Can't contact playstation support

I'm currently on Ziply's 300/300 plan (❤️ the upgrade) and love it! My speed tests are showing 200-205 up and down which has been good enough but I'm wondering if I could maximize my speed and save on the $10/mo rental fee for Ziply's router by buying a router to use for the next few years.
My details: - 700 sf apartment with 1 internal wall between router and office space - xbox is connected via ethernet and we use that as our smart tv. I play casual games on an 8yo xbox one s so extra performance isn't necessary here - 3 smart home devices, our phones, and sometimes 1-2 work computers connected to wifi - I'm techy enough to have built a few websites and pass CS 201 but I don't wanna be too hands on and definitely don't want to be screwed if I can't rely on some technical support - Value is most important to me as I don't anticipate my needs being too heavy. Idk will I need 1gb to load Netflix in a couple years? If it won't pay for itself in 2 years it's probably not worth it to me.
I appreciate any help or advice!

I can't take it anymore. I am 100% alone in this world with all my problems and no support. Mental health system is a joke and literally nobody cares about men

First, I am DC, I found out when I was 37 from 23andMe. I'm male, born of a sperm donor and my mother. I have a father that I have, at times, a rocky relationship with. No contact with my donor, however I do now know who he is and where he is. Unclear if he knows I exist.
My wife and I are now trying to have a child and are having trouble and have nearly pulled the trigger on a donor and her eggs. In discussions about disclosure and contact with the egg donor, my normally rational and considerate wife wishes to have as little contact with the donor as possible (especially me) and wants ourselves and the donor to remain anonymous to each other and has only reluctantly agreed to the possibility of contact through the donor agency middleperson. I have tried to express my feelings of distrust when finding out, of feeling like a piece of knowing who I am is missing or lost, of wanting to connect with the donor relatives or the donor themselves just to understand these feelings more. My wife doesn't understand these feelings and is quite dismissive, often chalking it up to "well if you had a more secure relationship with your parents you wouldn't care about the donor and your DNA", as if I'm trying to find replacements for my parents. I am fairly certain this in not true, but I can't properly put into words how it is.
Are there resources you've found, including studies, that provide the positive outcomes of disclosure and even more specifically the benefits of knowing who the donor is and the availability of contact with them? Also maybe how this doesn't affect the parents relationship to the DC child negatively?
I want my child to have a healthy attitude towards this, and never feel the pain that I did when I found out and had no information on the donor. I would prefer to not be the only parent giving my child info and asking them to hide this knowledge from their mother.

My fiancé is experiencing an issue with his hip. He has had ultrasound and xray, nothing showing. He needs an arthrogram MRI and will wait 8 MONTHS to get one here in our city. He can't be referred to other big cities unless it's to see a surgeon, which is out of reach. I took a long shot and contacted my medical insurance to see if they could help, no dice. Does anyone have any suggestions for how (if at all) we can receive assistance to help pay for this? It's $850 US, which is probably around $11-1200 Canadian. It's considered elective by my benefits, even though his doctor has said the test itself is necessary, and he has days he cannot bear weight on his leg. So frustrating!!

I'm in the market for a Keychron keyboard and I'm interested in the full-sized boards. I see in the pictures that the K10 Pro/Q6/V6 seem to have Playstation joypad-looking keys in the top right and I'm wondering if that's actually what those are (to allow "controller" support through the keyboard, something that would be helpful for me as I'm in game development) or if they're simply spare programmable keys. The website doesn't have any info that I can find on that.
Also, how do I know which keyboards are programmable? From what I gather only the K Pro and Q series are. And what exactly does that mean? Can you customize the RBG lights and individual keys? Anything else you can do?

Started playing literally yesterday, on first login I got up to the EDZ then suddenly on my next login about 8 hours later I see a couple of cinematics and I'm thrown into the First Contact quest, which I spend a few minutes in until I decide I'll get back to it later.
I login again after a few hours and now it's thrown me into what appears to be the current Seasonal quest, which is on my HUD but not in the Director for some reason. I spend an hour doing it and then experience a bug trying to kill the Celebrant because an Acolyte has decided to spawn inside a building with no entrance and so I can't kill it. I spend another 10 or so minutes trying to kill it then just went back to the EDZ.
I have no idea where my character is going to be when I login again. Is this just how it's gonna be for the rest of the game?

I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense....I'm literally so beside myself at the moment and have no one to confide in.... I am so incredibly overwhelmed right now. I've always been the kind of person who flies through life by the seat of my pants. Stability isn't something I ever really had, so I've never really had a problem with it. But I'm realizing now that's always worked out for me because I've always had a great support network. Caring friends, a big family. But now as things are falling apart as they often do, I'm doing it alone. My mom moved out of state, my sisters moved 4 hours away and I've been growing apart from all of my friends. I was supposed to get a house with my current roommate, my best friend of 7 years and best friends brother. But for whatever reason, after we applied for said house best friend says living together will ruin our friendship, so he was going to bail. That really upset me......A week before we had been drinking and talking about how excited we were about it and how it was going to make both of our lives better....so I felt like it was very out of nowhere. Now I'm not proud of it, but I went off on him when he told me about how he was being selfish and I was super upset. The next day he sent me a text something along the lines of "I have this weird urge to tell u I appreciate u" which set me off again. I told him that I cared about him, but I needed time.to cool off before we spoke again, to that he replied he didn't feel like "waiting around" and blocked me. That same day, I found out I was yet again passed over for a promotion but was expected to train the person who got the position instead and was knocked down to part time. I found all of this out before a shift. I was in my car trying to compose myself when I called my mother, something which I rarely do since she's moved to try to vent. But no answer. However I did get a hold of my eldest sister who decided to share with me that our other sister had a violent mental health episode and attacked her fiance, and had to be picked up by police. Now I've grown pretty numb to her chaos, but she does have a young daughter so the idea of my niece being involved with all of that was definitely a giant source of worry. So much so I didn't even really bring.up to my sister why I called.her in the first place. So I walk into my job, trying to keep it together when low and behold this is the day the owner of the company is here. Now I'm barely holding it together so I figure, fuck it. I'm not getting the promotion anyway, I'm going to leave early. And I try to explain to the owner why I'm frustrated about the work place environment but she just does not listen at all. So I go home and try to regroup. It was looking like me and my current roommate were just going to get a new 2 bedroom for ourselves because the one were currently in is bug infested. We filled out an application for one....but the following day at work (we work together) my roommate had a bit of a break down. A coworker told me she was freaking out in the back room, so I go in to check on her and she accuses me of being apart of some conspiracy to spy on her, and gaslight her about it. I'm incredibly confused, and then she just runs off. I'm not entirely sure what to do....but the owner had the audacity of accusing her of being on drugs (which I know for a fact she wasn't. She has a history of mental illness) and I just quit on the spot. I know it wasn't wise, but I had no idea what else to do. I felt unappreciated, unstable, unsupported. So I walked out. And that was definitely the dumbest thing I could have done. I found a new job but it doesn't start for two weeks. I've been trying to door dash to make ends meet, but the most I've ever gotten was 60$ in a day and that's not counting what I had to pay in gas.....and now I'm having to find a place to live on my own but it's so incredibly expensive. I thought maybe I could go live with my stable sister, but low and behold crazy sister is living with her while she's in recovery. And don't get me wrong, I'm so happy she's seeking help and trying to get better, but since she is staying with our eldest sister, I no longer have anywhere to go. My mother doesn't have the space for me, my closest friends refuse to speak to me, and I don't have anyone close enough to me to ask for that kind of space, but our lease is up June 1st regardless. I've applied to one house, but didn't get it, and all of the apartments I've looked at have administrative fees 200 or more which I can't afford on top of applications fees, deposit ect rn...so I'm just counting down the days until I have to move into my car and give up my cat....and like I know once I start working again and saving money I'll be okay. And like a month or two in my car isn't that bad, like at least I have a car to sleep in, but I'm just feeling so very small and helpless and can't imagine things ever being good again

I've had so many of the symptoms for 6.5 years September 2016 but not believed. I wasn't scanned at the time. Hadn't heard of it at the time so didn't know to ask and hoped things would improve in time but not the case Mris haven't shown but wasn't done at the time, nearly 3 years later in July 2019, then in April 2021 and may 2022.
Contacted a cauda equina charity and support group. They told me the discs can shrink back and appear normal over a period of twelve months.
I have low back pain hips pelvic perineum buttocks pain radiates down legs, stiff legs and feet, bilateral foot drop. Numbness and tightness in saddle area. Constant urge to urinate but takes a while to start and difficultly emptying bladder fully. Feeling like bowel doesn't fully empty, sometimes wet farts or soil without realising. Can't stand long, unsteady on feet. Legs are tight. Increaed back and legs pain waking. Can't bend legs and feet properly and lift feet.
Has really affected my quality of life. Worse when not believed and taken seriously and nothing else has really shown.

I don’t know who else to turn to or who else to talk to, so hopefully your expertise can guide me. My oldest started stuttering at 3.5. His pediatrician waved it off as normal speech disfluency. I brought it up every six months from then to age 6 at pediatric appointments. Wait and see was the motto. 2020 happened we didn’t actually talk to or see his pediatrician till 2021 (and it was a new one since she had left). Meanwhile our charter school would pay for an assessment in kindergarten. We started speech therapy at age 5 and his speech therapist ignored the stutter for an entire year, me bringing it up politely each appointment. Our particular school district would only allow monthly speech therapy appointments. She instead wanted to focus on a lisp. Finally after a year (he is now 6) she said, “There is not much you can do about this. It’s like an alcoholic, once one, always one.” I was APPALLED. So was our main contact teacher, and she suggested we do online speech as an alternative with a different speech therapist.
Now, after a year of working with him, she says never hears him stutter. Turns out as a smarty pants, he gives her short answers in therapy, and avoided stuttering much in their half an hour appointment. I started recording him and sending it to her and she instantly recognized he does indeed have a moderate stutter when he’s not paying attention.
Now his 5 year old brother is stuttering (having never shown ONE sign of it for 5.5 years) in actually the same form and fashion as his brother, repeating phrasing and sounds down to the very same sound.
I am feeling desperate. I just read online there is not much hope of a cure after age 7 (my kids age). What can we do? Would seeking ANOTHER speech therapist help? I can not say he’s made one bit of progress. Why is my 5 year old stuttering now? They are homeschooled (with the support of a public charter school that pays for therapy) and they talk to each other most of the day is the only thing I can think.

Fellow INTJs,
have you ever experienced it when someone tried to guilt-trip you about being too ambitious?
I mean... I'm sure my fellow INTJ girls know the feeling when we're told that "women should not... (put some miso phrase that aims to criticise our desire to get educated and work in the field rather than just to rely on others (human or institutions) for money and resources).
But INTJs regardless of your sex or gender, have you ever experienced some sort of criticism when you admitted to wanting to achieve, work in your field, avoid or work only temporarily (and out of necessity) below your qualifications, etc?
I've just had that happen to me, honestly and I hate it.
I come from a poor background, with few of my family members having anything beyond high school, and yet with my closest friend (whom I view as my equal intellectually) being a *high school* dropout.
I've mopped floors in my current job (it was an incidental work I was happy to work when we moved one of our departments and I was offered to just enjoy an extra paid day of "unofficial" holiday, yet chose to support my boss, come with a pair of headphones and torn vans to walk around with a bucket of dirty water, cleaning the floors, windows and furniture), I had my experience at volunteering (also mopping, scrubbing the toilets, etc.) and I sure didn't *die*. What's more, I enjoyed it, knowing it won't retract my PhD, or take my knowledge of languages away, or else mess with google scholar algorithms to sabotage the search for my publications. I did it for fun, to spend time with my co-workers and friends who were official volunteers (I was just a guest).
I am okay with that when I move overseas pretty soon, I'll end up doing such bluest of the blue collar jobs for a living *for some time* before I learn the language well enough to get back on track career-wise. But what I am not okay is having a bunch of people (whom I merely asked for some advice on a more efficient job search) criticise me for "pooping" on some jobs or professions. I had one guy claim he'd not hire me as an employer (thank God, I don't want to work under some insecure douche who can't appreciate a qualified employee). I had others claim my attitude is "antiegalitarian" and that "they don't need people like me" in there. Wow, b*tch, I am not even there yet...
I really have enough. This is just one of many examples where people have openly or not looked down on me for being hard-working, ambitious and just desiring to achieve something through determination.
An opposite would be one of my uni professors. I'd always admired her for her knowledge and ability to pass it during her lectures that she so passionately delivered. Right after my defence (where she was in the jury as well), she came over to congratulate me and said: "Now, go home and celebrate with your loved ones. What you have achieved is meaningful and nobody can take away from you!". And you know what? Any time I felt doubtful or tired afterwards (7 years of working on it does wear you down) I remembered her words and it felt better.
At the same time, I remember my constantly off-work & high-school-dropout ex constantly bothering me with "So, will you dump me when you finally get your degree?" while ending up dumping me instead for not wanting to lend him any more than the 11K he'd already owed to me.
I am f*cking sick & tired, just too f*cking fed up with being simply guilt-tripped for having achieved something due to my hard work and dedication, and wanting to make some use of the invested energy. I refuse to admit that waiting tables or scrubbing people's toilets for 30 years (if there's no war or apocalypse happening) is NOT what I'd call a career. I'm sick and tired to having to walk on eggshells among some low-achieving, insecure bums just so as not to hurt their egos. They could have/should have gone the same way! Nobody prohibited them from getting a degree or some sort of qualification anyway!
Anyone else feeling the same?

(Not my main account)
I 24F have been with my 26M boyfriend Josh, (Not his real name) for a year now. Last month he called me and told me since we'd been together for a year, (this was a few days before our annaversary) he wanted me to meet his family. He said they were eager to meet me. I was happy too! I told him to just let me know when and where. We set a date and that was that.
I told my friend, Jessica 25F (also not a real name) about this, as I was excited, and since shes my best friend, I wanted to talk to her about it.
For context, shes married and pregnant. We've known eachother since were in high school, and are very close. She wished me good luck.
The day of, things were going great! We were laughing, having fun, and everything was great.
Right before desert, my phone started blowing up. It was jessica, she was calling me, texting me, everything. Her messages were panicked, and very upset, mostly saying "I need you," "Call me," and so on.
So one more detail, Jessica is considered a high risk pregnancy, she has problems in her spine and lungs, always has. Because of this, she has incredibly high anxiety. Her husband, Matt, does his best to comfort her and reassure her, but often he worries too and can't do much.
I was torn, I didn't want to stop dinner, but I didn't want to leave her on read, so I at first excused my self to the bathroom and called her.
She was sobbing so hard it was hard to understand her, I could hear Matt in the background trying to calm her down. She was explaining that she was struggling to breathe and thought something must be wrong with the baby. I tried to calm her down, I told her it was probably nothing but if she was truly worried, to go to the ER.
She said they would tell her it was nothing again, but that she knew something was wrong, and so on.
I had been in the bathroom for 20 minutes at this point going back and forth. I didnt know what to do, I wanted to help to jessica but there wasnt much I could do. Im not a doctor. If I did leave to go to her, I could be leaving a bad first impression on my hopefully future in-laws. But then again, surely they were understand? I didnt know them well enough to gage their reaction.
So I made a choice. I calmed her down again, told her I had to go. She tried to stop me but I hung up and returned to the table.
The next day, I looked at my messages and she was cursing me out. Saying I was a horrible friend for abandoning her. Even Matt was insulting me through text, which was suprising because hes usually on my side with Jessica's paranoia. He said she needed a friends support and it wasnt that hard.
I found out later through another friend that Jessica did end up going to the ER, and it turned out that it was nothing. Jessica argued with the doctors but once they explained she just had a panic attack, she calmed down.
I dont know what to do. AITA?

I'm currently contemplating cutting my parents off for a bit and I'm struggling with the guilt I'm feeling around doing it.
Gonna give background bc reddit is anonymous so buckle up:
I was sexually abused by my older sibling from the ages of 10-12. It stopped because at 12 I told my mum, not really understanding what was happening, but knowing it shouldn't be.
My parents gave me a choice then about what I wanted to do: go to the police or have us both go to therapy and move on. I honestly didn't understand why they were both so upset at the time and I didn't want anyone to get in trouble so I said the therapy option. We both had 2 sessions and it wasn't mentioned again for several years.
I never processed what happened to me as a child or how I felt in that, I managed to push down the memories with self harming and pinching myself, to the point I don't have a clear recollection of those 2 years of my life anymore. I refused to acknowledge it to my friends and it was never mentioned within the family until I was 16.
The only reason I mentioned it at 16 was because I had a meltdown after hearing my brother playing his guitar really loudly, by that point I had developed musical "hallucinations" of faint guitar playing even when he wasn't there which I now understand to be flashbacks. I went in and told him to turn it down as I was becoming increasingly agitated (I also have autism & ADHD) he laughed at me and told me to fuck off. Usually this happens and I'd just leave, but for some reason in that moment I flipped out and started screaming that he ruined my life and he just laughed and I lost it, I tried to strangle him with his guitar whilst screaming that I hate him until my dad came in and physically dragged me off him, taking me outside. I was inconsolable and asked my parents to kick him out, they obviously said no, so I left to go stay with friends. This was the first time we acknowledged this in 4 years.
Once I had let this out I confided in my CAMHS (child mental health) worker about the trauma, the musical hallucinations, the self harm and the fact I wanted to not live. She got me in touch with social and then youth services to help me find somewhere else to live.
My parents were annoyed by this decision of me to leave, but refused to have my brother to move out, so I was placed into a homeless hostel for my own protection and peace of mind. They maintain to this day that I was never kicked out and chose to leave off my own accord.
I stayed there for about 4 months, it was a horrible dangerous place for a 16 year old quiet nerdy kid, I quickly grew hostile and developed a drug problem for a while. Then my brother moved out so I returned home to live with my parents.
Around this time my mother's alcoholism, pill dependencies and mental health issues also really began to intensify, but I did end up staying there for just shy of 2 years. I was no longer the sweet top of class nerdy kid and was now a college dropout, with severe depression. My mum would routinely scream abuse at me whilst blackout drunk also. Still I was determined to fix things so at 18 I re-enrolled in college to finally get my A Levels despite my dad's anger about this (he wanted me to work and pay rent) and I stopped using the drugs I was on. Life was starting to slowly get back on track.
Until about 2 months later, a week or so after I turned 19 when my parents informed me my brother had fucked up his life again and was moving home in 4 days.
I pled and protested with my parents that 4 days does not give me time to find somewhere else to live, they got angry at me for dredging up the past and being unfair on them and my sibling. My sibling also sent me abusive messages calling me names because I was making them feel bad.
So with no other real choice I found myself homeless and sofa surfing, sleeping with guys for places to stay etc, until I made it up the waitlist for the local YMCA hostel. My mates that I stayed with for most of it lived over 20 miles away so I was unable to get to college and flunked my A levels. I was kicked out of college shortly after I moved into the YMCA.
My family eventually "forgave" me for my behaviour and got back on speaking terms. All the while I'm living in hostels & unsafe situations. The next 5 or so years are a traumatic mess to be honest, I ended up an alchoholic with multiple suicide attempts, so much trauma, an eating disorder, further traumas and assaults by the unsafe people I lived with and an apathetic attitude towards living. My mother also was a big drain on me over that time, exhibited narcissistic behaviours, triggered me with food and on one holiday scratched herself up and tried to convince me I did it while she was drunk, I actually did cut her off for 3 months after this till we both got sober, but reconnected with her due to pressure from my dad.
Eventually in 2021 when I was 25, after a pretty serious suicide attempt and psychiatric admission I realised I was an alcoholic and joined AA and there I started to get well, for the first time in my life.
AA really saved me from myself and helped me get my life back on track, at this point I had my own place and a decent job and started trying to make something of myself and be a better person, which has been working well, but the one thing I never addressed in any of that was the trauma.
I still had to see my brother throughout the years due to parental pressure and as such had sort of siphoned off my trauma and had a disconnect to it and I thought that was working.
Unfortunately earlier this year I spiralled into a major depressive episode, I remained sober, but even the best of programs couldn't hold the suicidal ideation at bay. I ended up in a psych ward this time for 5 weeks. It was terrifying to be in a place where my life was on track, yet I still felt so disgusting and hopeless I didn't want to live. Although I still wasn't fully ready to admit that my trauma is what brought me that point. Despite daily flashbacks, self harming behaviours and nightmares of the abuse where I was at fault. I had it so compartmentalised and was keen to look for any other cause other than that.
My dad came to visit me after I'd been there about 2 weeks and informed me that my brother isn't doing well and I need to make more of an effort to see him. For the first time in my life I attempted to put a boundary in place and said that actually I don't think I should be seeing him ever again. Dad asked me "Is this because of the stuff that happened when you were kids?" And I responded "Do you mean the reason I keep ending up in places like this, no matter what I do?" And that was the first time I ever verbally acknowledged that this trauma was at the route of everything.
We spoke at length for several hours, my dad explaining that they always chose him because I'm capable while my sibling is a fuck up. I said I'm not coping. I'm literally in a psych ward? He said that he put me on a life raft while he helped my sibling and I said you didn't put me on a life raft, I went to a fucking YMCA. After that he heard me for the first time and semi acknowledged that they'd made some wrong moves and said he'd speak to mum about what to do moving forward so I don't have to see my brother again and can finally unpack this immense trauma in therapy.
That conversation opened the flood gates while I was in hospital and I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist with Complex-PTSD and assigned a trauma therapist. I was absolutely broken having finally admitted the guilt and shame I've felt my whole life, but at the same time felt some hope, that I can finally move on.
Until a week or so later when I spoke to my mum and mentioned the conversation with my dad, she said he had never spoken to her. She seemed uncomfortable and bored when I spoke about uow it has affected me and asked how it would make my sibling feel if I stopped seeing him. When I relayed it explaining how dad finally started to acknowledge how difficult it has been when they chose my brother over me, she stopped me and angrily/defensively stated "I have to stop you there. I person have NEVER chosen anyone over anyone." At this point I shut down. I ended the call and fell into a deeper depression hole that the nurses took weeks to pull me out of.
A few days before my release I saw my dad and I brought up the situation asking what's happening with it and he and mum had any conclusions around me not having to see sibling and he snapped and dismissively said "What do you expect me to do about it? I think the best thing is if you just move on and not dwell on stuff." Again I shut down and once again the batton was passed back to me to hold.
See that's what I've been doing my entire life. Carrying it so my family don't get upset, excusing my parents, excusing my sibling, justifying them. I've carried this burden, the blame, the self hatred and it's nearly killed me so many times. I just don't want to do it anymore. To carry it for them.
I got out 3 weeks ago and have slowly been returning to life, my parents barely contacted me for a week after I got out and I was supposed to be putting inplace boundaries, but felt too bad/missed them too much. They haven't asked how I am or how I'm feeling, because they don't want my answer. My mum ended up booking this weekend away just the two of us, but I ended up feeling this overwhelming sense that I shouldn't be going away with her, especially whilst I'm barely well again and I said I'm not ready for an overnight. Naturally I've got the usual silent treatment from her. I just feel so guilty, but again it's brought up all of this.
It's like my gut is screaming at me CUT THEM OFF, but I'm scared and I love them, even if they are toxic. I'm hesitant to unpick in therapy and scared I'm just going to go back to denial. Every person I've spoken to has suggested I cut them off for at least a few months, just while I focus on therapy and finally processing the trauma. I'm just so scared to do this. I want my parents around and I want them to love me, but they just can't do that in the way I need and I'm really scared of hurting them.
At the same time I know I NEED to put myself first and work through this, I think I need to let go with love, just for a bit.
Sorry this ended up being miles longer than expected, if anyone's read to the end of this misery, do you have any advice or words of encouragement, or alternatively if I'm being unreasonable please let me know. I just want to get this right, because right now I'm just sick of hurting.

Long story short, I've left my ex, however, his financial abuse was long and hard (there are other forms of abuse he put me through, but this is what I'm trying to focus on and fix now). I'm now dealing with the affects of this and am incredibly nervous. I read online there are domestic violent tax preparers/CPAs. Is this true? I'm already in contact with a domestic violence resource center, and they've said they do not have anything like this. I can't find any specific resource online either, although I understand that these things are mostly kept private and hidden for the victims safety. I just don't know where to turn or who to call at this point, and I really need financial help that specifically addresses my DV abuse since certain things, such as taxes, were fraudulently by him filed without my knowing. According to the IRS website, there is help and certain things to do, paperwork to file, etc. specifically meant for victims, but I'm not an expert and I can't seem to find anyone else that knows either. Has anyone else experienced this? Is there even a financial DV specialist out there? How do I get help?

I'm currently contemplating cutting my parents off for a bit and I'm struggling with the guilt I'm feeling around doing it.
Gonna give background bc reddit is anonymous so buckle up:
I was sexually abused by my older sibling from the ages of 10-12. It stopped because at 12 I told my mum, not really understanding what was happening, but knowing it shouldn't be.
My parents gave me a choice then about what I wanted to do: go to the police or have us both go to therapy and move on. I honestly didn't understand why they were both so upset at the time and I didn't want anyone to get in trouble so I said the therapy option. We both had 2 sessions and it wasn't mentioned again for several years.
I never processed what happened to me as a child or how I felt in that, I managed to push down the memories with self harming and pinching myself, to the point I don't have a clear recollection of those 2 years of my life anymore. I refused to acknowledge it to my friends and it was never mentioned within the family until I was 16.
The only reason I mentioned it at 16 was because I had a meltdown after hearing my brother playing his guitar really loudly, by that point I had developed musical "hallucinations" of faint guitar playing even when he wasn't there which I now understand to be flashbacks. I went in and told him to turn it down as I was becoming increasingly agitated (I also have autism & ADHD) he laughed at me and told me to fuck off. Usually this happens and I'd just leave, but for some reason in that moment I flipped out and started screaming that he ruined my life and he just laughed and I lost it, I tried to strangle him with his guitar whilst screaming that I hate him until my dad came in and physically dragged me off him, taking me outside. I was inconsolable and asked my parents to kick him out, they obviously said no, so I left to go stay with friends. This was the first time we acknowledged this in 4 years.
Once I had let this out I confided in my CAMHS (child mental health) worker about the trauma, the musical hallucinations, the self harm and the fact I wanted to not live. She got me in touch with social and then youth services to help me find somewhere else to live.
My parents were annoyed by this decision of me to leave, but refused to have my brother to move out, so I was placed into a homeless hostel for my own protection and peace of mind. They maintain to this day that I was never kicked out and chose to leave off my own accord.
I stayed there for about 4 months, it was a horrible dangerous place for a 16 year old quiet nerdy kid, I quickly grew hostile and developed a drug problem for a while. Then my brother moved out so I returned home to live with my parents.
Around this time my mother's alcoholism, pill dependencies and mental health issues also really began to intensify, but I did end up staying there for just shy of 2 years. I was no longer the sweet top of class nerdy kid and was now a college dropout, with severe depression. My mum would routinely scream abuse at me whilst blackout drunk also. Still I was determined to fix things so at 18 I re-enrolled in college to finally get my A Levels despite my dad's anger about this (he wanted me to work and pay rent) and I stopped using the drugs I was on. Life was starting to slowly get back on track.
Until about 2 months later, a week or so after I turned 19 when my parents informed me my brother had fucked up his life again and was moving home in 4 days.
I pled and protested with my parents that 4 days does not give me time to find somewhere else to live, they got angry at me for dredging up the past and being unfair on them and my sibling. My sibling also sent me abusive messages calling me names because I was making them feel bad.
So with no other real choice I found myself homeless and sofa surfing, sleeping with guys for places to stay etc, until I made it up the waitlist for the local YMCA hostel. My mates that I stayed with for most of it lived over 20 miles away so I was unable to get to college and flunked my A levels. I was kicked out of college shortly after I moved into the YMCA.
My family eventually "forgave" me for my behaviour and got back on speaking terms. All the while I'm living in hostels & unsafe situations. The next 5 or so years are a traumatic mess to be honest, I ended up an alchoholic with multiple suicide attempts, so much trauma, an eating disorder, further traumas and assaults by the unsafe people I lived with and an apathetic attitude towards living. My mother also was a big drain on me over that time, exhibited narcissistic behaviours, triggered me with food and on one holiday scratched herself up and tried to convince me I did it while she was drunk, I actually did cut her off for 3 months after this till we both got sober, but reconnected with her due to pressure from my dad.
Eventually in 2021 when I was 25, after a pretty serious suicide attempt and psychiatric admission I realised I was an alcoholic and joined AA and there I started to get well, for the first time in my life.
AA really saved me from myself and helped me get my life back on track, at this point I had my own place and a decent job and started trying to make something of myself and be a better person, which has been working well, but the one thing I never addressed in any of that was the trauma.
I still had to see my brother throughout the years due to parental pressure and as such had sort of siphoned off my trauma and had a disconnect to it and I thought that was working.
Unfortunately earlier this year I spiralled into a major depressive episode, I remained sober, but even the best of programs couldn't hold the suicidal ideation at bay. I ended up in a psych ward this time for 5 weeks. It was terrifying to be in a place where my life was on track, yet I still felt so disgusting and hopeless I didn't want to live. Although I still wasn't fully ready to admit that my trauma is what brought me that point. Despite daily flashbacks, self harming behaviours and nightmares of the abuse where I was at fault. I had it so compartmentalised and was keen to look for any other cause other than that.
My dad came to visit me after I'd been there about 2 weeks and informed me that my brother isn't doing well and I need to make more of an effort to see him. For the first time in my life I attempted to put a boundary in place and said that actually I don't think I should be seeing him ever again. Dad asked me "Is this because of the stuff that happened when you were kids?" And I responded "Do you mean the reason I keep ending up in places like this, no matter what I do?" And that was the first time I ever verbally acknowledged that this trauma was at the route of everything.
We spoke at length for several hours, my dad explaining that they always chose him because I'm capable while my sibling is a fuck up. I said I'm not coping. I'm literally in a psych ward? He said that he put me on a life raft while he helped my sibling and I said you didn't put me on a life raft, I went to a fucking YMCA. After that he heard me for the first time and semi acknowledged that they'd made some wrong moves and said he'd speak to mum about what to do moving forward so I don't have to see my brother again and can finally unpack this immense trauma in therapy.
That conversation opened the flood gates while I was in hospital and I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist with Complex-PTSD and assigned a trauma therapist. I was absolutely broken having finally admitted the guilt and shame I've felt my whole life, but at the same time felt some hope, that I can finally move on.
Until a week or so later when I spoke to my mum and mentioned the conversation with my dad, she said he had never spoken to her. She seemed uncomfortable and bored when I spoke about uow it has affected me and asked how it would make my sibling feel if I stopped seeing him. When I relayed it explaining how dad finally started to acknowledge how difficult it has been when they chose my brother over me, she stopped me and angrily/defensively stated "I have to stop you there. I person have NEVER chosen anyone over anyone." At this point I shut down. I ended the call and fell into a deeper depression hole that the nurses took weeks to pull me out of.
A few days before my release I saw my dad and I brought up the situation asking what's happening with it and he and mum had any conclusions around me not having to see sibling and he snapped and dismissively said "What do you expect me to do about it? I think the best thing is if you just move on and not dwell on stuff." Again I shut down and once again the batton was passed back to me to hold.
See that's what I've been doing my entire life. Carrying it so my family don't get upset, excusing my parents, excusing my sibling, justifying them. I've carried this burden, the blame, the self hatred and it's nearly killed me so many times. I just don't want to do it anymore. To carry it for them.
I got out 3 weeks ago and have slowly been returning to life, my parents barely contacted me for a week after I got out and I was supposed to be putting inplace boundaries, but felt too bad/missed them too much. They haven't asked how I am or how I'm feeling, because they don't want my answer. My mum ended up booking this weekend away just the two of us, but I ended up feeling this overwhelming sense that I shouldn't be going away with her, especially whilst I'm barely well again and I said I'm not ready for an overnight. Naturally I've got the usual silent treatment from her. I just feel so guilty, but again it's brought up all of this.
It's like my gut is screaming at me CUT THEM OFF, but I'm scared and I love them, even if they are toxic. I'm hesitant to unpick in therapy and scared I'm just going to go back to denial. Every person I've spoken to has suggested I cut them off for at least a few months, just while I focus on therapy and finally processing the trauma. I'm just so scared to do this. I want my parents around and I want them to love me, but they just can't do that in the way I need and I'm really scared of hurting them.
At the same time I know I NEED to put myself first and work through this, I think I need to let go with love, just for a bit.
Sorry this ended up being miles longer than expected, if anyone's read to the end of this misery, do you have any advice or words of encouragement, or alternatively if I'm being unreasonable please let me know. I just want to get this right, because right now I'm just sick of hurting.

When she's on top (cowgirl style) she simply sits/lays on me. However, I can't do that because it's too much weight for her. I'm not very overweight, and we're roughly the same height, but still.
But if I stay there, using an arm for support, it will get very easily tired, and start to shake from the position it is in.

Long story short, I've left my ex, however, his financial abuse was long and hard (there are other forms of abuse he put me through, but this is what I'm trying to focus on and fix now). I'm now dealing with the affects of this and am incredibly nervous. I read online there are domestic violent tax preparers/CPAs. Is this true? I'm already in contact with a domestic violence resource center, and they've said they do not have anything like this. I can't find any specific resource online either, although I understand that these things are mostly kept private and hidden for the victims safety. I just don't know where to turn or who to call at this point, and I really need financial help that specifically addresses my DV abuse since certain things, such as taxes, were fraudulently by him filed without my knowing. According to the IRS website, there is help and certain things to do, paperwork to file, etc. specifically meant for victims, but I'm not an expert and I can't seem to find anyone else that knows either.
Has anyone else experienced this? Is there even a financial DV specialist out there? How do I get help?

First Previous Wiki
"I should not let you enter," the old man said, gazing unhappily at Phoebe standing beside Penny in her dream.
"Please. You're mind controlling her, so I think you would have stopped me if you wanted to,"
Phoebe replied.
"Not control. Humans don't 'control' the air, they breathe it. In the same way, I feed on Penny's psychic energy."
"I see. And when you said you had infinite power, what exactly did you mean?"
"I do. But my power is dead," Death said. "That is how I am."
"And you can exist in the psychic realm, but not the regular mindscape?"
"Sometimes."
"What defines those times?"
"It depends. People dying, obviously. About a quarter of all deaths in the galaxy aren't Sprilnav."
"A quarter?"
"Yes."
"So I assume they're killing themselves."
"Yes."
"And that energy isn't a constant influx?"
"Somewhat. It comes in both a trickle and waves. But I know you're going to ask more. The answer is that the Progenitors give conceptual protection to the Sprilnav. The further away a Sprilnav is from them in space, time, and more, the weaker they are. That is why Elders can survive impacts that could vaporize metal, not just their implants and psychic energy."
"Conceptual weight seems to feature heavily in your power," Phoebe said.
"It does."
"And you are a concept. If you fought Fate, for example, would you win?"
"Depending on what you mean by winning. Really, concepts cannot overcome each other."
Phoebe smiled. That meant that Death would want a way to do that. Probably the hivemind was the way. With that answer, she continued.
"Concepts cannot overcome each other? So you don't have a fate, and Fate can't die?"
"Not really."
"Can you die?"
"No."
"Does Fate have a fate?"
"I don't know. But really, there's no way I'll tell you that even if I find out."
"How many people have died?" Phoebe asked.
"Define people, and define death."
"People as in sentient and sapient beings, which are capable of thought and planning. Death as in the ceasing of characteristics of life such as the termination of blood or gaseous material within the living being, as well as the ceasing of psychic energy and brain activity within the being, for those that have some equivalent to brains."
"It is not specific. Quintillions, at least. A lot more, really. There's many that don't quite fit the condition. If you count the moments before the great war, you'd need exponents."
"We have numbers for that."
"Okay. Sprilnav deaths alone, even with the conceptual madness of the... what do they call it? The Source war. Yes. It's quite a lot," Death said.
"Give me a number, please."
"Fine. 39 undecillion."
Phoebe was silent. There were so many Sprilnav that it was stupid. Even thinking about the level of that fall was truly insane. And she assumed that during the fall, they had a very bad time. It would have been madness and anarchy with the added characteristic that everyone also had nukes and shields.
"There's more than the observable universe, you know."
"How many died in the aftermath of the Source war?"
Death frowned. "1 in 30,000 Elders lived. 1 in 850,000 regular Sprilnav lived. Of those, 875 Sprilnav didn't end their lives."
"875 thousand? Million?"
"No."
Phoebe thought that was sad. Basically, in the whole galaxy, every Sprilnav had died, at least statistically. The number alive right now, even still outnumbering the galaxy, was a rounding error. If what he said was true, the Source had killed more people than any other being, alive or dead. And that assumed there weren't any other civilizations of a similar scale to them.
She also didn't bother to ask how the Sprilnav population was now so large. Whether it was inbreeding or cloning didn't matter much. But it helped to explain why so many Elders were so crazy all the time. She needed to stay on task, however.
"Alright. Back to you. You're not a psychopomp?"
"No. I do not interfere with souls. I am the concept of death."
"So, do you get energy from stars blowing up?"
"That is not dying."
"But people believe that supernovae are the deaths of stars."
"That does not shift the concept itself."
That was interesting. So Death wasn't a belief harvester, then. Not the type that actually was shaped by the belief of sapient beings in their actions. Concepts existed and were finite and infinite in scope. Maybe some were truly finite. They could conflict with each other, and their influence would generate a weakening effect, like destructive interference with alternate types of waves. But that did not mean that was always so. Perhaps they could do the opposite.
It was likely that Death worked with Fate at least sometimes and that if Entropy existed, it was most concerned with the Sprilnav. Conceptual protection by the Progenitors was another interesting concept that she hoped to probe if Nova ever returned. She did have the feeling he was either doing everything for fun or entirely serious. He was certainly not quite there in the head after the experience that Death had shared with her.
But for conceptual beings like him, there were rules and regulations, perhaps bound by whatever absolute concept they fit within. Whether they were hard rules or not was unknown. Defined in their structure, but not their limits. And perhaps that meant there was more to figure out here. "Interesting. And if you need to feed off psychic energy, why not use psychic amplifiers?"
"It's not the same quality. Humans don't drink pure water only; they drink it for the minerals and other healthy products within it. It's the same for me."
"But you can't die. Why would it matter?"
"I can diminish. It would affect things, though not as you expect."
"That is interesting also," Phoebe replied. "Are you suggesting that you could diminish, which means other concepts can as well?"
"Not directly," Death nodded with a smile. He stumbled, clutching his head. Phoebe felt a vast energy press down upon them and could feel something brush against her mind like a bullet just grazing the skin. In that one motion, she'd felt more inherent danger than all previous enemies combined, so much danger that it bypassed her artificial instincts entirely to lay thickly on her tongue as an acrid taste.
She didn't fall to the ground, and neither did Penny. They stood there, searching for the source of the pressure.
"What is this?" she asked.
"Luck..."
"Luck is a concept that watches over others?"
A swirling vortex opened up around Phoebe, parallel to the ground. Light and other equivalents shone out of it, dancing around its interior, piercing the layers of dark black fog. The mindscape trembled slightly, and the ground underneath Penny and Phoebe cracked. A small voice whispered out of it, though it was easily audible.
"No more."
"Look, if you're really Luck, then-"
"No more," the voice repeated. "You are done here. Do not come back."
Phoebe snorted. "If you think this little mysterious act is going to intimidate me, you're wrong. And I will."
"Not today."
"You don't get to decide-"
"I decide all."
Phoebe's head seemed to split with pain, and she found herself lying dizzily next to Penny. The human's chest was heaving, and sweat laced her eyebrows and cheeks.
"That went well," Phoebe coughed. The headache receded far too slowly. But she'd still learned a lot. Conceptual beings had concerns, for one. They likely cared about getting stronger in some cases. Humanity had some sort of outside context power, but more than that, the hivemind itself could actually use it.
"It did. Thanks, and sorry you couldn't get more."
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"Hello, Rank 10 Ambassador Liinara. To what do we owe the pleasure?" Ambassador Varirlar asked, letting a small smile curve around her snout. Putting the other party at ease would make this conversation easier, especially since she suspected this call wasn't just a concerned friend.
"You might want to sit down for this," her counterpart said. "Remember Exii'darii?"
Varirlar froze.
"Don't tell me you let her free."
"We didn't. The Sprilnav broke her out."
"Elders?"
"Not that we saw. But it is likely they are working for one," Liinara said, her antennae twitching. Varirlar knew there was a pheromone effect that went on with the Vinarii, which still couldn't be fully translated into description by words.
"Alright. You know how serious this is, I assume?"
"Yes."
"Many factions in the Alliance, especially the more recently joined ones, will not be happy."
"We understand."
"I can speak on behalf of the Alliance in asking a request for an official apology. Furthermore," Varirlar said, holding up a single claw, "I want your government to share the full containment procedure down to the alloy composition of the materials. Assuming you actually kept her in a prison cell for over a decade, that meant you had a way to keep her from escaping. Tell us how."
"You wish to recapture her?"
"We are not as naive as we once were," Varirlar said. "The Hateful Galaxy has taught the rest of the Alliance the same hard lessons it taught me. The Breyyanik did not forget its nature when we settled Ceres."
"Ah, so you wish to either use her or kill her."
"There is no use for her," Varirlar said. "Unless our scientists can propose a solution, there will be no use for her. She will be put down like the dog she is." "Then we are in agreement."
"Yes. The Alliance and the Vinarii's relationship has been tense for a while. We haven't spoken with Calanii or Ashnav'viinir in several years now. Why have you decided to diverge from us? Do we no longer suit your interests?"
"Not exactly. Even besides the... tumultuous events of Humanity's first contact, there are other powers at play. And there is evidence, in some cases, of Sprilnav interference." Liinara tapped her skull three times, the Vinarii way of saying that someone was a few branches short of a tree.
"Interference. Are there ways to prevent it?"
"Not officially. If you wish to discuss terms, I can set you up with one of our intelligence agencies. They will not be willing to share national secrets for nothing, however."
"I think this... debacle should count enough as recompense, don't you?" Varirlar smiled.
"Perhaps. But I am not who must be convinced. With that said, I wish you luck, Ambassador. I am glad that your Alliance has moved to take a more realistic path. And Ashnad'darii is still imprisoned, I presume?"
"Under much heavier guard once this call ends. But yes, she is still in a cell. Yes, she has implants. But she is leverage."
"Her usefulness is little," Liinara warned. "Calanii won't care at all about her."
"Everyone keeps saying that. But let's just say there are reasons she isn't dead."
"You should kill her."
"We should. We maybe could. Assuming that the official way is still trying to get an implant under her chitin to kill her instead of just launching her into the sun. Granted, that would kill her eventually."
"She is dangerous. Unable to be trusted."
"She was broken years ago," Varirlar said. "From what I've heard, she wears human-made clothes now instead of going naked. Plus, she has given us insights on Vinarii society, particularly involving its hierarchy."
"You're using her as a spy."
"A spy that hasn't seen a Vinarii face in almost twenty years? Pretty crappy at that job, I'd say. We both know that she killed hundreds of thousands personally, and was willing to kill many more. If she did not have her uses, she would have already been killed. Plus, there's a safety procedure in place."
"If you mean a bomb collar, good luck with that."
Varirlar didn't mean a collar. Psychic energy monitors were closely tied to a pair of fusion bombs that were embedded in her prison's walls. Should she get too far from the natural cell, they would explode. After all, the room had a bed, bathroom, sanitized entertainment, and a food and water delivery system. She was definitely mostly rehabilitated, but her crimes would follow her for the rest of her life. Their severity made her a case that would likely never fully rejoin any society unless it was an afterlife.
"Well. This has been productive," Varirlar replied with a smile. "But unfortunately,"
"Wait. I'm here to tell you something else, as well. The Dual Systems Trading Company wants to send more ships to your Sol system."
"How many more?"
"Umm, around 400."
"Why don't you have an exact number?"
"The negotiations are still underway. But they seek to bring Vinarii products to the internal Alliance markets, particularly the small Vinarii and larger Wisselen exclaves living within."
"They wouldn't be able to get you much money, unless it's in various Alliance cash forms. There's an angle, isn't there?"
"Well, yes. We don't know it yet. But it is suspicious."
Varirlar sighed. "Have you given them special brain scans?"
"What do you... oh. You suspect that?"
"Suspicious and spontaneous changes in their policy toward the Alliance, as we are suffering from issues with Sprilnav messing with people, and wanting to send us ships? I'm not stupid, Ambassador Liinara."
"I did not mean to insinuate-"
"Sure you didn't. Now, I shall tell you something very interesting. Are you ready?"
"Yes."
"Very well," Varirlar said dramatically, adjusting her mane as she leaned forward. "The hivemind would be willing to meet with your... incapacitated members for study from afar."
"What do you mean?"
"Intelligence."
"We cannot trust it."
"I see. You are aware that you have just called all of Humanity untrustworthy, right? That's quite the insult, unprovoked."
"Apologies, Ambassador, that is not what I meant. The hivemind is likely to have its own motivations, and could be motivated to lie about what it saw."
"As could your own operatives, who could be pinned to the floor by any regular Sprilnav and chipped within a minute. Don't act like they don't have legendary hacking abilities as well. None of your systems are safe."
"And the Alliance's are?"
"With both Edu'frec and Phoebe watching over them, then yes."
"Ah, so you still think that the Sprilnav don't use AI."
"Why would they? It would threaten their own sense of superiority. If they already used AI, everyone would have a chip when they were born. There would be no resistance, because eventually a logical mind would not tolerate the constant pushback."
"You are free to believe what you do. However, my thoughts do diverge. As for Phoebe, she did a disappearing act for a while, didn't she?"
"And?"
"She isn't exactly reliable either," Liinara replied.
"If you're drowning in the ocean, would you rather have an island that storms a little or nothing at all?" "I fail to see how her situation compares to that analogy. It was a very serious problem, if I understand it."
"And what do you suggest, then? Constantly bring her down over it until she resents us and shoves her hands through our hearts? Phoebe's a person, Ambassador. An Alliance citizen, a Luna citizen, and even more importantly than that, a friend. It's quite hurtful that you are suggesting such, unless it is the official stance of the Vinarii government. I assure you, the mess with your company trying to invade us is not resolved, either. Words cannot heal what actions injured. If you want reconciliation, it would be best to take the first steps yourself. Do not tell the Alliance to alienate Phoebe just because she made a mistake."
"Your own intelligence agencies would do the same in many cases."
"I fail to see how her situation compares to that analogy," Varirlar sighed. "Phoebe is the single most useful asset that the Alliance has come across that is not a purely psychic entity such as the hivemind or Gaia, or some paragon of a species like Dilandekar or Penny."
"So she's an asset, and not a person?"
"Please, Liinara. In the world we live in, the galaxy we live in, everyone is both. Do not lie to yourself. However, the Alliance wishes to show its people a shred of respect so it does not drag them through the mud when they made a mistake. Even before that, rehabilitation was the goal of Humanity. Why else do you think that we have prisons instead of just a wall where the bad people stand in front of to be shot? If a starving mother stole something, that doesn't mean we chop off her hands. We get her the help she and her child needs, so they can rejoin Alliance society and raise us all higher."
"Your Alliance has not fixed poverty like it said, then."
"Kind of difficult when one of your species is at a near constant feudal civil war, and another had a third of its populace halfway through insurrection. I assume that the Vinarii Empire has no such problems, correct? And again, I remind you that you are supposed to represent its official position, not your own."
Varirlar suspected that the Ambassador here had something else going on, as well. Whether it was mind control, being paid to screw this up, or something else entirely, this wasn't how such a conversation was meant to go. She only was continuing it to see if Liinara slipped up on something interesting.
"My position is as a Rank 10 Ambassador. You would do well to respect that."
"Respecting positions instead of people does not make sense when the position is respectable and the people are not. You have insulted Phoebe, Humanity, and the Alliance with your words. Were I to relay them, you might see a more hostile stance to the Vinarii Empire. Remember that you have agreements with us."
"Yes. Times have changed."
"I am sure that the Hive Emperor would not exactly like to hear what you have said. But do not worry, Ambassador. We will learn the truth of your words soon enough, one way or another. That is all for now. Perhaps I will ask for a Rank 11 Ambassador next time, to save myself the insults."
She ended the call and sighed. Varirlar could spin the wheel of chance, but the two answers were likely either mind control or someone being paid off to harm relations between them. Given Liinara's expressions, she didn't assume it was translation errors to blame. And this call was on a secure line, even more so than most.
Really, the Vinarii could be doing it. But she smelled something was up. There was likely a very rich Vinarii who the Sprilnav had either made to work with them or forced to, using mind control. Perhaps it really was the answer to both. But she knew not to just assume that. When you had a hammer, everything looked like a nail. It was an apt human saying for the situation.
Varirlar contacted several officials after she wrote her report with the attached recording of the situation. She'd done her best to appear calm, though responding to Liinara was not the orthodox method. But this way, she'd drawn out a lot more on how she viewed the Alliance, giving them a window into whatever was happening, blurry and small though it may have been.
She didn't really think that Calanii would have condoned this. Indeed, she might have just had her last diplomatic call ever. Assuming, of course, that the Sprilnav hadn't managed to chip him, too. If they had, though, the Alliance's situation would get bad fast. Luckily they were already at war with Aphid. Everything was already mobilized, and extra listening satellites in deep space had been set up. The last time the Vinarii Royal Navy had come to visit Humanity, they had not been ready. Perhaps now they were.
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Phoebe stood on the surface of Mercury, just underneath the great mass of the Mercury-class gun that had been built there. The first one that is. Now there were two great behemoths above her head, rising hundreds of meters into the sky. Not that Mercury really had a sky. Maybe someday, that would change.
For now, though, what mattered was the task at hand. The guns were already checked and cleared for firing. A small misalignment had destroyed a Charon-class gun in the past, so they were taking no chances with this. Now, the massive laser would serve its purpose. And, of course, the results would be live streamed.
The planet itself was a world almost covered in machinery. The atmosphere was toxic, filled with aerosols and gaseous industrial waste. There were no detectable life signs on it, whether they were communications, psychic emissions, or even just patches of warmth away from machinery. No subterranean life either, of any kind. Not even microbes had been spared from Aphid's apparent purge, if they had ever existed on this rock at all.
And Aphid's signature station designs orbited it also, whipping around its poisoned atmosphere at several miles a second. That was a sign that everyone on the planet, if there had ever been any, was dead.
A stream of ships poured in and out, guarded by a vast military fleet. In the Sol system, the amplifiers were powering up, and Brey was starting to form the outside of the portals she'd use for the guns, one on each side of the planet, at the equator. Her analysis had determined the areas in which opposite strikes would do the most damage. Phoebe had ensured to check for subterranean activity using Gaia's matter senses.
That had revealed large underground development areas, where presumably more of Aphid's mechanical drones were going to be made. Brey finished forming the portal as Phoebe took a last look at the spires of Aphid's world, ready to see how they'd do when the lasers hit.
She moved the stealth ships around the planet, continuing to watch the shield. It wasn't at full power, likely because Aphid wasn't expecting an attack. She didn't have a presence here in the mindscape, either. She was using far dumber programs as proxies across the Q-comms connections so that he could not detect a hint of anything wrong.
Combined with the Alliance's stealth technology, it would allow for a total surprise attack. Brey finished building up the portals in front of the guns, and Phoebe couldn't help but notice how deep the portals looked. They didn't seem like a flat plane like usual but had a sort of three-dimensionality to them this time. Interesting.
"Fire!" Phoebe ordered. Brey's avatar, which was standing beside an android back on Earth, grinned.
The barrels of the guns glowed cherry red, and vibrations radiated out from their heavily reinforced bases. Even with the android's solar shades, the light was still incredibly bright. Just from underneath it, the temperature was reaching almost 300 degrees. Just as she'd calculated.
On the other side of the portal, things got interesting. Brey's portal was invisible, but the energy coming from it was anything but. It almost looked like Aphid's planet was being impaled through a pole of pure white light. That light slammed down onto the planet's surface in three seconds, passing through the atmosphere as if it wasn't even there. Gaia stood beside the portals in the Sol system, blueshifting the light as much as possible. Instead of visible light, most of the weapon's energy, at least on the other side, was gamma. It was enough radiation to kill anything on the planet, for sure. Or to fry any electronic systems, such as a resident AI's servers.
The pure power of the two guns released a constant molten shockwave of a mix of vaporized rock, metal, and most other materials rushing outward. Buildings were snapped like twigs, their ends going flying but never landing. The heat melted others, and earthquakes in some areas that hadn't yet been struck by the spreading destruction were rampant.
The planet didn't explode or anything. The military ships that were far enough away to remain working just moved away, activating shields that fizzled out due to the intense energy beyond them. That energy would have destroyed Phoebe's android had Brey not used the portal to shield them as well. And as for her observation ships, their stealth coatings were quickly fried.
But the reinforced hulls were made specifically to withstand the effects of this for as long as possible. Cities of metal, all empty except for countless billions of drones wandering their streets, were wiped away. And then the portals began moving, shining around the equator. The effects spread and repeated, with the seas of methane catching fire before they, too, were vaporized in the path of the Mercury-class guns.
The atmosphere was boiled and stripped off the planet within hours. Most of the factories and foundries in the city were turned to either molten slag, collapsed by giant earthquakes, or vanished entirely. The devastation in the equatorial region was total. There was nothing left in a solid band 1500 miles wide around the equator of the planet, save for the broken bases of destroyed skyscrapers.
Further out, the damage was from earthquakes, snapped power lines, and broken pipes, as well as rubble that had fallen onto transport roads and collapsed tunnels. Alone, perhaps the problems could have been dealt with. But not together.
"Just to be sure," Brey asked. "You don't need the remains, right?"
"No. I will make what I need, that way I know it is safe," Phoebe replied, looking at Brey's avatar. It had the signature black fur of her empowered form, with red eyes and sharpened claws. The armor looked cool, as well.
"Alright. I'm going to go dump a few billion tons of plasma on it, then."
Phoebe smiled. "Alright. Have fun."
"I did. Good job on the guns. Get enough of those, and it'll be like the full Dyson swarm's hitting you in a straight line."
"That's the plan. The test was more than successful, and Aphid got a taste of the justice we deserve."

i've had a fanvue account for just over half a year now and any time i've had an issue i've struggled getting in touch with support. i've reached out to them about three separate issues during this time but they've only ever responded to one of my queries and i had to chase it up daily in order to get any response. is anyone else experiencing this? if not, where can i contact them for a quick(ish) response?? 🙃 i've been trying the live chat and email

Warning: I'll be blunt and quick. Okay, so, due to months of absences, I had to quit 10th grade. The absences were due to me being too lazy and then getting anxious about all of the work I would have to do to catch up on it, causing further absences. Anyways, I then was put on an online course, which I would do for 1.5 months. I then quit it due to both laziness and anxiety caused by all of the make up work I would have to do. My mom would later find out about it and decide "Instead of actually mentioning it to him, seeing if he needs help, or making sure that he actually does it, how about I say nothing and then when the school year is almost over, then only hint at him that he hasn't done his school work, and say how it was the (possibly best program for me) program's fault that I didn't do good this year.
Some other things since I can't form my thoughts right: 1. She believes that me not doing any schoolwork is due to me having depression. And while I have depression, not doing schoolwork(and not schoolwork itself) counts for only 5% of that depression. (Thankfully, the other 95% of my depression doesn't come from my mom or those who I would consider family). Instead, like how I've been saying since soon before I quit 10th grade, it is my unchecked laziness that is causing me to fail. 2. I put most of the blame on myself for being so lazy. While I do need support, it is still mostly myself to blame. A wheelchair still can't make a person walk.
Even more other things: 1. Sorry for not explaining or structure things well. I'm terrible at that. 2. I can understand where my mom is coming from. She believes that people should be independent more than the average person. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Also, during the time I was failing 10th grade, she did try to pressure me(albeit a little too hard) to do my schoolwork and it backfired. 3. Feel free to be critical 4. Feel free to ask questions 5. Laziness is caused by Covid and being unchecked .