I spend all of my daylight hours scared and alone in this musty old cellar.
It’s woeful, and I bet it smelled this bad even before everything around here turned to crap. Great. My second sentence and I’ve already resorted to swearing. When I decided I’d start this diary (five minutes ago when I got a tiny sliver of signal) I thought it would be my poetic and deeply-moving goodbye to the world. Maybe I’d write about love and loss, or maybe the splendour of nature. Then, when all is done and dusted, I’d have left something to be remembered by. As well as my corpse, of course.
This was a bad idea.
*
Okay, I’m an idiot. There’s nothing else I can do down here. I’ve rooted through every cardboard box a hundred times, organised and reorganised my supplies, I’ve even built a fort. So, I’m back. Hello. Again. God, this diary is going badly.
But there’s just enough light coming through the boards I nailed over the cellar’s tiny window to type by. So I may as well type. Stops me staring up at the window just waiting for a shadow to pass by.
Maybe I'll just write and not hit Submit. Right, where to start? Well, my name is – actually, I think I’m going to refer to myself as ‘X’. That sounds mysterious. If you’re reading this and want to know my real name, I still carry my purse. My railcard is in there and, if you really want to know who I am, go find me and fish it out. I won’t bite...
So, my name is X. I live in a little English village in the middle of nowhere. Before all this happened, I had a mum, a dad, a sister and there was a boy I liked, his name was Jonah.
*
I couldn’t think of anything else to write so I waited until I came back from my rounds. That’s the stupid name I have for when I go outside at night scrounging for stuff. Drinks are the hardest. I only trust bottles or cans, or did, and I was running out of places to search for them. But I guess that doesn’t matter now.
My leg is doing alright actually; didn’t hold me up at all. I saw Jonah too. He’s looked better, I have to say. It’s strange because this is only the second time I’ve seen him since we came here. Maybe his ears were burning.
Anyway, I found some tinned pineapple in a creepy old caravan I hadn’t searched yet. Had to bust the door open with Old Trusty – which I thought might attract some unwanted attention – but it was fine. I’m actually eating the pineapple right now, tastes good. I also found a radio in there. I already have three down here, but none of them work. Not that the caravan radio works either, all you get is static. It’s just nice to collect something. You know, to have a hobby.
*
I can tell the sun is rising. I managed to sleep for a couple of hours, but I woke up after a bad dream. I know some people can remember their dreams, but I never do. I wake up and grasp at them, but I never manage a hold before they fade away. It’s like trying to pinch the corner of a wisp of smoke; the harder you try, the quicker it fades to nothing. I’m just left with a sensation, a kind of imprint which sums up the most intense part of the dream.
And a cold sweat. That’s new.
*
I’ve been through the box of photo albums I found at the back of the cellar again. I’ve looked through them a few times now, but I always notice something new.
There’s a photo of this little girl playing with a pretend guitar. I can tell it’s pretend because it doesn’t have strings, only brightly-coloured plastic dials. Kind of like My First Guitar Hero or something. The girl has dark hair and she looks a tiny bit like my sister did a million years ago. I don’t have a picture of my sister. I suppose I could go and get one from my old house, but it’s right in the middle of the village. I’m lucky I wasn’t torn to shreds the last time I went back. So, what I’ve done is put this girl’s photo in my back pocket as a substitute.
I guess I should probably write something about my real sister now. But I don’t think that’s a good idea just yet.
*
Daylight is starting to fade and I’m getting ready to go out on my rounds. I always take my satchel with me, packed with useful objects. I have Old Trusty (a crowbar) which sticks out of the top for easy access, a small toolbox, a pair of heavy-duty gloves (there’s a good story about how I got those, I might write that one down later) and a hammer. I carry a penknife I found down here in my pocket, my purse and phone, and a torch in my hand.
I don’t like to use the torch because its battery is running out and there’s always the chance it might attract them. I probably shouldn’t have used it last night when I got back. Maybe I’m starting to enjoy this writing malarkey? I need to be careful with luxuries.
*
Okay, that could have gone better.
Picture the scene: I’m using Old Trusty to try and lever a kitchen window open, when one of them just walks right through the garden hedge. Seriously, straight through it. It’s not the mightiest of hedges but, still, it just appeared like it was walking through one of those Japanese paper walls. My satchel was on the ground, but I legged it anyway. I’m not stupid. I know I can go back for it tomorrow. I felt strangely naked without it on the way back here though.
Like I said before, I need to be careful with the torch so I think I’ll try and get some sleep now.
*
I slept pretty well last night; no nightmares or cold sweats. Maybe a midnight chase was just what I needed to blow away the cobwebs.
I actually woke up wondering about you. If you’re reading this, who are you? If you’re like me, living through this village nightmare, how have you managed to go this long without being killed or whatever? Maybe you’re Army or some such. Maybe you’re just some kid who’s played so many videogames that surviving all of this was already second nature to you. Or maybe you’re like me; living on borrowed time and searching for a good place to die. Maybe Future Me was brave enough to tap Submit on my diary and you're currently reading this on your phone or computer.
Here’s an idea. Maybe you can carry on this diary from wherever I left it at. God, I really hope this isn’t my last entry, although I suppose any entry might be. If you do carry the diary forwards, and I'm a corpse, maybe it will become cursed. Spooky.
*
I’ve been preparing for my next excursion.
If I know I’m going somewhere I’ll likely run into an ugly, I like to take extra precautions. And I want my satchel back. It was a present from my dad, and I know it cost him a lot of money.
So, I’m taking a pair of shears from the shelf of old tools down here. That way, if I lose Old Trusty, I’ll have a backup weapon.
If you are local, I wonder how you like to kill them? Pretty morbid question I know, but everyone around here seems to have their preferred method. The last villager I saw alive carried a pair of mini cricket bats and seemed to have bludgeoning down to an art form. He never saw me though, I was watching from a grove of trees as he killed his way along the main road near the village.
That was before I decided to stay inside during the daylight hours. We can at least see a little bit at night; ambient light and everything. They can’t though. I’ve seen them, they bump into things. It’s pretty funny to be honest. If they hear a noise, they walk in the direction of the sound, never trying to avoid any object in their path. They either bash said object out of the way, or, like that hedge, blunder right through it. Obviously bigger things stop them dead (ha!) though. If that happens, they sort of shuffle backwards and then try again a few times. Eventually – and I’ve seen this too – they just give up and stand there, waiting for something else to attract their attention.
That’s not how it works in the daytime though.
*
I think it’s about an hour before the sun sets so it’s nearly time to head out. I’m going to change my bandage. One minute.
Okay, it didn’t look that bad really. The original scratch wasn’t too deep and now the wound seems to be doing that scabbing thing I remember from normal injuries. It just doesn’t smell very good. A bit like when you walk past a bin that needs emptying.
Anyway, I’ve applied more antiseptic and redressed it. Time to go.
*
That was fun. I’m glad I had those shears with me.
I got my satchel back you’ll be happy to know. And I got inside that house I’d been trying to break into as well. More through necessity than choice in the end, but I’m pleased I did. I found more batteries! That means I can justify writing at night a bit more. In fact, the people who used to live there (I think the husband owned the local garage) were pretty well kitted out. There were a lot of tins in their cupboards, and they’d even left a shotgun. It wasn’t loaded though.
Not that I need a shotgun. I didn’t tell you this before, but I have my grandpa’s old service revolver. He always told me and my sister that it was decommissioned, but my dad apparently knew otherwise. I keep it tucked into the back of my jeans at all times. It had three bullets, one of them is gone, so only two left.
I’ll only be needing the one of course.
*
Morning. I’m feeling pretty low today. I think concentrating on getting my satchel back took my mind off things, but now I feel pretty deflated.
Surely that’s understandable? The village I knew and loved has been replaced with this sodding hell. I miss my family, my friends, TV and hot dinners and Instagram. Before all of this I was a pretty positive person. Sure, I had a bit of trouble getting up in the morning, but, once I was up, that was it. I’d meet the day’s challenges head on, try to enjoy myself as much as I could. Not today though.
Maybe if I write about Jonah I’ll cheer up. Not Jonah as he is now of course, Jonah when he was all smooth-skinned, curly-haired and bright-eyed. Now he’s like the anti-Jonah or something. His face looks like it lost a fight with an angry lobster. No, wait, I’m supposed to be writing about Jonah version one here.
He’s one of those people that I can’t remember meeting. My family has always lived around here and so there are lots of people who have just always been, if you get me. I always thought we would drunkenly get it together at a party – that’s what I’d usually do if there was a boy I liked. Classy.
*
I’ve perked up a bit. Out of sheer frustration I went upstairs (naughty, I know) and looked out of a window. Sure, I saw an ugly, wandering aimlessly as they always do, but I saw that the trees are starting to turn too. That means it’s nearly autumn, and I love autumn!
My sister and I always used to go out and kick leaves at each other in the autumn. I don’t know if it was because of her low centre of gravity, but my sister was amazing at it. She could somehow whip up a blazing whirlwind of golden-yellow and fire-red, surrounding us both in a leaf storm that I couldn’t help but flail my arms madly at. Then we’d both fall backwards into the leaves laughing, me wondering how on earth what had happened was possible. She was that good.
God, I let her down in the end.
*
I think I’ll stay away from the house with the shotgun tonight. It usually takes a day or two for a group of uglies to disperse once they’re all riled up. I could use the rest of that tinned food I suppose, but I’ve got plenty to be getting on with for now.
Instead, I think I’ll swing by another farmhouse I was scoping out before I decided to turn nocturnal. I never met the people who used to live there, but I remember Mum telling me they liked their privacy. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind me visiting now though.
Also, there’s a woodland between here and there and I might be able to find some leaves to kick about a bit. I think that would make me feel close to my sister again.
I’ll check back in later.
*
I’m still alive, but only just.
I made it through the woods just fine (only the odd leaf on the forest floor at the moment though, sadly), the trouble started at the farmhouse. I couldn’t get in – the doors and windows were barricaded – so I tried one of the outbuildings. Locked. It had a cat flap though.
My first instinct was to leave it, but then I wondered if there might be something useful inside. Lord knows what thinking about it now. I lifted the cat flap with one hand and shone the torch beam through with my other. That’s when an ugly dived at my pinkies. Luckily, it misjudged its leap and got a mouthful of plastic cat flap instead. As for me, I fell backwards onto my bum.
Next, the damn thing started bashing on the door from the inside. I don’t think it could ever have got out, but the noise attracted more uglies from out of nowhere. I only just managed to outmanoeuvre them and hightail it back into the woods.
That’s not the worst of it though. On the way back my leg started to hurt. A lot.
*
I woke up this morning and I’m walking with a limp. It’s funny, Dad had a limp when he and Mum died. He was nailing planks of wood across our windows and doors because there was no signal (as per bloody usual) and we thought that what was happening here was probably happening everywhere. It's only recently that I realised this was an isolated, local outbreak. Anyway, Dad dropped the hammer onto his toe, he always was useless at DIY. I think it was only a couple of hours after that when he and Mum were taken.
It was like a wave of death. No, not like, that’s exactly what it was. A hoard of uglies swept through the village, probably originating from the secret research facility in the woods we're not supposed to know about. My sister and I wouldn’t have had a prayer if Mum and Dad hadn’t charged down the first few that got into our house. They gave us just enough time to escape, to run away and leave them to die. My sister was screaming all the way and I had to drag her like she was four again.
She wouldn’t speak to me for a few days after that. I didn’t blame her, I hated myself too. But I would have hated myself even more if I hadn’t done what I did next. On my own, I snuck back into our house with the crowbar I found here. Then I dispatched my parents. I can’t bring myself to type it any other way. It wasn’t like in the movies, I didn’t pound their skulls into mush whilst sobbing, ‘Why?’ over and over again. I just found them, or what was left of them, forced the crowbar through each of their eye sockets, and came straight back here.
Then came the crying.
*
I haven’t told you about the heavy-duty gloves yet, have I?
After I got back from our old house, my sister started speaking to me again. A shared, day-long cry will do that for sisters. Once we felt up to it, we decided to explore the parts of the farmhouse we hadn’t searched yet. All the bedrooms were empty, only a few belongings flung about the place (I suspect the previous tenants left in a hurry). The problem came when we investigated the attic. Once we’d opened the ceiling panel in the upstairs hallway, once we’d pulled the compact staircase down, I went up. My sister stood at the top of the hatchway shining the torch beam over my shoulder. And that’s when it touched me. Terrified, I fell to my left, screaming as the thing came crashing down on top of me. I was yelling things like, ‘Shoot it!’ and, ‘Run!’ but my sister was just laughing her head off. I soon realised that my attacker was in fact a shop-window mannequin.
I think the people who previously lived here must have been arty (or into some seriously freaky stuff) because the mannequin was dressed in scarves, bandannas, ties, watches – loads of things. The rest of the attic was pretty empty but at least we got the mannequin’s gloves.
*
I’m not feeling good at the moment. I’ve got a sore throat and I’ve coughed up blood a couple of times. My leg pain is getting worse too.
I don’t think I’ll go out tonight. I have enough tins left and one of them is a Full English In A Can. Sounds pretty disgusting, but intriguing at the same time. I’ve been saving it for near the end. A sort of consolation prize.
*
There are two mattresses down here. Obviously one is mine, and the other one was my sister’s. After she died, I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it. I don’t have a photo of her, only Guitar Girl’s. Her bed is the only thing of hers I have left. And she didn’t even sleep in it that many times.
*
The tinned Full English was vile! You’ve got to laugh though, what else can you do?
*
I’m crying as I write this. Tears of sorrow, shame and regret.
It happened as we were searching a cottage just off of the main road. We’d used Old Trusty to get inside, and I’d rushed straight into the kitchen to find the food. We’d run out more than a day before and I was famished. My sister followed me into the kitchen, a wide grin on her pretty little face because I was sitting there with an open can of beans. Then one of them came at her from behind. I must have walked right past it on my stupid way to the cupboards. It bit into her neck and blood gushed over the tiles in a torrent. As she yelled out in agony, I leapt up and implanted the crowbar right into the thing’s skull. It crumpled to the floor, but the damage was done.
‘Don’t let me lose myself.’ That was the last thing my sister whispered to me before she passed out. Her wound was much more severe than mine is, and much closer to the brain. That seems to make it quicker. I took grandpa’s revolver from behind my back and blew her brains out.
I buried her in the back garden.
*
After my sister died I went kind of crazy. I took Old Trusty out across the fields and pulverised every ugly I could find. I don’t even remember it that well, it was just, find, kill, find, kill…
We’d only been going out in daylight before then but, in my anger, I carried on through the nights. That’s how I learned about their inability to evade in darkness. Eventually, though, one got me. I found three munching on a dead cow and ran straight at them. Took out the first two easily enough, but the third managed to scratch my leg with a bloody fingernail just before I clobbered it into oblivion. Once I realised its nail had broken the skin, it was like a switch had been flicked inside me. That’s it, I’m dead too. I lost my bloodlust and came back here.
*
If none of this had happened, I think my sister would have eventually gone into medicine. I was doing okay at College but she was top of her class at school. And she had a really kind nature too. She’d never squish any bugs that got trapped in our house; she’d get a glass, scoop the little critter up and seal it inside with a book. Then she’d take it outside and release it, even if it was a wasp.
*
I’ve decided that here’s not the place. I'll hit Submit and then I’m going to do it in those woods I wrote about; consider this diary as my Note. I’ll be able to find a nice spot to sit and look at the trees, some place that's calm and peaceful. I’m going to leave the picture of Guitar Girl in this cellar, she belongs in this house. The tree leaves will remind me of my sister more than any photo ever could anyway.
I guess all that’s left to say is thank you for listening.
I know it’s possible that no one will ever read this, but that’s not really the point is it?
Love,
X
*
Thanks for reading! If you want more from this universe check out The X and Wye Anthology Series
-- Jack
*

I first got into approaching as a 21 year-old virgin. I'd been watching pickup videos since I was 12 and in all honestly they probably fucked me up throughout high school. I was constantly in my head and deathly scared of rejection.
I banged a hooker when I was 17 (I don't count hookers as actual sex). I tried tinder a couple of times between 18-21 but never got any dates from it. I had my first date at 19, which went terribly, I acted like a massive pussy throughout the whole thing.
At 21 I had had enough, I went on Facebook, found a bunch of pickup pages, and cold messaged people to be my wing. Luckily one guy agreed, so we met up to hit the bars and clubs. The first night I made out with a girl and took another girl on a date who I got a number from (I didn't sleep with either). This was a massive boost to my self-esteem and made me commit to pickup.
I got lucky and slept with a girl I met on my third night of going out. I ran terrible game, but she was keen to get over some dude, so we hooked up for a couple of months.
After 8 months these are my Stats:
About 210 approaches: Around 160 night and 50 in the day.
3 lays: All met a night. 2 from dates and 1 SNL
9 dates: 4 from daygame and 5 from nightgame
Around 50 numbers
Takeaways:
- I still have approach anxiety, so approaching more is a priority. I want to approach at least 10 new girls a week.
- Logistics seem to be more important for nightgame, so despite all my 3 lays coming from nightgame, I'm going to focus more on daygame, as I'm currently living with my parents and pulling home seems very difficult.
- When I do some nightgame, I'm going to focus on staying longer in sets. They seem to lead to more solid numbers.
My biggest two experiments are going to be the following:
1- Approaching on college campus. I'm 22 which is the optimal age for approaching there. I'm still young enough not to be creepy, but I will be older than most the girls I approach, which is not the case when approaching on the street. Also, according to this http://www2.hawaii.edu/~elaineh/79.pdf , 50% of women agree to a date with asked on college campus. This study is from 1989, so I doubt it's valid now, but I do think it will be easier. I predict I should be able to get 3-4 numbers for every 10 girls I approach there.
2- The second thing I'm experimenting with is looking for more "down" girls. Girls dressed flamboyantly, eye contact, or them walking slowly, looking around. Along with this I'm going to try approaching from the front, when we are walking towards each other, instead of doing the run, hook and stop. I'm going to track it and see what happens. I have no prediction for this.
I'm gonna do another 50 approaches and report back the results. See you in five weeks!

tl;dr : met this girl a few weeks ago. Hit it off like I never have with someone before. She is moving about 6 hours away in 2 months. I don't know what to do. I don't want to stop seeing her.
So I met this girl at a bar a few weeks ago. I don't meet girls at bars. Not that I don't have luck with women, but meeting people at bars just isn't my thing. Me and my friends were just out to have fun and dance. This girl comes up to us when we were downstairs because the dancefloor was so crowded. To the point of I don't meet girls at bars, I don't usually think I am attractive enough to be approached and again don't care enough to approach myself, so when she came up I tried to get her talking to my other friend. The girl is stunning, I mean gorgeous. Well I start dancing and her and my friend were just having awkward small talk so once thats over she comes over and starts dancing with me and we hit it off. To not ramble too long, we go to the next bar and I leave her there but when we leave to go home I call her and ask her to come with me. She does. We get home, have a night then Sunday we spent the whole day cuddled up watching shows and talking.
Well I tried not to put too much stake in so I didn't text her the next day after taking her home, but she reached out to me. Well we hang out on my next day off and I was worried that we wouldn't have any actual chemistry when you take away the bar and all that, but we do. Our values line up, we like the good things about each other, and again we just hit it off.
This has been going on for a bit now and she had mentioned moving to this city that is 5-6 hours away but she also said she graduates at the end of the year, so I assumed that is when she is leaving so I would have more time to get to know her and figure all of that out. Well last night she says no she's going there to look at apartments in a couple weeks and wants to move in May or June.
Neither of us want this to stop but also are avoiding the reality of that a good bit. She has told me she wants this to keep going, but she has also said that she doesnt want to think about all that and just wants to enjoy now.
I haven't been in my current job but for a few months and could likely get a job there, and I am not too attached to where I live now even though I have spent majority of my life in my hometown. I also get that even when she actually moves it will not be enough time for me to really really know her. I feel so lost because I have not felt this way about someone in a long time and neither has she from what I can tell and what she says.
Help...

tl;dr : met this girl a few weeks ago. Hit it off like I never have with someone before. She is moving about 6 hours away in 2 months. I don't know what to do. I don't want to stop seeing her.
So I met this girl at a bar a few weeks ago. I don't meet girls at bars. Not that I don't have luck with women, but meeting people at bars just isn't my thing. Me and my friends were just out to have fun and dance. This girl comes up to us when we were downstairs because the dancefloor was so crowded. To the point of I don't meet girls at bars, I don't usually think I am attractive enough to be approached and again don't care enough to approach myself, so when she came up I tried to get her talking to my other friend. The girl is stunning, I mean gorgeous. Well I start dancing and her and my friend were just having awkward small talk so once thats over she comes over and starts dancing with me and we hit it off. To not ramble too long, we go to the next bar and I leave her there but when we leave to go home I call her and ask her to come with me. She does. We get home, have a night then Sunday we spent the whole day cuddled up watching shows and talking.
Well I tried not to put too much stake in so I didn't text her the next day after taking her home, but she reached out to me. Well we hang out on my next day off and I was worried that we wouldn't have any actual chemistry when you take away the bar and all that, but we do. Our values line up, we like the good things about each other, and again we just hit it off.
This has been going on for a bit now and she had mentioned moving to this city that is 5-6 hours away but she also said she graduates at the end of the year, so I assumed that is when she is leaving so I would have more time to get to know her and figure all of that out. Well last night she says no she's going there to look at apartments in a couple weeks and wants to move in May or June.
Neither of us want this to stop but also are avoiding the reality of that a good bit. She has told me she wants this to keep going, but she has also said that she doesnt want to think about all that and just wants to enjoy now.
I haven't been in my current job but for a few months and could likely get a job there, and I am not too attached to where I live now even though I have spent majority of my life in my hometown. I also get that even when she actually moves it will not be enough time for me to really really know her. I feel so lost because I have not felt this way about someone in a long time and neither has she from what I can tell and what she says.
Help...

tl;dr : met this girl a few weeks ago. Hit it off like I never have with someone before. She is moving about 6 hours away in 2 months. I don't know what to do. I don't want to stop seeing her.
So I met this girl at a bar a few weeks ago. I don't meet girls at bars. Not that I don't have luck with women, but meeting people at bars just isn't my thing. Me and my friends were just out to have fun and dance. This girl comes up to us when we were downstairs because the dancefloor was so crowded. To the point of I don't meet girls at bars, I don't usually think I am attractive enough to be approached and again don't care enough to approach myself, so when she came up I tried to get her talking to my other friend. The girl is stunning, I mean gorgeous. Well I start dancing and her and my friend were just having awkward small talk so once thats over she comes over and starts dancing with me and we hit it off. To not ramble too long, we go to the next bar and I leave her there but when we leave to go home I call her and ask her to come with me. She does. We get home, have a night then Sunday we spent the whole day cuddled up watching shows and talking.
Well I tried not to put too much stake in so I didn't text her the next day after taking her home, but she reached out to me. Well we hang out on my next day off and I was worried that we wouldn't have any actual chemistry when you take away the bar and all that, but we do. Our values line up, we like the good things about each other, and again we just hit it off.
This has been going on for a bit now and she had mentioned moving to this city that is 5-6 hours away but she also said she graduates at the end of the year, so I assumed that is when she is leaving so I would have more time to get to know her and figure all of that out. Well last night she says no she's going there to look at apartments in a couple weeks and wants to move in May or June.
Neither of us want this to stop but also are avoiding the reality of that a good bit. She has told me she wants this to keep going, but she has also said that she doesnt want to think about all that and just wants to enjoy now.
I haven't been in my current job but for a few months and could likely get a job there, and I am not too attached to where I live now even though I have spent majority of my life in my hometown. I also get that even when she actually moves it will not be enough time for me to really really know her. I feel so lost because I have not felt this way about someone in a long time and neither has she from what I can tell and what she says.
Help...

Welcome folx to the 2nd scheduled discussion check-in for Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel things are getting creepy out there! As always there will be a summary of what we have read in this section, and some discussion questions in the comments to get you started. As there has been a lot of interest from re-readers of this novel I would like to remind everyone that bookclub has a strict spoiler policy. Learn more at this post here. If in doubt use spoiler tags by typing > !your text! < without the spaces. Alternatively head to the marginalia post here where our spoiler policy is a little loser, and comments from later in the book are welcomed.
SUMMARY

• Chapter 15: Arthur and Miranda have been married for 3 years. His success increases while Miranda continues to work on her graphic novel. 3.5 years earlier when Miranda went to retrieve her painting Pablo was waiting and he was drunk. When Miranda returns to Arthur's hotel she is bruised. At a dinner party they host Arthur cannot look her in the eye. He has been having an affair with Elizabeth his co-star. This is confirmed by Clark along with Arthur's lack of subtlety.

At 3am everyone has left except Elizabeth, who is passed out drunk on the sofa. She goes out to the Paparazzo for a cigarette. It is Jeevan. She tells him Elizabeth is an alcoholic, and that is why she is still at their house. She knows she is leaving and realises she wants to return to Neptune Logistics. Jeevan gets a picture of her which will end up fueling the next day's gossip. Elizabeth finds Miranda in her work space with Luli the Pomeranian and apologises.
3 months later they are going through divorce proceedings and Elizabeth is moving in. 4 months later Miranda is back in Toronto studying commerce then later working again for Leon Prevant. This time she is in Client Relations, and rising quickly through the ranks. She travels almost constantly, is attached to no one and uses expensive clothing like amour. She is devoted to her job, but she is lonely.

• Chapter 16: François Diallo, librarian and editor, interviews Kristen for the New Petoskey News. She asks him about the graphic novels, but it is the first time he has seen/heard of them.
  
• Chapter 17: One year before the Georgia flu Arthur and his best friend Clark meet for dinner in London. It is Arthur's 50th birthday. The next day he is visiting Elizabeth and his son in Pairs. Clark realises Arthur is performing for an audience not simply enjoying dinner with him. He feels disgusted by the thought.
  
• Chapter 18: Kristen tells François she struggles to remember much from before the collapse, but she does know she has been acting since she was 3. The Symphony picked her up in Ohio, where she had gone with her brother before he died. The Symphony no longer go so far south after losing an actor to an illness and getting shot at. Kirsten talks about the types of towns, from successfully functioning to horrifyingly dangerous. Cult towns are the most dangerous because they are unpredictable and illogical.
  

☆ The Starship

• Chapter 19: The Travelling Symphony's motto is from Star Trek and Kirsten has it tattooed on her forearm.

They walked through the night until late afternoon after leaving St. Deborah by the Water. Kirsten notes the prophet's dog's name is Luli as in the comics. They discover a stowaway, 12 year old Eleanor, who was one of four young girls promised to the prophet to fulfill his dreams of repopulating the earth. Eleanor tells them Charlie and her family went to the Museum of Civilization in an airport outside Severn City.
The prophet is from the museum. He is the head of a sect of the 19 religious wanderers. After the winter fever the prophet took over the town adding the mayors widow to his collection of wives. They are heavily armed.

• Chapter 20: The Symphony comes across a burnt down resort. Kirsten, August, Jackson and Viola go to a nearby school to look for instruments while others in the group harvest a stock of grass for the horses. The school had been used as a shelter and later as a place to cook. There are no instruments to be salvaged but they find a few accessories. There is a skeleton in the bathroom with a bullet hole in the skull.
  
• Chapter 21: In the interview François asks Kirsten about the changes in the world since the Georgia flu and the meaning if her tattoo. She isn't willing to answer.
  
• Chapter 22: Kirsten shares Dieter's tent. He is 12 years older than Kirsten, and remembers much more of the world before. Kirsten and August are one of the 3 teams on 2nd watch. They wake the 3rd watch to cover them so they can investigate a sound from the direction they came from. They walk 3 miles out. Dieter and Sayid are missing without a trace.
  
• Chapter 23: The Symphony search the dense forest in teams of four all day, but there is no sign of Dieter or Sayid. The Symphony's seperation protocol is to meet at the destination so the conductor makes the call to continue to the museum. Kirsten is worried they have been taken by the prophet. Later Sidney also disappears without a trace even though she was with Jackson on dinner search duty. After 5 hours searching for her the next day they decide to keep moving. They find a note in Sidney's things saying she has "gone to rest in the forest", but they don't know when it was written.
  

Kirsten and August scout ahead while the Symphony clear the way of trees. They come to a golf course where they catch fish from the pond. When they return to the road the Symphony is not in sight. After cooking the fish so it doesn't go bad from the heat they continue. Near twilight they still haven't caught up, nor have they seen any trace of the Symphony. They sleep side by side.

• Chapter 24: The next day Kirsten and August continue to the museum. There are no signs the Symphony have passed the route ahead of them. They meet Finn and his twins. Kirsten recognises them from St. Deborah 2 years previous. Finn has a scar on his fact that resembles the symbol on the abandoned buildings in St. Deborah's. He says the prophet and his people crazy, and he was too worried to go to the museum due to the connection to the prophet. They find a locked house and loot it for everything of worth.
  
• Chapter 25: A collection of letters from younf Arthur to "V", childhood friend, that still lives on the island. He writes about his new friend Clark, and his struggles with acting school. In his letters he realises V hardly makes any effort so stops writing until after they see each other in person many years later. Arthur tells V about Miranda and later Elizabeth (who really does seem to have issues with alcohol).
  
• Chapter 26: 3 weeks before the pandemic and Elizabeth has found out about the impending publication of the book Dear V by Arthur's childhood friend Victoria. She is furious and calls Clark who is shaken by the information. After interviewing Deliah about her opinions on her boss Clark realises that he too is sleepwalking through life.
  

Next week my very awesome co-runner u/bluebelle236 will be taking over to post the 3rd discussion for chapters 27 through 43.

A D&D(and other TTRPG) Group Seeking a New Adventure!

For time immemorial, the world has called out for heroes -- be they aboard the high seas, plundering the depths of the underworld, or felling tyrannical monsters presiding over the realm.
These heroes are searching for a new adventure, and new companions to bring into the fold in order to create a fun, impactful story!
What We're Looking For
D&D 5e, Pathfinder or another system that peaks your interest, we will give most things a try! A myriad of worlds to explore, and we'd like to experience as many as we can; thus, any setting you'd like to run would be great with us!
These games would ideally take place on either Saturday or Thursday at around 3-5PM EST~ for a starting time and run for roughly 4 hours. It's a time slot that works great for us and is one that we can make consistently! Scheduling is often the bane of D&D and we'll be trying to make that aspect of the game flow as easily as we can.
Most of our experience lends towards D&D 5e, and Fantasy settings, so that is somewhere we know we'd all be happy to play through! A low-magic fantasy setting is also something a few of us have expressed interest in but that's enough rambling; here's a few tidbits of information and a small introduction to each of us, so you know what sort of people you'd be running through your adventure!
---
We're four friends that have been playing together for 6-18 Months, having joined each other through a series of different games. While a few are still going on, one had recently ended due to the DM's burnout and desire to put a bow on what was otherwise an amazing game! So, we've decided to tackle the next game together and see what comes! As mentioned above, we'll also be looking for 2~ new people to bring into the fold as well! While it's a bit unconventional for the players to reach out in this way, us four are very tight-knit and would like to experience another game together! To quell any worries, however, we're very open and forthcoming with new players and wouldn't allow anyone to sit on the outside; we're all about fostering a fun environment to play in!
---
About the Players
Aran: Heya! The name's Aran. I'm twenty-two years old and I've been DMing for around 5~ years now, with a fair portion of that time spent on Roll20. I'm fairly well-experienced on both sides of the DM's screen. I'm a chill guy from the United Kingdom that loves discussing all manner of media, hobbies, and interests- I hope to hear about your hobbies as well, and get to know you fellas outside of the table! D&D's a lot more fun when it's a game played with friends, as opposed to strangers that you play D&D with once a week.
Azzy: Hi! I’m Azzy, twenty-two years old from Finland, and I’ve been playing tabletops quite actively for a year and a half now, starting off with D&D 5e and so far only having experience as a player, both in real life and on Roll20! I got very into this hobby and now it’s a pretty big part of my life, as I like to integrate it into other hobbies of mine as well - most of all drawing - as well as hang out with friends I’ve made that way. I am pretty chatty and easy to reach at most hours of the day (or night), and will gladly hop on a call to gush about the characters, the story, the setting or something completely unrelated to D&D!
Shyanna: Hello! My name is Shyanna and I’m a 24-year-old Canadian woman with a deep love for tabletop role-playing games. For the past 4 years, I have been immersing myself in this hobby, and I plan to continue doing so for many years to come. Alongside many people I'd say Dungeons and Dragons is my main TTRPG, but I have also enjoyed playing games like Pathfinder 1e & 2e, Mutants and Masterminds, Call of Cthulhu, and Warhammer Fantasy. I would describe myself as creative, social, and enthusiastic. I enjoy working with others to create a rich and captivating story, and I believe that a great TTRPG is made even better when everyone is invested in making the experience as enjoyable as possible. When creating characters, my goal is to make them fit seamlessly into the world crafted by the Dungeon Master. I am always looking for ways to enhance the game and make it a thrilling experience for all players. I am a fan of both combat and story-driven narratives, as I believe that a good battle is only made better with a reason to fight. I understand that TTRPGs can be challenging, but I see both winning and losing as an opportunity for my character to grow and develop. To me, the most important part of TTRPGs is the opportunity to make new friends. Some of my closest friends came from D&D games! Whether we win or lose, I believe that the experience is what makes TTRPGs so enjoyable and I am eager to be a part of that!
[Jo hasn't written up their little introductions yet, so here's a bit about them from Azzy and I's perspective!]
Jo: Jo is our resident goal-setter, and is incredibly engaged with the games she plays! Jo has been with the group for the longest, 18 months, having joined an Icewind Dale campaign I was running back then. Just through this, it's clear to see her passion and dedication for the game as we're still enjoying it a year and a half later! She is an artist, and one that has done quite a few commissions in the past; she creates amazing sketches and artworks for the campaigns she's in that are always a treat to see. A fun-loving individual that's always happy to chat and bring some iconic British humor to the table. Knowledgable about many subjects and always ready to crack a joke, Jo is an amazing asset to any D&D table.
[We're currently looking for games with DM's comfortable for running for 4-6 people, as we've got some other folks that would be interested to join!]
---
The Group as a Whole
As a group, we're players that enjoy a heavy-RP experience. Our time at the table is primarily in-character as we like to immerse ourselves in the world the DM has created. As roleplay-focused individuals, we're more than happy to explore every facet that the game has to offer; mystery, combat, dungeoneering, etc, as it all comes together to create a fun, comprehensive fantasy world!
We ensure that even if our characters disagree on a subject or even have an argument or a fight, everyone is still happy and enjoying themselves out-of-game. Nothing that occurs in-character spoils our mood since it's ultimately all to serve the unique narrative we're spinning as a group! Separating in-character and out-of-character is something we're all mindful for as while we like being immersed, personal feelings can run rather hot if that wall isn't there.
Many of us do art to some degree, and would be more than happy to show off a few examples! While some have been doing art for years with a history of commission's and even education in the field, others of us do it as a hobby from time-to-time - even so, all of it is appreciated and it's often created referencing in-game moments, be they funny or dramatic! Expect lots of fanart of favorite NPC's and big moments within your world, since folks here rarely put their pens down.
As friends, we enjoy each other's presence outside of the game as well as in it! Even on days we aren't playing, the chat is filled with hundreds of messages and the voice-chat is often being used by at least a few of us watching a show, playing a game or simply chatting! This is a friend group as well as a D&D group, and it's one we hope you enjoy since you'll be roped right into the thick of things.
With how often we talk, it's no wonder we've got our own in-jokes and a sense of humor's that's relatively unabashed with one another. However, as with any new addition to our group, we aspire to get them in the loop and ensure they're having a good time conversing with us as well! Light ribbing occurs between the group and we're all happy to take some jokes at our expense. We're hard to offend and have some relatively thick skin, so throw your worst at us! :P
Most importantly; we talk to each other about our issues with the games. This is so important to us due to some misgivings in the past - we all ensure that people are having a good time and, if they aren't, we implore you to reach out and speak to the DM, or us to make sure that everything's alright. At the end of the day, D&D is a game between friends, and we don't want to lose friends over something happening at the table. Please, whatever problems may arise, feel free to voice them!

So i am a 20 year old male who is familiar with panic attacks since i had one last year but i was normal and only happened once
Last week i was preparing for my uni exams , i don t stress that mych about exams but i had other problems going on , and to make it worse i had a lot of coffe and energy drinks to focus ( which is the worst thing if you have panic attacks ) Anyways last monday i woke up in the middle of the night trying to breath but it seems like i forgot how , my left arm hurts and my whole body is shaking i was terrified because in my mind that s a heart attack for sure, also i live alone so i had to deal with it myself anyways i go back to sleep convincing myself it s just a panic attack. And from the next morning untill the end of the week i had severe pain in the upper part of my chest with difficulties in breathing that gets worse at night , and after couple of days i started to get realy worried because panic attacks are not consistant like this and they don t stay for long Untill saturday where i woke up and the pain was even worse, i was thinking about dying the whole time , so i went to the Emergency and i did all the possible tests to find out my heart is working perfectly my blood test is normal to make short the doctor said you are fine just seek therapy ... I felt relieved that day and i didn t even feel the chest pain after that day it realy suprises me how panic attack and anxiety can last . Now i m not sure if i should do therapy or not honestly ...

I did a money diary this exact week last year about signing the offer letter for the company I work at now. I ended up getting a 5K COL adjustment (62k > 67k) once I moved to Philly. I expressed in the previous journal that I was worried about my taxes since I moved states and work for an NYC company from PA. As many suggested in the comments, it ended up being pretty simple (I used FreeTaxUSA).
SECTION ONE: ASSETS AND DEBT
Retirement Balance - $31,400. A mix of Roth IRA, 401(k), and traditional brokerage.
Equity - N/A
Savings account balance - $11,600 in Emergency Funds; $7,500 in a HYSA that I saved up during college and will use to pay off my student loans when payments resume this summer. Because of this, I consider myself debt free.
Checking account balance - $900; I had a $600 sinking fund for my food/shopping/entertainment in Paris, but I got $300 in cash birthday gifts.
Credit card debt (and how you accumulated it) - $0; I pay my cards off regularly.
Student loan debt - $7,500 for a Political Science and Social Policy Degree with a minor in English. I got a full-tuition scholarship, but had small gaps in aid during my first two years because my school required underclassmen to have on-campus housing and a meal plan.
—
SECTION TWO: INCOME
Income Progression: I’ve been at this job 9 months, make $67k, and it’s great. The people, the work, the benefits. It’s my first post-college, salaried position. I have pretty much no complaints about it and am hoping to get a merit raise during our summer evaluations.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: $3,400 (paid semi-monthly)
$1200/mo in total taxes (fed, state, local, SSI/med); $1000/mo to 401(k); Employer pays 100% of health premiums.
No other income currently, no parental contributions, etc.
—
SECTION THREE: EXPENSES (my portions, I live with a roommate)
Rent - $750/mo. Renewing in May; hoping it stays the same or doesn’t increase dramatically
Retirement/Investment contribution - $540/mo to Roth IRA (401(k) contributions detailed in the Income section).
Savings contribution - $460/mo to sinking funds, $200/mo to General Savings/Emergency Fund
Debt payments - None besides regular payments to my cards
Donations - $80/mo to whatever feels right
Food - ~$500/mo ($300 groceries + <$200 dining out)
Electric - $75/mo
Wifi - $65/mo
Cellphone - $300/yr (Mint Mobile)
Renter’s Insurance - $100/yr
Subscriptions - $8/mo; $7 for Apple Music and $1 for iCloud Storage
Annual Subscriptions - $380/yr; $190 for Credit Card Annual Fees; $165 for ScentBird Subscription; $25 for Google Storage
Gym Membership - $10/mo; $50/yr for Annual Membership Fee
I started on a health journey last June (lost 50+ lbs!). Back then, I was in search of any kind of fitness that I would enjoy and actually go to. I ended up getting a $190/mo membership (2 classes/wk) to a RUMBLE (HIIT Boxing) studio and went 2x a week from June - Nov. In December, I bought a flat-fee holiday package that made my classes cheaper ($19/cls vs $23/cls) and more flexible, so I froze my subscription and got a 30 class package.
In January, I started strength training 4x/wk at Planet Fitness and went down to 1x/week at RUMBLE. I love my current routine, but PF and RUMBLE are both a 35 min walk from my house, and I go to the gym early in the morning. So, I’m considering joining the closer (<10 min walk), but more expensive ($72/mo) gym soon.
I’m still slowly burning through the RUMBLE holiday package and plan to cancel my subscription. I’m hoping they do a summer sale so I can buy another class package. If not, I’ll just buy classes ad hoc after I run out.
No pet, car, or therapy expenses currently.
—
SECTION FOUR: MONEY/TRAVEL DIARY
ACCOMMODATIONS
The flight and accommodations for this flight were booked in September after getting an email from Going (formerly Scott’s Cheap Flights) about $500 tickets to Paris the exact weekend of my birthday. I stayed in a Sonder that I also booked back in September for about $480. I bought a $30, 5 GB international eSIM from Airalo. I was able to post on social media, send iMessages, and check my bank accounts with no problems and no extra data needed.
​
Day 1
Today is payday and the beginning of my week off. I clear my credit cards, invest my Roth deposit, and go to the gym.
After the gym, I pick up last minute toiletries ($45.35) and plane snacks ($21.48). I end up on a wild goose chase looking for a Universal Adapter ($34.39), so I get McDonald's (I wanted a Shamrock Shake) while I’m out ($9.15 - this feels expensive for McDonald's?)
My mom gives me a call around 8pm and asks if I’ve checked my bank account. Today was payday, so I had, but not since early that morning. She gifted me $200! After, I spend three hours retwisting my locs and go to bed around midnight.
Day 1 Spend - $108.37
​
Day 2
Today is Sims 4 Expansion Pack (and flight to Paris) day! I can’t install the game until 1PM ET. Lame.I do one last check to ensure I have everything I need, transfer my Paris Sinking Fund ($600) into my checking account, and then play the Sims to pass the time. At 4, I take the Regional Rail to the airport.
I breeze through TSA and read Another Country by James Baldwin until boarding begins. Upon boarding, I’m stopped and informed that my carry-on is “too big.” They were clearly picking people at random to move their bags because as the woman walked down the jet bridge with my bag, she rolled it past a man who had the exact same suitcase as me in another color. Annoying.
They don’t give me a chance to take out my laptop and snacks, this is my first time traveling internationally, I triple checked the sizing requirements, so this stressed me out. I was terrified of my bag getting lost. I vent to my best friend about the bag situation; she helps me calm down. Once we’re airborne, I spend the next 6 hours rotating between reading, watching Wakanda Forever, and listening to music.
Day 2 Spend - $0
​
Day 3 (my birthday!)
We land in Dublin at 8am, and I activate my international eSIM. I see my older brother gifted me $100 via Cash App. Even though it was just a quick layover, being in Ireland on St. Patrick’s Day made me happy. The Irish were teeming with happiness and excitement. I board my second flight and land in Paris at 1pm, finally am reunited with my bag, and get to the section of town I’m staying in via train ($12.18).
While I wait for a friend to arrive on the train from London, I try French McDonalds per the recommendation of my best friend ($14.95 - seriously, why the hell is McDonalds so expensive?)
Friend arrives and we explore Paris! We then stop at a bakery, I grab a pain au chocolat ($1.60) and slip into a bar nearby. My friend lets everyone know it’s my birthday, and they buy us lots of rounds of shots and drinks. My friend closes the tab for the couple of drinks we actually ordered, and we head to a club that’s having a St. Patrick’s Day party around the corner.
I later try to redeem my Starbucks birthday item, but the barista gently lets me know it’s not valid in France. However, he throws in a free refresher and my friend buys me a blueberry muffin. We head back to the hotel so I can freshen up and change into my birthday dress. We take a nap and head back out for the night on the train ($8.96 RT for 2). We have dinner at a delicious restaurant, which my friend pays for.
Our last stop of the night is an Afro-Caribbean spot that has great music and friendly staff. I tell the bartender it’s my birthday and ask for a drink recommendation. He makes some spicy concoction in a gold bowl with peppers. It’s quite delicious but is strong and makes my nose run! The staff gifts me at least two more shots, and I decide to call it quits on alcohol for the night after that. We dance and laugh the night away with the friendly staff, and I pick up the tab before we leave ($27.81).
Day 3 Spend - $65.50
​
Day 4
My friend has been teasing a surprise and finally reveals it’s Disneyland! I laugh and realize I hadn’t disclosed the rest of my itinerary — I have a Disneyland reservation for Monday (after my friends went home)! However, I booked a non-park hopper ticket for Walt Disney Studios, so I’m excited to be able to experience them both thanks to my friend!
We had a late, drunk night last night so we started the day a bit late. Grabbed a quick brunch ($6.74) and head to Chessy via the train ($19.68). We got Premier Access (skip the line/lightning lane) for a handful of rides ($79.15), I bought some Stitch merch ($21.39), and we got ice cream ($5.35).
After a few hours at Disney, we head back to Paris to meet up with one of my friends from college who also lives in London. He’s a hyperextrovert and is ready to hit the town immediately. We wanted to go to the Eiffel Tower, but missed the last bus and grabbed dinner nearby ($89.96). My friend from high school started feeling a bit sick, so she went back to the hotel and my college buddy and I spend the night bar hopping, dancing, chatting, and eating until 3am ($37.44).
Day 4 Spend - $259.71
​
Day 5
Both friends head back to London today but at different times. I start the day a bit late after saying goodbye to my high school friend.
My college friend and I grab breakfast at a nearby restaurant ($41.18). After that, we head out to explore an area of the city near the train station so it’s easy for him to board the 5pm train. We grab some pastries and a baguette ($11.66) and set out to explore. We saw the lock bridge, Arc de Triomphe, took goofy photos, visited the Notre Dame restoration exhibit, and danced alongside a drum parade.
On the walk back to my room, I check my email to see I missed the Eiffel Tower climbing tour I scheduled back in September. I go back to the room, let my phone charge, and pay a fee to reschedule the tour ($10.70). I head out to see the Eiffel and other tourists sites via a Sundown Seine river cruise ($8.99 for 4 bus tickets).
After a few hours, I’m beat and head back to the Sonder. I got a Poke Bowl from a French/Hawaiian/Sushi fusion place we passed by last night and some chicken wings ($22.89). I spend the rest of the night relaxing.
Day 5 Spend - $95.42
​
Day 6
I really want to sleep in, but the Climbing tour doesn’t allow cancellations within 24 hours and charge no-shows. I head out around 9:30 am. Despite being tired and annoyed, the tour was great. I have a lunch Steakhouse reservation at 2:30pm at Disney, so I’m sort of in a rush and happy the tour ends right on time at 12:30. I hop on the train ($10.70 RT tickets) and make it to Disneyland at 1:30 pm.
With an hour before my reservation, I stop into a bunch of stores and buy merch ($70.60). I make my way to The Steakhouse for lunch ($37.44). I am stuffed, so I walk a couple laps around Walt Disney Studios to get a lay of the land, take photos, and walk off lunch before indulging in some shows and rides.
A couple hours go by and I grab some dessert ($4.28) and rent a portable charger ($4.28). I wanted to ride Crush’s Coaster before my dinner reservation, but it had a crazy wait time and premier access sold out for the day, so I buy premier access for and ride Avenger’s Flight Force instead ($12.84), return the portable charger, and head to dinner at Bistrot Chez Remy ($58.83).
I stay until 9:30 pm for the light show, have snacks ($9.63), then head back to the hotel to shower, pack, and sleep.
Day 6 Spend - $208.60
​
Day 7
I have a protein bar for breakfast, check out at 10am, and grab a final ticket ($12.29) to the airport. I start to feel lightheaded and try to drink some water, but it doesn’t help much. So, I get McDonalds ($8.91) before boarding my flight and feel a lot better. I grab a Kinder ($1.72) from a nearby store because I’d never tried one. Amazing!
I am excited to get home and get back into my normal meal prep and exercise routine. I make it back to Philly at 7pm. I take a shower and go straight to bed.
Day 7 Spend - $22.71
—
Week Total - $760.52
Food + Drink - $406.74
Fun / Entertainment - $194.68 (shopping, tour reschedule, premier lanes)
Home + Health - $34.39 (universal adapter)
Clothes + Beauty - $45.35 (last minute toiletries)
Transport - $72.80
Other - $4.28 (portable charger rental)
—
Lastly, reflect on your diary!
While I’d never spend close to this in a normal week, celebrating my birthday in a way I enjoy is very important to me. I’m excited to travel more in the future.
I feel like I spent too much money on individual transport tickets; I should’ve brought the booklet of 10. But $73 for a bunch of days is still pretty cheap. I had a sinking fund of $600 originally, but the cash gifts from my mom and brother increased it to $900.
Overall, Paris was cheaper than I expected. I was worried $600 wouldn’t be enough. I picked up the tab a lot of places since there wasn’t an easy way for us to split the bill in multiple currencies (USD, pounds, euros), and I’m trying to hit the minimum spend on a new credit card. Had I been more willing to figure out bill splitting, I probably could've stayed under $600.
Relatedly - this trip inspired me to revisit my goal of becoming fully fluent in Spanish. French-speakers were visibly irritated when I spoke English (which I wasn’t upset about and expected). I did practice some French (beyond the basics like bonjour and merci) with my sister before the trip, but it always came out sounding like Spanish. So, after the first day, I resorted to starting conversations in Spanish.
If they spoke Spanish, great! However, many were caught off guard and didn’t speak Spanish, so I would then ask, in Spanish, if they spoke English, then converse in English — which made them noticeably nicer. Definitely gonna work on brushing up my Spanish and work towards fluency. I eventually want to learn French and ASL, too.

I spent a week in NYC for a business trip and went on three dates during this time. I had a good time with all of the guys, but the last one was the one I totally hit it off with.
He picked me up from my hotel and we went for dinner in a small cozy restaurant. We talked for hours, then he drove us to this hidden spot in Brooklyn where we got the best view of the Brooklyn bridge. That's where we kissed for the first time. It was freezing cold but I felt butterflies in my stomach and we took loads of selfies together to capture the moment together.
After that we decided we wanted to go to the club together and have some shots. We went to this underground club and danced the night away until probably 3-4 AM. We had so much fun, it was so intimate and sexy, and we did some crazy things on the dancefloor when people weren't looking... The physical chemistry was unbelievable.
At some point we finally made it to my hotel and... had the craziest sex ever. We just couldn't stop and he woke me up several times during the night to do it again.
In the morning, when he left he asked me if I would miss him. I said yes. When we were enjoying the view of the Brooklyn bridge, he said that we would see each other again.
This was in January. We stayed in touch since then a little bit, but not super intensely. I think we both went on dates with others, which is ok. It was just one date. But I do miss him a lot and can't get him out of my head. I asked him like a month ago if he would like me to come back end of March/April and he said yes. The reality is that he doesn't check in with me much and doesn't watch my IG stories at the moment.
I live in London but I'm culturally from a different European country. I feel like I'm naturally more drawn to American men, because they are more open and say what they think. Whereas British guys usually are quite closed up and it's hard to find an emotional access to them.
I really like this man. He has some great qualities like he's a teacher, getting his PHD, he believes in God and even prayed in front of me. There are some red flags like the lack of communication and 7k followers on IG, mostly women. I think at this point I'm probably more into him then he's into me. But I wonder if I should shoot my shot and go back to see if we can develop something. Maybe he doesn't trust women, cause he told me all his Ex gfs cheated on him. Or maybe he needs a bit more time to see me the way I see him.
My plan is to go to NYC, but not just for him but plan more sightseeing and a workshop. This would take pressure off of the situation.
If I don't play, I can't win. But I'm also scared to get hurt or played with.
Should I go back and see this guy or should I let it go?

I don't have anyone. The first time I felt deeply for someone, it was PRETTY shocking. I was told that I would find someone soon, because I seem like a lovely person, and I'm funny and kind and caring et cetera.... I may seem like a lovely person, but this lovely person has had basically no human contact their whole life.
I've had to spend my entire life watching other people go out with their partners instead. I guess living vicariously will have to be good enough. And the whole time, watching the world go by, am I supposed to think "at least I seem like a lovely person"?
I got fired from my last job, despite being good at it. I got a new job, and it is awful. I had someone call me today saying that her father has a brain disorder and she finds it unacceptable that we've been calling him selling him a property investment (I'm in customer service, not sales). I really need to start calling other offers...
At least I have my health... well, I don't.
My whole body feels like it's burning. When I look into a mirror, I see flaking skin all over me from eczema. And because of the skin on my pillow, I have a lot of whitehead pimples on my face, which look terrible and feel VERY painful sometimes.
I've got a catastrophic infection of my bottom teeth and gums, which is going to cost thousands of dollars and a lot of pain and embarrassment to fix.
I haven't had a good night's sleep in weeks. I keep waking up in the middle of the night, I don't know why.
Ranting on Reddit isn't going to fix anything. It's already beyond repair. This seemingly lovely person wants to disappear.

CW: Violence
"The cows are very scared Father. Brunhild will not give milk and she tried to kick me when I came close. What has them so spooked? Where is little Polina?"
Timo came around the corner and the answer was clear. The back of the cowshed had been forced open, and on the ground lay the corpse of a calf. His father squatted by the dead creature, supporting himself on his long walking stick. Jürgen got up and turned to his son, now a young lad of 14. Almost a man, the boy worked hard but he had not yet been tested. He beckoned his son to get closer.
"I know this is a scary scene, but what do you see son? Look closely."
Throat ripped open and her body chewed and ripped apart, bloody pawprints. The blood had stiffened, so it was at least a day old.
"Bear? No, wolves, the prints are too small to be bear. I think there were 4? Why did they only get Polina?"
Jürgen sighed, and looked off into the treeline which led to the Bernese Alps.
"5 wolves, they got in yesterday by the looks. Polina was small and still a calf, an easy meal. But more than enough to fill the wolves. They probably have a den in the forest, Ill head to town later and see if any man will help me clear it out."
"We could do it father. You and I should be more than capable enough."
Jürgen smiled.
"All right, we head back home first. We will need some equipment."
It was still long before noon when they got back to their pasture. Fixing the hole in the shed the two set off into the forest. Jürgen had taken his old Reislaufer pike, shortened to a 2 meter spear, his sword and dagger. Timo had been given a shortbow, an Italian crossbow his father had taken home some years ago, as well as a sling and dagger. Apart from armaments they brought survival essentials for these mountains, rope, climbing spikes, fire making kit, and a snare to hunt small game as they made their way through the wilderness. Ahead of them lay one of the most imposing peaks of the Alpine Chain, the Wildhorn. It would be in its shadow that the father and son would find the hunters of their livestock.
The trek was easily navigable at first but soon the vegetation became thinner as it gave way to more harsh faces. Jürgen would not lose the track however, the wolves were much more agile than them, able to leap up the rocky faces with ease, they would need to ascend further to reach their den.
"Father, is there nothing easier for the wolves to hunt? Our cows are protected in the shed, could they not simply hunt deer?"
Jürgen turned to his son.
"The deer are all gone Timo, they have moved further north to the plateau, seeking warmer climates. These wolves have not moved, and while our cows are sheltered, they are easy to find and a rich feast. The mountains are harsh, but this is the territory of the wolves. We have placed a fat and lazy meal ripe for the picking."
"Fat and lazy like the Italians?"
Jürgen laughed.
"Yes son, and we are the wolves of these mountains."
He continued as he chuckled when he heard Timo stumble behind him. Quickly grabbing the boy he kept him from tumbling down a small rocky rise.
"Careful boy. This place will throw you down, break every bone in your body and leave you for the birds. This is not a Sunday stroll to church, this is a place not made for men to tread."
This scared Timo slightly, but there was something of a rush to being here. Challenging nature, fighting an insurmountable force. The mountains make you feel small, but to conquer something as unforgiving as the mountains was something that made his mind wander. He returned to the moment quickly however, the sun was beginning to set, the night would be upon them soon.
They set up camp under a rocky overhang, with a small campfire. Timo shot some Rock Partridges and plucked them to eat. Snow gently began to fall as the sky darkened, giving way to a clear starry sky. A half-moon made for a dark night.
"Son, you take the first watch. Wake me in a few hours."
"Watch? Why do we need to take watch?"
A howl rang through the night, coming from further up the mountain. Timo felt a chill go down his spine as he loaded the crossbow and his father began to drift to sleep. The light of the campfire reached a few meters out, illuminating some of the surrounding brush. He could hear movement in the darkness, eyes flashing in the dying light of the campfire. Adding more tinder to the fire keeping the light grew to a expose a few meters further into the night. A large grey shape suddenly ducked out of the light into the dark. He nudged his dad, rousing him from his sleep. Up in a start Jürgen grabbed his spear and stood in front of his son.
"How many?"
"At least 2, maybe more."
Grabbing a lit piece of wood from the fire Jürgen held it aloft. 2 wolves in front of him bared their teeth as they emerged from the darkness. One began to charge at him when a bolt drove into the beast's skull, killing it. Timo began to reload the crossbow. The other wolf now charged, and from behind them another, hidden in the dark. Before Jürgen could turn the wolf in front of him pounced and threw him to the ground. He put his forearm under the wolf's jaw to keep its jaws away as the other hand grabbed his dagger and began to furiously stab upwards. Another battle, another push, death inches closer. He heard his son scream as he felt the wolf go limp. Grabbing his spear he got to his feet to help his son. He saw the flash of steel as Timo grabbed his own dagger and drove it into the side of the wolf which stumbled off of him. The wolf was larger and a lighter shade of grey than the two wolves they had already killed. It barrelled into the darkness ahead. Timo's arm was covered in blood as his shoulder had been wounded by the wolf's attempt to get at his throat.
"Lay still, we need to stop the bleeding."
Applying pressure, Jürgen took out some cloth bandages and poured out some beer onto them. He had seen something like this on campaign, but never done it himself. He had seen men walk away from worse wounds than this though, as he felt the spot where his eye used to be itch. By daybreak the wound was bound and had stopped bleeding, but the pain was still fresh. During the night they had skinned the wolves. Jürgen got up.
"Time to go, the wolf den will not be far."
There was no resistance from Timo, he knew that there was no going back until the job was done. Loading the crossbow was immensly painful but it would be blissful compared to death by wolf. The two continued along the ridgeline, a 10 meter drop to their left, and a sheer rock face to their right. Looking down Timo saw drops of blood marking the path ahead, the wounded wolf. The blood getting fresher and fresher as they continued. Soon they reached a small cave on the mountainside.
"Be careful, there are at least 2 wolves in there, and one is injured. A cornered animal is unpredictable and will fight hard. You must be ready."
Steadying themselves they ducked into the den. It was not a deep den, and soon they saw one wolf wounded, bleeding from a gash in its ribs. By his side a she wolf who instantly got up and raised her hackles. Just like her partner she was larger and older. The male stumbled to his feet as his eyes went wild. As soon as the male moved, Timo took it out with the crossbow, a final whine as it died. The female charged forward as Jürgen dispatched it with his spear. They stood there in silence for a good while.
"You skin these two, I will wait outside. You did well son."
"It needed to be done. How would our cows ever had been safe with these monsters in the woods."
Jürgen stopped.
"What did you say? Monsters? These creatures had no ill intent. Do you not see? Mother and father, the two we killed last night were their pups. They have been in these mountains longer than us, this was their home long before any canton. Violence for survival is not an evil act, defending your home is not monstrous, and the dying in that fight is honourable."
Timo scoffed.
"And you are the wolf or the cow? The men you killed in war, was that done to defend our home? Are we evil?"
They began their trek home, Jürgen had no response. For hours they walked down the mountain, retracing their steps until they arrived back at the cow shed, reaching it by the end of the day. The cows mooed gently as the two removed their equipment. Grabbing two wooden cups Jürgen poured himself and Timo some beer.
"I understand that you would feel the way you feel. I went south too much and for too long. I missed years of your life. I was not there when your mother died, and I will never forgive myself for that. What I said is right, the defence of our homes is something that we will do till the death. This land is too precious to us to give up. But we took the land of others, I killed men for conquest and war. There is something monstrous about that. But I do not regret it, it was something I was very good at, and I had a duty to you as my family to provide for you as well as a duty to the canton when called upon. The laws that govern men and animals are different. The wolves kill to survive, I killed because I was paid to do so. Money that I spent on you and your sister. I know it does not excuse it, and I am sure that when I die, St. Peter will judge me for those actions. But I would spend eternity in damnation if I could ensure you and your sister do not live in squalor and poverty. I know this is not going to be the end of this discussion, but it is important to me that you understand why I left you for so long. I want to give you options, the way of the Reisläufer was all that was open to me, and one day you too might want to join their ranks. Or you learn a trade, make a good living, there is honour in that also. I pray you do not hate me, or resent me for what I did Timo. I love you with all my soul."
His father was never a tough man, treating him and his sister with love. He never doubted that his father loved him, but he could not imagine his father as a bloodstained warrior, not until today. A man is more than your perception of him. Jürgen was only a father to Timo, but today he saw that he was more than that. Father, soldier, herder, husband, Eidgenosse.

This Week in Power Metal Releases (03/20 - 03/26)
Power Metal:

• Alicetopia: In Dreams - Power Metal - Mar 22nd ("Butterfly Mirage")
  
• Category VI: Firecry - Power Metal - Mar 24th ("Firecry")
  
• Excalion: Once upon a Time - Melodic Power Metal - Mar 24th ("Soulbound")
  
• Asylum Pyre: Call Me Inhuman - Prog/Power Metal - Mar 24th ("Virtual Guns")
  
• Tragedian: Master of Illusions - Melodic PoweSpeed Metal - Mar 24th ("Freedom")
  

Related Genres:

• Firmament: We Don't Rise We Just Fall - Heavy Metal/Hard Rock - Mar 24th ("Hide & Seek")
  
• Emetropia: An Acoustic Endeavour - Symphonic Metal - Mar 24th ("The Old Gods")
  
• Alex Nunziati: Black Space Void - Heavy Metal - Mar 24th ("The Universe Doesn't Need Us")
  
• * Mace 'n' Chain: Among Ancient Pillars - Heavy Metal - Mar 24th ("The Key To Ancient Riddles")
  
• Morass of Molasses: End All We Know - Stoner Metal/Rock - Mar 24th ("Naysayer")
  
• Gatekeeper: From Western Shores - Epic Heavy Metal - Mar 24th ("Twisted Towers")
  
• Saxon: More Inspirations - NWOBHM - Mar 24th ("The Faith Healer")
  
• * Tytus: Roaming in Despair - Heavy/Speed Metal - Mar 25th ("EP Teaser")
  

JacksonWarrior's Corgi and Unrelated Pitstop:
Rainbow butt

• Autumn Tears: Guardian of the Pale - Neoclassical Darkwave- Mar 24th ("Of Wind, Water And Sand")
  
• Hellcrash: Demonic Assassinatiön - Black/Speed Metal - Mar 24th ("Okkvlthammer")
  
• Ne Obliviscaris: Exul - Extreme Prog Metal - Mar 24th ("Equus")
  

What you may have missed last week...

• Diaboł Boruta: Borutus Akustikus - Metal - Date ("Wietrznik")

Spotify Playlist here, remember if a band has a * next to their name it means it isn't on spotify (yet).

Recommendations of the Week

Amat3ur_hour

Excalion is the best of the PM out this week. It's perfectly adequate EUPM. That often wouldn't be enough for a nod, but it is this week.
Gatekeeper play a less doomy style of epic heavy metal. Their last few albums have been good. They have a new vocalist now, I've heard nothing in the singles to suggest any drop in quality. Also they got caught in a blizzard when shooting one of their videos, which is pretty damn metal. Listen to them.
Tytus came to play heavy metal and chew bubblegum. And if the single I found on bandcamp is any indication, they're all out of gum. It's a little repetitive, but the energy is good enough for a rec.
Ne Obliviscaris play a complicated blend of prog/death/symphonic metal that won't be to everyone's taste. But I'm the one writing this rec and I like it. Also, their harsh vocalist makes some really good grimaces while singing.
I wanted to rec Morass of Molasses because I love well-done stonesludge/prog and their name is great, but the single isn't great. If you want stonesludge/prog, listen to the new Witch Ripper instead

Omegakingauldron

Exacalion is solid European-styled Power Metal. Fast, melodic and catchy. Those who like Stratovarius will get a kick out this.
Gatekeeper I'm recommending for many reasons. Those who like Visigoth or Eternal Champion will like the sound of what's here. That, and I like the new vocalist (I've also seen them live with him so somewhat bias here). Either way, some fun fantasy tinged heavy metal is always a good thing.
I also missed last week, which I would have recommended Kamelot (based off the singles), Narnia (FFO: Theocracy), and Night Demon (catchy heavy metal).

JacksonWarrior

I've been looking forward to Mace 'n' Chain for a while, a one man project from the singer of a death metal band called Feral, started during lockdown to "pay homage to true, sword-wielding, heavy, goddamn metal" as they claim. If you like Eternal Champion, Smoulder, Megaton Sword, etc etc, this is right up your street. Very good "epic" heavy metal, seeing as that's what we're apparently calling all those bands.
So far I think new Gatekeeper is the best stuff they've written, so I'm definitely recommending this too. Go watch the video for Western Shores. Really solid heavy metal on offer here.
I quite enjoyed Category VI, although I'd sooner put them in the category with the other bands I've recommended than power metal, but if you're vibing with Gatekeeper and Mace 'n' Chain then give this a spin too.
Also, Hellcrash is worth your time if you like blackened speed metal like Hellripper, Bütcher, etc. It's slightly less polished than those, which to some is a benefit. The album cover sure is a thing too, don't open that at work.

Xileize

As I am about to board my plane from lhr to newyork, I’m in tears, for the first time in 10 years I am extremely sad to leave pakistan. I honestly don’t know why I am leaving and completely questioning my decision.
I was born in newyork but moved back to pak when I was a kid. Went back to newyork in 2013 for education. At first my plan was to get a degree and come back to pak as I used to feel incredibly homesick. But after graduating I found a cushy job and life was good. I became more westernized and had a big social circle.
This all changed in 2019 when out of nowhere I got cancer. I remember my parents flying over to help me during all that. Fast forward to now I am doing better healthwise but still have to do some maintenance treatment. I live alone and it gets harder to manage everything by myself. Not to mention that I don’t own a car. I used to be a big sports kid before the sickness hit so I never thought of owning a car as it is insanely expensive newyork city. But now walking long distances is not feasible for me. I also have a wife, who has been waiting for her visa for 1.5 years now and counting, with no end in sight.
I was in pak for the last 4 months, my parents own a big ass modern house here in a very nice suburban space. My wife, me and my parents get along very well and they all love me very much, esp since my illness. The last 4 months were relaxed paradise with my closed ones.
I used to go on long drives with my wife at night and then we would watch a horror show, we went to dubai and murree and other places. Used to play badminton, family friends would come by. But now I am dreading my small crumy ass apartment in the city that is very expensive, not to mention the horrible landlord that lives upstairs who’s kids keep banging stuff on the floor all night long, won’t let me sleep.
So now, I am sitting here, writing with tears in my eyes! Is it all even worth it? What am I even going back for? I know alot of young people are really success oriented but my life changed after my illness and it started having a slower pace. I can’t crunch extra hours for work, nor do I have that desire as I once did before, I am more focused on my health and well being. My parents tried to comfort me that they will come stay with me shortly after but I’m just dreading my empty apartment right now!

My boyfriend (M21) and I (F20) have been in an LDR for over a year now (we met online). Things were great, he's a great guy and we got along really well. We would hang out together almost every day and he particularly would always want to call me and we'd even have calls that lasted days at a time, which we both loved. Things were going great, despite some arguments, we were always able to resolve them. He isn't the best at communicating and tends to shut down, but we somehow eventually would make up and make it through.
In January of this year, he flew across the world (USA to Malaysia) just to see me, so we lived together for a month. I could go on about the trip forever but in the simplest possible way I could say it is that it was AMAZING. I thought I loved him before, but this month I really fell deeply in love with him. It was an amazing month, we did everything together. He was and is just the sweetest, most caring guy I've ever known. We had so much fun and even emotional moments together, and he took care of me so well when I needed him (I've not been doing so well, such as my father whom I'm very close to passing away recently and personal health issues), and he never failed to do anything in his power to take care of me. When he left, my heart was completely smashed, not only because him leaving hurt so bad, but because of what happened after..
Well, as soon as he landed back in the US, we started our calls again and it was weird, but we just wanted to be together. It was great for the first three days of calling, but then it fell off a cliff. On the third day, he suddenly would start getting so angry with me and freak out over several little things. He would start yelling at me, and I would be in tears, begging him to calm down and just talk to me normally, id even tell him that I love him, and he would just shut me up by going to sleep or ending the call, or worse yet, he'd just keep yelling in my face. He would show little to no affection or love for me, and constantly say that he needed space from me, that he was "tired" of me. He never wanted to talk about it. It even got to the extent of him saying things like he doesn't see me in his future anymore, he doesn't care if I cry and he doesn't know if he loves me anymore.
A few days lated after a big fight, he snapped out of it suddenly and started crying, saying that he just misses me and needs to be with me in person, saying that he's been lashing out because of that. After that incident, things got back a little closer to normal, but these moments of him lashing out at me would still somehow come up frequently over the course of the next month. One day things would be so terrible, he even "broke up" with me for like a minute, but we eventually made up and tried again, but eventually his effort would fade away, and then it would suddenly come back after a week. As you can see, things just go back and forth.
I want to touch on the issue of him needing space a little more. I definitely understand that everyone needs some space from time to time, especially someone as introverted as himself, so I respect that. However, I don't understand his way of handling it. We have overnight calls sometimes (12 hour time difference) where he would stay on call with me while i sleep through the night, so it's day time for him. He's quite a loner and i'm the only person he talks to, and during this time, he hadn't returned to work yet so he was just relaxing at home all day watching TV or gaming. Also, he does these calls willing fully, I usually don't ask him to stay. I have severe anxiety and depression issues especially recently since my dad passed away and have trouble staying asleep, like I would sleep around 11 and wake up at 4-5, then go back to sleep after a few minutes or at most, an hour or so. Sometimes I would wake up with bad anxiety. In the past year, whenever this happens, he's more than happy to spend some time with me until I fall back asleep. He would even say that he was hoping I'd wake up so that he could be with me for even a little while. Recently however, when I wake up and call his name on the call, he would get really angry with me, sometimes even raise his voice at me and end the call, causing my anxiety to skyrocket. He says it's because im disturbing his "alone time" and he needed space, where he would usually be gaming on Roblox or watching TV. Another thing is that he used to tell me to call him whenever I needed him, that he was only a call away and always there for me (I always said, and still say the same to him). However recently, he just tells me not to call him out of the blue anymore if i needed him.
Anyway, I'll get back to that as it all ties together. So about two weeks ago, we had a huge fight and I finally had some strength, and I threatened to leave him if this kept going on because it was really too much, I almost feel like he was mentally abusing me at that point. I became severely depressed and my anxiety has been awful because of all of this. I would try to fix it every day, wanna talk about it or just do something, but he would either just say "i dont wanna talk about it", end the call or say stuff like he doesn't think this is working out anymore bc it's too tiring. Whenever I wanna try to fix it or talk about it, he would say that I'm "so negative" for wanting to always talk about it. After me telling him that and just ignoring him for a while when he was still trying to manipulate me, when he cooled off and actually could talk to me normally, we started talking and hanging out again, and for the first time in a while, I'm seeing him actually start to put in effort again to fix things. He started trying to control his anger (not all the time but he tried sometimes), and he tried to just start treating me better in general and being there for me. However, as much as I wanna cling on to the fact that it wasnt as bad as before, I cant deny that it's really not like how it was anymore. He says all the sweet things I wanna hear now, he still wants to hang out with me, he's putting in that effort, but then even recently, there are still moments he says really heartbreaking things to me, like when he gets upset with me these days, he yells at me a little, says he wishes he could go back in time and fall in love with me again, that he doesn't care much anymore, etc. He used to apologize a lot, but recently not as much too. Then when he cools off and we try to move on, things just don't sit right. It's like he's on edge and I'm just waiting for him to snap again. He still wants a lot of alone time from me which i'm respecting and letting him have the time he needs, but i'm also having a hard time understanding why he needs so much all of a sudden when he was never like this (he needs to go like 8 hours a day at least without talking to me or else he gets really upset).
His sex drive is also barely there anymore. We used to "do it" almost every day, but now he never wants to. He also told me that he watched porn a few days ago to get off (he said it didn't help turn him on anyway) but he was so against it the past year of us dating and claimed to have never done that (of course idk if that's the truth), but it just feels weird to me. I talked to him about that and he comforted me a little, saying that it was just a one time thing. I wouldn't care if months ago he told me that he watches porn, but I just find the timing a little weird since he decides to try it now when we're going through this huge bump in our relationship.
The most heartbreaking thing is that all of this happened right after our month together, where I fell so hard for him, so deeply in love and I can't even describe how I felt about him, how special it was, and I don't know what suddenly happened when he left. This past week has been a little better, he's really trying to control his anger (not 100% effective but he's trying, he's still yelled at me once or twice), trying to talk to me more, wanting to call me more, says he loves me and thanks me for everything frequently, tells me that he's there if i still need anything, says that he's working so hard to see me again at the end of the year, etc.. Im happy things are getting better, but I also am so traumatized by everything and cant stop thinking about it all day, and i'm being strong and getting better each day, but it's still hard. I feel heartbroken by everything, and even though things have been better with him, I can't talk too much about this with him because #1 he doesn't have answers that he's willing to share (i've tried), and #2 he gets angry when i bring it up. My anxiety disorder and attachment to him aren't a good combo and aren't helping me with this either.

I apologise for the length, there's a lot of detail - TLDR at the end.
I recently travelled to York for a 1 week stay in a self catering apartment, to celebrate a milestone birthday. I took my dad who's in his mid 70's, and has recently had a kidney removed, which has put him on the 'extremely vulnerable' list. He's eligible for additional treatment if he contracts Covid.
 
We paid £1078 for the week, which included a £30 booking fee, and a £10 'damage waiver'.
 
The property was marketed as "we pride ourselves on high quality, not just with our properties but with our entire service. COMPANY handpicks only the best properties and all our accommodation is furnished to the highest standards as you would expect in a leading top hotel."
"We continue to take great pride in maintaining the highest standards of cleanliness across all our properties."
 
Few minor issues that we noticed when we arrived - cups/plates were dirty. We ran a set through the dishwasher. Washing machine was filthy, dirty drum, and very mouldy detergent drawer - I put the drawer in the sink to soak while we went out for dinner.
 
Now the BIG issue - when we returned from dinner and started unpacking and getting ready for bed, I noticed a strong smell of damp in my room, and bathroom. I looked around for the source, and opened some wooden shutters that were concealing the windows.
 
MASSIVE quantitites of black mould on all the windows. It wasn't a few days/weeks worth, this was months and months of mould growth. It was in my room, the en-suite bathroom, my dads room, kitchen and living room.
 
We felt incredibly uncomfortable staying there for a night, let alone a week, given the health risks, particularly to my dad!
 
First thing Saturday morning I went to the office of the rental company, conveniently, just across the road, a 30 second walk from the flat! (Who knows what the rest of their properties are like if one across the road is this bad!) The staff were shocked, very apologetic, and said they'd sort something out.
 
An hour later they called, offering to clean the mould - I said that I know black mould is not something that can be cleaned quickly or easily. They agreed (why did they even suggest it?!) and offered alternative properties. These alternatives weren't suitable AT ALL. The one we chose was in a very central location to make it easy for my dad to get around. We suggested a property that was almost next door, but more expensive. They said we'd have to pay the difference, and wouldn't offer ANY discount for the inconvenience - mean, given the circumstances, but OK.
 
The back and forth discussing this took several hours, depriving us of most of the day. Eventually with them unwilling to budge at all, I attempted to compromise - we'd accept the 'most suitable', of the unsuitable properties, but we wanted:
 

1. The difference that we paid, back (new property was cheaper),
2. A 10% discount on the new property rate (seemed fair to me, given the issue, massive inconvenience we were going through, and for effectively losing a day of our holiday
3. A refund for the night we spent in the mould infested flat, given the condition and risk to health

 
I understand I was perhaps pushing my luck, but they were completely unwilling to move even an inch beyond request 1.
I refused to give them any more money and said I'd like a refund, for the remaining nights (all they were offering), and that I'd rather drive 250 miles home than see them "win".
 
We left, and found a hotel, not wanting to waste the week.
 
 
TLDR - My question:
We paid - £1078 (inc £30 booking fee and £10 damage waiver)
Refunded - £890.31
Outstanding - £187.69
 
Should we be/are we entitled to have the remaining (or any of) £187.69 refunded? And if so, how do we go about doing it?
 
The property was booked in my dads name. We both took out a 1 week travel insurance policy.
 
Many thanks for reading through my long and I'm sure, boring, saga!

My boyfriend (M21) and I (F20) have been in an LDR for over a year now (we met online). Things were great, he's a great guy and we got along really well. We would hang out together almost every day and he particularly would always want to call me and we'd even have calls that lasted days at a time, which we both loved. Things were going great, despite some arguments, we were always able to resolve them. He isn't the best at communicating and tends to shut down, but we somehow eventually would make up and make it through.
In January of this year, he flew across the world (USA to Malaysia) just to see me, so we lived together for a month. I could go on about the trip forever but in the simplest possible way I could say it is that it was AMAZING. I thought I loved him before, but this month I really fell deeply in love with him. It was an amazing month, we did everything together. He was and is just the sweetest, most caring guy I've ever known. We had so much fun and even emotional moments together, and he took care of me so well when I needed him (I've not been doing so well, such as my father whom I'm very close to passing away recently and personal health issues), and he never failed to do anything in his power to take care of me. When he left, my heart was completely smashed, not only because him leaving hurt so bad, but because of what happened after..
Well, as soon as he landed back in the US, we started our calls again and it was weird, but we just wanted to be together. It was great for the first three days of calling, but then it fell off a cliff. On the third day, he suddenly would start getting so angry with me and freak out over several little things. He would start yelling at me, and I would be in tears, begging him to calm down and just talk to me normally, id even tell him that I love him, and he would just shut me up by going to sleep or ending the call, or worse yet, he'd just keep yelling in my face. He would show little to no affection or love for me, and constantly say that he needed space from me, that he was "tired" of me. He never wanted to talk about it. It even got to the extent of him saying things like he doesn't see me in his future anymore, he doesn't care if I cry and he doesn't know if he loves me anymore.
A few days lated after a big fight, he snapped out of it suddenly and started crying, saying that he just misses me and needs to be with me in person, saying that he's been lashing out because of that. After that incident, things got back a little closer to normal, but these moments of him lashing out at me would still somehow come up frequently over the course of the next month. One day things would be so terrible, he even "broke up" with me for like a minute, but we eventually made up and tried again, but eventually his effort would fade away, and then it would suddenly come back after a week. As you can see, things just go back and forth.
I want to touch on the issue of him needing space a little more. I definitely understand that everyone needs some space from time to time, especially someone as introverted as himself, so I respect that. However, I don't understand his way of handling it. We have overnight calls sometimes (12 hour time difference) where he would stay on call with me while i sleep through the night, so it's day time for him. He's quite a loner and i'm the only person he talks to, and during this time, he hadn't returned to work yet so he was just relaxing at home all day watching TV or gaming. Also, he does these calls willing fully, I usually don't ask him to stay. I have severe anxiety and depression issues especially recently since my dad passed away and have trouble staying asleep, like I would sleep around 11 and wake up at 4-5, then go back to sleep after a few minutes or at most, an hour or so. Sometimes I would wake up with bad anxiety. In the past year, whenever this happens, he's more than happy to spend some time with me until I fall back asleep. He would even say that he was hoping I'd wake up so that he could be with me for even a little while. Recently however, when I wake up and call his name on the call, he would get really angry with me, sometimes even raise his voice at me and end the call, causing my anxiety to skyrocket. He says it's because im disturbing his "alone time" and he needed space, where he would usually be gaming on Roblox or watching TV. Another thing is that he used to tell me to call him whenever I needed him, that he was only a call away and always there for me (I always said, and still say the same to him). However recently, he just tells me not to call him out of the blue anymore if i needed him.
Anyway, I'll get back to that as it all ties together. So about two weeks ago, we had a huge fight and I finally had some strength, and I threatened to leave him if this kept going on because it was really too much, I almost feel like he was mentally abusing me at that point. I became severely depressed and my anxiety has been awful because of all of this. I would try to fix it every day, wanna talk about it or just do something, but he would either just say "i dont wanna talk about it", end the call or say stuff like he doesn't think this is working out anymore bc it's too tiring. Whenever I wanna try to fix it or talk about it, he would say that I'm "so negative" for wanting to always talk about it. After me telling him that and just ignoring him for a while when he was still trying to manipulate me, when he cooled off and actually could talk to me normally, we started talking and hanging out again, and for the first time in a while, I'm seeing him actually start to put in effort again to fix things. He started trying to control his anger (not all the time but he tried sometimes), and he tried to just start treating me better in general and being there for me. However, as much as I wanna cling on to the fact that it wasnt as bad as before, I cant deny that it's really not like how it was anymore. He says all the sweet things I wanna hear now, he still wants to hang out with me, he's putting in that effort, but then even recently, there are still moments he says really heartbreaking things to me, like when he gets upset with me these days, he yells at me a little, says he wishes he could go back in time and fall in love with me again, that he doesn't care much anymore, etc. He used to apologize a lot, but recently not as much too. Then when he cools off and we try to move on, things just don't sit right. It's like he's on edge and I'm just waiting for him to snap again. He still wants a lot of alone time from me which i'm respecting and letting him have the time he needs, but i'm also having a hard time understanding why he needs so much all of a sudden when he was never like this (he needs to go like 8 hours a day at least without talking to me or else he gets really upset).
His sex drive is also barely there anymore. We used to "do it" almost every day, but now he never wants to. He also told me that he watched porn a few days ago to get off (he said it didn't help turn him on anyway) but he was so against it the past year of us dating and claimed to have never done that (of course idk if that's the truth), but it just feels weird to me. I talked to him about that and he comforted me a little, saying that it was just a one time thing, but still find the timing a little weird since he decides to try it now when we're going through this huge bump in our relationship.
The most heartbreaking thing is that all of this happened right after our month together, where I fell so hard for him, so deeply in love and I can't even describe how I felt about him, how special it was, and I don't know what suddenly happened when he left. This past week has been a little better, he's really trying to control his anger (not 100% effective but he's trying, he's still yelled at me once or twice), trying to talk to me more, wanting to call me more, says he loves me and thanks me for everything frequently, tells me that he's there if i still need anything, says that he's working so hard to see me again at the end of the year, etc.. Im happy things are getting better, but I also am so traumatized by everything and cant stop thinking about it all day, and i'm being strong and getting better each day, but it's still hard. I feel heartbroken by everything, and even though things have been better with him, I can't talk too much about this with him because #1 he doesn't have answers that he's willing to share (i've tried), and #2 he gets angry when i bring it up. My anxiety disorder and attachment to him aren't a good combo and aren't helping me with this either.

Names Rashaun 36 I live in southwest Ohio. I'm pretty much a mixed nerdy fit (Athletic with half empty 6 pack) goofball sums me up. I'm married, my wife is mono.
I work in the culinary healthcare field as a Food and Beverage Director. (Yes I can cook 🧑‍🍳). I enjoy the occasional glass of whiskey....comes with the profession. 2 cats 1 dog. I love the outdoors and go hiking, kayaking, camping or just chilling by the fire. 4 tattoos all nature related. I'm a lazy wiccan, meaning I believe but don't usually have time to practice. I'm a gamer and nerd out with my buddies on occasion at night.
I have two kids 9 and 4 and we're done... No more household terrorist for us!!! I like to watch documentaries and learn useless facts. Anime nerd. Play guitar and love all types of music before covid I lived going out to see local bands and go to concerts and just enjoy the amazing energy it brings. My humor is quirky but I can make everyone around me laugh with my antics....
I could probably go on but let's just leave it there for now...anyways hit me up if you want to talk a bit get to know each other a little more yo
Mic drop

We've been married 8 years, have no kids but had two 2 miscarriages in the past 6 years, which took a toll on our marriage.
The 1st miscarriage in 2017 was at 17 weeks, a baby girl we wanted to name Joy. We were both devastated but she believes she grieved more than I did, although I was always the one who had hoped for children while she never wanted any up until then.
The 2nd miscarriage in 2020 was around 12 weeks. It was the first several months of the pandemic. We work in a hospital and the intensity of my duties kept me away for days at a time. Even when we met, I tried to keep a distance to keep her safe from possibly catching the virus, which she understood at that time because the Covid situation then was very severe worldwide and there was still a lot we didn't know about it.
But after miscarriage, she resented me bitterly. She then decided we'd be better off without kids. I didn't want to cause her any more grief, so I went along. Since then, it's been up and down, mostly downs. Eventually I started to spend even more time at work to avoid her wrath at home. We still see each other at the workplace (she's another department) but at least it's civil.
Last year, through a series of misunderstandings, she started to accuse me of having an affair with our colleague. This colleague was my college ex, we moved on 20 years ago, which my wife knew about too. I swore my innocence repeatedly but she refused to accept it. We argued for months. In the process, I said some nasty words, said it wouldn't be surprising if I left her for that woman since my wife was such a terror. I deeply regret it now. I don't think she herself truly believes, but she took my words as admission of the non-existent affair and demanded a divorce.
We started proceedings and separated last April. She still lives in our house while I've practically moved into my office. But on occasions when I returned home to collect stuff or when we attended events outside, we'd enjoy our time together - like the dates we used to have before everything went awry. We managed to have some very good sex too, so I started to find more excuses to "pick up my stuff" couple times a week and she never turned me down.
I'd say our relationship improved drastically after I agreed to the separation. I didn't have the time or interest to date anyone else and to my knowledge neither did she.
​
Now, about 2 months ago, she suddenly turned all cold and angry again for no discernible reason. She called in sick for a few days and ignored all my calls, messages and shrugged me off when I checked on her.
2 weeks later, my brother finally learnt the truth from another colleague - my wife is pregnant, with twins.
I'm very hurt at the way I had to find out, but that's beside the point. The colleague later told me she explored her options for abortion but did not or has yet to go through with it because my wife reportedly told her she "knew it would break (me) for real" if she did.
Hearing that, I was reaaally hopeful that this pregnancy would save our marriage. I have been so miserable.
But when I approached my wife about her pregnancy, I discovered that she was (and still is) in a terrible rage at me. She keeps telling me not to get my hopes up, keeps flinging the abortion threat in my face, says she'd rather raise the children on her own because I'll never have time for them, insists she still wants to go through with the divorce, will take care of herself, won't need maintenance, and basically many illogical, contradictory and hurtful things.
She has even been trying to convince me that the babies aren't mine. But in one tired distracted comment while mad at me, she said they've driven her crazy "just like their father". Another day, she declared she hates me and hates my babies. Yet another day, she blamed me for picking a good date to intentionally knock her up - we spent the whole stretch of Christmas Eve to New Year's Day together, had unprotected sex throughout often at her initiation, and now her EDD is the date of our 1st miscarriage. Unless she managed to slip out in secret to bang the deliverymen, I really don't see how the babies aren't mine.
She also said she's gonna quit her job and move out for good so we never have to meet again. And she is really packing up her stuff at home into big boxes and has been researching renting dubious walk-ups in lousy neighborhoods far from me.
Meantime I'm relieved at least she's still seeing the OB and taking her iron, folic, screening tests and avoiding alcohol, caffeine etc. While mostly cold and snappy, she still lets me take her out for meals several times a week and never rejects food or massages from me. The other day I even spotted two twin pregnancy books on her car seat when I peeked in. I was incredibly heartened.
​
I have no doubt she's terrified and conflicted. But she's so stubborn and angry that I just can't get through to her. She's made clear counselling and therapy are out of the question, and I can't slip her any tranquilizers either since she's pregnant.
I'm worried sick about her for so many reasons:
She's pushing 40 and that already puts her at significantly higher risk for many pregnancy complications, carrying twins to boot. So far no major issues detected, the usual anemia, low BP, some spotting; cervix unremarkable. But her face gets a gaunt green cast from nausea or headaches most mornings even now, and though she's showing quite a bit, she has actually lost considerable weight. She was already borderline underweight. Can tell she gets dizzy or breathless easily but she still insists on climbing up and down needlessly packing her boxes and even wants to lug them down the stairs herself. Of course I put an end to that nonsense when I see it, but I'm really terrified she'll hurt herself trying to prove some reckless physical feat when I'm not around. Or pass out in the bath alone at home.
She goes on about me never having time for a family but bars me from her OB visits - which occurs at our workplace! I've had to install "spies" all around her to find out how she feels, yet even that is difficult - the guys are useless as she knows their loyalties to me and I can't be too pally with her women friends in case she develops another misunderstanding, which would be the worst time for that to happen again. So far only my brother and his gay partner have been my greatest help as she genuinely adores them. She forbids us from telling both sides of our parents about the pregnancy and keeps trying to suck in her belly to keep it a secret as if people are blind. She was never like this before.
I'd like her to take a long break from work or even quit entirely so she can get sufficient rest and hopefully regain her sanity, but I know she'll be insulted or suspicious of my motives and it will also be much harder for me to keep an eye on her if she's not constantly pottering around near us. She might also use that newfound free time to really run away forever.
​
I really really really want to be around for her and our babes, but I'm so scared of destabilizing her with anything I do or say.
I've turned this over in my head time and again but I truly truly don't believe that we have reached the end of our marriage. I feel like there's still so much evidence pointing to the fact that she still loves me.
Many people claim it's clear I'm a calming presence for her (the irony!). My bro says even now her eyes always sweep the room until she spots me. She still publicly defends me in arguments in my absence and is always empathetic when I have a trying day (as long as it's not caused by her). I don't know what I would do without her.
She seems to have it all together in public but it's a different story in private. These 2 months, in the rare few instances I've dared raise my voice back at her or when her rage has driven me to break down, she would become immediately contrite, retract her words, apologize profusely, and then inevitably become distressed to tears, at which point I would have to spend more time consoling her. Those are also the only times she allows me to guide her in techniques to calm her erratic breathing. But sometimes I think I'm having a panic attack myself.
It's all terribly exhausting for us both but even more so, it is simply gut wrenching for me watching her. The 2 miscarriages left me wracked with guilt; there are many things I wish I did, I truly don't want her to have to go through that trauma a 3rd time. I'm a medical professional and there's so much I know in theory but I am really at my wit's end when it comes to my delicate pregnant wife who's perpetually in an uncontrollable rage at me. Everything I've done is wrong. I'm so fucking scared. I'm so fearful I will again unwittingly hurt her irreparably. And there are still so many weeks more to go. I don't know if we can make it.
When I ask what she wants from me or what I can do to make things better, she says impossible things like carry the babes myself, leave her for good, or to father other children with other women. My god.
I have thought long and hard about it and have put this to her as gently as I could: I don't need to have kids. She doesn't need to have kids. If it comes down to that, I would save our marriage over saving the babies. Or if saving our marriage is impossible too, it would be OK as long as she is happy and healthy again. Mentioning this invariably leads her to more rage and more inconsolable tears. She is incensed that I'm "choosing between them" or trying to force her to choose, which I'm not! I'm just trying desperately to say there's no pressure, there's nothing I could ever want so badly that I can't do without, I swear it. I'm just so afraid she can never be herself again. Should I help her arrange for an abortion and make her go so that the choice is mine?
​
I've tried so hard to analyze and identify/eliminate any potential causes for her rage.
I never comment on her growing belly or boobs in case she flares up. She definitely likes belly rubs, back rubs, calf and head massages so she certainly doesn't hate my touch. She doesn't gag when we kiss. It's not about the sex either; in fact it seems to put her in a better mood for a very short while. We're not financially strained (unless she really intends to divorce me and refuse a cent while trying to raise the twins on her own) and both of us can arrange for prolonged time off work if we really need to. We have a part-time cleaner so any chores she ever does herself is because she wants to. Anything she can't tolerate, I've stopped eating as well. I've given her copious supplies of vitamins, essential oils and home remedies for her nausea and headaches. I've been spending so much more time with her now, work is really just an afterthought. I've tried ignoring her provocations but she would follow me and demand a response then accuse me of patronizing her. To protect her sense of independence, I even let her continue to drive despite my concerns about her terrible driving.
There are some things I can't compromise though - no way I'd let her have sashimi or lift the heavy luggage and boxes herself. Admittedly I'm a bit of a nag about drinking enough water, taking her supplements and BP monitoring. But can I really allow her to be so reckless and go her own way?
I suspect my presence alone might be a trigger for her rage. But apparently not having me around distresses her too. 3 times these 2 months, I was shocked to learn that when I missed minor meetings or events without first informing her (though I had no idea I was expected at all), she disappeared into the bathroom to cry. She insists it was nothing but once let slip that she thought I stayed away because I was angry at her, which is so irrational. Why would I be angry at her??? My bro and his partner concluded that my absence was the only consistent factor for her odd behavior.
​
I'm ashamed to be such a bumbling clueless husband. Truth is she's surrounded most of the day by people and family perfectly equipped to handle any physical problem that might occur. Yet I've never felt this stressed, helpless, blindsided and impotent my entire life. I am at a total loss. And it's been only two months since I found out. Last night she screamed at me to just stop bothering about her. So today she drove herself to work while I stayed home to despair over the keyboard wondering if it's tears or rage now because I actually heeded her advice. Maybe I should have feigned ignorance about the pregnancy from the start.
It was very hard for me to put this all down in words, I'm sorry it's so long and incoherent, but I've really reached my wit's end. I don't usually log into Reddit, so this is a measure of my desperation. If anyone out there studying this convoluted essay can help figure out any hints to the root of my problem or if anyone can offer a desperate man some sound advice - that works - on daily methods to handle my fiery pregnant wife or tips on how to dissipate her flying rages... please help me. I will be eternally grateful.

First, I know this is a broad topic, but I'm very curious about everyone's perspective on this change to the way people can approach writing, idea generation, and its effect on fanfiction writing. It is early for AI, it's still a black box so to speak, but I wanted to share "my" story generated by two different AI systems. I've left the responses unaltered - except for Google which repeats the prompt at the beginning of the response.
Second, I've been a lurker on this sub for quite a while and have been a huge Harmony shipper for years and years, so I wanted to start this conversation off with you all. I'm also a tech nerd, thus the topic at hand :)
The prompt
"Write a short story fanfiction about Harry Potter where Harry Potter and Hermione Granger fall in love during their 7th year in Hogwarts"
Google Bard (draft 2 of 3)

It was the first day of their seventh and final year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and Harry Potter and Hermione Granger were nervous. The war against Voldemort was over, but the world was still a dangerous place, and they knew that they would have to face many challenges in the year ahead.
But they were also excited. They had finally made it to their last year of school, and they were determined to make the most of it. They had already made plans to take all of their favorite classes, and they were looking forward to spending more time with their friends.
And, of course, they were both looking forward to seeing what the future held. They knew that they would face many challenges, but they also knew that they would have each other's support. And they were confident that they would be able to overcome anything together.
As the year went on, Harry and Hermione grew closer and closer. They spent more and more time together, and they began to develop feelings for each other. But they were both afraid to act on their feelings, afraid of what it would mean for their friendship.
One day, Harry and Hermione were sitting in the library, studying for an upcoming exam. Harry looked up from his book and caught Hermione's eye. He smiled at her, and she smiled back.
"Hermione," he said. "I've been thinking."
"About what?" she asked.
"About us," he said. "I know we've been friends for a long time, and I've always loved spending time with you. But I think I'm starting to feel something more."
Hermione's eyes widened. "Really?" she asked.
"Yes," he said. "I think I'm in love with you."
Hermione's heart skipped a beat. "I'm in love with you too," she said.
Harry and Hermione leaned in and kissed. It was a perfect moment, and they both knew that they would never forget it.
From that day on, Harry and Hermione were a couple. They were inseparable, and they were always there for each other. They faced many challenges together, but they always came out stronger.
After they graduated from Hogwarts, Harry and Hermione got married. They had two children, a boy and a girl. They lived happily ever after.

Fun fact: The 3 drafts were all slightly different and had different contexts. The first draft Voldemort was alive and the war continued. This draft (draft 2) he was defeated by the start of 7th year. The third draft makes no mention of Voldemort or the war and is much more dialogue driven than the other two.
Open AI

Harry Potter and Hermione Granger had been best friends since their first year at Hogwarts. They had been through everything together, from fighting against Voldemort to winning the Triwizard Tournament. They had always been there for each other, but it wasn't until their seventh year that they realized they were meant to be more than just friends.
It started with a simple gesture. Harry had always been a bit clumsy, and Hermione had always been there to help him. But one day, as she reached out to steady him, their hands touched, and they both felt a jolt of electricity run through their bodies.
At first, they were confused by their feelings. They had never thought of each other in that way before, but as the weeks went by, they couldn't deny the way they felt. They were falling in love.
It was a difficult time for them, as they were both dealing with the pressures of their final year at Hogwarts and the looming threat of Voldemort's return. But they found comfort in each other's company, and they spent every spare moment together.
They would sneak out of their dormitories at night and go for long walks around the castle, talking about everything and nothing. They would sit by the lake and watch the stars, holding hands and enjoying each other's company.
They knew they couldn't tell anyone about their relationship, not even Ron or Ginny. They didn't want to risk causing any tension or making things awkward. But they didn't care. They were happy just being together, even if it had to be a secret.
As their time at Hogwarts came to an end, they knew they would have to face the real world soon. They didn't know what the future held, but they knew they wanted to face it together.
On the night of the final battle, Harry and Hermione fought side by side, their love for each other giving them strength. And when it was all over, and Voldemort was finally defeated, they found each other in the chaos.
They held each other tightly, tears streaming down their faces, knowing that they had each other to rely on. And as they walked away from Hogwarts, hand in hand, they knew that their love would only grow stronger with each passing day.

So, what do you all think?
I'm actually very excited because I think that at a bare minimum, AI used as a creative tool will help accelerate certain aspects of fanfiction writing. I still think a lot of AI generated writing requires a level of editing to make it make sense and be thoughtful. With more time it may not require as much, but right now it's still a necessity IMO.
Also, it's very clear that Open AI is the more mature platform at this point in time. I think Google will catch up but it has a ways to go.
Anyway, I'm interested to hear everyone's perspective and maybe encourage some of you to try it out and see what you get. Cheers!