a wicked bassline on a head full of acid. In their eyes, she embodied the true essence of beauty.
Their minds raveling in disbelief, An unopened letter from Alicent clutched tightly in Dukes hands as he Loomed over the worn wooden desk. His fingers traced the edges, his eyes scanning over the envelope that bore the familiar flourish of Alicent's handwriting... A cigarette hung loosely from his lips, its smoke twisting upwards in the gloom of the room. He scanned the room, his eyes shadowed under the heavy weight of exhaustion and intoxication. Carr sprawled across the ragged sofa, a joint lazily balanced between his fingers as he rustled his nostril trying to clear the ketamine out of it.
An oppressive silence clung to the room, disturbed only by the ramblings of the TV. The voice of 'Gonzo' from "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" echoed through the air, "Jesus, did you see what GOD just did to us, man?" They had been sitting like this for what seemed like an eternity, suspended between anticipation and apprehension, caught in the throes of a drug-induced stupor.
Finally, breaking the silence, Carr exhaled a cloud of smoke, its pungent scent blending with the stale odor of spilled beer and unwashed clothes. He ran a hand through his unkept hair and glanced at Duke with a mix of impatience and curiosity. "So, are we gonna read it or just fuckin' stare at it all day?" he drawled, nodding towards the letter on the table.
Duke blinked, emerging from his daze, and cautiously tore open the envelope, revealing Alicent's familiar handwriting sprawled across the pages. Alicent's familiar handwriting sprawled across the pages, each word etching a growing unease into their hearts.
"The pursuit of happiness..." Duke muttered, reading Alicent's message aloud. Her words painted a vivid picture of a place far removed from the choking grasp of the modern world, a commune nestled amidst nature's bounty. She spoke of the hills of the feathered starfish, a place of tranquility and kinship, a sanctuary from the greed and hatred that plagued society — this was a stark contrast to their own reality.
Yet, amidst her words of contentment, a chilling reference to the "day of the light" sent a shiver down their spines. Alicent's words held an ominous undertone, her tales of happiness tainted with the subtle hint of finality.
Turning over the letter, Duke's gaze fell upon a picture of Alicent, standing on a mountain with rolling hills in the background, dotted with tepees and yurts, bathed in the soft hues of a setting sun sprawled behind her. Her face held a serenity they had never seen, a serenity that seemed to belong to a world far removed from theirs.
Carr leaned over to study the picture. "This place...It doesn't look like anything I've seen before. Where the fuck is she?" he mused, his fingers tracing over the photograph. A deep frown etched itself onto his face as he fell into deep thought.
Duke sat back, his gaze shifting between a typewriter in the corner of the apartment and the picture of Allicent, "The edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over." a tale of a voyage into the unknown. He could feel it in his bones, the gnawing curiosity, the deep-seated desire to uncover the truth of where she was and why she decided to write to them after so many years. His gaze fell onto the typewriter, each key echoing "A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance."
A sense of determination replaced Duke's initial bewilderment. He stood, moving towards an old gun safe, he quickly dials in 0 4 1 9 0 4 1 9, an old suitcase was tucked beneath boxes of ammunition and firearms.
"We had 9 grams of schneef, 120 European Cadillacs, a vial of JORs long lost #5, a knee-high tank of nitrous oxide, a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... and also a quarter of opium, a ball of speed, 2 oz of mushrooms, enough weed to serve the east coast, and a zip lock bag of substances we were either too high or didn't care enough to label. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.”
Carr nodded, stubbing out his joint in the ash-tray. His eyes held a spark of determination, his usually laid-back demeanor was replaced with a newfound sense of purpose. The impending journey already stirring his usually placid demeanor. They knew what they were signing up for, the journey wouldn't be a walk in the park, but Alicent was worth the ride.
As the day began to fade, they started packing. The room was soon filled with the buzzing of zippers and rustling fabric, each item selected for their journey. The once quiet room now bursting with anticipation. Their adventure had begun, but will their determination to DIE fade away as they start this new journey? Will the promise of reuniting with Allicent be enough for them to go on one more day?
Duke paused, his eyes scanning the room, its walls painted with stories of disturning happenings and shenanigans. Among the clutter and graffiti, a worn-out green balloon caught his eye, its faded letters spelling out the haunting words, "RIP Mya...."
A twisted grin curled on Duke's lips as he muttered to Carr, his voice with a hint of madness. "Fuck, man, Remember when you found this in the woods?"
A smirk tugged at Carr's lips. He ran his fingers through his hair before letting out a big sigh, his eyes reflecting a hellish nostalgia. He let out a deep sigh, releasing a cloud of smoke that hung heavy in the air. The memory stirred within him. "Are you joking? I'll never forget that night," Carr began, his voice tremoring with blend of fascination and dread. "I recall being up for days on meth after a witch performed some black magick on me, I heard the loudest crash I've ever heard, almost like a god-damn plane crashed in the woods 35 feet away. I walked into the woods letting curiosity get the best of me.
Duke leaned in, his eyes wide with anticipation yet again even though this was the hundredth time he had heard this story. Carr continued, his voice dropping to a low, ominous tone. "I then saw a bright flash of green light in the distance, but as I got close enough to see what it was it was only that damnned busted balloon on the ground that said "RIP Mya" an 8yr old girl who had passed away. Carr's voice trembled as he recounted the aftermath. "The next day, fate took a hellish turn. Mya, my faithful companion, died without reason or explanation. And then, my young cousin, only eight years old, whispered something that sent me into full-blown psychosis...you shoud've taken the witch seriously, this is just the beginning, when you hear 3 knocks, just know the devil will be waiting"
They shared a nervous laugh, then collectively thought this was somewhat nice reminiscing in their hellish nature, yet hoping this new adventure would bring positive memories to replace all of the dark ones that brim their minds.
Duke turned back to their suitcase, and popped it open to reveal a secret compartment. There, tucked between 2 firearms, was a small amber jar, containing some of the most sought-after cocaine in the world. Miss Pinks's Cocaine, Duke was only 14 when he was able to navigate the Dream Market, Oasis, Hansa, Alphabay, many DarkNet markets on the web, to secure some of the most wanted drugs known to man.
Now this is not your ordinary schneef, this is genuine staghorn, not your cheap knockoff stepped-on monticorn staghorn, this schneef was carefully manufactured in a top-of-the-line German laboratory. Miss Pink uses the finest cocoa leaves, she makes small batches to ensure quality, and most of all, using anhydrous acetone, she washes each batch of these nose beers 15 times. Then an additional 5 times with chloroform. It is truly a testament to the dope feind, this is 98% pure, with a 2% cut of Vitamin B12, to, ya know balance shit out, you gotta take your vitamins.
With practiced ease, Duke poured a small mound onto the glass top of the coffee table. Using a battered ID card, he carefully shaped two neat lines. Carr watched, tapping his fingernails at the speed of sound against the table, Duke has only brought this stuff out once before, who knows when he will again. The illicit substance represented more than just a chemical high—it was their means of escape, a vehicle of dissociation and derealization they so desperately needed.
"Carr," Duke began, offering him the rolled-up Benjamin, "To old times, and to the journey ahead if we end up dying- at least we fed the head."
With a nod, Carr accepted the note, leaning over the table. He snorted the first line, the sharp sensation sending a shudder through him. After a brief moment, he screams "Jesus Christ this shit is jet fuel!" he passed the note back to Duke, who quickly followed suit.
Duke rips the line with ease, then swabbed the remaining powder for some scoobysnax. Carr, who is now blaring techno and dancing says "Bro we should start a go-fund-me, or go build a school in Nepal, fuck I just want to run, Do you think I could outrun an emu? I heard they can run like 30 MPH, I think I could run 30 MPH, idk man I would probably need better shoes-, Duke interrupts and says "Dude you are literally yakked out huh" - "I'm literally yakkychan" -"I'm the lead singer of the yak street boys" they both laugh for a while and lit up a cigarette.
This buzz coursing through their veins, its effects immediate and potent. An electrifying energy pulsed within them, and their senses heightened. They exchanged a look of understanding.
Hours passed as they packed the remainder of their essentials, the room now resonating with the focused hum of their preparations. With every item tucked away into their suitcase, they were a step closer to finding Allicent and the hills of the Feathered Starfish.
As Duke loaded the last of their belongings, he took one last glance around their apartment. The battered furniture, the stained carpets, the spilled beers and unwashed cloths, the dirty needles scattered everywhere. – it was a melancholic farewell to a past that had shackled them for too long. It was time for a fresh start, time to go in a new direction for once and for all and leave this version of themselves behind.
They stood at the precipice of an extraordinary journey, their hearts fluttering with a mix of anxiety and excitement. As the dusk painted the sky with hues of purple and red, they packed up their belongings into Hallii, Dukes' 1991 Mercedes-Benz 420 SEL, they gassed her up and took her down Route 50 towards OHIO blasting the song "KoKo by E.VAX".
To be Continued...

This post is part of a series looking at the massive amount of 'rhyming' (and occasionally rhyming) recursivity I believe exists between (a) the homecoming of Petyr Baelish to the Fingers and (b) the homecoming of Theon Greyjoy to Pyke.
While this series/post can be read simply as a study 'for its own sake' of the curious recursion between these storylines, it is my belief that the 'rhyming' explored here between the stories of Petyr and Theon exists (at least in part) to foreshadow that, like Theon, Petyr Littlefinger, is (among other things) a scion of ironborn kings, because Petyr is Hoare-ish: I.e. because Petyr's blood is (in some part) the blood of the ironborn kings of House Hoare of Orkmont and, later, Harrenhal.
You can find an index of every post I've made on the topic of a Hoare-ish Littlefinger [HERE].
Even if I'm wrong about Littlefinger's lineage, the 'rhyming' recursivity between the homecomings of Theon and Petyr detailed in this series remains, and certainly merits attention.
NOTE: In what follows, all uncited quotes are from ASOS Sansa VI, which describes Petyr's homecoming to his "Drearfort" tower of the 'Smallest Finger', or ACOK Theon I, which describes Theon's homecoming to "drear" Pyke.
As in past posts, I sometimes use "→" as shorthand for "prefigures" and/or "informs" and/or "is reworked by" and/or "finds a recursive 'rhyme' in".
As in: ACOK Theon I → ASOS Sansa VI.
This post picks up straight-away from where Part 7 left off. You can read Part 7 [HERE].
If you want to begin at the beginning, Part 1 is [HERE].

Smallfolk Who Do Not Know Them

What about the rest of what we read about Petyr's sight-seeing field trip with Sansa? What about that fact that most of Petyr's smallfolk do not "know him"? And what about that hermit? I submit that all of this—

Farther inland a dozen families lived in huts of piled stone beside a peat bog. "Mine own smallfolk," Petyr said, though only the oldest seemed to know him. There was a hermit's cave on his land as well, but no hermit. "He's dead now, but when I was a boy my father took me to see him. The man had not washed in forty years, so you can imagine how he smelled, but supposedly he had the gift of prophecy. He groped me a bit and said I would be a great man, and for that my father gave him a skin of wine." Petyr snorted. "I would have told him the same thing for half a cup."

—is a masterful kaleidoscopic reworking of several aspects of Theon's homecoming chapter. I'll explain.
As Theon approaches Lordsport, he thinks of a few faces he thinks he might find waiting for him, including one Sylas Sourmouth:

As the Myraham made her way landward, Theon paced the deck restlessly, scanning the shore. … [S]urely his father would have sent someone to meet him. Sylas Sourmouth the steward, Lord Botley, perhaps even Dagmer Cleftjaw. …

We'll see shortly that Sylas is a dead, smelly wino, just like Littlefinger's hermit.
When Theon makes landfall at Lordsport, none of the "smallfolk going about their small business" know him, nor does he know them:

[Theon] saw no familiar faces…
[The captain:] "I've brought your heir back to you."
The Lordsport men gazed on Theon with blank, bovine eyes, and he realized that they did not know who he was. It made him angry. He… strode down the gangplank. "Innkeeper," he barked, "I require a horse."
"As you say, m'lord," the man responded, without so much as a bow. … "Where would you be riding, m'lord?"
… The fool still did not know him. He should have worn his good doublet, with the kraken embroidered on the breast.

When he later enters Pyke castle, Theon again knows no one and no one 'seems to know him', so to speak, save the "old crone" who keeps the castle for Balon:

The gates stood open to him, the rusted iron portcullis drawn up. The guards atop the battlements watched with strangers' eyes as Theon Greyjoy came home at last.
A pair of gaunt children and some thralls stared at him with dull eyes, but there was no sign of his lord father, nor anyone else he recalled from boyhood. A bleak and bitter homecoming, he thought. …
A bentback old crone in a shapeless grey dress approached him warily. "M'lord, I am sent to show you to chambers."
"By whose bidding?"
"Your lord father, m'lord."
Theon pulled off his gloves. "So you do know who I am. …" … "And who are you?"
"Helya, who keeps this castle for your lord father."

So clearly the smallfolk of Pyke "did not know" Theon, whereas he is at least recognized by Helya, the "old crone" with a position in Balon's castle. It's easy to imagine "Prince" Theon bitching:

"Mine own smallfolk, yet only the old crone who keeps Pyke for my father seems to know me!"

That entirely true statement would, of course, neatly prefigure what's said about Petyr and his "own smallfolk" during his sight-seeing 'field trip' with Sansa:

"Mine own smallfolk," Petyr said, though only the oldest seemed to know him.

Note the recursive use of the term "know" there:

• Theon: "They did not know who he was"; "The fool still did not know him"; "So you do know who I am" → Petyr: "Only the oldest seemed to know him"

And note that we don't see Petyr having any more idea who any of his smallfolk are than Theon does who his are (or who Helya is): Yes, "the oldest seemed to know him", but as with Theon, there's no sign he knows them. (Maybe he does, in-world, but the text is silent.)

Recognition & Barnyard Eyes

Meanwhile, Theon being recognized by Helya — an (a) old crone and (b) Balon's castle-keeper — seems to be reworked when Petyr makes his landfall at the Drearfort, when he is verbatim "recognized" by all save the youngest of his castle household:

Servants emerged from the tower to meet them; a thin old woman and a fat middle-aged one, two ancient white-haired men, and a girl of two or three with a sty on one eye. When they recognized Lord Petyr they knelt on the rocks. "My household," he said. "I don't know the child."

GRRM's odd choice here to write, "When they recognized" him…" rather than e.g. "When they saw Lord Petyr…" or "When they realized it was Lord Petyr…" makes sense if we 'know' that GRRM is writing a 'rhyming' 'song': Theon was at least recognized by Helya, and this nods to that, even as the warm greeting and mutual recognition Petyr receives from and shares with his household is otherwise the yin to Theon's yang.
Note that Petyr doesn't know (and isn't known by) "the child… with a sty on one eye". This conflates and reworks (a) Theon being unrecognized by the "gaunt" — i.e. decidedly un-pig-like (see: "sty" as in pigsty) — children of castle Pyke, whose eyes are flawed in their own way—

A pair of gaunt children… stared at him with dull eyes…

—and (b) the "blank, bovine eyes" of the Lordsport men who "did not know who [Theon] was":

The Lordsport men gazed on Theon with blank, bovine eyes, and he realized that they did not know who he was.

This seems intentional: Eye styes can be spelled "sty" in the singular, as GRRM does here, but "stye" is preferred to differentiate from "sty" meaning a pig pen. The choice to spell it "sty" gives the girl who doesn't know Petyr a livestock-evoking eye and thus recursively riffs on Theon's homecoming, in which the men who "did not know who he was" had cattle-evoking eyes. The 'rhyme' is patent.

Sylas Sourmouth & Petyr's Hermit

Getting back to Theon's homecoming and its prefiguration of Sansa's 'field trip' with Petyr… Having been recognized by Helya, Theon asks her about Sylas Sourmouth, who he'd remembered when sailing into Lordsport:

"Sylas was steward here. They called him Sourmouth." Even now, Theon could recall the winey stench of the old man's breath.
"Dead these five years, m'lord."

So Sylas was a foul-smelling wino who is "dead these five years". He thus prefigures Petyr's dead, foul-smelling wino-hermit, who "had not washed in forty years". But he's not the only character in ACOK Theon I who seems to have inspired the story of Petyr's hermit.

"Sylas" Marner

The name "Sylas" shores up the fact that there's a connection between Theon and Petyr, if "only" via the 'rhyme' between Sylas and Petyr's hermit, as it's surely a reference to [Silas Marner by George Eliot], the plot of which massively resonates with Petyr's story.

• Silas is accused of embezzling funds. (See Littlefinger.)
  
• The evidence against him is a knife. (See Littlefinger.)
  
• Silas loses his fiancee to a rival. (See Littlefinger.)
  
• Silas goes to live in the middle of nowhere and loses all faith in God. (See Littlefinger.)
  
• Silas hoards and loves gold he earns from weaving. (See Littlefinger hoarding/loving gold and weaving his webs of lies. See also the "woven leathers" on the Myraham, which 'rhymes' so comprehensively with the Merling King. This also jibes with elpadrinonegro's conviction that the Vale story is riffing on Midsummer Night's Dream, with its weaver.)
  
• Silas adopts a daughter sired by a highborn man and found on a snowy night, her mother dead in the snow. He names her after his deceased mother. (See Littlefinger, and AGOT's first chapter.)
  
• The daughter "grows up to be the pride of the village" (as Sansa is set to be the pride of the Vale?).
  

There's more but those are the highlights. Note that the daughter ultimately redeems Silas from his fallen ways, and continues to treat him as her father even after her 'real' family emerges. Will Sansa 'fix' Littlefinger, as well? Or is life indeed not a song?
One more point of immediate interest to the hypothesis being explored here: "Marner" means sailomariner. If Petyr is in part a riff on Silas Marner, this could be yet another suggestion that he's Hoare-ish and thus ironborn.

Aeron & Petyr's Hermit

Sylas has something in common with the one person who does 'greet' Theon when he lands at Lordsport: Aeron, who we're quickly told twice is "sour", just like Sylas Sourmouth, the stinky dead wino who we already 'rhymed' with Petyr's hermit:

He is as mad as he is sour. Theon had liked what he remembered of the old Aeron Greyjoy.
Mallister… was a more amiable riding companion than this sour old priest that his uncle Aeron had turned into.

Indeed, it's clear that the "sour" Aeron of ACOK Theon I & II and Sylas Sourmouth are mashed up and rejiggered into Petyr's hermit story (repeated here for reference):

There was a hermit's cave on his land as well, but no hermit. "He's dead now, but when I was a boy my father took me to see him. The man had not washed in forty years, so you can imagine how he smelled, but supposedly he had the gift of prophecy. He groped me a bit and said I would be a great man, and for that my father gave him a skin of wine." Petyr snorted. "I would have told him the same thing for half a cup."

Consider that Petyr's hermit was a drunk who "had not washed in… years", who "supposedly… had the gift of prophecy", who received a "skin of wine" for telling Petyr's father Petyr "would be a great man", and who died some unknown number of years ago.
That all 'rhymes' with the Aeron we meet during Theon's homecoming in ACOK. To wit…
Aeron's thin physique, uncut hair and "untrimmed beard" make him look like a stereotypical hermit, but where Petyr's hermit was given a "skin of wine", Aeron carries a "waterskin":

Tall and thin, …the priest was garbed in mottled robes of green and grey and blue…. A waterskin hung under his arm on a leather strap, and ropes of dried seaweed were braided through his waist-long black hair and untrimmed beard.

The seaweed braided in his beard evokes the beach, where dwell… hermit crabs, who likewise pick up and make use of beach detritus.
That Aeron is a priest is also consistent with his prefiguring Petyr's hermit, in that being a 'proper' hermit is a religious calling. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hermit)
Aeron echews the comforts of a castle, refusing Theon's offer to "stay the night and share our meat and mead":

"Bring you, I was told. You are brought. Now I return to our god's business." Aeron Greyjoy turned his horse and rode slowly out beneath the muddy spikes of the portcullis.

This prefigures Petyr's hermit being a cave-dweller,
Where the hermit was a wino, Aeron's a former drunk—

The priest's manner was chilly, most unlike the man Theon remembered. Aeron Greyjoy had been… fond of… ale….

—who is now "drunk on seawater and sanctity":

"Aeron is drunk on seawater and sanctity. He lives only for his god—" - Theon (ACOK Theon II)

That phrase neatly prefigures the juxtaposition of the seawater-shooting blowhole with the boulder chiseled with the sign of the Seven, which we see just before the show-and-tell around Petyr's hermit.
Where the hermit "had not washed in… years", Aeron is called "Damphair", as if he's just bathed—

As the man approached, the smallfolk bent the knee, and Theon heard the innkeeper murmur, "Damphair."

—and he greets Theon by giving him a bath:

"Bow your head." Lifting the skin, his uncle pulled the cork and directed a thin stream of seawater down upon Theon's head. It drenched his hair and ran over his forehead into his eyes. Sheets washed down his cheeks, and a finger crept under his cloak and doublet and down his back, a cold rivulet along his spine.

We're also told twice that Aeron was "washed" in the ocean. The first time foregrounds "memory" and letter-writing, which prefigures Littlefinger the letter-writer recounting his childhood memory of the hermit to Sansa:

A memory prodded at Theon. In one of his rare curt letters, Lord Balon had written of his youngest brother going down in a storm, and turning holy when he washed up safe on shore. "Uncle Aeron?" he said doubtfully

The second time paints Aeron as a dry drunk again, even as Aeron tells Theon that the man Theon knew as Aeron "drowned", implying he died some years ago, as the hermit did:

"And what of you, Uncle?" Theon asked. "You were no priest when I was taken from Pyke. I remember how you would sing the old reaving songs standing on the table with a horn of ale in hand."
"Young I was, and vain," Aeron Greyjoy said, "but the sea washed my follies and my vanities away. That man drowned, nephew. His lungs filled with seawater, and the fish ate the scales off his eyes. When I rose again, I saw clearly."

Finally, where the prophet "supposedly… had the gift of prophecy" and used it to tell Petyr's father that Petyr "would be a great man", Aeron offers a prophetic interpretation of the red comet:

[Theon, to Aeron:] "They say the red comet is a herald of a new age. A messenger from the gods."
"A sign it is," the priest agreed, "but from our god, not theirs. A burning brand it is, such as our people carried of old. It is the flame the Drowned God brought from the sea, and it proclaims a rising tide. It is time to hoist our sails and go forth into the world with fire and sword, as he did."

Everything we subsequently read about Aeron only reinforces the 'rhyme': In AFFC it's spelled out that he was a drunk, he calls himself "the prophet", and we learn that he was molested by Euron, thus 'rhyming' with Petyr being "groped… a bit" by the hermit. Then, in The Forsaken, he has an apocalyptic vision of the future while tripping on special wine.

Groping, Bragging, Snorting

But what about when GRRM wrote ASOS Sansa VI? Were there already things in Theon's ACOK homecoming prefiguring Petyr's quip about getting "groped" by the hermit?

"He groped me a bit and said I would be a great man, and for that my father gave him a skin of wine." Petyr snorted. "I would have told him the same thing for half a cup."

Or for that matter prefiguring Petyr snorting and/or his quip about "doing the same thing for half a cup" and/or the hermit saying he "would be a great man"?
Naturally.
One of the first things we see Theon do is 'grope' the captain's daughter. A lot.

Theon agreed, squeezing her breast…
Theon's finger circled one heavy teat, spiraling in toward the fat brown nipple.
"As I have," he said, rolling her nipple idly between his fingers.

And how does Theon get her to let him grope her? With the same thing with which Petyr's father paid the hermit: wine!

The captain's daughter… had come to his bed willingly enough all the same. A cup of wine, a few whispers, and there she was.

(I guess Theon couldn't find a girl who'd let him do it "for half a cup.")
So where Theon gropes the captain's daughter for a "cup of wine", Petyr, "for half a cup", would have been willing to say, as the wino hermit did, that he'd be "a great man"… which is not coincidentally what Theon in effect tells his just-groped captain's daughter (for free) when he implies that he's going to be a king:

"As many times as I've fucked you, you're likely with child. It's not every man who has the honor of raising a king's bastard."

Theon still more unmistakably prefigures Petyr's hermit (saying Petyr would be "a great man") when, during his ride back to Pyke from Lordsport with "Esgred" a.k.a. Asha in ACOK Theon II, he says he will be verbatim "a great man":

[Asha:] "A grievous thing when a great man grows old."
[Theon:] "Lord Balon is but the father of a great man."

What is he doing when he says this? Making even more like Petyr's hermit by 'groping' her, too:

When they were well beyond Lordsport, Theon put a hand on her breast. Esgred reached up and plucked it away.
[Theon] slid his hand back up to where it had been. Her breasts were small, but he liked the firmness of them.

In reply to Theon's groping and flirting and declarations of greatness, Asha… "snorted", just like Petyr when he talks about the hermit:

"I like a woman with a good tight grip."
She [Asha] snorted. "I'd not have thought it, by that wench on the waterfront."

Thus it's hardly a stretch to imagine that this—

"He groped me a bit and said I would be a great man, and for that my father gave him a skin of wine." Petyr snorted. "I would have told him the same thing for half a cup."

—was written as a recursive, kaleidoscopic riff on Theon's homecoming.

Qalen, Wendamyr, & Petyr's Hermit

There remains one detail regarding Petyr's hermit that is as yet unmoored/un-'rhymed':

There was a hermit's cave on his land as well, but no hermit.

The hermit having a cave "on his land" but the cave having "no hermit" is a 'rhyming' rejiggering of what Helya says after Theon (having heard that Sylas Sourmouth is dead) asks her about a Maester Qalen:

"And what of Maester Qalen, where is he?"
"He sleeps in the sea. Wendamyr keeps the ravens now."

"He sleeps in the sea" is clearly a euphemism for being dead. The words "he sleeps in the sea" thus prefigure Petyr talking about a dead hermit who once lived "on his land". (sea → land)
Note that it makes sense that Qalen should prefigure Petyr's hermit, as the name "Qalen" recalls [Hermetic Qabala].
Meanwhile, the rest of Helya's answer prefigures Petyr having "a hermit's cave… but no hermit", as the line "Wendamyr keeps the ravens now" invites us to think this untitled Wendamyr fellow might not be a maester, but rather a 'mere' raven-keeper (a la Chett and later Sam at the Wall or Pate in Oldtown), which would mean there's a maester's tower, but no maester.
Yes, the appendix clears this up, but in the narrative itself it's as if there's now only some rando dude named Wendamyr who isn't a maester but who "keeps the ravens" so Balon doesn't lose access to rapid communication, even if (we might infer) he doesn't want those pesky maesters around now that he's brought back the Old Way.

The Abandoned Mine

That said, there is another piece of the puzzle. About two pages before Helya tells Theon about Sylas and Qalen and Wendamyr, he sees the abandoned workings of a mine during his ride to Pyke:

They kept a steady plodding pace, past a shepherd's croft and the abandoned workings of a mine.

An abandoned mine pretty clearly prefigures Petyr's hermit's cave with no hermit.
Moreover, given that that passage comes but one page before Theon is pointedly unrecognized by the people of Pyke castle, I suspect GRRM deliberately recycled the word "mine" into the odd way Petyr talks about his smallfolk just before he shows Sansa the hermit's cave:

"Mine own smallfolk," Petyr said, though only the oldest seemed to know him. There was a hermit's cave on his land as well, but no hermit.

(The "abandoned workings of a mine" formulation, meanwhile, foregrounds the work done at a mine, such as chiseling through rock, and thus prefigures the place on Petyr's lands where the Andals "had chiseled the seven-pointed star of the new gods upon a boulder" before abandoning it to become the desolate place it 'now' is.)

Slyas Sourmouth & Jon Arryn

Just one more thing regarding Theon's exchange with Helya, in which we read that Sylas and Qalen are dead, while someone called Wendamyr "keeps the ravens now":

"Sylas was steward here. They called him Sourmouth." Even now, Theon could recall the winey stench of the old man's breath.
"Dead these five years, m'lord."
"And what of Maester Qalen, where is he?"
"He sleeps in the sea. Wendamyr keeps the ravens now."

Petyr's smelly wino-hermit aside, what does Sylas the Steward — a verbatim "old man" with terrible "breath" who died five years ago — evoke if not Lysa's complaints about the "stinking" and "foul breath" of Jon Arryn, who was, she thought when she wed him, "such an old man, how long could he live", and whose breath smelled like "bad cheese" (of the sort a "Sour" steward might serve)?
Note the 'perfect' pairing of their breaths: sour wine and bad cheese.
To be sure, Lysa voices these complaints in the Drearfort during Petyr's homecoming chapter, the morning after she weds Petyr, whose breath, she says, "is always fresh", thus creating another strong thread of connection between ACOK Theon I and ASOS Sansa VI. But there's something else going on here.

Petyr Pan & Wendamyr Darling

Noting that we're told about Sylas and his breath just before we're told about Qalen and Wendamyr, surely we might say something like this:

• Where Pyke's former keeper of the cheese, the wine-breathed "old man" Sylas the Steward, is 'out' and where Wendamyr is 'in' as raven-keeper at Pyke… the cheese-breathed "old man" Jon Arryn is 'out' and the fresh-breathed Petyr is 'in' at the Eyrie.

So:

• much younger Petyr & Wendamyr have replaced the old men Sylas/Qalen and Jon Arryn.
• Petyr & Wendamyr ≈ Peter and Wendy
• Peter Pan and Wendy Darling → Petyr & Wendamyr

There's great resonance between [Wendy Darling] and Sansa: Wendy is about 12 or 13, on the cusp of adolescence/adulthood. She loves story-telling and fantasizing. She has two younger brothers, who become "Lost Boys". In Peter's realm of Neverland, she is forced to take on maternal tasks. (See Sansa in Petyr's Eyrie vis-a-vis Sweetrobin.) The parallels are plain.
It's worth noting that after getting caught up in Peter's world and enjoying herself for some time, Wendy remembers who she really is and decides to return home, bringing her brothers with her.
On a totally different note: Does the foregoing suggest that Wendamyr might somehow 'belong' to Petyr?

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 9: "Cargos, Slatterns & Butchery" with Helya & Grisel.

Hello hello! Today we are going into the future of Tellius after Path of Radiance with it's sequel, Fire Emblem Radiant Dawn. After the very strong showing axes had in the previous game, will we see that same strength hold up after 3 years (in-game)?
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The systems and mechanics implemented in FE9 were kept the same for FE10. The way Strength was used for weapon weight mitigation, 2RN Hit system, the weapon triangle bonuses and penalties, the Forge and Biorhythm (some slight differences here and there though for these two). The Forge still allowed you to improve basic-level weapons for Gold, but now you could get Coins to spend on Forge Cards, which can give you random special bonuses to your weapon. Biorhythm worked the same in that it gave bonuses and penalties when the BR was high or low. But now instead of just a minor Hit and Avo bonus/penalty, the numbers were bigger and would also affect Skill activation and finding hidden treasure. There were two things that I didn't mention before. Both FE9 and FE10 have skill scrolls which are 1-time-use items that give a unit a skill if they have the Capacity, which are these "skill points" that get expended and refunded if you attach or detach a skill to a unit. In FE9 if you remove a skill, it is lost forever, but in FE10 it still stays with you, so you can take and swap around skills all you want unless they are signature or Occult skills. The other thing is that in both games, all Axes deal effective damage against Doors, which is a really niche use case but a funny and nice bonus nonetheless.
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Just like before, units have both Strength and Magic stats that raise independently, but unlike FE9 there are no magic axes so all the player needs to focus on is Strength. The damage calculation is Strength + (Wpn Might x Effectiveness), with the Effectiveness coefficient going back to 3 like in FE8, so now effective damage matters more since tripled Might is way better than doubled. Defense was still used for defensive calculations. The way to increase these stats were the permanent stat boosters of the Energy Drop and Dragonshield. Sanaki had an exclusive item called the Rudol Gem which boosts her Def by +10. And then these stats could be conditionally raised via support bonus with the proper affinities.
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The weapon list of axes in FE10 was pretty much the same as FE9, but some weapons had their rank requirements and/or stats changed around, creating new shifts in power for certain weapons. There were also a set of brand new weapons in the Poleax subclass of axes, which were beefed up versions of the "basic weapon trio" of Iron, Steel, and Silver. The Hit rates for all axes were generally higher than before, so they hit more reliably at base. There was a new weapon rank in "SS-Rank" which were reserved for the true legendary weapons. But there is actually an SS-Rank axe available to the player, and it was the one that wasn't usable in FE9! The list of axes in FE10 are...

• Bronze Axe
• Iron-Steel-Silver Axe
• Iron-Steel-Silver Poleaxe
• Venin Axe
• Hand Axe
• Hammer
• Brave Axe
• Killer Axe
• Short Axe
• Tomahawk
• Urvan
• Tarvos

The Bronze Axe is a brand new level of basic weapon that has low Weight and Might, high Hit and durability, but cannot critical. It is also the only E-Rank weapon, so literally anyone can use if you need lower damage in certain cases. Iron-Steel-Silver worked the same way it did before, but unlike in FE9, Steel Axes are C-Rank so you have to do a bit of work before you get them. The I-S-S Poleaxe weapons were equivalent to the Blade type weapons we had seen from FE4-FE8, as they were stronger but heavier and more inaccurate versions of their base weapons. They were decent if you had them, but ultimately the normal I-S-S axes were better due to their more reliable stats and access to forging. The Venin Axe was statistically identical to the Iron Axe but with poison, but poison is still bad so if you want an Iron Axe but don't have one for whatever reason, use this instead. Hand Axes actually got stronger since they had better stats overall, and retained their ability to be forged, so they were still one of the best axes in the game. The Hammer was still a bit heavy and inaccurate, but it's no longer the heaviest axe available to the player and due to tripled might, is a lot better at dealing with armors. The Brave Axe was significantly buffed since it only required C-Rank to use, weighed 13 instead of 20 like it did before, had a reliable hit of 80%, and retained its normal Brave Effect, so it was a very valuable axe to have. The Killer Axe exchanged a bit of Might for some Hit, but it was still a great axe because of its high Crit. The Short Axe this time around WASN'T a straight upgrade from the Hand Axe since it had lower Hit, and it can't be forged like the Hand Axe, but it was still a decent weapon if you had it.
The Tomahawk was still the statistically strongest 1-2 range option, but it now required an S-Rank to use. The Urvan is the only SS-Rank axe available to the player, and while it didn't have 1-2 range, it was still an insanely strong axe. 50 uses, 17 Weight, the highest Might of all weapons at 22 (barring Crossbows, but they don't count since they don't take account the users Strength), an insane 110% Hit, and a +3 Res boost to the holder to boot! It was a very easy candidate to be blessed and taken into the endgame Tower. Finally there is the Tarvos, which is the signature weapon that Nolan gets in Part 3, and was a great axe overall. It has the second highest Might of all axes at 18, but only had 12 Weight, an astounding 100% Hit, 40 uses, and gave a +4 Defense boost when held.
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The axe-wielding classes in FE10 work a bit differently than they did in FE9 due to the way these classes were reworked for this game. Paladins were mono-weapon classes, different Generals had different weapons available to them, and of course the biggest change was the introduction of Tier 3 classes that had higher stat caps, access to Occult Skills (for free, no longer needed a scroll), and access to new weapons. T3 classes also will "autolevel" secondary/tertiary weapon ranks if they are below a certain threshold. There are also a lot of these classes that are technically enemy-exclusive since some units join in their Tier 2 classes, so the Tier 1s are never used by the player. The list of axe-wielding classes in FE10 are...

• Hero Vanguard
• Fighter Warrior Reaver
• Axe Armor Axe General Marshall
• Lance Armor Lance General Marshall
• Armor Sword Sword General Marshall
• Axe Knight Axe Paladin Gold Knight
• Sword Knight Blade Paladin Gold Knight
• DracoknightDragonmasterDragonlord
• Bandit (Enemy Only)

Hero was a swordlocked class like it was in FE4, and is the exclusive class of Ike. It's promotion to Vanguard allowed it to wield Swords and Axes like GBA heroes, and it got the signature occult skill Aether, which was a mix of Luna and Sol. It was a very strong class that excelled in most stats aside from Resistance, and was befitting for the main character. Fighters were still the same as strong axe wielders. Warriors were still strong, but instead of wielding traditional bows, they got Crossbows. Crossbows were a subset of bows that required no weapon rank to use as long as the class could use bows at all, all had 100% Hit, and had insane Mights, but that was to make up for the fact that they didn't take into account the users Strength, so the Might you see is the damage you get before defenses. Reaver was the T3 class that had an even bigger emphasis on Strength, and acted as proto-Berserkers since they had an innate 5% crit bonus, and also since Berserkers were not in this game. Their Occult Skill was Colossus, but was much better since it no longer needed a Constitution check and now tripled Strength instead of 1.25, and only required a (Skill/2)% chance to proc. All of the T1 Knights had the same strengths, with Strength and Defense being their highest stats, and their only differences were the weapon they had (which frankly is a big difference). The General classes had some slight differences in stats but they were for the most part very similar and had the same strengths as before. Lance Generals had Lances and Axes, Sword Generals had Lances and Swords, and Axe Generals had Swords and Axes. However all of them promoted to the same T3 class, Marshall. Marshalls could use all 3 weapons, were very tanky and strong, and had access to the Occult Skill Luna. Luna had a (Skill/2)% chance to proc and could only activate in melee range, but on proc it would triple the user's Strength AND bypass Defense. Marshalls didn't have the best Skill stat, so the chance of proccing was rather low, but when it did it was very lethal. Axe Knights and Sword Knights also had similar stats and strengths, being great all-rounders that could provide mounted utility and high mobility, with the drawback of being locked to only one weapon type (how much of a drawback it was depended on the weapon type). Their respective promotions of Axe and Blade Paladins furthered these same strengths and weaknesses. Both of these class lines promoted into the same T3 class of Gold Knight. Gold Knights wielded Axes and Swords, while their counterpart of Silver Knight got Lances and Bows, and this was a weird way of having different weapon-wielding Paladins like they did in FE9. Gold Knight was a strong class due to their overall good stats, access to Axes, mounted utility, and their Occult Skill of Sol. Sol was available to both Gold and Silver Knights, had a (Skill/2)% chance to proc, but when it did it now tripled damage (effectively making it a "guaranteed" crit) in addition to healing the damage done, making it a "sort-of-but-not-really Aether". Wyvern Riders were renamed Dracoknights and created a brand new standard for the class, which is that they now wield Axes as their base weapon instead of Lances. This meant that in FE10, Dracoknights no longer had to wait until promotion to utilize forged axes, so their damage and utility increased a good amount. Also, this whole class line no longer had weaknesses to Bows, so they could easily facetank Archers and probably kill them back with Hand Axes. They were now only weak to Thunder Magic, which was heavily nerfed in FE10 and even if they took damage, that could be patched up via Pure Waters or Barriers, so the Dracoknight line had virtually no weaknesses. The T2 promotion to Dragonmaster gave them Lances as a secondary ability, and they retained their strengths of being strongy, tanky, and mobile. Finally the T3 promotion of Dragonlord helped raise their strengths and round out their other shortcomings, so they were kind of the best of all worlds. Their Occult Skill was Stun, which had a (Skill/2)% chance to proc, and would triple the damage dealt and lock an opponent's movement (but not lock up their other actions) for 1 turn instead of 2 like in FE9.
For the enemy-exclusive classes, Bandits were the only ones and they worked the same way they always did, but now they had no promotion since Berserkers are gone.
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Unlike in FE9 where the unit quality was very clean and consistently good, the way that classes and the story worked, unit quality varied wildly in FE10. One could argue that since the way the game is structured, availability and the "context" these units are in matter even more than they usually do. There is one feature that I won't cover in the analyses, but in this pretext, and that is Transfer Bonuses. If you have an FE9 save on the same system as your FE10 save, and a unit from FE9 maxed out their level AND a stat, that same unit in FE10 will get a static bonus in that stat. An example would be if Ilyana capped Skill and Resistance as a Level 20 Sage in FE9, she would get a +2 Skill and Res bonus to her bases in FE10. The same will go for weapon ranks as depending on a units weapon rank in FE9, it will give a WEXP bonus to them in FE10. Transfers can really help a unit are almost always beneficial, but I won't be mentioning them here since it'll make for a cleaner analysis. The axe unit roster in FE10 are...

• Nolan (Fighter)
  • Nolan is a Fighter available in all of P1, three chapters of P3, and then all of P4 and Endgame. He starts off a bit higher level and stronger than the other 3 initial Dawn Brigade members and is your best tank until you get Sothe. He starts off with C-Rank Axes and pretty good bases, but he has rather odd growths that are more befitting of a Myrmidon (high Skl/Spd, average Str) than a Fighter. He can be trained up to a very fast and skilled Reaver that also has higher Magic than usual (so you can use meme-y Imbue or Renewal strats) and can proc Colossus a lot. It's probably what you wouldn't want from a Reaver, but it is something unique and he can be serviceable if you take him to Endgame.
• Meg (Armor Sword)
  • Meg is an Armor Sword available in five chapters of P1, three chapters of P3, and then all of P4 and Endgame. She is very much a joke unit that has very little going for her. She is an armor unit locked to Swords, a not good weapon in FE10, and has high growths in all the wrong places. She won't be able to do real damage or tank well with her bad bases in 35% growths in Strength and Defense. You can use stat boosters or BEXP to raise her, but those things can be put on some other unit to a much much better effect (like Jill or Ike or even Nolan). But in a normal playthrough, she is very much not worth it
• Tauroneo (Lance General)
  • Tauroneo is a Lance General available in one chapter of P1, two chapters in P3, three chapters in P4, and all of Endgame. He is an absolutely busted unit to have...in the chapter of P1 he is in. He can easily tank and kill any enemy thrown at him due to his high stats across the board. He has terrible overall availability, but his stats can keep him competent on Normal Mode playthroughs on the moments he does rejoin. He does have good growths in all areas if you decide to train him up for Endgame, but with his limited appearances its going to be a bit of a struggle. He's just overall hard to place on an analysis like this since he has so much going for him, but also a lot against him.
• Jill (Dracoknight)
  • Jill is a Dracoknight available in three chapters of P1, and all of P4 and Endgame. Her P3 appearances are weird since she, alongside Zihark, can defect to the Greil Mercenaries and be in more chapters, or they can stay in the Dawn Brigade and be there for fewer chapters (what the outcome is is dependent on the player since there are justifications for going either way). Jill, just like in FE9, has the potential to be one of the best units on your team and uses all the tools and investments given to her very well. She has good bases, good growths, starts off with the best weapon type with a solid B-Rank, there is just very little going against her. As she promotes, she will get stronger and retain her flier utility and Weapon Triangle control as she gains Lance access, she can use whatever skills given to her well. Jill just has so much going for her and she is very much worth using on any playthrough.

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• Haar (Dragonmaster)
  • Haar is a Dragonmaster available at the start and end of P2, nine chapters of P3, and then all of P4 and Endgame. If you thought FE9 Haar was good, FE10 Haar is something else. He has great stats in everything except average Speed and low Resistance, A-Ranks in Axes and Lances, flier mobility and utility, no arrow weakness, and he has pretty great availability. But since Res can be patched up, Thunder mages aren't common, and Thunder magic is bad, Haar has nothing to worry about there (this also applies to Jill). His growths also complement his high damage and tankiness well. He may suffer from being a bit slower than Jill, that can be patched up with BEXP and stat boosters which benefit Haar a lot. He is just an absolute great unit to have and can do so much for your team
• Brom (Axe General)
  • Brom is an Axe General available in three chapters of P2, eight chapters of P3, and all of P4 and Endgame. He has relatively decent stats for an Armor knight and access to the best weapon type, so he can do a good amount for you in the early chapters he is in. But when it gets to P3, he faces stiff competition with Gatrie, who can do the armor-tanking job better. As an axe user, he will already face even stiffer competition with Jill and Haar since they do his job way better and have more mobility. He can be a good unit if you really invest into him, but your resources could go towards other units with a much bigger return-on-investment.
• Kieran (Axe Paladin)
  • Kieran is an Axe Paladin available in the last two chapters of P2, three chapters of P3, and all of P4 and Endgame. He has the best weapon type at A-Rank and all the advantages of being a Paladin, and he has pretty decent stats all around. His growths are all about Strength and Defense, while his other growths are 40% or below. He will probably be your highest Strength and Defense Gold Knight once you raise him up, and can do some decent work in the Endgame. He will have issues with Resistance and Speed, which isn't the best since you'll be fighting a lot of magic enemies in the Tower, so keep that in mind.
• Makalov (Blade Paladin)
  • Makalov is a Blade Paladin available in the last two chapters of P2, three chapters of P3, and all of P4 and Endgame. He has okay stats across the board and all the perks of being a Paladin, but compared to Kieran, he has a worse weapon type and an emphasis on Luck and Speed compared to Kieran's Strength and Defense. As a Gold Knight, he will probably be one of your fastest, but that doesn't matter as much if his Strength is mediocre. He can be brought in the Endgame, but there are much better units more deserving of those slots

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• Ike (Hero)
  • Ike is a Hero forced deployed in the majority of P3, three chapters of P4, and all of Endgame. He is the second main character in FE capable of wielding Axes after FE7 Hector, and he is a damn good one at that. He starts off with great stats aside from okay Speed and low Res, an S-Rank in Swords, and good growths in HP, Str, Skl, and Def with average/low everything else. While he is swordlocked, you will get his signature weapon Ragnell in P3.11, which is a 1-2 range sword that is very strong, has decent accuracy, and gives a +5 Def boost. At the end of P3, he will get his promotion to Vanguard which will give him Nihil, Aether, and Axes, all of which will be very valuable in the Endgame. The benefit of being able to use 1-2 range axes is a bit redundant since he will have the Ragnell, but he can use other strong axes very well like the Brave Axe or the Urvan. His biggest weakness is his Speed, but with BEXP and stat boosters that can be patched up to where it becomes a smaller issue. Of course being the main character, it is "required" to raise him, but he is a very good unit to have since he is just so strong.
• Titania (Axe Paladin)
  • Titania is an Axe Paladin available in majority of P3, three chapters of P4, and all of Endgame. While Titania isn't the godsend carry she was in FE9, she is still a fantastic unit. Great bases overall, an S-Rank in Axes, all the benefits of being mounted. Her growths lean towards Attack, Speed, and Skill so she can be a very good damage dealer, but her defensive growths are a bit lower (but her defensive bases are good so it sort of makes up for it). As a Gold Knight, she'll most likely be your most consistent damage since her growths make her stacked up that way while sacrificing some bulk. Just like with all Paladins, she is worth using on that merit alone, but she also got the stats to back it up.
• Boyd (Warrior)
  • Boyd is a Warrior available in majority of P3, and all of P4 and Endgame. Unlike in FE9 where he had a lot of availability and potential to be one of your best damage dealers, here he has lost a lot of that. He has good Strength and Skill, A-Rank in Axes, and a high Strength growth. But where he really suffers is his Speed, as enemies catch up pretty fast in FE10 and 18 Speed will very quickly not be enough to cut it. And while he has a decent 45% Speed growth, it may not be enough unless you feed him a ton of kills, BEXP, or stat boosters which could probably go to someone like Titania who will probably be a more consistent killer due to her bases and growths. If you want, he can be taken into the Endgame and do some major work with his high Strength and the Urvan, but it may not be the most "optimal decision".
• Gatrie (Lance General)
  • Gatrie is a Lance General available in majority of P3, and all of P4 and Endgame. Gatrie is interesting since he sort of takes the main strengths of Meg and Brom, and outshines them both. He has great bases in HP, Strength, Defense, and oddly even Speed (he has higher Speed than Boyd), so his job at tanking is done pretty well with him, and his strongest growths are in these stats so his job will be done even better. He'll suffer from low Movement like all armors, and he doesn't have the best Res bases or growths. He will probably be your best Marshall out of the 4 potential available to you, so if that is your playstyle, then Gatrie is worth using.

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• Renning (Gold Knight)
  • Renning is a Gold Knight available in the last chapter of P4 and all of Endgame. Renning is someone that on paper, seems like would be very good as he has decent bases, great weapon ranks, and is a mounted unit. BUTTTT, he also has terrible availability and his stats in reality aren't enough to compete with not just other axe units or Paladins, but the special endgame Royal Laguz which you will most likely use over him. If you really need a filler, playing 0% growths, or you lost Titania and Kieran, you can use him to decent efficacy. Otherwise, there are other units that outshine him completely.

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There are 5 items that benefit axe users in FE10. There are the permanent stat boosters of the Energy Drop (+2 Strength), the Dragonshield (+2 Defense), and the Arms Scroll (+1 Weapon Level up). Then there are the promotion items of the Master Seal to promote T1 classes into T2, and then the Master Crown which promotes T2 classes into T3.
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FE10 really kept the high momentum Axes had in FE9 going. The buffs that many axes had in terms of Hit or Weapon Rank requirements, the Tier 3 classes being quite strong, the Forge system, and the many axe-wielding units that were some of the best characters in the game like Haar and Ike. For the past 4 games, Axes have had such an amazing streak and were considered almost the "meta" of these games. But as we finally leave Tellius and go back to Archanea, will axes go back to being the trash weapon meant for ruffians like it was before?
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Thank you guys for reading! Radiant Dawn is always such an essay to write because of the sheer amount of content that is in this game. It's insane, but its also a lot of fun! Any comments and critiques are more than welcome, and it may or may not be tomorrow, but Part 11 will come out soon. Thanks guys, have a great day!

https://leanintoyourlife.net/2023/05/29/bigger-than-a-bread-box-smaller-than-a-refrigerato(opens in a new tab)
I have been smacked in the face by the reality of my life. I have always been healthy. At 69, my blood work is perfect. I don't take any prescriptions. I eat well. I'm not overweight, and I am physically fit. I thought I was exempt from the diagnostic testing that, at my age, we are encouraged to get. There is something about a colonoscopy that just felt overly invasive. Moving past my discomfort and resigning myself to get tested would have prevented the surgery I am scheduled for to remove the colon cancer I have been diagnosed with.
Hard to feel fortunate with that diagnosis. But I did "luck out." The surgeon informed me that the tumor would be surgically removed. She mentioned that the operation would be done robotically, leaving only several small scars. I was also told there would be no need for chemo or radiation. She used the word "cured." Considering all possible outcomes, I feel greatly relieved.
I was invested in the saying we all have heard, "Ignorance is bliss." I found peace of mind in not knowing. A five-minute CT scan compelled me to come face to face with my mortality. For me, life does not get any more real. A diagnosis of cancer felt like a mortal blow to my entire being.
I am also left with a self-inflicted emotional scar of blaming myself for ignoring the obvious. I made a decision that ended up causing injury to myself by neglecting my health. The nagging question is, am I to blame for the cancer growing in my gut? It is impossible to know. I can only resolve this dilemma by exploring the depth of self-love and forgiveness and not allowing this self-judgment to define the totality of who I am.
Being human is sometimes an extremely messy experience, full of paradoxes and wonder. Things are sometimes very different from what they seem. We invest a lot of attention and effort in ideas that are not necessarily true or not in the best interest. We form opinions. Make plans. We project into the future. Our minds, like an attorney, help prove we are right.
That was undoubtedly true for me. Yet I convinced myself of something that was not only the opposite of the truth but put me at risk of something even more serious. What an amazing paradox!
Like most people, I have had some very challenging and painful experiences in my life. Those experiences, without exception, have all led to a deeper, more profound truth about myself, the gift of my life, and the gold of who I am. Those challenges helped to reveal the unhealed and unseen behaviors that eluded me. Behaviors that got in the way of living a more authentic, vulnerable life. Learning from this current challenge endures. As these behaviors continue to be revealed, I find my life more available to live in alignment with the most profound expression of the Divine—the mystery of life itself. The process of growing and deepening never ends. It is never complete. I continue to surrender to the unfolding of my life and allow that movement to inform me about how to bring forth my unique expression.
Shortly after receiving my diagnosis, a good friend invited me for dinner. I needed his company, compassion, and love. Feeling vulnerable, I needed the reassurance of human connection. He and his wife live on a lake. Seeing a bald eagle is rare but not unusual. As we were sitting on his deck that overlooks the lake, a mature eagle landed on a tree not more than 40 feet away. The eagle remained on the branch where it perched for over 45 minutes. That has never happened. I could feel the immensity of that gift. I could feel the mystery of life bestowing a moment of Grace that left me with a profound knowing that whatever the outcome, I am OK.
Amidst the chaos and uncertainty of life, I remain open to Grace and the gift of my life.
If you have any questions, please email me at [email protected] or call 732-208-2836. Also, please visit my website at leanintoyourlife.net
#cancer treatment #cancer #cancersurvivor #cancerpsilocybin #holistichealth #successfulmindset #mindset #inspiration #motivation #lifegoals # non-duality #psilocybin #psychedelicmedicine #spiritualdevelopment #love #yoga #gratitude #spiritual #happiness #consciousness #life #peace #nature #energy #mediation #spiritualteacher #consciousness #spiritualteacher #psilocybinmushroom #psychedelic #psychedelicexperience

Does anyone else have issues with OnDemand not placing custom-made trades? I have various custom trades that I have set up, all for trading on /ES. Essentially, they are all variations of a Market Buy or Sell, with the 3 point trailing stop and a 1 or 2 point market limit.
The trades work just fine in real money, and paper money, but when I go to backtest on OnDemand, they dont work properly. The trade will go through, but the trailing stop will sit right at the price I entered at and then bounce around with the current price (thus making it not a stop at all), and there will be no market limit put in place.
Has anyone else experienced this, or something similar?

Comedian Sebastian Maniscalco is venturing into autobiographical territory for his big-screen feature debut. About My Father, a comedy based on Maniscalco's own relationship with his father and extended family, is set to hit theaters next year.

Download ➤ ► 🔴🧿⭕👉Watch 'About My Father'OnLine Free

Maniscalco's stand-up is based around his family life and upbringing, often revolving around his life with Italian immigrant parents. Beginning his career in the early 2000s performing at open mic nights, he has released five stand-up comedy specials as of 2022, with the two most recent exclusively released on Netflix. While he has appeared in supporting roles in films like Tag, Green Book, and The Irishman, About My Father will mark Maniscalco's first leading role in a major production. Maniscalco is co-writing the screenplay with Austen Earl, and Laura Terruso is on board to direct. Chris Weitz, Paul Weitz, Andrew Miano, and Judi Marmel will produce for Lionsgate and Depth of Field. Lionsgate will also handle distribution.
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So where can you watch "About My Father"? Is it on Netflix? What about HBO Max? Here's your guide to everything you need to know about how to watch Robert De Niro's anticipated comedy adaptation for "About My Father" where to watch it.
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When does the About My Father come out?
About My Father’s official release date is Friday, May 26, 2023. There are 15 other movies coming out on the same date, including The Machine, Kandahar and The Little Mermaid.
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Where To Watch About My Father:
As of now, the only way to watch About My Father is to head out to a movie theater when it releases on Friday, May 26. You can find local shows on Fandango, IMAX, Regal, AMC Theatres, Cinemark, Cineplex, Landmark Theatres, Alamo Drafthouse and Harkins Theatres.
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Watch Now: About My Father Online Free
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Otherwise, you’ll just have to wait for it to become available to rent or purchase on digital platforms like Amazon, Vudu, YouTube and Apple, or become available to stream on Starz.
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However, it will be available to stream on the Peacock platform soon. Disney+ typically follows a 90-day period before its theatrical releases come to the streaming platform. That means we may see the live-comedy version of "About My Father" come to Peacock as early as August 2023.
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When Will About My Father Be On Streaming?
While a digital release date for About My Father has not yet been announced, we can make an educated guess based on a previously released Lionsgate movie.
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Plane, which premiered on May 26, came to digital platforms in July. 10 — about three weeks after it was released in theaters. If About My Father follows the same trajectory, we could be watching it from the comfort of our living rooms by late July or early August 2023.
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Will About My Father Be On Peacock?
Lionsgate struck a massive distribution deal with Peacock that gives the streaming service exclusive rights to its films’ “Pay 2” streaming window (via THR). The agreement means that after Lionsgate’s films have their initial streaming releases on Starz, the movies, like About My Father, will later be available to stream on Peacock. Since Lionsgate hasn’t even confirmed the official streaming release date for the John Wick sequel on Starz, don’t expect to see the movie land on Peacock until at least winter 2024 after the deal officially kicks in.
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Pay 1 windows typically last between a year to 18 months, meaning that if About My Father begins streaming on Starz in September 2023, it isn’t likely to join Peacock's movie library until September 2024 at the earliest. Peacock and Lionsgate's deal confirmed that releases like About My Father would start streaming on the service in 2024, so the latest movie will most likely be on Peacock in fall 2024. By this time, About My Father will be available alongside the entire John Wick franchise for streaming on the platform.
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Is About My Father On Netflix?
No, About My Father will not be available on Netflix — at least not anytime soon, since it will be heading straight to Disney+ after its theatrical release. In the meantime, you'll just have to wait for it to become available on the Disney+ streaming platform
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Is About My Father 2023 streaming on HBO Max?
No, About My Father will not be available on HBO Max. it’s not a Warner Bros, About My Father is distributed by Walt Disney Studios, so therefore, it will stream to Disney+. The streaming date is unknown at this time, and due to its box office potential for the summer, do not expect About My Father to arrive on Disney+ anytime soon. Our best guess is a Disney+ premiere date in September 2023, but check back with us when it’s official.
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Is About My Father Streaming On Hulu?
Viewers are saying that they want to view the new action movie The About My Father on Hulu. Unfortunately, this is not possible since Hulu currently does not offer any of the free episodes of this series .
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Is About My Father on Amazon Prime?
We hate to tell you that ‘About My Father’ is not included in Amazon Prime’s library. But you can still make the most of your subscription by turning to other alternatives that the streaming giant houses, such as ‘Prisoner X‘ and ‘The Prison.’
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How to Watch About My Father Online For Free?
Most Viewed, Most Favorite, Top Rating, Top IMDb movies online. Here we can download and watch 123movies movies offline. 123Movies website is the best alternative to About My Father (2023) free online. We will recommend 123Movies is the best Solarmovie alternatives.
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There are a few ways to watch About My Father online in the U.S. You can use a streaming service such as Netflix, Hulu, or Amazon Prime Video. You can also rent or buy the movie on iTunes or Google Play. You can also watch it on-demand or on a streaming app available on your TV or streaming device if you have cable.
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When Will About My Father be on DVD and Blu-ray?
Summer and early Fall is also the likely date for a release of About My Father for Blu-Ray and DVD, though no specific date or timeline has been given at this time. As for a VOD release, the film will likely be available to buy digitally a few weeks before the inevitable streaming release for $20 USD.
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About My Father cast
Leading the cast is stand-up comedian turned actor Sebastian Maniscalco. This is gearing up to be a big year for Maniscalco as he also stars in The Super Mario Bros. Movie and Spinning Gold. He’s previously had roles in Green Book, Somewhere in Queens and The Irishman.
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Maniscalco stars in About My Father alongside his Irishman costar Robert De Niro. De Niro is a two-time Oscar winner who has been seen in classic films such as The Godfather Part II, Goodfellas, Casino and Taxi Driver. In terms of his comedic efforts, he’s been featured in the Meet the Parents franchise, The Intern, Dirty Grandpa and more.
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Joining the Maniscalco and De Niro are:
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Leslie Bibb (Jupiter's Legacy)
Anders Holm (Inventing Anna)
David Rasche (Succession)
Brett Dier (Jane the Virgin)
Kim Cattrall (How I Met Your Father)
'About My Father' Is a Love Story Between Father and Son
About My Father is both exactly what you'd expect it to be and also one of the most pleasant surprises of the year. It's in the vein of the studio comedies of the early aughts like My Big Fat Greek Wedding and Meet the Parents while also having a bit of Wedding Crashers thrown in there as well. It would have been extremely easy to have its sense of humor built completely around one-note stereotypes but director Laura Terruso, as well as co-writers Maniscalco and Austen Earl, don't go that route. There is something so sweet and honest about the film as it's a romantic comedy where the love story is about the bond between father and son. Ellie's wealthy family aren't portrayed as villains nor is Salvo portrayed as some antagonist father. Instead, the film establishes very early on that these two families are from different worlds. The film opens with Maniscalco narrating a montage about what it means to be Silician as well as reminiscing about his childhood, so by the time we meet Ellie's family, Terruso doesn't antagonize them, but instead shows them as otherworldly. For example, when we first meet Lucky he's stepping out of the family's helicopter wearing a flight suit that makes him look like he just walked off the set of Top Gun: Maverick.
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De Niro's track record in comedy has had some mighty heights, the aforementioned Meet the Parents, Analyze This, and Silver Linings Playbook, as well as some dismal lows such as Dirty Grandpa and The Big Wedding. Fortunately, de Niro is in fine form playing Salvo, who is directly based on Maniscalco's real-life father. In a role that feels almost the polar opposite of Jack Byrnes, de Niro gleefully throws out witty one-liners about being an immigrant, building Nintendos out of wood, and Che Guevera. He's clearly having a wonderful time on set, and he truly does feel so natural as this character (it probably helps that he met up with the real-life Salvo before and during filming). He plays Salvo like he's that relative that you only see at family reunions who lives in his own world, talking to you for hours as you sit next to him while downing your fourth bottle of beer, not annoyed, but having the time of your life. Paired with Maniscalco's everyman, the two leading men have excellent chemistry, bouncing off of each other extremely well. Leslie Bibb, Kim Cattrall, David Rasche, and Anders Holm all get their time to shine as well, but the supporting cast's biggest scene-stealer is Brett Dier as Doug who garners some of the film's biggest laughs every time he appears on screen.

Hello and welcome to the 23rd installment of The Great Spice Off! What is The Great Spice Off?
I love the scent of Old Spice, so much so that it's the only aftershave I use as I don't really feel a need to splash anything else on. But, as we all know, Old Spice no longer makes shaving soap. They do still make a cream but that's hardly a great soap and it doesn't actually smell like Old Spice. As such my plan is to test out all the Old Spice options that are out there on as many bases as possible both to try out a variety of bases from different soapmakers and to report back to you on who really nails the scent.
I'll be shaving three times with each soap, using a variety of brushes and razors, and blades. Yes, I know that means it won't be exactly scientific but this is going to take a while and I want to use all my other shit too. Soaps will be rated on a few factors and given points from 1-5 for each.

• Oldness: How much does the soap smell like OG Old Spice. This is the more analytical scent analysis and I'm comparing to an OG Old Spice aftershave I have and the Shulton aftershave from India.
• Spiciness: This is the je ne sais quois of Old Spice. Does the soap make me feel the nostalgia, warmth, and whatever it is about the scent that works. Is there something special about it that makes it stand out? Does it invoke a memory or make a new one? The most subjective of this list.
• Lather: You know, can I make a shave soap out of it.
• Shave: How's it work on the ol' face while shaving.
• Post: How's the scent profile after the event. How does my face feel.

Pinnacle Grooming The Good Ship OS

Pinnacle Grooming is a UK-based soapmaker with a pretty solid following around the wetshaving community. I couldn't find exactly when they launched but their Facebook page says it was created in October of 2019 and since we all know social media is nothing but a bastion of truth I'm going to say it was around then. They say their ingredients are ethically and sustainably sourced but it's a little hard to trust them on the whole for reasons we'll dive into in a few paragraphs. (That's called a teaser, now you have to keep reading to find out THE SHOCKING TRUTH).
The Good Ship OS was a late addition to the series despite launching in 2021, well before I began digging around for Old Spice dupes. That may be because, from what I've seen, Pinnacle Grooming released this soap on a limited release, meaning once it was gone it was gone and it appears that The Good Ship OS is gone (outside of The Razor Company's stock, which is where I picked the soap up). This actually seems to be something they do often as their site notes, in some awkwardly written English, that they release limited editions of scents in order to cater to their cutomer's needs. Those scents seem to range from the weird (nutmeg/green appple/rose) to their "take" on already established scents.
"Take" is, of course, a controversial word in the land of duping and there's no clear statement from them on if they're just using dupe scents they've bought or actually building their own but most soapmakers aren't very clear on that anyway. I think this is meant to be a straight dupe but they do list two scent notes that don't always appear in descriptions of Old Spice: Clary Sage and Frankincense. So in the top layer you have the addition of Clary Sage alongside the more normally listed notes of Orange, Lemon, Spices, Anise, and Aldehydes. The middle notes are all the same with Cinnamon, Carnation, Geranium, Jasmine, Heliotrope, and Pimento berry. Then the base notes add in Frankincense to accompany the traditional Vanilla, Musk, Cedarwood, Benzoin, Tonka, and Ambergris.
The base is a bit of a hodgepodge of stuff you find in shaving soaps, with a wide variety of oils, butters, and other soapy things tossed in. It honestly reads like the creation of a child in their dad's soapmaking lab who just pores everything into the pot and lucks out with creating a soap: Beef Tallow. Potassium Stearate. Mango Butter. Distilled Water. Avocado Oil. Castor Oil. Goats Milk. Olive Oil. Aloe Vera Juice. Kokum Butter. Vegetable Glycerine. Almond Oil. Shea Butter. Silk Amino Acid. Coconut Oil. Lanolin. Grape Seed Extract. Bentonite Clay. Cocoa Butter. Camellia Oil. Sodium Lactate. Vitamin E Pure. mica pigment s (CI77019, CI77891, CI77288) Fragrance & Essential Oils. Gotta give props as always for goats milk, though. The soap itself is on the harder side and a darker color, heading into dark brown territory.
On a side note, Pinnacle Grooming did something pretty awesome with this soap. For every purchase £2.00 was donated to the Royal National Lifeboat Institution (RNLI), which seems to be the British equivalent of the the U.S. Coast Guard... or maybe the Coast Guard is the U.S. equivalent of the RNLI. Anyway, it seems like a good cause and they even posted a picture of the donations being sent to their Facebook page.
Sadly, no matter how good this review is or isn't and no matter where some of the proceeds go, I can't recommend buying from Pinnacle as they appear to be thieves. I thought at first that Pinnacle Grooming had some of the coolest artwork around with a variety of unique images, unfortunatley that seems to be because they've stolen most of it. I ran about 10 searches on random artwork on their tubs and every single one of them came from either an artist's website, a literal official piece of character artwork, or one of those t-shirt design sites. This extends to The Good Ship OS artwork, which appears to be taken from an artist named Ian Gowdie. The piece itself is a fantastic rendition of what I assume to be an RNLI lifeboat cutting through a brisk sea, supposedly on its way to save someone's life while smelling really fucking good. I bet whomever it saves will instantly say something like, "Thank you for saving me, and damn you smell good." But despite being perfect for an Old Spice soap container, it's not theirs to use. They don't credit any of the artists anywhere on their page that I can see nor do they mention it on the tub so even if they did pay for a digital copy of every piece of art on a tub it's still pretty shitty and a total bummer.
Caveat: I would be happy, by the way, to be proven wrong about that and discover that they are paying the artists for their art but it seems unlikely. And now I've spent two hours doing research on a shaving soap company and the images on some fucking tubs, basically ruining my desire for the soap itself so... now I'm just grumpy. Let's get on with the review (which was actually written first and not influenced by any of the above).
Oldness: 3
While they may be aiming for a dupe, Pinnacle Grooming should really market this as a riff. They aren't veering far off from the original but the scent feels different. Off the puck, the soap is especially strong in the anise with the citrus playing hard in there as well. That settles down on the shave with the on-point middle notes and base coming through stronger but it still isn't a traditional Old Spice scent. Don't get me wrong, it's definitely an Old Spice scent but there's something a bit fresher and more modern to it. Maybe it's the Clary Sage but I couldn't tell you what that actually smells like or who this suspicious Clary person is and why he's got special sage.
Spiciness: 5
Honestly, I love this scent. It feels fresh and modern for some reason and at some point I'm going to have to buy some U.S. Old Spice to see if it maybe matches closer to that. Part of this is, of course, the fact that it's just something different enough from the OG scent I'm using all the time to stand out but it's also really great to smell. There's something incredibly refreshing about Good Ship OS that makes it actually fit with the sea-faring theme of Old Spice -- like a brisk breeze on the ocean air. It's not aquatic but it feels like something you would wear while on a boat, going fast, wearing a nautical-themed pashmina afghan.
Lather: 2
Pinnacle's Base builds up easily enough for sure but what it builds into is kind of lackluster. The lather is kind of airy no matter how long you work it. It's not so bad that it looks broken or overly thin but it never heats that glorious zone where the lather turns into a slick, fluffy mess. It's also super thirsty, which isn't always a bad thing but does mean that it can be tricky to dial in if you're not patient, which we all know is a strong suit of people shaving their faces at 6 a.m.
Shave: 3
Sometimes an airy lather can still deliver a great shave, which is one of the reasons that I separate shave and lather. The Good Ship OS kind of does. In fact, the shave is all sorts of "kind of." It's got kind of good cushion, and kind of good slickness, and kind of good face feel. Nothing stands out especially about it but it's definitely not delivering a bad shave either, plus it helps that the scent is so good. I will say that it doesn't do much in the residual slickness department but, again, it's not terrible.
Post: 2
Good Ship doesn't do anything to special on the face despite the presence of goat milk (and a bajillion other face-softening ingredients)! I'm not sure how that's possible but maybe they're getting their milk from lackluster goats. You know, the shady kind that eat the wrong kind of grass. Anyway, it's a perfectly fine post-shave feel but now we come to the real rub. This more "modern/brisk" verson of Old Spice doesn't play so well with the classic scent of the aftershaves. It's OK with the Indian version, where the elevated anise and crisper scents mingle fine, but put it with the vintage one and it goes together about as well as stolen art and a moral compass. (OK, that last sentence was edited post research it originally said "a fish and a bicycle.") While its score could easily be improved by one by just not using an aftershave that doesn't work with its scent, the point here is to use Old Spice as much as possible so I had to ding it.
Final Verdict: 15
Why, oh, why is this fantastic scent stuck in this middling soap (and attached to a crummy company). The Good Ship OS delivers one of my favorite takes on Old Spice but can't manage anything else great and has a shave that is simply on par. The soap is a cut above the truly terrible ones, easily, but it can't deliver anything special either. Maybe, outside of the confines of this review system, I'd like it more but within the bounds of The Great Spice Off it mostly misses the mark.
Previous Great Spice Offs:

1. 1940s Old Spice Shaving Soap in Vintage Mug (9)
2. 1973-91 Old Spice Shaving Soap (7)
3. Old Spice Shaving Cream (Original) (12)
4. Master Soap Creations Vintage Spice (19)
5. Black Ship Grooming Classic (17)
6. OSP Old Gold (19)
7. Chiseled Face Groomatorium Trade Winds (17)
8. Wholly Kaw Twice as Spice (17)
9. Barrister and Mann Barrister's Reserve Spice (21)
10. Mama Bear Aged Spice (10)
11. MERShaving Old Timer Spice (20)
12. Soap Commander Endurance (20)
13. Signature Soaps Novus Spice (17)
14. Hoffman's Shave and Soap Company Burn the Ships (19)
15. Phoenix Artisan Accoutrements Cold Spice (15)
16. Hendrix Classics & Co Commodore (20)
17. Ginger's Garden Old Spice Type (15)
18. Lisa's Natural Herbal Creations Mariner (10)
19. Stone Field Shaving Company Ltd. No. 37 (18)
20. Cooper & French Old Goat (19)
21. The Holy Black Artisan Line Shaving Soap (21)
22. Stirling Soap Co. Stirling Spice (20)
23. Van Yulay Spicy Man (10)

I'm also looking for the below soaps if you've got any you're willing to sell/trade/donate:

• Wild West Shaving Co. Snake Oil
• Whickam Spice Trade
• Occult Grooming Essentials Modern Spice
• Artifact Soap Works Old Spice Type
• Wet the Face Spices From the Sea

I already have these soaps that I have not reviewed yet:

• Seaforth Spice
• Pinnacle Grooming The Good Ship
• Hendrix Classics & Co Commander
• Crowne & Crane The Spice
• Mystic Water Windjammer
• The Village Soap Smith Old Spice Type

Hey! I’ve been toying with the idea of opening an etsy shop to sell jewelry I make as a hobby. Basically, I travel between two countries in Europe because of my partner, but my residence is in only one. So the other country is more of a place I visit for leisure, while the other is my home country. So whenever I’m away from my home country for a few months, will I be able to potentially sell and ship when I’m away? Or does it only have to be from my home country.

This is the third in a series of posts, in which I present a theory on the history of the Others. You can read part one here, part two here, and part three here.
My previous posts came with a disclaimer, which I'm going to copy-paste below:
In a certain sense, I am both a new and an old fan of ASOIAF. I read the books about ten years ago, enjoyed them, and then barely thought about them ever again after putting them down. Then, HotD got me interested in the series again, and I ended up going down the rabbit hole of fan theories, speculation about future books, details that I missed on my first reading, etc., which has been a lot of fun! But I’ve only read the series once, and it was ten years ago, so a lot of my memories are pretty fuzzy. Honestly, a lot of my knowledge comes from the wiki (although I have gone back and reread certain important chapters). All of this is to say, I am not the most knowledgeable person to be coming up with fan theories, and the fact that I’m posting this at all probably indicates a certain amount of Dunning-Kruger effect. Take everything I say here with a grain of salt, and please let me know if there’s something obvious that my ignorance has caused me to miss. Other than that, let me know what you think!
But I also need to include another disclaimer: I came up with this theory before I became aware of the idea that Bloodraven wasn't the three-eyed crow, and, as such, this theory assumes that Bloodraven is the three-eyed crow. To be honest, I'm becoming increasingly sympathetic to the idea that Bloodraven isn't the 3EC, but I'm still undecided. If Bloodraven isn't the 3EC, that will poke a few holes in this theory, but I ultimately think it wouldn't be too big of a problem. After all, the 3EC led Bran to Bloodraven, so they must share at least some goals. So, I ask that you assume for the purposes of this post that Bloodraven is the 3EC, with the understanding that, if it turns out that Bloodraven isn't the 3EC, this theory will need some minor amending. I've already been thinking about theories on that topic, so, if and when I finish such a theory, I'll post it and discuss how it modifies this theory. But that's getting ahead of ourselves. For now…

Part 4: Bloodraven

Making First Men horny

One of the most powerful pieces of magic we're told of in ASOIAF is the Hammer of the Waters. This is a spell that causes powerful earthquakes, capable of radically reshaping the geography where it's used. The Children of the Forest are said to have used the Hammer of the Waters on at least two occasions: once to flood the Neck, and once to break the Arm of Dorne. I argued in my previous post that the Horn of Winter contains the same magic as the Hammer of the Waters, and that when Joramun blew the Horn of Winter the resulting earthquake destroyed the western section of the Wall and created the Gorge. However, while the Horn of Winter replicates the magic of the Hammer of the Waters, that doesn't mean the Horn of Winter was the original Hammer of the Waters; that is to say, I don't think that the Horn of Winter was used to flood the Neck or break the Arm of Dorne. There are a few reasons why the Horn probably wasn't responsible for these historical events:

1. The Horn of Winter is probably the same horn that's currently in Sam's possession (link to a series of posts that analyzes the Horn of Winter and lays out this argument), and that horn is banded in bronze. The CotF didn't work with bronze.
2. TWOIAF described how the CotF brought about the Hammer of the Waters, and it had nothing to do with sounding a horn. Supposedly, it was your standard blood sacrifice deal: kill a bunch of people, and in exchange a powerful magical effect will occur. While the Horn of Winter might kill the person who blew it (in the same way Dragonbinder does), we have no reason to believe it requires a mass sacrifice.
3. Creating the Gorge, while no mean feat, is much less impressive than breaking the Arm of Dorne or flooding the Neck. The Horn of Winter appears to be a weaker version of the Hammer of the Waters.

So it looks like, compared to the original Hammer of the Waters, the Horn of Winter represents a tradeoff of power for convenience: the resulting earthquake isn't as strong, but you can create an earthquake without performing a massive blood sacrifice. But I want to focus on the fact that the Horn of Winter is banded in bronze. The CotF don't use bronze, but you know who do? The First Men. The Horn of Winter contains the magic of the CotF, but its physical structure could only have been made by the First Men. This suggests that the First Men (or some faction thereof) and the CotF (or some faction thereof) collaborated to create the Horn of Winter.
I suspect that that First Men faction was none other than the Stark Kings of Winter; this would explain why it's called the Horn of Winter in the first place. Regardless of which group of First Men was responsible, however, it's easy to see why they did it: the Horn of Winter is a powerful weapon, and any faction of First Men would have been happy to have such a weapon in their possession. So the interesting question isn't, "Why did the First Men work with the CotF to create the Horn of Winter?" The interesting question is, "Why did the CotF work with the First Men to create the Horn of Winter?" Why would the CotF give the First Men a weapon capable of destroying the Wall?
Let's take a step back and recall the role that the CotF played in the events leading up to the construction of the Wall. Their lands were invaded by the First Men, and I argued in my first post that they responded by creating the Others as a race of slave soldiers to fight the First Men. After the Pact ended the war between the CotF and the First Men, the CotF kept the Others enslaved and/or hunted down the free ones in the Lands of Always Winter. Then the Long Night came, and I argued in my second post that the Others took advantage of it by attacking the First Men, killing them en masse in order to grow their power, with the ultimate goal of attacking the CotF. Eventually, the CotF participated in the peace agreement that ended the Long Night. But it's worth remembering that the CotF only interceded in the conflict between humans and Others at the urging of the Last Hero:

"Now these were the days before the Andals came, and long before the women fled across the narrow sea from the cities of the Rhoyne, and the hundred kingdoms of those times were the kingdoms of the First Men, who had taken these lands from the children of the forest. Yet here and there in the fastness of the woods the children still lived in their wooden cities and hollow hills, and the faces in the trees kept watch. So as cold and death filled the earth, the last hero determined to seek out the children, in the hopes that their ancient magics could win back what the armies of men had lost." (AGOT, Bran IV)

Prior to the Last Hero, the CotF seem to have been content to sit back and watch the humans and the Others kill each other—which, considering the history of those three species, is understandable. (According to Sam, the CotF did at one point give obsidian daggers to the Night's Watch, so the CotF did get involved in the conflict between the humans and the Others eventually, but this probably didn't happen until after the Last Hero made contact with them. Old Nan says that the Last Hero had to go on a quest of some difficulty to make contact with the CotF; presumably, this wouldn't have been necessary if the CotF were already giving obsidian daggers to the Night's Watch, because then the Last Hero could have just gone to the Night's Watch and gotten in contact with the CotF that way. So, for most if not all of the Long Night, the CotF did not provide humans with obsidian weapons, meaning that they truly were uninvolved in the conflict between the two species.) I argued in my second post that the peace agreement between the First Men and the Others was an essential part of ending the Long Night, and that this was facilitated by the Last Hero/Azor Ahai. The CotF's absence in the conflict between the humans and the Others prior to the Last Hero's involvement suggests that the CotF had no desire to see the humans and the Others make peace. They only facilitated a peace agreement because it was necessary in order to end the Long Night. The Long Night was an existential threat to the CotF, both because the forests can't survive in an eternal night and because the Others might eventually become powerful enough to threaten the CotF. So the CotF needed to end the Long Night, and ending the Long Night necessitated a peace agreement between humans and Others. It's very easy to imagine that the Last Hero's pitch to the CotF went something like, "Look, I know there's no love lost between you and humanity, and certainly none between you and the Others. But the Long Night isn't going to end unless all three species work together, and the Long Night will kill you guys, just as it will kill humanity. For your own sake, work with us to end this." Clearly, this argument was persuasive. But, once the Long Night ended, the CotF no longer had any reason to care about peace between the humans and the Others—a peace that only existed thanks to the Wall, which was partially destroyed by the Horn of Winter, which the CotF helped to create. The logical conclusion is that the CotF made the Horn of Winter in order to destroy the Wall and renew the war between the humans and the Others. The CotF weren't unconcerned observers to the human-Other war; they actively wanted the two species to fight.
You may be wondering, why didn't the CotF just destroy the Wall using the Hammer of the Waters? The problem with doing that is that the Hammer of the Waters is distinctly CotF magic, so destroying the Wall with the Hammer of the Waters would have pointed right back to the CotF. The humans and the Others would have known that the CotF were trying to provoke them back into war, and they would have naturally resisted those efforts. The way around this is to give humans access to the same magic as the Hammer of the Waters. That way, when the humans use that magic near the Wall, it will be the humans who are responsible for destroying the Wall. Helping the First Men create the Horn of Winter was therefore a way for the CotF to end the peace between humanity and the Others, all while maintaining plausible deniability. And it kind of worked; the Horn of Winter did destroy the western part of the Wall. But this didn't result in the human-Other war that the CotF wanted, because, as I argued in my previous post, the Others' queen was taken captive at the same time as the destruction of the Wall, and she's been used as a hostage to keep the peace ever since.

Child psychology

I've argued that the CotF wanted the humans and Others to fight, but I haven't explained why they'd want that. The easy answer is that the CotF have grievances with both the humans and the Others, so they wanted bloodshed between the two. But we shouldn't accept that easy answer too readily. If we're going to understand what the CotF want, we're going to have to get inside their heads. The books tell us about at least one way in which CotF psychology differs from human psychology:

"That was in the dawn of days, when our sun was rising. Now it sinks, and this is our long dwindling. The giants are almost gone as well, they who were our bane and our brothers. The great lions of the western hills have been slain, the unicorns are all but gone, the mammoths down to a few hundred. The direwolves will outlast us all, but their time will come as well. In the world that men have made, there is no room for them, or us."
She seemed sad when she said it, and that made Bran sad as well. It was only later that he thought, Men would not be sad. Men would be wroth. Men would hate and swear a bloody vengeance. The singers sing sad songs, where men would fight and kill. (ADWD, Bran III)

So we're told that vengeance and spite aren't really a thing for the CotF, or at least not in the way that they are for humans. I've heard some people suggest that Leaf might be lying here, and that the CotF actually do want vengeance, but I don't think so, for a couple of reasons. First, and this is purely personal preference, I think it's a lot more interesting if the CotF don't think in the same way that humans do. If you're going to have multiple sentient species in your story, and they all think and behave in the same way, then it kind of defeats the purpose of having multiple species in the first place, doesn't it? If the CotF think and act just like humans do, I would personally find that boring. Secondly, and more importantly, we know that the CotF employ at least one human, Bloodraven, as a greenseer. This is a position of importance and confidence in CotF society, and it gives Bloodraven access to immense information. If the CotF were really planning on taking vengeance on humanity, then it's unlikely that they would be able to hide that information from Bloodraven (and any other human greenseers the CotF had; we don't know if Bloodraven was the only one), and it's unlikely that Bloodraven would help the CotF destroy or harm his own species. So the fact that the CotF rely on Bloodraven (and possibly other human greenseers in the past) suggests that the CotF genuinely don't wish any ill will on humanity, just as Leaf said. And if the CotF don't wish any ill will on humanity today, then they also probably didn't wish any ill will on humanity at the time they made the Horn of Winter—that was back when humans still held to the Pact, so the CotF would have had fewer grievances back then than they do today. So, if the CotF wanted to cause a war between the humans and the Others, and their goal wasn't to cause any long-term harm to humanity as a species, then their intent must have been to harm, weaken, or exterminate the Others. The CotF wanted the humans and the Others to go back to war, and they wanted humans to win. This explains why the CotF used to gift obsidian daggers to the Night's Watch.
This raises the question, if the CotF wanted humans to defeat the Others, why didn't they help the humans during the Long Night (at least, prior to the Last Hero's involvement)? Well, once again, we need to consider the psychology of the CotF. We know the CotF are willing to fight incredibly bloody wars, as they did against the First Men, but we also know that they won't keep fighting in a hopeless circumstance simply to spite their enemy, in the way that humans will. In situations where they are faced with assured destruction, they react with sad acceptance, not defiance. The fact that the CotF didn't initially participate in the war against the Others during the Long Night indicates that they must have viewed that war as hopeless. The Others were sweeping south, massacring humans, converting their boys into more Others and raising the rest as wights, constantly growing stronger; the CotF must have concluded that there was nothing they could do, no way to survive the Long Night. They didn't just roll over and die, but they weren't about to fight the Others when they had no chance of success. The CotF most likely hid, guarding themselves with magic, waiting to die a slow death—just like they're doing today.
Fortunately for the CotF, the Long Night did not end in their extinction. As I argued in my second post, Azor Ahai negotiated a peace treaty that ended the Long Night. But, as part of that peace treaty, the Others received a queen, the first female member of their species (whom I've been referring to as the Night's Queen). This allowed the Others to reproduce sexually, as opposed to their earlier method of kidnapping human children, and as a result the Others' population would have begun increasing dramatically following the Long Night. So, on the one hand, the Others were no longer benefitting from the Long Night, meaning they were more vulnerable than they had been prior to the peace treaty. But, at the same time, the Others were growing more powerful, as their population rose. For the first time since the Long Night began, the CotF could now hope for victory in a war with them and the humans on one side and the Others on the other side, but they had a very narrow window in which to act, before the Others became too powerful. That's why they only began making moves against the Others after the Long Night; during the Long Night the Others were too strong to be realistically opposed, and before the Long Night the Others weren't seen as a significant threat. Once the Long Night ended, however, the CotF got to work, by helping to make the Horn of Winter and by providing the Night's Watch with obsidian.

Things change

The above description probably makes it seem like the CotF were motivated to provoke a new war against the Others out of self-preservation, and there may well be some truth in that. The Others, with their new queen, were a rising power, and they still probably harbored a vendetta against the CotF. If the new war against the Others resulted in the Others' extinction, that would obviously guarantee the CotF's safety from them; if the war resulted in the Night's Queen being killed or captured (which I argued is what happened), that would remove the Others' status as a rising power. So, if the CotF were acting out of self-preservation, their plan seems to have been both well motivated and reasonably successful.
But, while the CotF might have successfully averted the risk posed by the Others, they failed to do the same with the humans. Leaf, and presumably the other CotF, fully recognize that humanity's expansion is going to drive them extinct. This has massive implications for the CotF's goals and motivations. The fact that the CotF are aware of and resigned to their inevitable extinction means that self-preservation is no longer a concern for them. They might have been motivated by self-preservation following the end of the Long Night, but not anymore. Whatever the CotF are doing nowadays, they're doing it because there's something they want to accomplish before they vanish as a species. And I do think that the CotF are trying to accomplish something, partly because characters that don't want anything are boring, and partly because Bloodraven is clearly up to something, and the CotF are supporting him. So, if they're not motivated by self-preservation, what are the CotF trying to do?
A common idea I've heard is that Bloodraven and the CotF want to prevent the Others from destroying the world in a second Long Night. I think there's an element of truth to this (especially considering the lengths the CotF have already gone to to oppose the Others), but I don't think it's the whole story. Consider this: if the CotF want to prevent the Others from conquering Westeros, but they're not motivated by self-preservation, then they must be motivated by some combination of altruism and guilt. They created the Others, then the Others got out of hand, to the point where they threatened all of Westeros, and now the CotF feel responsible for making sure they don't do that again. That's reasonable, even noble, but it can't be limited to merely defeating the Others in this latest confrontation. If all that comes of this current conflict with the Others is that the Others are prevented from conquering Westeros, then who's to say that the Others won't try to conquer Westeros a third time in another 8,000 years? And by the time that happens, the CotF will be extinct, so they won't be around to help with that conflict. Simply defeating the Others and thwarting their plans would be a temporary solution to a permanent problem, and, with the CotF facing their own extinction, they would see now as a time for permanent solutions. And when the problem in question is the existence of the Others, there can be only one solution: The CotF want to wipe out the Others completely. I suspect they wanted this ever since the Long Night; they probably see it as cleaning up after their mess. Now, with their extinction looming, that plan to genocide the Others has been made a priority.
I know that my logic has involved jumping around in time a lot, so, as a summary, let me present this handy timeline of the CotF's thoughts on the Others:

• During the war between the CotF and the First Men: "We need the Others to win this war."
• After the Pact was forged: Either "We may not be at war anymore, but we need to keep the Others as our slave soldiers, just in case the humans break the Pact," or "We don't need the Others anymore now that we have the Pact. I'm sure the handful of free Others in the Lands of Always Winter won't be a problem."
• During the Long Night: "The Others are going to drive both us and the First Men to extinction, but there's nothing we can do about it. This sucks."
• After the Long Night: "The Others are vulnerable, but they won't be for long. They're a danger to both us and the humans, and they're our fault. We need to act fast to destroy them, while we still can. That means we need to get the humans and the Others to start fighting again, and then we can help the humans win that war."
• After the Night's Queen was taken prisoner: "This isn't ideal, but the Others are no longer a rising power without their queen, so we can leave well enough alone."
• After it became clear that the CotF were going extinct: "The Others are unable to act against the humans for now, but there's no guarantee that that will last, and we won't be around to oppose the Others forever. We need to genocide the Others, while we're still around to do so."

I want to comment on an interesting theme here. You may notice a certain paternalism in the CotF's attitudes toward humans. This has already demonstrated in the books:

"Two hundred years?" said Meera.
The child smiled. “Men, they are the children.” (ADWD, Bran II)

It has often been observed that the Others, as an existential threat that can only be dealt with if humanity puts away its petty political squabbles, serve as a metaphor for climate change. In this metaphor, the CotF are the older generations that caused climate change in the first place and now are dying off for unrelated reasons. The CotF's behavior can then be seen as an aspirational model for how older generations should behave with regards climate change. Rather than saying, "Fuck it, I'll be dead, so it's not my problem," they ought to say, "I'm partly responsible for this, so I need to fix it, and the fact that I won't be around that much longer only means I need to work harder to fix it while I still can." Sadly, the CotF only behave the way they do because of their inhuman psychology, which points to the fact that it was never realistic to hope that older generations would behave this way in real life. I doubt this theme is intentional; Martin seems to have originally not seen the Others as a climate change metaphor, although he's since come around to the idea. Still, I think it's a neat connection.

It was Bloodraven all along

If the CotF really want to wipe out the Others, then the current situation at Winterfell must seem perfect for them. I argued in my last post that the events of the series have left Winterfell vulnerable, and the Others are now planning a rescue mission to extract their queen from the Winterfell crypts. With their queen no longer held captive, there will be nothing preventing war between humans and Others (and, after the humans kept the Night's Queen imprisoned for thousands of years, the Others will definitely have cause for war), and this war will happen while the CotF are still around to support the humans. Better still, humanity has dragons again, which will surely be useful against the Others. Everything seems to be going swimmingly for the CotF's plan to provoke a war of extermination against the Others, which raises an obvious question: did the CotF cause the current situation?
To grossly oversimplify a complex series of events, Winterfell's vulnerability can be traced back to two events:

• Ned going to King's Landing, and subsequently getting beheaded. This caused all of the Starks except for Bran and Rickon to leave Winterfell, and it caused the Northern army to march south, leaving Winterfell vulnerable to…
• Theon capturing Winterfell, and subsequently losing it to Ramsay. This physically damaged Winterfell, it caused Bran and Rickon to leave, and it meant that Winterfell was now under Bolton control, which put it at the center of both Stannis's war and the various Northern intrigues.

As it happens, there's evidence that Bloodraven played a part in both of these events. First, Bloodraven was probably responsible for sending the direwolves to the Stark children (link to a series of posts by JoeMagician that lays out this argument, among other claims), and these direwolves shaped the events that led to Ned's beheading. Summer killed Bran's assassin before he could murder Bran, but also before he could be interrogated by the Starks; as a result, Catelyn acquired the Valyrian steel dagger, but she didn't know who sent the assassin. Littlefinger took advantage of this to manipulate the Starks. Meanwhile, the Nymeria/Lady incident deepened tensions between the Starks and the Lannisters. I'm not saying that the direwolves exist solely for the purpose of getting Ned's beheaded, but they did contribute to his beheading, by providing Littlefinger with a means of manipulating the Starks and by further souring relations between Ned and Cersei.
More significantly, Bloodraven removed Bran's memory of Jaime pushing him from the tower:

Bran was staring at his arms, his legs. He was so skinny, just skin stretched taut over bones. Had he always been so thin? He tried to remember. A face swam up at him out of the grey mist, shining with light, golden. "The things I do for love," it said.
Bran screamed.
The crow took to the air, cawing. Not that, it shrieked at him. Forget that, you do not need it now, put it aside, put it away. It landed on Bran’s shoulder, and pecked at him, and the shining golden face was gone. (AGOT, Bran III)

If Bran had kept that memory, then he presumably would have woken up and told someone, "Jaime Lannister pushed me out of the tower, after I saw him wrestling naked with Queen Cersei." How exactly this would have changed the events of the book is a matter of fanfic, but, with eye-witness evidence of Jaime and Cersei committing incest and attempted murder, it's very easy to see things going poorly for the Lannisters. Even Cersei recognized how difficult of a situation that would have been to navigate:

If truth be told, Jaime had come to rue heaving Brandon Stark out that window. Cersei had given him no end of grief afterward, when the boy refused to die. "He was seven, Jaime," she’d berated him. "Even if he understood what he saw, we should have been able to frighten him into silence."
"I didn’t think you’d want—"
"You never think. If the boy should wake and tell his father what he saw—"
"If if if." He had pulled her into his lap. “If he wakes we’ll say he was dreaming, we’ll call him a liar, and should worse come to worst I’ll kill Ned Stark."
"And then what do you imagine Robert will do?" (ASOS, Jaime I)

Had Bran kept his memory of Jaime pushing him out of the window, then it likely would have been Cersei and Jaime's downfall, and that means Ned wouldn't have lost his head.
Later, when Theon takes Winterfell, he wakes up suddenly in the middle of the night, and he gets the feeling that someone was responsible for waking him:

One moment he was asleep; the next, awake.
Kyra nestled against him, one arm draped lightly over his, her breasts brushing his back. He could hear her breathing, soft and steady. The sheet was tangled about them. It was the black of night. The bedchamber was dark and still.
What is it? Did I hear something? Someone?
Wind sighed faintly against the shutters. Somewhere, far off, he heard the yowl of a cat in heat. Nothing else. Sleep, Greyjoy, he told himself. The castle is quiet, and you have guards posted. At your door, at the gates, on the armory.
He might have put it down to a bad dream, but he did not remember dreaming. (ACOK, Theon IV)

This was the chapter where Bran and company "escape," and Theon's primary emotions throughout the chapter are anxiety and desperation. Those feelings build over the course of the day, as Theon tries and fails to find Bran and Rickon, eventually consuming him to the point where he does something stupid.

"Joseth has the right of it," said Maester Luwin. "Groping through the woods by torchlight will avail us nothing."
Theon could taste bile at the back of his throat, and his stomach was a nest of snakes twining and snapping at each other. If he crept back to Winterfell empty-handed, he might as well dress in motley henceforth and wear a pointed hat; the whole north would know him for a fool. And when my father hears, and Asha …
"M’lord prince." Reek urged his horse near. (ACOK, Theon IV)

Theon woke up in the middle of the night with a sense that something was off, and then he had plenty of time to stew in his anxiety. Were it not for that, he might not have descended to the point where killing the miller's boys seemed like a good idea. Therefore, the hint that someone was responsible for waking him up is interesting; maybe Bloodraven used his psychic tree powers to wake Theon? The passage mentions the "sigh" of wind—a notably anthropomorphic phrasing—and we know that, when Bran tried to communicate with Ned in the past, it sounded like wind to him; maybe Bloodraven can do something similar, sans time travel? There's nothing explicitly pointing to Bloodraven, but there is evidence that he's messing with Theon's emotions in his next chapter:

The sky was a gloom of cloud, the woods dead and frozen. Roots grabbed at Theon’s feet as he ran, and bare branches lashed his face, leaving thin stripes of blood across his cheeks. He crashed through heedless, breathless, icicles flying to pieces before him. Mercy, he sobbed. From behind came a shuddering howl that curdled his blood. Mercy, mercy. When he glanced back over his shoulder he saw them coming, great wolves the size of horses with the heads of small children. Oh, mercy, mercy. Blood dripped from their mouths black as pitch, burning holes in the snow where it fell. Every stride brought them closer. Theon tried to run faster, but his legs would not obey. The trees all had faces, and they were laughing at him, laughing, and the howl came again. He could smell the hot breath of the beasts behind him, a stink of brimstone and corruption. They’re dead, dead, I saw them killed, he tried to shout, I saw their heads dipped in tar, but when he opened his mouth only a moan emerged, and then something touched him and he whirled, shouting … (ACOK, Theon V)

Theon feels guilty for faking Bran and Rickon's death, and he's afraid for his future; that guilt and fear would have existed in him no matter what, but these dreams amplify those feelings, and the presence of weirwood trees suggests that Bloodraven is actively sending them to Theon. After all, none of Theon's experiences have involved a weirwood in any significant capacity, so this wasn't a native element of his dream, and Bran often has dreams about a weirwood that are implied to be sent by Bloodraven. Theon's fear and his attempts to rationalize his guilt drive him to cling desperately to his power and authority:

"Your prize will be the doom of you. Krakens rise from the sea, Theon, or did you forget that during your years among the wolves? Our strength is in our longships. My wooden pisspot sits close enough to the sea for supplies and fresh men to reach me whenever they are needful. But Winterfell is hundreds of leagues inland, ringed by woods, hills, and hostile holdfasts and castles. And every man in a thousand leagues is your enemy now, make no mistake. You made certain of that when you mounted those heads on your gatehouse." Asha shook her head. "How could you be such a bloody fool? Children …"
"They defied me!" he shouted in her face. "And it was blood for blood besides, two sons of Eddard Stark to pay for Rodrik and Maron." The words tumbled out heedlessly, but Theon knew at once that his father would approve. "I’ve laid my brothers’ ghosts to rest." (ACOK, Theon V)

All of this causes Theon to reject Asha's offer to leave Winterfell for Deepwood Motte, which results in Ramsay sacking Winterfell. So, to summarize, Bloodraven provided the Lannisters with advantages so that they would triumph in their intrigues against Ned, and he psychologically manipulated Theon so that he would lose Winterfell to Ramsay. Bloodraven has actively worked to create the circumstances that have left Winterfell vulnerable, so that the Others will be able to rescue their queen and begin a new war against the humans. I don't want to fall into the trap of claiming that Bloodraven was responsible for everything; I think that most events in the story happened without his direct interference. But, thanks to his greensight giving him glimpses of the future, Bloodraven has found a few places where just a small nudge can result in things going the way he wants them to.
Of course, putting Winterfell in a vulnerable position only matters if the Others know about that vulnerability. Bloodraven must have some communication with the Others. I'm not sure what this communication looks like; if the Others can dream, then it might just mean sending them green dreams prophesying Winterfell's coming vulnerability. Alternatively, Bloodraven might be communicating with them directly by skinchanging into a raven. Maybe he's posing as a human traitor, willing to sell out the humans and the CotF, a kind of second Night's King? This is definitely the biggest missing piece in my theory, but I don't think it's too outlandish to posit Bloodraven has some means of getting information to the Others, and that he's thereby clued the Others in on Winterfell's coming vulnerability.

A politically useful apocalypse

I've talked a lot about the CotF's motivations, but not at all about Bloodraven's, so let's do that now. I'd recommend you read this excellent series of posts on Bloodraven, which I'll be drawing from heavily. Prior to becoming the Last Greenseer, Bloodraven was primarily occupied with the Blackfyres. He played a crucial role in ending the First Blackfyre Rebellion, including but not limited to killing Daemon Blackfyre and his eldest two sons, and since then he went to every effort to foil future Blackfyre attempts to claim the Iron Throne. Some people have speculated that Bloodraven did so out of duty and a desire to keep the realm stable, but this doesn't hold up. Following Maekar I's death, a Great Council was held to determine the succession, and Bloodraven invited and then immediately killed Aenys Blackfyre. Bloodraven later claimed that this was for the good of the realm, but… how? If the Great Council had selected Aenys as the next king, the crown would have passed to him just as peacefully and rightfully as it ended up passing to Aegon V. If Bloodraven was truly motivated by duty and a desire for peace, he would have had no reason to kill Aenys. The only explanation for Bloodraven's actions is that he genuinely did not want a Blackfyre to take the throne, no matter the circumstances surrounding their accession. In fact, his anti-Blackfyre obsession was so intense that he ignored the devastation caused by Dagon Greyjoy, because addressing it would leave the throne vulnerable to the Blackfyres:

"Myself, I blame Bloodraven," Ser Kyle went on. "He is the King's Hand, yet he does nothing, whilst the krakens spread flame and terror up and down the sunset sea."
Ser Maynard gave a shrug. "His eye is fixed on Tyrosh, where Bittersteel sits in exile, plotting with the sons of Daemon Blackfyre. So he keeps the king's ships close at hand, lest they attempt to cross." (The Mystery Knight)

It's important to note that Maynard Plumm was probably a glamored Bloodraven, so this isn't mere speculation; this is Bloodraven telling us his motivation. By all accounts, Bloodraven's tenure as Hand was an awful time for Westeros, where law and order broke down and few people respected the king. The point is, Bloodraven was not a noble man fighting against a beloved brother because it was the right thing to do. Bloodraven was a Targaryen uber-loyalist, who would gladly see the realm burn, so long as a Targaryen remained on the throne. And he appears to have retained that loyalty, decades later. Bloodraven is likely in control of Mormont's raven (see the series of posts I linked earlier), and in raven form Bloodraven hints fairly clearly about wanting Jon to be king:

"Aemon knew, and rightly, that if he remained at court those who disliked his brother’s rule would seek to use him, so he came to the Wall. And here he has remained, while his brother and his brother’s son and his son each reigned and died in turn, until Jaime Lannister put an end to the line of the Dragonkings."
"King," croaked the raven. The bird appeared across the solar to land on Mormont’s shoulder. "King," it said again, strutting back and forth. (ACOK, Jon I)

Something similar happens in ADWD, but what's interesting about this instance of the raven calling Jon king is that it happens immediately after Mormont claims that the Targaryen line has ended. This suggests that this is more than just a prophetic statement of fact; this is a profession of loyalty. Jon is the rightful Targaryen king, and he has Bloodraven's support.
Given his undying Targaryen loyalty, Bloodraven must be psyched about the coming war between the humans and the Others. Daenerys is coming with three dragons, which will be humanity's best hope for defeating the Others; Westeros will naturally rally behind Daenerys, solidifying her rule. Moreover, dragons will be seen as the saviors of Westeros, rather than as dangerous weapons. If Marwyn was right that the maesters killed the dragons, then this would prevent a similar conspiracy from arising and driving the dragons back into extinction, since the dragons would now be seen as necessary for Westeros's security against the forces of evil. So while Bloodraven wants to provoke a war between humans and Others, just like the CotF do, he wants this for a different reason than they do; Bloodraven wants to use the Others to bring about a lasting Targaryen restoration.

Continued in comments

Hey-Oh! So, I see some form of this question multiple times per day in various skin and personal care subs: How do I deal with my hyperpigmentation? I also asked myself this question a few years ago. See, I'm prone to freckles and a little melasma and I set out to figure out a way to solve it with years of research, trial and error, testing, talking to dermatologists and professionals, and scouring every medical article I could get my hands on. I wanted to share my findings and research since this is a common concern, especially among people in their 30s. This started as a small post about my routine and ballooned into a massive book about hyperpigmentation. I hope it's helpful!
DISCLAIMERS:

• I use the term "brightening" instead of "lightening" which is a subtle distinction. None of the ingredients or methods I recommend bleach your skin as "lightening" would suggest, but they can reduce the appearance of hyperpigmentation. "Brightening" tends to be a confusing term in skincare, but for the purposes of this post, I use it as a descriptor for anything that helps prevent or reduce melanin in hyperpigmented skin.
• I will use the term "hyperpigmentation" ad nauseam as a catch-all term for excess pigmentation in the skin including freckles, melasma, PIH and dark spots. This does not encompass moles which are different. This is also different from redness, which is a whole other post.
• Speaking about hyperpigmentation requires some sensitivity to very real issues around it including cultural implications. This post is not intended to moralize hyperpigmentation nor is it intended to alienate the normal melaninization of skin across various tones. Hyperpigmentation refers to excess melanin production on the skin in the form of spots that are darker than the surrounding skin. It's not bad or wrong, nor does it speak to anyone not "doing a good enough job" of taking care of themselves.
• I do repeat myself a few times in here but that is for people who are skipping around the article. I want to be as thorough as possible even if you're jumping to the parts of the post you need.
• I do run an online dermatology practice and skin care consultancy, but in order to protect the integrity of my advice, I do not promote my business, I don't give direct medical advice, I don't link to any products/websites, and I don't have any products I've formulated myself to promote.

This is going to get long because I wanted to cover everything re:hyperpigmentation. But for your reading pleasure and ease, I have divided this post up so you can get whatever information you need:
Table of Contents

1. Types of Hyperpigmentation
2. What Causes Hyperpigmentation?
3. How To Treat Hyperpigmentation Part 1: The Ingredients
4. How to Treat Hyperpigmentation Part 2: The Routine and Recommendations
5. Body Hyperpigmentation
6. Nuclear Options

Let's get to it!

Types of Hyperpigmentation

Hyperpigmentation refers to excess melanin production in the skin, but it can actually take a couple different forms. Knowing the type of hyperpigmentation you're experiencing is key to understanding if and how it can be treated.
Freckles: Freckles are incredibly common, especially for people with lighter skin tones. They are small, brown or reddish-brown dots often clustered on the skin. They develop on the surface and are not raised bumps. Freckles can appear anywhere on the body but are common on the face. Freckles are permanent, but the color, contrast and severity can vary and be tempered.
Melasma: Melasma appears as dark patches or splotches around the face, though usually found on the forehead, upper lip, and high on the cheeks. Melasma forms deeper in the skin and appears more amorphous than freckles, moles, or age spots. It can create a “muddy” appearance and is very common among pregnant and postpartum women due to hormonal factors. But it can literally happen to anyone and anywhere on the body.
Post-Inflammatory Hyperpigmentation (PIH): Post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation (PIH) occurs when damaged skin forms melanin during the healing process leaving dark spots. This is common after acne, injuries, eczema, burns, and other trauma to the skin. Exposure to UV rays during healing can make PIH worse. Post-inflammatory erythema (PIE) is similar, but leaves pink or red marks on the skin as a result of damage to the capillaries from injury or inflammation. Basically, when skin is compromised by injury, as part of the immune response cells will begin to generate melanin in an attempt to prevent further damage from UV exposure, so what will happen is the wound/legion/blemish will heal but the pigmented skin remains.
Age Spots: This is kind of a forgotten form of hyperpigmentation. Sun spots, also referred to as liver spots, and solar lentigines are large spots/patches of dark skin with distinct borders. They vary in color from light brown to almost black. They develop on the surface of the skin usually later in life, but reflect damage that often occurred from improper sun protection at a younger age. They can appear on the face, neck, chest, hands, and arms, usually on areas that had UV exposure. For many people, they can begin to appear in your 30s or 40s.

What Causes Hyperpigmentation?

There are a number of factors that can contribute to the formation of hyperpigmentation. Generally, it forms as the result of a combination of genetic and environmental influences. Everyone is unique, but these are some of the most common causes of hyperpigmentation and dark spots:
Genetics can play a role in the development of hyperpigmentation and dark spots in several ways:

• Melanin production: Melanin is the pigment that provides color to our skin, hair, and eyes. The amount of melanin produced and distributed in the skin is largely determined by genetics. People with a greater genetic predisposition to melanin production in their skin are more likely to experience hyperpigmentation and dark spots as a result of sun exposure, hormonal changes, and other factors. People with darker skin are also more prone to melanin production in the form of hyperpigmentation.
• Genetic anomalies: Certain genetic anomalies, such as oculocutaneous albinism, can affect melanin production and distribution in the skin, leading to an increased risk of hyperpigmentation and dark spots.
• Family history: If you have a family history of hyperpigmentation or dark spots, you may be more likely to develop these conditions yourself.
• Enzymes and genes: The enzymes that control melanin production and distribution are regulated by specific genes. Variations in these genes can impact melanin production, leading to an increased risk of hyperpigmentation and dark spots.

Sun (UV) Exposure. In addition to genetic determination of melanin production, UV exposure is the leading environmental cause of hyperpigmentation and the formation of dark spots. Melanin is the pigment that provides color to our skin, hair, and eyes. It acts as a natural sunscreen (but don't treat it like natural sunscreen!!! This isn't the point of the exercise), absorbing UV radiation to protect the skin from damage.
When the skin is exposed to UV radiation, the melanocytes (cells that produce melanin) in the skin go into overdrive, producing more melanin to protect the skin from further damage. This increased melanin production can result in dark spots or areas of hyperpigmentation on the skin.
Hormones. In addition to genetic determination of melanin production, hormones and hormonal sensitivity is a leading internal cause of hyperpigmentation and the formation of dark spots.
One of the most well-known examples of hormonal hyperpigmentation is melasma, a condition characterized by dark, amorphous patches on the face, particularly on the cheeks, forehead, nose, and upper lip. Melasma is often associated with hormonal changes, such as those that occur during pregnancy, hormonal therapy, or birth control pill use. The hormonal changes can stimulate an increase in melanin production, resulting in dark spots or areas of hyperpigmentation. This can happen irrespective of UV exposure, though the sun does exacerbate it.
Hormones can also affect melanin production by altering the skin's metabolism and pigmentation pathways. For example, high levels of cortisol, a hormone produced by the adrenal glands during stress, can trigger an increase in melanin production, resulting in hyperpigmentation.
Inflammation, Injury & Trauma to the skin can result in hyperpigmentation by triggering an increase in melanin production. When the skin is inflamed or injured, it triggers a response from the body's immune system, which can stimulate an increase in melanin production as a protective measure.
For example, acne breakouts or other skin injuries can result in post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation (PIH), which is characterized by dark spots or areas of discoloration on the skin. The dark spots are a result of an increase in melanin production in the affected area, which occurs in response to the inflammation or injury. In addition to acne and other skin injuries, other conditions that can result in PIH include eczema, psoriasis, and insect bites.
Medication Side Effects. Certain medications can cause hyperpigmentation on the skin. Medications that can cause hyperpigmentation include:

• Tetracycline antibiotics: Tetracycline antibiotics, such as doxycycline and minocycline, can cause discoloration of the skin and teeth when taken in high doses or for an extended period of time.
• Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs): NSAIDs, such as ibuprofen and naproxen, can cause hyperpigmentation in some individuals, especially if taken in high doses or for an extended period of time.
• Chemotherapy drugs: Certain chemotherapy drugs, such as doxorubicin and daunorubicin, can cause hyperpigmentation, especially in areas of the skin that have been exposed to the sun.
• Hormonal medications: Hormonal medications, such as birth control pills and estrogen replacements, can cause hyperpigmentation in some individuals, especially if they are taken for an extended period of time.
• Antimalarial drugs: Antimalarial drugs, such as chloroquine and hydroxychloroquine, can cause hyperpigmentation in some individuals, especially if taken in high doses or for an extended period of time.
• Isotretinoin aka accutane when taken for acne can cause hyperpigmentation due to the increase of cell turnover and exposing delicate new skin cells to UV rays before they have shored up.

If using these medications is necessary for your livelihood, it is not recommended to stop their use without the recommendation of your doctor.

How To Treat Hyperpigmentation Part 1: The Ingredients

When looking for skin care products to treat and prevent hyperpigmentation and dark spots, it's important to look for ingredients that can help encourage cell turnover, curb melanin production, and block harmful UV rays. A lot of these things overlap with treatments for other conditions like acne and general anti-aging, but I've noted ones that specifically work on the mechanisms controlling melanin production. Now, this is an extensive list, but I know it doesn't have everything. I've included the ingredients that had the most compelling evidence and/or worked the best for me or people at my practice. But it's also not necessarily a shopping list. You don't have to have all of these things to treat hyperpigmentation, but I'll get to that in the routine portion. This is more to be used as a tool that can help you diversify your routine if you find one ingredient or another doesn't work for you. And it can help you determine if a product targets hyperpigmentation based on its ingredients. There's lot's of options. Some of the key ingredients to look for include:
Retinoids that increases cell turnover. Retinoids like tretinoin, adapalene, retinol et al, can help treat hyperpigmentation by promoting the turnover of skin cells and increasing cell growth, which can help fade dark spots and improve overall skin tone by replacing pigmented skin cells at the surface. While retinoids are extremely effective, they do have some caveats. First, they can be sensitizing to a lot of users, but this can be tempered by using different form functions, different application methods, or different concentrations. Second, because it's constantly turning over skin exposing delicate new skin cells to the elements, it can actually worsen hyperpigmentation if you're not vigilant about sun protection and avoidance. Tretinoin and other retinoids are firewalled behind a prescription in some countries and may be more difficult to obtain. But retinol/al is available in OTC forms.
SPF represents a class of many ingredients designed to protect the skin from UV rays and the damage that occurs from exposure. UV exposure is one of the biggest causes of fine hyperpigmentation and wrinkles so adequate protection is essential. I know I'm not winning any science awards for this declaration, but a lot of people who struggle with hyperpigmentation aren't adequately protecting themselves from the sun. But you also have to be kind of realistic. Even with perfect protection and avoidance, sometimes your hyperpigmentation will still flare. This happens during the summer for a lot of people and something even I grapple with. The key is to do your best and SPF actually works well with numerous other ingredients (like the ones listed below) to help solve that problem.
Arbutin is a Tyrosinase Inhibitor that blocks melanin production. Arbutin, or the synthesized version called alpha arbutin, is a favorite brightening ingredient because it's a slow-release derivative of hydroquinone that inhibits melanin production. This results in both healing and prevention of dark spots, especially when paired with topical acids. It metabolizes on the skin into hydroquinone which is super effective for hyperpigmentation while being a less controversial and hard-to-come-by ingredient than pure hydroquinone. More on hydroquinone in part 6.
Tranexamic acid is another Tyrosinase Inhibitor. This was first used in wound care and it was found to have profound effects on hyperpigmentation. Although it's an acid, it's not a chemical exfoliant, kinda like how hyaluronic acid is not a chemical exfoliant. The exact mechanism by which tranexamic acid works to reduce hyperpigmentation is not fully understood, but it is believed to work by reducing inflammation by blocking plasmin which contributes to melanin production when unchecked. It is particularly effective in treating melasma and one of my personal favorite ingredients.
Kojic Acid is another Tyrosinase Inhibitor. Kojic acid is a natural skin brightener that is derived from various fungi. Kojic acid can also help to exfoliate because it's a slight chemical exfoliant, which can remove dead skin cells that contribute to hyperpigmentation and improve overall appearance. But it does both things: block melanin production and turn skin cells over.
Azelaic Acid has a lot of things going for it that can help with hyperpigmentation. It's an anti-inflammatory and antiseptic that disrupts melanin production. Azelaic acid works by inhibiting the production of melanin in the skin like those other tyrosinase inhibitors. In addition, azelaic acid also has anti-inflammatory and antibacterial properties, which help to improve the overall health and appearance of the skin by reducing melanin production as a result of injury or inflammation. It's also an anti-acne ingredient that can address the root cause of PIH by reducing acne on the skin. It's pretty awesome and available in OTC and prescription strengths.
Niacinamide is another one that directly and indirectly addresses hyperpigmentation. It's a skin soother that decreases inflammation and it naturally reduces sebum production which can curb acne which can curb PIH. It actually took me a little while to figure out that this was another solid hyperpigmentation treatment for these reasons because I used to look at it as being more of an acne treatment. Niacinamide is a form of vitamin B3 that works by inhibiting the transfer of pigment within the skin, which can help to reduce the appearance of dark spots and uneven skin tone. So while it doesn't block tyrosinase, it prevents transfer of pigmented skin cells to the surface.
Vitamin C aka L-ascorbic acid is an antioxidant that fights free radical damage. It treats and prevents hyperpigmentation in three ways. First, it reduces free radical damage from UV exposure which helps increase the effectiveness of SPF when worn together. Second, it is also a tyrosinase inhibitor that blocks melanin production. And finally, vitamin C encourages skin cell turnover. The key is finding a nice stable version of it.
Glycolic and Lactic Acid. Since this list is getting long I am going to group these together. Glycolic Acid is a water-soluble alpha hydroxy acid that penetrates into the pores to treat pigmentation by providing general exfoliation and resurfacing of the skin. The result is improvements in dark spots, texture and other signs of aging. Lactic Acid is also an AHA but with a slightly larger molecular size than glycolic acid so it doesn't penetrate as deep and acts more as a surface exfoliant. As a result it provides more gentle exfoliation to buff away surface pigmentation with an added benefit of acting as a humectant to seal moisture into the skin.
Licorice Extract is a plant extract that inhibits melanin production. Licorice root extract contains a compound called glabridin, which has been shown to have skin brightening effects as, you guessed it, a tyrosinase inhibitor. In addition, licorice root extract also has anti-inflammatory properties, which can help to reduce redness and inflammation associated with hyperpigmentation. I'm seeing more and more of this pop up in skin care.
Soy Proteins are another plant extract that inhibits melanin production. They contain compounds known as isoflavones, which have been shown to help reduce the amount of melanin produced by melanocytes in the skin. Additionally, soy proteins have antioxidant properties that can help to protect the skin from damage caused by free radicals, which can contribute to hyperpigmentation.

How To Treat Hyperpigmentation Part 2: The Routine and Recommendations

This is adapted from numerous comments, posts and DMs I've written on the topic and also comprises a large portion of my own personal routine and routines we recommend to patients. This is a generalist routine meaning it targets all the forms of hyperpigmentation I've mentioned; freckles, melasma, PIH, and age spots though it can be tweaked to address these individually more specifically. This is really my jumping off point for people to get a good idea of what they can achieve as a baseline with OTC ingredients before fine tuning or enlisting the help of a dermatologist. For a lot of people, this is enough to fully resolve, but even if it gets you part of the way there, this should give you a good idea of reactivity.
A few caveats:

• Freckles cannot ever be 100% eradicated. You can however reduce their appearance and prevent them from getting darker. It's important to have realistic goals and understand that sometimes our genetics will overrule any routine we have.
• This routine and any hyperpigmentation routine will not address moles. Moles are a totally different thing that can only be eradicated through removal by a medical practitioner. Moles can be raised or not, but no amount of topicals will get rid of them.
• Melasma is a beast. Sometimes it can be treated with OTC topicals, sometimes it requires prescription strength topicals like hydroquinone, sometimes you need in-office procedures like fractal lasers or IPL. Again, this routine is a jumping off point to see what you can accomplish at home before going down that road (and more on that at the bottom in part 6).
• You'll notice I don't mention products with all the ingredients I listed above. This is because the more you put on your face, the greater your risk of causing irritation. Again, you can adjust and tweak by switching out products with these ingredients or add/subtract as it suits your personal needs.
• If you're struggling with hyperpigmentation while pregnant or breastfeeding, these recommendations may need to be paused.

Alright, let's get to it!
AM routine -- The Goal: Heal, Protect, and Prevent. In order of application following a lukewarm water rinse:

• Azelaic acid
• Alpha Arbutin
• Vitamin C serum
• Moisturizer
• SPF

The combo of C+AZ+AA+SPF is an absolute powerhouse for healing existing hyperpigmentation and preventing new hyperpigmentation from forming. It makes your SPF more effective, it inhibits the production of melanin from UV exposure (not your natural melanin production though), and it speeds cell turnover with dual antioxidant action and gentle chemical exfoliation. The result is brighter skin in a few months of consistent use.
For Azelaic Acid, this is the ingredient for serious treatment. It's considered one of the most effective ways to reverse melasma aka serious hyperpigmentation short of hydroquinone -- which is both controversial and hard to get. It brings a little bit of exfoliation to the table in addition to inhibiting UV melanin production, but it also has a slight antiseptic property which can help with acne. Paula's choice Azelaic Acid Booster is the only one I've really tried after sampling the Ordinary's in-store and not liking the texture. I get about 6 months out of a tube and a little bit goes a long way.
For Alpha Arbutin, the Ordinary's formulation is pretty solid. I prefer the Ordinary's AA 2% + HA as opposed to their AA 2% + Ascorbic Acid 8% as I don't believe the quality and stability of their Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C) is great. That's why I opt for a separate Vitamin C serum step. But the AA + HA also has a little bit of lactic acid in it which provides some gentle exfoliation and encourages AA deeper into the skin where it's more effective. Lactic acid is mild enough that it's safe for use in a morning routine, but you still want to protect with SPF. There are a couple AA products floating around but I think TO's product is probably the best, most straightforward one. Alpha Arbutin metabolizes into hydroquinone on the skin so is basically one of the best OTC pigment correctors you can get.
For Vitamin C, the gold standard really is Skinceuticals CE Ferulic. This is stupid expensive though so I’m going to suggest Timeless Vitamin C. I like that it comes in an airless pump that prevents oxidation over time. Vitamin C is an antioxidant that increases the rate of skin cell turnover bringing forward new, skin cells while simultaneously improving the effects of SPF. It's a great foundation for a fix.
These ingredients can be layered on one right after the other then topped with your moisturizer (I like a basic one like cetaphil daily lotion), then topped with your SPF. The SPF I would recommend is Canmake UV mermaid gel in clear as this will not leave a white cast on your skin and it’s generally a very elegant SPF. It's SPF 50 which means it gives really good protection, but there are numerous SPFs you can try. I personally like anything from La Roche Posay, any Neutrogena SPF that's not formulated with ethylhexylglycerin, Supergoop Unseen Sunscreen, Biore Aqua Rich (another Japanese brand), Trader Joe's SPF if you can get your hands on it, and EltaMD.
Of all the products I’ve tried that could act as a stand-in for vitamin c, azelaic acid, and alpha arbutin, there’s one Japanese serum from Hada Labo called “whitening lotion” which has had the biggest impact on my hyperpigmentation in a single product of anything I’ve tried. This might be a little too effective though, I actually find that it washed me out within the first 2 weeks of twice daily use, so now I only use it in the morning. And I’m not a fan of the translation… which is a direct but mistranslation. It’s not a bleaching lotion, it also relies on a form of vitamin C and tranexamic acid to brighten skin. But it's a really interesting to try if you wanted a simplified morning routine in which case I would apply this, then your moisturizer, then your SPF.
PM routine -- The Goal: Renew and Reveal. In order of application:

• Cleanse
• Buffer
• Tranexamic acid and exfoliant OR retinoid**
• Moisturize

To cleanse, I have a really basic recommendation that will remove your SPF, makeup, and any grime/sebum from your day. Start with Cetaphil gentle cleanser. This is a gentle, hydrating cleanser that will break up your SPF really effectively. Massage in and rinse. Then apply a foaming cleanser, I recommend Cetaphil daily cleanser which foams. This will sweep away anything that’s left and give you a good foundation for the rest of your routine. While this doesn't directly help hyperpigmentation specifically, it's a critical step especially for people who are acne>PIH prone. It also gives you a nice clean slate to apply the rest of your skincare. I've tried dozens of cleansers but always come back to these two as good basic options.
For your Buffer this is an important step that can be done prior to using a chemical exfoliant or retinoid: applying an occlusive that will block the active from more sensitive skin. I recommend buffering around your eyes and nostrils with La Roche Posay Cicaplast balm because it kind of doubles as a nice eye cream, but this can also be done with basic vaseline or aquaphor for a more budget-friendly option.
For Tranexamic Acid, my holy grail TXA product, La Roche Posay Glycolic B5 is actually a multipurpose serum that combines ingredients to treat hyperpigmentation with chemical exfoliants. It contains two hyperpigmentation heavy hitters -- Tranexamic acid and Kojic Acid which are great for melasma -- and two exfoliants -- Glycolic Acid and Lipo-Hydroxy Acid (LHA) which is like fancy salicylic acid -- so it both reveals new skin cells that are less prone to pigmenting from UV exposure while sloughing away your old skin cells. You can use this 2 or 3 nights per week. On off nights, just cleanse and moisturize.
For a Retinoid if you can get prescription tretinoin, this is going to be the best bet. Your doctor will advise you on the concentration. More on that in part 6. It will help speed up the rate of cell turnover bringing new, unpigmented skin cells to the surface faster. Some other OTC options include differin (which is rated more for acne but uses the same mechanism for cell turnover so it's also effective in this use case) and retinols. Now, I haven't tried every retinol on the market but I have two that I stand by: SkinCeuticals retinol and L'Oreal retinol serum. The SkinCeuticals is, in my opinion, the closest to RX tretinoin in terms of efficacy, but it's a little pricey. The L'Oreal also does a really good job and is a little more affordable. It's currently my go-to OTC on the days I'm not using my RX retinoid tazarotene. You can use this 2 or 3 nights per week. On off nights, just cleanse and moisturize.
** My recommendations for tranexamic acid and retinoids CANNOT be used in the same night. You'll nuke your skin. And for most people, both aren't necessary, you can get away with using one or the other. If I had a preference, I would say use the TXA serum instead of a retinoid, but if you can build up a tolerance to using them both without damaging your barrier, they work really well together. So, proceed with caution. If you want to use both, use them on alternate nights and give yourself a night or two without either to let your skin recover. For me personally, I do retinoids on Sundays, and Wednesdays, chemical exfoliants on Mondays and Thursdays, and I let my skin rest (cleanse, moisturize, squalene oil) on Tuesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays.
On top of whichever active you choose, apply your moisturizer. You can use the same one you use in your morning routine, the Cetaphil daily lotion as it’s nice and light. I also like La Roche Posay Toleraine double repair for a ceramide-based cream alternative if you want something richer. You do not want to "slug" over actives. This advice gets mixed in a lot. Slugging refers to applying an occlusive layer over your skincare such as vaseline, aquaphor, oils like squalene oil, or healing balms like La Roche Posay Cicaplast balm. While this can be done on hydration nights, it should not be done on nights when you're using chemical exfoliants or retinoids as this may make them too effective causing irritation and breakouts.

Body Hyperpigmentation

Ok, I need everyone to be a grownup for two seconds. These products and methods (both from the prior section and this section) should NOT be used on your genitals. First, you can cause serious irritation or infection by applying active skincare to your genitals. Second, it's really not going to do anything to change the pigmentation of the skin there. The skin on your genitals is different than your body and facial skin and it pigments in different ways for different reasons so it's not going to respond to topicals the same way the rest of your body does. Don't even try it.
To be perfectly clear, these are the areas you should not be applying skincare: labia majora, labia minora, vaginal entrance or vagina, clitoral hood, perineum, anus, intergluteal cleft aka inside your butt crack, penis, or scrotum. And I say this as someone who chaffed the precipice of her "intergluteal cleft" in an unfortunate crunches-in-the-wrong-gym-shorts accident leaving me with some deeply incriminating hyperpigmentation and earning me the nickname "skid mark" from my ever loving boyfriend. It faded after a year but you can still send prayers.
These are areas you can apply skincare but do so with absolute caution and at your own risk: bikini line, mons pubis, inner thigh up to the groin fold, butt cheeks.
Ok, now that we've got the disclaimers out of the way, let's move forward. Hyperpigmentation can also occur on body skin for the same reason it appears on the face, but it can also be triggered by friction. And because body skin is different from facial skin, it requires a slightly different approach. This is my recommendation for both hyperpigmentation and KP (Keratosis pilaris) because they rely on the same mechanism for treatment: chemical exfoliation.
In the case of body hyperpigmentation, I recommend a two prong approach: a body wash in the shower and a topical treatment to be used after. Oh, and SPF again if there are areas that are exposed to the sun, and I have a holy grail SPF recommendation for this.
Now you may have noticed in my facial skin recommendation that I did not mention CeraVe as a treatment brand. I have posted numerous takedowns of CeraVe on other threads so I won't rehash them here suffice it to say that it's no longer a brand I can in good faith recommend since it's acquisition by L'Oreal. This is often the brand that's considered when treating KP on the body, but I don't believe their formulations and ingredient quality works for everyone.
For the body wash, I recommend Neutrogena body clear with Salicylic acid. This is an exfoliating body wash that will help clear away dead skin cells on the surface allowing new ones to come through. To be effective, you want it to sit on your skin for a little while. I recommend lathering it up and applying it after turning off your shower faucet and letting it sit for 2 or 3 minutes. This is when I like to knock out shower emails. Then rinse away.
On towel dried skin after your shower, apply AmLactin Bumps Be Gone. Again, this is formulated for KP but the reason I like it is because it contains lactic acid which will also give the assist on brightening hyperpigmented body skin. The wash and this should be effective, but you might also want to mix in a few drops of the alpha arbutin serum I recommended for your facial routine, maybe three drops per application area (each leg, each arm, chest, etc). I generally don't encourage facial products on the body because it's not an economical use for them, and also because body skin is a little more resilient and doesn't need skincare that's formulated for more sensitive facial skin. The AA serum from the Ordinary is very affordable however and is a good hyperpigmentation generalist.
Another one that I mentioned in the facial hyperpigmentation portion that can work well on the body is the Hada Labo whitening lotion. Again, this is formulated around tranexamic acid which is very effective for hyperpigmentation and a little bit if this stuff goes a long way. I buy it in bulk from Japanese Importers though it's also available on Amazon for a slightly higher price. If you find yourself in Asia, stock up on it. I use this specifically for fading tan lines that happen (even with diligent/neurotic SPF use) around my fitness watch and the straps of my workout tops that I run in.
You also want to wear SPF on areas that are exposed to the sun to prevent pigmentation from occurring. The one I absolutely love that’s not your 90’s banana boat is Aveeno Protect + Hydrate lotion with SPF 60. This is a great SPF for a lot of reasons: it finishes like a lotion instead of a sunscreen, it dries down totally clear, and it has a pleasant, slight sweet scent. On a scale of 1-10 with 1 being bare skin, 10 being banana boat slathered on by your mom in 1997, and regular body lotion being a 2, I give Aveeno Protect + Hydrate a 2.5 in terms of texture and feel-finish. I use it as my daily lotion on my neck, arms, shoulders, and chest. If you're more active you might need a heavier hitter here like a sport sunscreen.

Nuclear Options

In general, I recommend trying OTC topical solutions for any skin concern before heading down the in-office procedure route. Part of this is because you can usually put a good dent in what you're struggling with by using OTC topicals, making in-office procedures and RX treatments easier and more effective. Part of it is so you have a good maintenance routine in place to use after the fact to preserve the results of your in-office procedure which can sometimes be costly. Lastly, while some procedures can solve the immediate problem completely, topical skincare can be really effective at treating other adjacent conditions like redness, acne, and fine lines.
Side note: I haven't listed every possible compounded medication because there are a lot, and many compounded meds are formulated to tackle multiple issues like acne and hyperpigmentation. I also tend to favor single note skin care (aka, products with very few ingredients) as this allows you to combine or remove certain actives and gives you a better sense of reactivity.
For tougher-to-treat hyperpigmentation such as melasma, if your topical routine doesn't totally clear the problem in 6 to 8 months, a visit to the dermatologist might be helpful. Here are the heavier-hitting procedures and topicals that can go the extra mile after you've exhausted other options.
Medical Grade Peels: Medical grade chemical peels can be done by dermatologists. Trichloroacetic acid (TCA) or phenol peels may be done for cases of severe hyperpigmentation, but high concentration BHA or AHA peels are also commonly used. I do these twice a year. Because of the strength of the acids used, these must be done by a medical professional with careful followup.
***IPL Therapy and Laser Therapy may not work for everyone and in some cases may exacerbate hyperpigmentation so you really want to work with dermatologists with a lot of experience in treating cases similar to yours to determine if these interventions are appropriate for you.
IPL Treatment: Intense Pulsed Light (IPL) therapy can treat hyperpigmentation by targeting the melanin in the skin with a broad spectrum of light wavelengths, heating and breaking the melanin down. IPL is particularly effective for treating sun damage and age spots, as well as other forms of hyperpigmentation. The treatment is relatively non-invasive, with minimal downtime, making it a popular option. This is also a great treatment for the redness associated with enlarged blood vessels (often confused for broken capillaries) on the surface of the skin which can also appear alongside hyperpigmentation. There isn't any clinical evidence to support at-home IPL devices being effective in the same way. That doesn't mean it's not possible, it's just not studied enough to be certain. Most at-home IPL devices do not operate in effective wavelengths the way professional grade ones do.
Laser Therapy: Fractional and CO2 lasers can be used to treat a range of hyperpigmentation issues, including sun damage, age spots, and melasma. The treatment works by removing the top layers of skin, which contain the excess pigmentation, revealing fresh, healthy skin cells underneath. The lasers also stimulate the production of collagen, which helps to improve skin texture and reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles.
Hydroquinone: This isn't an in-office procedure like the aforementioned treatments, but it is firewalled behind a prescription meaning you can only access hydroquinone in effective concentrations by working with a doctor. This is a somewhat new development at least in the US following some covid-era rejiggering of prescription clearances. HDQ is controversial because it's a skin bleaching agent which has some cultural implications in places where light skin is favored over natural pigmentation. HDQ technically works the same way other OTC tyrosinase inhibitors do (in fact arbutin actually metabolizes into HDQ when applied to the skin), pure HDQ happens to be the most powerful version of them. It lightens any skin it touches, not just hyperpigmented skin in higher concentrations which can make it tough to use. This effect isn't as profound in the other tyrosinase inhibitors I mentioned making them much easier to use over HDQ which, in high concentrations, must be dotted on the skin in only hyperpigmented areas. So HDQ is really reserved for intervention in extreme or OTC treatment-resistance cases.
Tretinoin and Prescription Retinoids: This is going to be dependent on what part of the world you're in, but in a lot of countries, tretinoin and its counterparts like tazarotene are only available through prescription. I mentioned retinoids in the routine so if you're able to get your hands on a prescription from a doctor, it may be more effective than OTC retinols. Most doctors will prescribe a retinoid over hydroquinone, so this is usually easier to procure and can be quite effective on its own as a hyperpigmentation treatment. OTC differin is the only retinoid available over-the-counter (in the US) which can also be used for hyperpigmentation.
Prescription Azelaic Acid: This is another one that's available in lower concentrations over-the-counter (which can still be quite effective) but there are prescription strength grades of azelaic acid. This is usually reserved for rosacea treatment as it tends to target redness and flushing, or as an acne treatment because of its antiseptic properties, but it can also be an effective hyperpigmentation treatment for its tyrosinase-inhibiting ability.
If you made it this far, congratulations! I hope this information is helpful. While it is extensive and based on massive amount of research, experience, experimentation and work with professionals, it may not be perfect and it may not be suitable for everyone. Feel free to offer any constructive criticism or ask any questions in comments. I am always open to expanding my understanding.

stocks

• Snoo_37953

What would you do? Currently holding 1.1 million in Google stock which husband accumulated over the past 12 years of working there.
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• DerpJungler

Which company are you willing to buy its shares but never their products/services?
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• BananaKuma

I introduced my mother to stocks recently, she then proceeds to hold SQQQ for the past four months, losing $500k and counting
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StockMarket

• PangolinBoring7147

isn't real money
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• TonyLiberty

Only 20 Stocks have driven the S&P 500's gains this year (and they are mostly AI-related stocks):
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• TonyLiberty

5 stocks make up ~25% of the S&P 500, its highest since the 1970s:
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investing

• GR8-N8

Why short sell an equity (and paying borrowing costs of 5-10%) when selling a deep ITM call option has a substantially similar payout without an interest charge?
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• TheWatchman1991

Question on Active Managed Account
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• NoDramaLamaMama

SPGI vs. Moodys / Synopsys vs. Cadence
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trakstocks

• Saint_O_Well

Avila Energy: A Special Situation Investment with Potential for a 1450% Return OTC: PTRVF Canada:VIK
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• massettawm

US ticker now live for Sage Potash (SAGE.v): SGPTF
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• mechatrucker

Could use some insight on IRIS Energy!
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UndervaluedStonks

wallstreetbets

• predictany007

On September 19, 2022, Jim Cramer said to short Nvidia (NVDA), calling it a loser. Since then, NVDA is up 195%. 🤦‍♂️👎
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• vas9mil

"This innovative A.I. company is has patent pending technology that could revolutionize the future"
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• bitkogan

Combined, Apple, Microsoft, Alphabet, Amazon, Nvidia, and Meta make up over 25% of S&P 500, totaling $10 trillion in value
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market_sentiment

• nobjos

Price is what you pay, value is what you get
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options

• Outside-Cup-1622

Selling a Cash Secured Put
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• GR8-N8

Just got off the phone with TDA - their policies seem too good to be true??
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• Juliusmobile

Does IV crush affect Straddles?
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pennystocks

• abashedvictory69

Can anyone ease my mind on this one? Or am I not overthinking this? (Iris Energy)
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• AdaBetterThanIota

Memorial Day Weekend Watchlist: Reversals and Momentum Set Ups
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• Haswdt

WiMi Hologram Cloud Designed A VR-based Remote Collaboration System
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SecurityAnalysis

• knowledgemule

The Coming Wave of AI, and How Nvidia Dominants
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Biotechplays

• DoctorDueDiligence

[Dr. DD] Letter 006: How to use AI as a tool for Stock Research
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algotrading

• SuppressiveOG

lightweight-charts-python now supports searching, timeframe selection, and more!
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• allsfine

IBKR data is choppy, which data feed for entire Futures Options Chains (ex IQFeed, polygon)
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• I-am-Jacksmirking

Is there a website that exists where you can predict the price that your option will open at based on premarket prices?
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Forex

• Gtimex

Wtf!!!!
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• wesley_iles

What just happened to XAUUSD?
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• chriti17

I am f*cked, right? prop firm
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RobinHood

• Robot_of_Sherwood

Daily Discussion Thread - May 30th, 2023
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CryptoMarkets

• irishnftgal

Is this going to be the end of financial advisors?
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• Coosem

Pocket Network has never been closer to the launch of the v1. POKT V1 guarantees a reliable, performant, and cost effective RPC access to the open internet.
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• maxman72go

From Banned to BOOM: Hong Kong on Verge of Opening the Gates for Crypto's RETURN to CHINA...
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I've read through the FAQ in an attempt to valuate a few coins that I inherited. I went through ebay sold items to find some general valuations, but if you all have any additional insight I'd love to hear it.
Questions: What are the best practices for selling coins - local coin shop in my area vs. Ebay? Are there any online vendors that would make an offer on the whole lot? Do any of these make sense to get a grading? Also I'm not sure if some of these are even real!
Photo Gallery: https://imgur.com/a/2cMVmBD
Here's my ebay research for sold similar coins:

Name	High	Low	Median
2 Escudos 1715 "Santa Fe De Bogota" Gold (Fake?)	$3,200.00	$3.00 (Fake)	$275.00
2 Escudos 1715 "Santa Fe De Bogota" Silver (Fake?)	?	?	?
El Cazador 1783	$350.00	$150.00	$300.00
Spanish Piece of Eight "Port Royale" 1655	$393.00	$5.13	$10.50
1790 Duit "United East Indies Company"	$15.50	$5.13	$10.50
Admiral Gardner Copper 20 1808	$70.00	$4.50	$10.50
Vligenthart 1 Gold Ducat 1729	$4,500.00	$895.00	$1,400.00

Thank you for the help!

Once he starts to wake up he feels a comforting warmth around him. Opening his eyes his vision is still dark. Once his vision clears he realizes he's looking at a black claw.
Following the claw he finds Palinurus snuggled against his back, her face settled in a peaceful bliss.
'This feels nice,' muses Crabron, making sure not to move and wake her, 'But should it? She's my friend and this is a very intimate pose.'
'What if you became more?' asks another train of thought, 'You could be happy.'
'But what if she doesn't want anything more,' questions Crabron.
'Of course she does, think back a little bit, she wasn't looking for guards she was looking at you. Need proof? Her flustered response is all you need, or how about when you mentioned dating and she hastily backtracked?'
As he is arguing with himself Crabron notices that her smile has turned to fear and her breath quickens, as she mumbles, "No, Crabron! No, no, no!"
'She must be having a nightmare!' thinks Crabron as he shakes her awake, "Palinurus, Palinurus, wake up. I'm alright."
With a gasp she jumps awake. Wrapping his wings around her he whispers, "It's okay Palinurus. It's okay. I'm right here. I'm alright."
"Thank the moons!" Exclaims Palinurus, "I dreamt that you never woke up from Sheyleyong's attack. I was thinking about what I would do. If, if you died. I was thinking about how I could even live with you gone," she starts to panic. "I couldn't bear the thought of living without you and all the things I would never say. What I would miss out on!"
As she rambles an he carefully shuts her mouth with a gentle claw silencing her worries.
In the sudden silence he speaks, "You don't need to worry about that, ever. I'll always be here when you need me, even if it means leaving a mission. You've been at my side for as long as I can remember. Hell I don't even remember how we met, just that you've been there for me just as I have for you. Some stuck up, slaving, honey snorter, won't change that."
She looks at him with tears in her eyes, "But you nearly died. When you were out it was like you were gone, no matter what I did you never even flinched, you had two dislocated ribs and you'd lost a lot of blood."
"Looks like Clearsight hasn't decided to accept me." Comments Crabron with a smug but gentle smile, "And a couple dislocated ribs certainly won't kill me."
A look of sudden remembrance crosses her face, "Ooh, that reminds me, to fix your ribs you need to relocate them yourself."
"How am I supposed to do that?" Asks Crabron.
"According to Viceroy, the doctor who lives here, you need to take a deep breath and try to blow it out without opening your mouth and plugging your nose." Crabron tries and gasps in pain.
Palinurus places a comforting claw on his shoulder, "Keep at it until you feel them pop back into place. If you black out I have some hartshorn."
After a few painful attempts he finally feels them relocate with a relieved sigh, "Wow, I never thought it was that hard to breathe. Where are we?"
"Viceroy's house, in the Bloodworm Hive SilkWing District. I told you that." Says Palinurus with a disapproving look, "Viceroy didn't mention brain damage."
Crabron smiles as he pushes aside the entrance curtain, "That you did, but where in the district?"
"Just outside the Plaza of the Hope for Peace." Says Palinurus as Crabron lays eyes on a large, vividly painted statue depicting Monarch, Wasp, and a rather monochromatic LeafWing, each working together to hold up a crown. "How is that thing not tearing through the silk?"
In reply a voice comes from the street as Grayling steps through a line of SilkWings, "It's made from treestuff and it's hollow, as such it's a lot lighter than it looks."
"Hello again Grayling," Crabron suddenly remembers something, "Did I miss the handout?"
"No, I fact you're just in time," he motions to the line he just walked through, "These are the ones who showed up. Come with me. Palinurus, you too."
Grayling leads him to a row of tables overflowing with baskets full of various goods with yet more still in the crates behind it, "How much did y'all get?"
"Three quarters of the entire warehouse." Answers Leafcutter as she flicks her tail at a table, "You'll be there with Palinurus, your father and I will be asleep at home. However before I go," she grabs a curious scabbard off a table and hands it to him, "I do believe this is yours."
Looking at it he notices that it seems to be made out of long strands of grass. Wrapping one loop before his wings and the other just behind his wings Crabron asks, "What is it?"
"Sheyleyong's sword," answers Leafcutter, "I took the liberty to procure a new scabbard from my contact. Apparently she had to steal this one from another group that doesn't share their opinion. When her daughter was told to get it they had a big argument. I have never seen such a dysfunctional family. But I get it, she was hiding someone."
"If she's hiding it, how'd you know?" Asks Crabron.
She points to her eyes, "Her eyes, it was just for a split second, but it was there. The same look I always hid during my experimentation phase, before I met your father."
"You experimented? With who?" Asks Crabron.
"Well, I say it's time to stop wasting these family's days, and get me some sleep. Each family gets one basket and try not to vandalize anything." Dismisses Leafcutter as she rushes away calling behind her, "He's in charge guys!"
"You'd think she 'experimented' with my mother with how she rushed away," muses Palinurus, "How is the sword not slicing through those grass fibers?"
"Maybe it's lined with something?" Asks Crabron as he gives the scabbard a light squeeze, feeling something hard as steel between the wrappings and sword, "I'll have to ask my mom."
Stepping behind the table he calls out, "I can help the next family!"
A few families down the line Crabron hears a squeaky voice, "That's him! That's the Hiveing that saved me!"
As a familiar purple dragonet runs up, his mother close behind, Crabron smiles, "If it isn't Dusky, the toughest dragonet I ever met. Have you shown your friends your awesome new scar?"
"Not yet, he has construction work today," says the dragoness accompanying him, presumably his mother.
"It's Friday shouldn't he be at school?" Asks Crabron.
She gives a sad nod, "Yes, but after his father died he was expected to pick up his shifts, Thursday nights and Friday to Monday days."
A look of horror crosses Palinurus' face, "He's a dragonet! He deserves an education!"
Dusky's mother sighs, "I know, but Lady Bloodworm won't allow it."
"I'll see if I can change her mind," growls Crabron.
"How?" Asks Palinurus.
"Enough threats can change any mind." Hisses Crabron before taking on a kind look, "Say, little Dusky, what is your favorite fruit?"
"Bananas!" Chirps Dusky.
Taking an extra bushel of bananas from the crates behind him Crabron places them and an extra loaf of bread into a basket before handing it to Dusky's mother, "Have a wonderful day."
Once the line diminishes Crabron looks over the still remaining food and tells the other SilkWings that were helping him pass out baskets to help themselves to the food.
"Your parents say you killed Vinegaroon's son last night," prefaces Grayling, "Is it true?"
"Who?" Asks Crabron.
"Lord Sheyleyong is, or rather was, Vinegaroon's youngest son." Supplies Grayling.
"Oh, him." says Crabron, "I did."
"How'd you do it?" Asks Grayling.
"Nothing too hard," says Crabron with a shrug.
"Not too hard?" Exclaims Grayling, "In Vinegaroon hive every HiveWing is expected to start training in combat at five and serve for three years minimum. However, the most skilled Dragons are placed under Sheyleyong, yet you killed him!"
"I wouldn't say those soldiers were skilled," scoffs Crabron.
"What armor were they wearing?" Questions Grayling.
"Leather." Says Crabron.
"Then those were probably peasants sent along with him." Dismisses Grayling, "Vinegaroon's Midnight Sons wear plate armor coated in a black lacquer, with the exception of Sheyleyong himself."
Crabron's mind flashes back to that night as he once again hears Sheyleyong, "My son has cared for Valeriophonus, that's the dragoness you just murdered, for years. He was sure he would marry her, but now that will never happen."
'Valeriophonus must've been a peasant,' Thinks Crabron, 'By Clearsight! That might've been her first mission, and I killed her!'
"Crabron? Asks Palinurus a concerned tone in her voice, "Are you okay?"
"I killed her." Breaths Crabron, "It was probably her first mission and I killed her."
"Who? Who did you kill?" Asks Palinurus
"One of the soldiers sent on what was supposed to be a simple investigation last night was a peasant girl named Valeriophonus. She was no older than five or six, probably on her first mission, a-and I killed her," her terrified face flashes through Crabron's eyes causing an involuntary shiver to race down his spine, "I saw her face, I saw the light leave her eyes. She was terrified."
Palinurus gives his shoulder a comforting squeeze, "I'm sure you didn't have a choice."
"But did I?" Asks Crabron, "We could've tried to talk our way out of it, or escaped after they arrested us, but my mom decided to kill one of those innocent peasants in cold blood. Not to mention she feigned surrender, now whenever one of the Chrysalis actually tries to surrender the guards won't trust them!"
"Crabron," says Grayling with an understanding look, "Killing will never get any easier, but unless a HiveWing's eyes are white then that HiveWing chose to attack. That's what gets me through fights."
"And if their eyes are white?" Questions Crabron.
Grayling shrugs, "Then it's not them, it's Wasp forcing them to fight."
“Y-yes of course,” says Crabron before changing the subject, "Does Lady Bloodworm ever leave Bloodworm Place?"
"Not without, at the absolute least, a dozen guards," answers Grayling.
"Rest up, we have a night trip to make," states Crabron before nodding to Palinurus, "You too."
"Where are we going to sleep?" Asks Palinurus, "This isn't our hive."
"I have a place," says Grayling.
"What would your pare- mother say?" Asks Crabron.
"She didn't handle the death of my brother and father very well." Answers Grayling before mumbling, "Now I live alone."
"I'm so sorry," apologizes Palinurus, "It must be hard on you."
"Don't be," says the gray Silkwing with a smile. "It gives me more resolve."
Once they arrive at Grayling's house Crabron spies writing materials on a desk, "Before I sleep I'll need to write a letter to my parents, telling them my plan so they don't panic."
Taking his newly written scroll he finds Codling and passes the scroll over with a kind request to deliver it to Leafcutter.
Re-entering Grayling's house he curls up beside Palinurus quickly falling asleep.
After a brief stop to steal a pair of spears, support straps included, and basic armor for his SilkWings as well as a roundel dagger and armor for himself he leads his group to Bloodworm Place. Sneaking to the windows Crabron spies Bloodworm sitting at an overflowing table with her courtiers.
"She has that much food yet her SilkWings are starving!" Cries Palinurus, "That's perverse!"
Yanking Palinurus into the nearby bushes Crabron hisses, "Lower your voice! We are trying not to be discovered." At her meek nod he continues, "Good now we have to find all possible entrances and exits and where Bloodworm sleeps. So somebody needs to track Bloodworm through the windows while the others examine the outside."
"I'll track Bloodworm," volunteers Grayling, "However there are areas without windows so I'll have to track her from inside."
"That seems risky," says Palinurus.
"My family has always been Hive Drones." Grayling waves, "I just have to act like one if I get caught."
"As soon as things seem dicey, run," orders Crabron, "I don't need to lose anyone."
"Yes, sir!" Snaps Grayling as he removes his gambeson and kernel helm.
"You make me sound like some old, grizzled guard," muses Crabron as Grayling slips in through a window and worms his way into the serving staff.
"This is your mission," says Palinurus, "It makes sense for you to be the leader."
She picks up his chin and whispers in an attempt of a sultry tone, "Besides it leaves us alone."
"If I'm the leader, as you say, then I think you should study the bottom floor and I'll use my wings to study the upper floors. Keep track of any potential exits and remain unseen." says Crabron missing her insinuation.
If Crabron had looked behind him he would've seen Palinurus smack a fist onto the ground with a hiss, "I came on too strongly."
After searching the exterior he spies Grayling on the topmost floor balcony waving him in, swooping around to pick up Palinurus he drops her and Grayling's armor on the balcony, "Did you find her?"
"Yes, she is protected by two guards at her door." Reports Grayling.
"What about in the hallway leading to it?" Asks Palinurus.
"None," answers Grayling, "Hell I haven't seen a guard, except those two, since I came in!"
"Didn't you say she's paranoid?" Asks Palinurus.
"Maybe she feels safe in her home." Shrugs Crabron, "Though we're about to shatter that illusion."
"Something doesn't feel right about that." Says Palinurus as a visible shudder runs down her back, "Grayling, I think you should don your armor before we head in."
"Relax, it's just nerves," dismisses Crabron, a confident smile on his face, "We'll be in and out before they can spring any traps. Grayling if you will?"
"Right this way." Stopping just short of a three way intersection, Grayling motions to the intersecting hall, "Just at the end of that hallway is her room, be careful though the hall is rather empty."
Glancing around the corner he sees a long, wide hallway painted with a vivid scarlet red, the columns painted a vibrant and contrasting yellow. The floor is covered with a plush high pile, purple carpet trimmed with golden flamesilk.
At each column is a statue of various important HiveWings, including Bloodworm herself, each supporting a flame silk lantern, half of which are covered by silk darkening the hall.
The gaps between the columns are occupied with shallow pools and elaborate fountains, where there isn't a doorway. Looking to the other side of the hall the space between columns is occupied with huge and nearly invisible panes of crystal glass leading to the night outside.
Following the colors up he sees an arched glass ceiling that is completely invisible against the night sky, giving the impression of being outside without the wet of the monsoon rains that have just started up.
At the end of the hall stands two guards, just as Grayling reported, eerily staring straight ahead with empty, glowing white eyes and spears at the ready to intercept any intruders.
Dipping back around the corner, Crabron digs his talons into the tree stuff wall and climbs up to the darkened arch of glass, not willing to risk his wingbeats being heard. After examining the slick gold-plated girders supporting the glass he determines that they are too flush to utilize as claw holds. Opting to use his claws, Crabron slowly inches along the top of the wall until he is above a guard. Watching a lightning bolt in the distance he counts it out until the thunder strikes. When another strikes at a similar distance he drops, fist balled at the ready, and lands on one of the guards just as the thunder hits, overwhelming what little sound his strike made.
Hooking his arm around the other's throat he waits until he stops struggling. Motioning to his friends they run up the hall, claw taps silenced by the rug.
"What'd I tell you?" Smiles Crabron as he removes the key ring from one of the guards and starts trying them on the door. "Easy. We'll be in and out lickety split."
"We still should be quick," warns Palinurus, "Who knows when these guards will wake up."
"Of course." calls Crabron as the lock gives a quiet click and he pushes open the door revealing what could be the definition of luxury.
The color scheme and carpet match the hall with a sunken pit in the floor surrounded by various lounge cushions and squat tables, all facing a stone fire pit. Looking around the room he sees various highly detailed tapestries depicting HiveWing triumphs and SilkWing suffering hung between curtained doorways to different rooms.
"I didn't take Bloodworm as the devout type," whispers Palinurus.
Following her eyes through a slightly open curtain Crabron sees a large, regal portrait of Clearsight writing her book of prophecies while nestled within the wings of her primary husband, Sunstreak, though she is far more prominent. Below the painting is a short wooden desk cluttered with various offerings, from jewelry to food to a small statuette of Clearsight, between unlit incense lamps.
Entering the room, Palinurus picks up a finely detailed egg carved from jade from the shrine to admire it.
"Woah, woah, woah!" Calls Crabron trying to keep his voice at a whisper, "Put that back now!" Startled, she quickly puts it back. Sitting down in front of the shrine he closes his eyes, keeping his head down, "Forgive her Clearsight, for she didn't know."
"What the hell was that!" Cries Palinurus.
"Stealing from a shrine is the surest way to be denied by Clearsight's doormen. Being left to wander the void as a twisted shade," says Crabron.
"I just thought it was a pretty color," mumbles Palinurus.
"I'll see about buying you some jade knick knacks." Suggests Crabron.
"Like that one?" Asks Palinurus pointing to the egg.
"I'm sure you don't want a fertility charm," dismisses Crabron.
"A what?" Asks Palinurus.
"A fertility charm," repeats Crabron, "You keep it where eggs come from and pull it out when you're about to make eggs. Pretty common with Lady Jewel's crowd."
Her confusion turns to horror, "Ew, ew, ew! I had it in my claws! I eat with those!" She rushes towards the curtain separating the shrine from the common area, still somehow keeping her voice down, "I need a sink, now!"
“Is she alright?” asks Grayling, catching his eye through the swinging curtain.
Crabron shrugs as he leaves the shrine room, “She was holding a Jade egg and just learned what they're used for."
"She had to learn somehow," he holds out a mask of Odorata, messenger of Clearsight and a guide for lost souls, "There's a black table cloth over there."
"Brilliant!" Calls Crabron with a pat on Grayling's back, "Bloodworm is obviously devout so she'll listen if she thinks Odorata is after her! We need to turn that tablecloth into a hooded cloak, can you sew?"
He smiles, "Of course, I have been living alone after all. I think I saw sewing supplies in a side room."
By the time Palinurus re-enters the room Crabron is already wearing his makeshift costume as Grayling finishes his stitches, "There you are. Looks like we have a plan! Now I need you on standby as Clearsight if I need it, Grayling you will be a look out after you wake Bloodworm. Understood?"
With two simultaneous salutes Crabron goes through the only wooden, yes wooden, door in the suite revealing a giant bed with silky, see through curtains. Stepping up on a chest at the end of the bed he points from Grayling to Bloodworm before pointing from Palinurus to the shadows at the corner of the room where her dark scales render her nearly invisible.
Getting the message, Grayling taps her on the thigh until she starts to stir, prompting Grayling to sprint out the door.
Striking an intimidating pose he glares down at her with his wings wide. With a start Lady Bloodworm shoots up her back against the headboard, "W-who are you."
As lightning flashes lighting up his skull mask Crabron speaks with a deep projecting voice, "Madame Clearsight is hurt that you don't recognize her one and only messenger!"
Recognition spreads across her face, "You're Odorata, am I dead?"
"Not yet," hisses Crabron, "But you will be if you don't heed my mistresses warning. She told me that you must not allow dragonets to work on school days or a figure, scales dark as night, will send you to Clearsight early."
"I'll get right on that!" Says Bloodworm with a sarcastic tone.
"Are you questioning Clearsight?" Asks Crabron.
"Of course not," says Bloodworm with a shake of her head.
"I don't believe you," says Crabron before he gets an idea, "In fact Clearsight wants to give you a reminder."
Drawing his sword he slashes it across the side of her snout, digging deep enough to surly leave a scar, "Let that be a reminder of Clearsight's warning. If you do not obey, a matching gash will adorn your throat. Now I must take my leave. May you live long."
Making his escape he finds Grayling at the door to the hallway. Spotting him out of the corner of his eye, Grayling starts to walk down the ornate hall outside Bloodworms suite before speaking up, "How'd it go?"
Taking the hood off he lets the Odorata mask hang around his neck, "Optimistically it went well. Realistically I might need to pay her a visit out of costume."
Grayling rolls his eyes, "Knowing her, that's a definite revisit."
Crabron's reply dies on his tongue as a voice booms from the hallway they had just started down, "Intruders, identify yourself!"
"Shit," hisses Crabron, reversing direction just to see another group cutting them off at the other side of the intersection.
Thinking quickly, Crabron rips a painting from the wall and hurls it through the nearby window, shattering it. Without needing instruction Grayling leaps through the window and into the pool below it, however Palinurus hesitates at the window.
Avoiding a slash from a guard, Crabron calls out, "Go!"
"Not without you!" Exclaims Palinurus, her helmet narrowly deflecting a blow.
"No time to discuss this!" Hisses Crabron as he headbutts Palinurus hard enough to knock her through.
Nursing a cut claw, Palinurus surfaces to see Crabron draw both of his blades and rear up onto his back legs, his escape now blocked by a guard.

Good morrow fellow D&D'ers. My name is Kevin. Let me bring you closer to the fire and spin you a tale. Bring your brew and let's spend a few minutes just listening to my tale for I am old and old men have nothing better to do than wag their tongue. (TLDR below is in the spoiler. It is a high-level synapsis of the one-shot. A lot of the players are wanting to continue the adventure.)
TLDR; We had a blast! The group loved the story. My wife and kids helped put the minis together (see the pictures). My voice acting was on point...in the beginning. My wife, one new players, figured sh*t out effin' QUICK! The halfling rogue tried to ride a Mastiff, my High-Elf Daughter "attacked with her bow" and didn't state she shot an arrow (literally made a throwing motion)...so she threw the bow at Noke and hit him with it... the party spoke with animals...acid splashed a tower... It was a GOOD time. Thank you, everyone who suggested this adventure. Fond memories were made.
Chapter 1: Weary adventurers and the weird sheep.
Our battle-tested group was sitting outside of the town, sharing some dinner and recapping their latest adventure. Our party's eyes are pulled away from the fire and their conversation is brought to a halt when this muffled bleating comes running toward the party! Magic Storm, Human Druid, is the one to receive this weird creature and removes the parchment from its mouth. After some discussion with the party, she casts her own "Speak with Animals" on the fevering ewe. This creature very quickly introduces himself, "I aaam Finriiir Shinebright. I aaaam a great wizaard and am in neeeeed of your help!" *At this point, the players bust out laughing!* Magic begins translating for rest of her party.
Shortly after getting introductions done and Shinebright requesting help, *perception roll only the two druids notice* a gruff half orc, three mastiffs with an intelligent spark about them, and a bear come walking up... "Oi! U've got mi mastar's sheep an ee wonts 'm bak. I am willin' to pai wot ewe wont. But I wont be eavin' witout dat dere creechur." Needless to say, Guz attempts to persuade each of the party members individually except the halfling rogue. Guz doesn't like addressing things he can squish with his feet. Guz is turned down by everyone. A fight ensues!
The battle lines are drawn and the three mastiffs try to flank the party (really, none of the enemies stood a chance as there were too many hitpoints on the player's side). *First time players, I know I did wrong by rules-as-written...but I allowed my wife to wild shape into a brown bear (too high of a CR for a level 4). First time player, but I always go with the rule of cool.* Mastiffs one and three split the group to the north and south, mastiff two charges my wife who's in bear form now. Our cleric stands next to the scared sheep who's bleating out of fear consistently. Our Dragonborn Paladin, who was built for sword-and-board consistently yeets javalins at Guz. My wife runs toward the other bear and starts boxing with it. Guz is pissed as he's trying to control the battlefield. Mastiff 1 get hit HARD and gets knocked down to 1 HP. Mastiff 3 grabs Shinebright by the leg, the rogue takes that opportunity to mount the beast and is in for the ride of her life. My ranger is pelting Guz with arrows. Because Chaos reigns! My wife out-bears the true polymorphed bear and it falls. Guz is littered with arrows and javlins, mastiff one and three are downed, two ran away in fear. At this point, Guz is offered a chance to give up to which he says no. He is soon felled there-after.
Our Dragonborn decided to take Guz's head as a trophy.. he sharpens a stick, fashions a sash to hold the stick... and now he has Guz, the Head... on a stick!
The party decides to help the schewd, haughty ewe in his endeavor to turn himself back into his elven self. He's offered 500gp to each party member because he's a powerful wizard and is well respected.
Chapter 2: Weary Adventurers and the Bubbling Tower
Our expert party makes their way to Noke's Tower. The decide to scout the place and see two apes carrying greatswords playing with huge dice on the lawn. After a successful scouting mission, the druids decide to approach the two apes and speak as if they mean no harm. Magic uses her Animal Speak spell again and speaks with the two primates. With a couple of persuasions and some finagling, the druids get two of the three apes and the bear to escape. The one remaining ape stays because "he Rob, sergeant of friends. he help make them fixed. he want see wife and daughter again." *Rob is the sergeant of the other apes and the bear...at least before they were polymorphed He is upset that he's been a gorilla for too long and wants to help his friends return to themselves, see his wife and daughter.*
The party splits (not "split the party" split)...some went to sneak in to the tower while the ranger, cleric, and the second druid stay near the sleeping quarters of Noke. The group successfully enters the tower. Magick, Rob, the Nimblefingers, and the Dragonborn (with Guz, the Head) are just about to make it across the main tower when... Bored ranger does bored ranger and casts acid splash near the battlement of the sleeping quarters. Noke awakens and wakes up his bed, polymorphs his bed, and rides in on this amazing-looking wooden dragon. With a single spray of splinters, the cleric is nearly downed, the ranger and the second druid are hurt but ready to fight! Party of Thieves hears the commotion and makes their way outside...some jump from the bridge and others run around. Second druid is chomped HARD by the dragon and is downed...her life flashing before her tiefling eyes: she was forced to fight as a slave as a youngling. This caused her to become very upset with the world. She took to a life of crime and murder because the world hated her...she'll hate the world.
A few fire spheres later, the dragon hits the ground and Noke jumps off. He takes a few more javlins, arrows and whats-have-you and decides he's going to transform himself, Jafar style! Instead, he sucks at being an actual wizard and changes himself in a grotesque creature. A couple of hitpoints later, the dragon and Noke are felled. The party gets together and decides what to do. When it is brought up that the group was tasked with turning him back into an elf, Druid 2 attempts to use the wand and explodes in her hand, downing two party members.
R&R later, the group decides that some want to see this through (actually help change Shinebright back) while others want to leave this alone...take their gold and go. Much to their surprise, Noke was horrible at finances and there's NO real reward for the group...
yet.
FIN
Again, thank you all for this suggestion. It was fun playing. Now I leave you with some pictures that I think a lot of you will appreciate!
https://imgur.com/a/oNoDVp8

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/lfg/comments/13gfsqa/online5eetutc4_the_stranger_cosmic_horro (graciously reviewed and approved by the subreddit mods)This is Post (3/4), we're posting this four weeks in a row before making final picks.
Preface
This is a long post - crazy long even. That's because we care so much to find those just as impassioned as we are about this amazing hobby. We love high quality D&D campaigns, and we believe it takes effort and time to make it happen. If you take the effort to get through learning about us in this post, reading every word with care and interest, we will do the same with your application.
Our commitments:

• We will respond personally to each and every application, giving constructive feedback and/or move you to the next stage!

How to Apply

• Application Link: https://www.avarra.world
• Promo Video: https://youtu.be/RbfQWegafX8
• Sample session: https://youtu.be/FDNHxkNXM5Y?t=13120 (We're doing something new for the next campaign, and while not quite full-effort, this is a closer example of what we're going for)
• Ask a question about the lore or world in the comments! And we'll respond in character (from one of our many current character). Thumbs us up or down this post, interact to help us be visible!
• The rest are provided after application has been submitted.
• Need to get in touch privately? My discord is Wes#8045.

World Preface

In the enchanted realm of Avarra, where high magic weaves its intricate web through the fabric of existence, a burgeoning form of sorcery takes root. Secluded on the island city of Crowperch, the pursuit and mastery of void magic are richly rewarded, enticing arcanists from the farthest reaches of the world to unravel its mysteries. Yet, the enigmatic allure of Crowperch extends beyond the arcane; a diverse tapestry of industry, history, and craftsmanship entwines the island's very essence.
Beneath the surface, the island's riches reveal themselves: the mines and quarries, abundant with untapped potential, and the surrounding seas, offering bounties from the ocean's depths. Ancient archaeological sites whisper secrets of bygone eras, while artisans ply their remarkable skills on the bustling city streets. Tales of a long-forgotten, rumored treasure continue to captivate the imaginations of adventurers and sightseers alike.
But one must pay a steep price for this wealth of opportunity and intrigue. It is wise to avert one's gaze from the iron grip of autocratic rule and the unyielding scrutiny that looms over the island's denizens. For those who venture to Crowperch, a single obligation remains: seek your heart's desire, and then depart – for the island's enigmatic embrace is not meant to last forever.

Application Overview
In this sacred fellowship, we stand steadfast in the face of the dreaded D&D group killers. Our commitment to this game is unwavering, for it is not just a hobby, but a way of life - an appointment that must be kept at all costs. For us, the work does not end with character creation or worldbuilding. Nay, we strive for a deep understanding of each character, for their hopes and dreams, their fears and flaws, so that we may weave a complex and enthralling campaign that will leave you breathless. We implore you, dear adventurer, to show up regularly and with a burning passion in your heart. Let your excitement be infectious, let your dedication be unwavering.
Overview

• Game Day: Saturday
• Players: 6 (5 Regular, 0-1 Floating/Guest)
• DM(s): 2 (1 Regular, 0-1 Floating/Guest)
• Game Length: 3 Months mini-arc, then decide whether to continue. However accommodate for 1-2 years on your schedule.
• Start Date: First week of September (Yes, 5 months away)

Selection Criteria (In order of importance)

• Qualification: TTRPG Experience, RP/Improv Ability
• Questionnaire answers
• Participation in One-Shots & Community so we can get to know you.

Investment
This campaign is getting some big investment. All players will get custom commissions of their characters, animated. Additionally, we are commissioning all maps, tokens, flairs, and elements to make this truly something special.
Campaign Preface

As twilight descended upon the restless sea, the ancient ship, Her Royal Rose, creaked under the weight of its cargo. Its passengers, a motley assortment of scholars, fisherman, guard and others with business on the island of Crowperch, sit tightly in cramped quarters. Even as the tempestuous winds moaned through crevasse and open windows, the opportunities and tasks that beckon them to the island keep them going, a siren's call that drowned out the ocean's roar.
The skies above were an oppressive tapestry of writhing clouds, their tendrils suffocating the last vestiges of daylight as if to obscure the path to the island. A shroud of mist swallowed the horizon, leaving the ship to navigate through a nebulous labyrinth, its destination only guaranteed by Captain Alaric Thorne.
As Her Royal Rose inched closer to Sove, the air grew heavy with mist and sea salt which deposited itself gradually on the railings, sails and masts. Little Henry Williams, the ship's messenger runs throughout the halls pattering on each door, "The captain has an announcement, all to the deck. The captain has an announcement, all to the deck." The clacking of his wooden foot pattering one after another with each step, a disfigurement he earned while working aboard Her Royal Rose.
Captain Alaric Thorne stood on the deck, the salty wind tugging at his weathered features. His voice rang out, its timbre heavy with authority and unease, as he addressed the gathered passengers.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I must bring to your attention an unfortunate turn of events. It seems the Saturation has arrived earlier than anticipated this year. As many of you know, this phenomenon causes an unnaturally heavy accumulation of salt in the air, resulting in deposits that weigh down our vessel."
He paused, letting the gravity of the situation settle upon his passengers before continuing, "This unexpected occurrence has forced us to halt our usual schedule, for the safety of both the ship and her passengers. Once Her Royal Rose arrives, she will remain anchored at Sove until the Saturation clears, as navigating these treacherous waters under such conditions would be inviting disaster."
A murmur of concern rippled through the crowd, many who were on this voyage planned their departure prior to The Saturation. The captain raised his hand to quell their rising unease. "I understand this may cause you some inconvenience, but I assure you, we will resume our journey as soon as it is safe to do so. In the meantime, you may continue your research, tasks and exploration on the island. Sove is well stocked and very hospitable to travelers especially those displaced during our seasonal shifts."
With that, Captain Thorne turned away, leaving the passengers to ponder the implications of his words as the first tendrils of salt-laden mist began to coil around the ship, heralding the arrival of the Saturation.
In the dimly lit corners of their minds, the passengers could sense a truth they dared not confront: Their voyage to Crowperch was going to be a lot longer than they had hoped. As the ship drew nearer to the island, the shadows beneath the spires of the fortress atop the mountain loomed over the ship, casting a shadow over what little moonlight illuminated the darkness.

Technology

• D&D Beyond: We own ALL books on D&D Beyond, and all of them will be at your disposal for your campaign.
• Owlbear Rodeo 2.0: This new VTT is extremely promising, and has the customization ability for us to do VERY interesting unique things. We're switching here from Roll20.
• Discord: Voice chat & messenger for our campaigns. Video is required, however is not recorded. Offline RP included!
• Obsidian: How players track the world's expanding lore, and how we the DM's keep track of things. You don't have to use this, but it's a highly recommended tool for note taking.
• Recorded Sessions: Sessions will be recorded, edited and posted online. Proceeds from monetization will be used to level up our recording, roleplaying, technology and setup, get commissions, maps and such. Players will not be paid for participation, however this is possible for the future if we grow. Sessions are recorded using OBS.

Monetization
So we are still small, so monetization isn’t at the top of our list. That said, our goal is to

1. Play Excellent D&D
2. Donate to charity
3. Re-invest to make better content and
4. Compensate players to allow them to play more D&D.

How specifically that all happens is still obscured by the mists of time. By participating in this campaign players release all intellectual property created for the campaign to Roll for Impact and related brands. Please note that this is meaningless while we're still small, but consider this hopeful thinking for our success. The next campaign is getting SO much effort, so we want to stay safe.
Campaign Rules

• Backstory: Crafting a compelling backstory for your character is essential for a great adventure. By providing a reason for your character to be adventuring with others and offering plot hooks for the DM to work with. Rather than focusing on build concepts, take this opportunity to create a real, relatable character. Who knows what unexpected twists and turns your backstory might bring to the campaign? So, let's get to writing - your character's fate is in your hands!
• Stats: Ah, stats - the bread and butter of any adventurer's character sheet. But let's face it, nobody likes a Mary Sue or a Jim The Commoner. That's why we're going to be rolling 4d6 drop the lowest, but with a twist! Each player will only generate one stat, which will then be compiled into one array for everyone to use. That way, you still get the fun of rolling, but we won't have any lopsided parties where one person is carrying the whole team. Because let's be real, nobody wants to be stuck playing the equivalent of a wet noodle while someone else is shooting laser beams out of their eyes. So, roll those dice and let fate decide your fate!
• Starting Level: Starting our campaign at level 3 makes sense because many classes get their major features at level 3, avoiding the issue of players missing out on the fun stuff. This also prevents weird mid-game transformations that can come from certain builds and allows for multiclass combos right out of the gate. So, let's start the adventure with confidence and balance, knowing that we've got all the good stuff from the get-go!

Homebrew

• Free Feat: We're giving you an extra feat at first level, but with a catch - it must tie into your backstory or character design in a compelling way. By doing this, we hope to reduce the cookie-cutter nature of low level characters and encourage backstory development. Rather than just taking a feat because you need it, we want you to create a unique and interesting character from the get-go. So, let's spice things up and see what kind of story you can bring to the table!
• Healing Potions: Get the max benefit as an action, or use a bonus action to get the rolled benefit.
• Flanking: Flanking now grants a +2 to hit instead of advantage, and you can't flank someone if you're being flanked yourself. But that's not all - if three or more combatants are flanking a single enemy, that enemy is officially Surrounded, and you get a +5 to melee weapon attacks. So, let's get out there and show those enemies what it means to be surrounded by a bunch of hyped-up adventurers! (But remember, enemies get the same benefit too.)
• Zero HP & Exhaustion: Everyone takes the homebrew feat Battle Fatigue. This homebrew rule makes repeated downs more punishing on players in a campaign. You may be downed (Con Modifier) times before receiving one point of exhaustion. Each time this ticker fills up, reset it and add one point of exhaustion.
• Starting Common Magic Item: At first level, all characters get a common magic item of their choice. Similar to feats, this must be related to your backstory.
• Dual Wielding: RAW, DW doesn't allow you to add the modifier to the attack, so we add the modifier to the roll like a normal roll. You still get a weaker weapon, but now at least you get to get more power from the attack.
• Resurrection: (Modified Critical Role Rules) Resurrection isn't easy, folks - you'll need to pass a DC of 10 just to be brought back. But that's just the beginning. The party can all contribute to aiding in your resurrection with multiple ability checks, and even sacrifices in the deceased's name. The Dungeon Master determines the DC for each check and makes a final resurrection roll to see if the ritual is successful. The DC for this final roll depends on how many times the character has been resurrected before and how successful the contributions were. So, bring your A-game (and maybe a goat or two) if you want to make it back from the great beyond. Each resurrection adds +5 to the DC, before party contributed modifiers.
• Death Saving Throws: These are rolled privately to the DM.
• Slow Natural Healing: Characters don't regain hit points at the end of a long rest. Instead, a character can spend Hit Dice to heal at the end of a long rest, just as with a short rest. A long rest allows the use of up to half of your total Hit Dice, +1 for sleeping somewhere comfortable, +1 for having a meal/ ration. Order: The character regains half their hit dice, then they can spend their hit dice to recover hit points.
• Silvery barbs: Silvery barbs is a second level spell.

Table Homebrew

• Turn Time Limits: We're keeping things moving with turn time limits, folks. Pay attention on other player's turns and avoid flipping through your PHB or counting dice ad nauseam. Exceptions are made for new players or chaotic combat, but we want you to look up spells and rules off-turn whenever possible. Slow combat leads to mental check-outs and boredom, so let's keep things snappy. If your turn takes too long, someone else will jump in front of you. It's like musical chairs, but with spells and swords instead.
• New Homebrew: If you've got some hot new content you want to play with, I'm your guy. Just slide into my DMs and let me take a look. Now, I'm not saying I'm gonna approve everything - I mean, some of you are out here trying to create a race of sentient cheese wheels (looking at you, Matt) - but I'll do my best to give you clear, concise well informed ruling on it.

Scheduling

• Session Length: ~7 Hours
• Scheduling Firm Up: Sessions are scheduled concretely, but we will firm up every 4 weeks on the next month's schedule for conflicts. Exceptions are always made for life events or serious circumstances. Life happens, and we understand that sometimes we or you may need to cancel. This is always fine, provided it is not regularly occurring. Our schedules are made every 4 weeks in advance. If your game days are always difficult to schedule, this may not be the campaign for you. In regards to scheduling, you must be able to open a clear line of communication between the DM throughout the week, in case of any emergency schedule changes or conflicts. If you are a hard person to get in touch with every week, again, this may not be the campaign or group for you.

Session Structure

• Start: Everyone arrives to the table and calls in on Discord. Players should also take this time to open up all the required programs and have all their materials ready. We also suggest getting some snacks here too! Bonus points for a tasty beer as well!
• Recap & Warmup (30 min): After arriving and having all our materials prepared, we begin our first activity of the session: Player Recaps! We will do this every single week, and it should be a great tool for getting insight into each character’s head and getting us caught up. We may play warm up games, and roleplay challenges.
• Session (2.5 hours): Well, this is of course where the magic happens! We roll dice, we laugh, the DM laughs, the dice laugh, the dice are mimics, oh no…
• Break (30 min): These breaks do not include bio breaks or your need to use the restroom. If you ever need to run to the bathroom or refill your glass real quick, you’re good!
• Session Continued (2.5 hours): We’ll carry on through the second part of the session!
• Session Recap (30 min): We'll discuss what happened during the session, as well as what we plan to do next session, while we finalize session notes.

Playstyle

• Roleplay: Get ready for some serious roleplaying, folks, because that's what we're all about. We're looking at a 70/30 split of roleplay to combat, maybe even heavier on the roleplay. It's all about immersing ourselves in the world of Avarra and telling a great story together. Sure, there may be some deviations depending on the scenarios and encounters, but we're here to communicate and engage with each other and the world on a deeper level. So, let's put on our acting hats and dive headfirst into the magical realm of Avarra.
• Hyper immersion: We're not just here to hack and slash our way through this world - we're here to really get into the nitty-gritty details. I'm talking about the flavors in each mug of ale or wine at the local tavern (because let's be real, nobody likes a bland drink), cooking around the campfire under a tree during a cool and rainy night, and even delving into the plot of that book you just picked up on your way out of town. And let's not forget about forming real relationships with your fellow characters. After all, who wants to adventure with a bunch of strangers? We're here to create meaningful connections and really bring this world to life. And to all you hack-and-slashers out there - sorry, but this might not be the group for you.
• Note Taking: The pen is mightier than the sword! And let me tell you, if you want to get the most out of Avarra, it's better to be a note taker. Especially in this next campaign! We're talking about a world that's drenched in complexity and nuance, from the setting to the story to the characters that inhabit it. And let's not forget about those intricate and subtle webs that outline the machinations of the antagonists. Oh yeah, we're going deep. But here's the deal - nothing is handed to you on a silver platter in this campaign. You're gonna have to work for it. That means constantly paying attention, working with each other, and using those note-taking skills to uncover all the hidden secrets this world has to offer. And who knows, maybe you'll even uncover some secrets about your fellow adventurers along the way. (Hey, it's possible, right?) So grab your pens, folks, because we've got a lot of worldbuilding to do.
• Teamwork: teamwork makes the dream work! We're not just a bunch of individual characters running around doing our own thing - we're building a story together that encompasses every player and character. This isn't just your story, and it's not just the DM's story. This is OUR story, and we're all playing a crucial role in it. That means you need to be a team player and work together to overcome the challenges ahead. Trust me, you're gonna need each other to survive this campaign. And hey, who knows - maybe you'll even make some lifelong friends along the way.
• Immersion: If you can be in character, you should be in character! Roleplaying is all about improv, saying yes, and going with the flow. And let's be real, the best roleplay experiences can't happen if people are constantly breaking character for no reason. I mean, that's just not good improv, folks. So, here's the deal - we expect our players to remain in character as often as possible at the table. This is theater, after all, and we need to act like we're on stage. So let's embrace our inner thespians, folks, and get ready to bring this story to life like never before.
• Rules and Terms & Conditions: Excluding homebrew, the overall rules of “gameplay” are pretty standard and in accordance with RAW.
• Milestone Leveling: You'll level up according to the story. This means that we can focus less on the grind and more on a steady progression as the story builds. And let's be real, who wants to spend all their time grinding anyway? (Not me, that's for sure. #worldbuilding).
• Table Etiquette: Be willing to listen to others and grow. I mean, let's be real - part of growing close to others and forming real relationships is learning that you can't just have carbon copies of yourself. And let's face it, none of us are perfect. So, here's the deal - emotions might flare up, idiosyncrasies might arise, and sometimes, there might be a little friction. But that's all part of being human, folks. And to be a truly good friend and player, you must always be willing to listen to your peers and adapt accordingly. I mean, that's just part of being an adult. And who knows - maybe you'll learn a thing or two about yourself along the way. (Or maybe you'll just learn that you're really bad at listening. Either way, it's a learning experience.) So let's embrace our humanity, folks, and get ready to form some real relationships at this table.
• Communication: Poor scheduling and bad communication are like the kryptonite of D&D campaigns. And we don't want any kryptonite around here, do we? (No, we do not.) So, if you're part of this group, that means you've gotta keep those communication lines open. If you're someone who likes to manipulate your availability or you're just plain untrustworthy when it comes to communication, well, let's just say that you'll be removed faster than a married paladin in a brothel. (Okay, maybe that's not the best analogy, but you get the idea.)
• Showtime: Alright folks, it's time to shine! When we all arrive at the table, it's like the lights come on and the show begins! I mean, we take a lot of pride and care with our performance here, and we treat it like real theater most of the time. (No, we don't have an intermission or a concession stand, but we're working on it.) It's okay if you're not the best voice actor or you don't have a Shakespearean-level monologue prepared. (Although if you do, please share. We're always looking for some high-quality entertainment.) What matters to us is that you tried and put in the effort. Because at the end of the day, that's what makes this campaign special - the effort and enthusiasm that we all bring to the table.
• Pay attention: When someone's consistently getting distracted it's easy to derail the immersion and fun, it's like throwing a wrench in the whole machine. And let me tell you, it's not a fun sound. That's why we have specific policies in place to make sure everyone's time and effort is being respected. And listen, we all get it - sometimes the outside world can be pretty darn distracting. (Have you seen TikTok lately? It's a black hole, I tell ya.) But here's the deal - we hold each other accountable for paying attention and staying focused, because we all want to have a good time and make the most of this campaign.
• Spotlight: Do you find yourself hogging the spotlight/air every session? Are you someone who constantly talks over others? Are you selfish about the story and really only care about where your character is going every episode? Are you hoarding all the gold and being a murder hobo? This group isn’t for you.

What We Expect & Ask of You

• As the Dungeon Master, I want to make it clear that we're not just looking for players - we're looking for friends. Our aim is to build real, lasting friendships through this game. We've been playing together for a while and plan on playing for even longer. As we add more people to our community, we hope to grow together as a team!
• We don't want any satellite players here. We want active members who will contribute to the group beyond just showing up and playing.
• Honesty is crucial to us. We demand that everyone in our group has integrity not only for us, but for themselves as well. Whether it's scheduling conflicts, personal issues, or anything in between, we want friends who will be honest with each other. As the saying goes, "If you don't heal your wounds, you end up bleeding on others you might care for."
• Players are here to play, not watch. We want everyone at the table to engage with the world, the DM, and their fellow players. If you're taking up a seat at this table, you must actively participate in the story every session. You cannot sit back and listen to it.
• This campaign is meant to be challenging. It's supposed to be deep, confusing, and enthralling around every corner. There are no billboards telling you where to go next, no tutorials, and no easy modes. The intricate web being spun by the many powers of this story and world will take all of your combined minds to figure out. Our group wants a game that keeps us on our toes, so if you think you can just "fight" your way to victory, you'll be dead by morning light.
• Lastly, we love theory crafting. We want everyone to give their input and help us figure out the best moves for the group. Part of being an active player here is contributing to the campaign and helping us navigate this crazy world. So let's get ready to play and work together to make this an unforgettable campaign!

Timeline:

• Stage 2 Interviews: 5/29/23-6/22/23
• Public Applications Close: 6/12/23
• Stage 3 Interviews: 6/23/23-7/1/23
• Final Picks: 7/15/23 (or as soon as possible)
• Campaign Start Date: 8/5/23 or 8/6/23

I realize this might seem like a very intensive process, however we're being very thorough. Because we have gotten so many excellent applicants, we are going to have no choice but to make some hard decisions.
Picks:

• 1 Full-time Player
• 5-6 Guest Players; These will play notable NPC/PCs for dedicated sections or arcs. Arcs will be designed with YOU in mind. We might expand this list depending on how this goes with the first few people, and how many sessions it takes to close out an arc.
• (Maybe) some Alt/Guest DMs; These will voice one or more characters, recurring antagonists, etc.

Are you a dungeon master?
Making campaigns like these is our passion. We love going HIGH production value, HIGH quality. If this is something that you love too and you want to dungeon master in our world, we would LOVE to talk to you. As you can tell from this post, there's not enough dungeon masters out there doing this (clearly way overboard) level of effort.