112 Operator
911 Operator
A Story About My Uncle
Action Henk
Age of Wonders II: The Wizard's Throne
Age of Wonders III
The Amazing American Circus
Amnesia: The Dark Descent + Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs
Antagonist
Archangel: Hellfire - Fully Loaded
Ashampoo Photo Optimizer 7
Aurion: Legacy of the Kori-Odan
Auto Age: Standoff
Awesomenauts Yogscast Pack - Coco Nebulon
Awesomenauts Yogscast Pack - Rocco
Awesomenauts Yogscast Pack - Skolldir
Awesomenauts Yogscast Pack - Ted McPain
The Bard's Tale
Battlerite DLC: YogYog Bear Mount
Bionic Commando
Blockstorm
Boundless
Breach & Clear
Broken Age
Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons
Car Mechanic Simulator 2018
Chime Sharp
Citizens of Earth
ClusterPuck 99
Cook, Serve, Delicious! 3?!
Corridor Z
Crashlands
Crusaders of the Lost Idols - Elite Starter Pack
Crying Suns
Cursed Castilla (Maldita Castilla EX)
Dagon: by H. P. Lovecraft - The Eldritch Box DLC
Dandara
Deadly Sin
Deadly Sin 2
Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
Defend Your Life: TD
Deponia: The Complete Journey
Draw Slasher
Drawful 2
Driftland: The Magic Revival
Dungeon of the Endless
Endless Space 2
Europa Universalis IV
Expeditions: Viking
Figment
Figment Soundtrack
The Final Station
FreeCell Quest
Fury Unleashed
Go Home Dinosaurs
Going Under
Golf With Your Friends - OST
GRIP: Combat Racing Artifex DLC
Guns of Icarus Alliance
Guns of Icarus Alliance Soundtrack
Guns of Icarus Alliance Yogscast 2017 Costume Pack
Gurgamoth
Headlander
Hector: Badge of Carnage
Hexologic
HIVESWAP: Act 1
Idle Champions of the Forgotten Realms -- Celeste Starter Pack
Inmost
The Interactive Adventures of Dog Mendonça and Pizza Boy
Iron Danger
Jurassic World Evolution - Deluxe Dinosaur Pack
Last Horizon
Last Word
Legacy of Dorn: Herald of Oblivion
Lion Quest
Love Letter
Lust for Darkness
Lust from Beyond: M Edition
Main Assembly
Max Payne 3
Mimic Arena
Ministry of Broadcast
Mirage: Arcane Warfare
Moon Hunters
Motorcycle Mechanic Simulator 2021
NASCAR Heat 2 - October Jumbo Expansion
NecroWorm
Neon Drive (Steam)
Neverout
Neverwinter Feywild Starter Pack
Nex Machina
No Time To Explain Remastered
Offensive Combat: Redux!
Old Man's Journey
OlliOlli2: Welcome to Olliwood
On Rusty Trails
Orbital Racer
Out of Reach: Treasure Royale
Out of the Park Baseball 18
Pale Echoes
Pandemic: Roles & Events
Pandemic: The Board Game
Pathway
Pikuniku
Post Void
Radio Commander
Rakuen
Raw Data
Remnants of Isolation
Renegade Ops Collection
Roarr! Jurassic Edition
RPG Maker 2000
RPG Maker VX
Rustler
Ryse: Son of Rome
Sanctum 2
Say No! More
Scanner Sombre
She Remembered Caterpillars
Shing!
Silence
Slinger VR
Space Gladiators: Escaping Tartarus
Spectrum
Steel Rats
Super Raft Boat
SUPERHOT
SuperLuminauts
Supraland
SYSTEM SHOCK: ENHANCED EDITION
Tales from Candlekeep: Tomb of Annihilation - Asharra’s Diplomat Pack
Tales from Candlekeep: Tomb of Annihilation - Birdsong’s Entertainer Pack
Tales from Candlekeep: Tomb of Annihilation - Dragonbait’s Dungeoneer Pack
Tales from Candlekeep: Tomb of Annihilation - Tales of Artus Cimber’s Explorer Pack
Tannenberg
Team Fortress 2 badges - Mandrew's Munificent Mug and Israphel's Eleemosynary Expression
Team Racing League
Telefrag VR
Telltale Texas Hold'em
Tesla Effect: A Tex Murphy Adventure
This War of Mine
Tiltagon
Tiny Echo
Tooth and Tail
Tormentor X Punisher
Toy Odyssey: The Lost and Found
Treasure Hunter Simulator
The USB Stick Found in the Grass
Uurnog Uurnlimited
Vagante
Wanderlust: Travel Stories
Wandersong
War for the Overworld - Yogscast Worker Skin
Wargroove
Warhammer® 40,000: Dawn of War® - Game of the Year Edition
Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II
Warhammer 40,000: Kill Team
Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide
WARSAW
We Are Alright
West of Dead
Wizard of Legend
World to the West
X-Morph: Defense + European Assault, Survival of the Fittest, and Last Bastion DLC
Yoku's Island Express
Zeno Clash 2
Zombie Night Terror
I also have Humble Choice leftovers from the following that I haven't sorted through yet:
APRIL 2020 HUMBLE CHOICE (Driftland, Turok 2, Truberbrook, Shoppe Keep 2, Capitalism 2)
APRIL 2021 HUMBLE CHOICE ( Shenmue III, Main Assembly, Rock Of Ages 3, In Other Waters, Aven Colony, Simulcra I+II, Colt Canyon, Skully, Popup Dungeon)
AUGUST 2020 HUMBLE CHOICE (Hello Neighbor + Hide And Seek, Littlebig Workshop, American Fugitive, The Coma 2, A Case Of Distrust)
DECEMBER 2021 HUMBLE CHOICE (Beyond The Wire, The Survivalists, Lacuna, 8 Doors, Greak, Tohu, Voidigo)
FEBRUARY 2021 HUMBLE CHOICE (Moving Out, The Wild 8, Train Station Renovation, Werewolf The Apocalypse Heart Of The Forest, Lovecraft's Untold Stories, Iris And The Giant, Boomerang Fu)
JANUARY 2021 HUMBLE CHOICE (Total Tank Simulator, Song Of Horror, Vampire The Masquerade: Shadows Of New York, Tales Of The Neon Sea, Deleveled, The Ambassador)
JUNE 2020 HUMBLE CHOICE (Supraland, Grid, The Messenger, Felix The Reaper, Remnants Of Naezith, Overload, The Stillness Of The Wind, The King's Bird)
MARCH 2021 HUMBLE CHOICE (WWE 2k, Hotshot Racing, Peaky Blinders, Cyber Hook, Pesterquest, Boreal Blade, Ageless)
MAY 2020 HUMBLE CHOICE (Xcom 2, Niche, Swords Of Ditto, Neoverse, Horace)
NOVEMBER 2020 HUMBLE CHOICE (Imperator: Rome, Darksburg, Little Misfortune, Smile For Me, Tsioque, Rover Mechanic Simulator, Youropa, Townsmen)
OCTOBER 2020 HUMBLE CHOICE (Iron Danger, Autonauts, Shadows: Awakening, Fantasy Blacksmith, The Suicide Of Rachel Foster, Goat Of Duty, The Uncertain, Lightmatter)
SEPTEMBER 2020 HUMBLE CHOICE (Lethal League, Fun With Ragdolls, Evoland, Yooka-Laylee And The Impossible Lair, The Occupation, The Shapeshifting Detective)
SEPTEMBER 2021 HUMBLE CHOICE (Neon Abyss, Atomicrops, Heaven's Vault, Swag And Sorcery, Fort Triumph, Orwell: Ignorance Is Strength, Framed Collection)
My region is North America.

this has the worst auto save spot, can't even progress and beat the fucking mission because it's so fucking terrible. Everytime I get to the override the 3 security consoles off then go downstairs and defeat the INvictus and it's just endless fucking waves of enemies from every fucking side and your squad can't be of any help at all, the enemies just swarm endlessly and spawn on top and it's endless fucking pain. I can't even complete this fucking stage on Eos spending hours and keep respawning at this fucking auto save point having to turn the shields off and redo the 3 security alarms...and it's fucking terrible who the fuck decided THAT was a good idea ?
GIVE US MORE SAVE AND SAFE POINT OPTIONS FOR FUCK SAKE, everytime I die to some bullshit when I'm clearly in cover and the bastard enemy somehow fucking spawns and jumps on top of you it's fucking bullshit every single fucking time to respawn from that fucking point when no, you can't just respawn me before the point of Invictus opening those doors ? Or even give us the fucking option to save manually, but NOOOOO you fucking can't and this fucking mission ruins this fucking planet Eos. Hate this fucking mission and this point of the game, can't fucking progress, this shit is garbage and honestly fucking wondering who the fuck would think this is a good fucking idea to structure this mission this way are you fuckng kidding me ? I see "wait and level up then try it"
THEN WHY PLACE IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR FUCKING FACES RIGHT THERE TO DO ???? people are gonna be drawn towarsd this place when we're going back to Eos to explore and then you place this stupid ass impossible mission giving you no fucking room to save in a later spot before the INvictus boss and just butt fucking you with endless fucking enemy spawns, which mind you, somehow spawn right on fucking top of you and destroy you.
You can't even live 1.5 seconds without getting lasered by the fucking stupid retadred OP ai enemies that laser your face with perfect fucking accuracy from halfway across the map, mind you, MULTIPLE ENEMIES doing this bullshit, fuck your stupiod fucking mission at this game it's the only point where you die over and over and over and go to that fgucking stupid respawn auto save point on the shearpoint and redo the shield turnoff, then the 3 security consoles, but you'll never fucking make it.
WHY even put this fucking mission this early in the game if it's that fucking difficult and IMPOSSIBLE ffs fuck your terrible mission hate this fucking planet and game.

I (18f) have been visiting my boyfriend (19m) in his home state for the past week. We’ve been together since January and go to the same university but live across the country from one another (he’s about 40 minutes from our school) and I’m grateful to be staying with him and his family. Last week of finals was early May but he was still on campus longer because he does track and qualified for championship which extended his stay. Last night we were cleaning up his room since he hasn’t gotten the chance to unpack much and we began sorting through boxes under his bed. He’s sitting on the ground meanwhile I’m standing up going through the things on his bed. He then jokingly tells me to come to him and stand closer. I’m wearing his pajama pants that are 3 times my size (he is 6’2 and I’m 5 foot) with no underwear underneath as I normally don’t with pajamas and proceeds to pants me. Low and behold standing 4 inches from my face is my full bush. I pulls my pants up in a panic and we both share a laugh out of embarrassment for my raw parts and then I proceed to cry laugh out of embarrassment which sent him into a panic apologizing profusely and beat hugging me. Looking back it was fucking hilarious and he’s still apologizing for it but we both still think it was very funny and he’s giggling to himself reading me type this out. TL;DR my boyfriend pants me while I wasn’t wearing any underwear

Hi Reddit users! My name is Sofia. English is not my native language, so it can be bad and too formal sometimes. I hope that I will not embarrass my English teacher on the Internet and the translator will not let me down ;).
I'm a newbie in Reddit community, this net isn't very popular in my country. I sign up and write this post to tell you my story and hear your opinion and advise. I can't speak about this with my friends and especially parents, because I don't want to disturb them. Only 3 my close friends know about this situation, but they have no idea what is happening right now. I would be very happy if people with similar experience would share it with me. Maybe this can help me somehow
Okay.. On May 28, 2022, I was scrolling through my Tiktok feed and saw a video where girl asked to drop your id in a comments for bringing people to the Telegram chat. I already had the experience of being in chatrooms, most of my friends were abroad and I really lacked communication with others. That's why I sent my id and I don't regret it at all, because this chat became a real 2nd family for me (fortunately, there were no russians there, but there were people from Ukraine, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Belarus, etc.)
When I talked a little, a guy with Spike Spiegel avatar joined the conversation (it was thanks to him that I became so fond of "Cowboy Bebop" lmao). We were so different and so the similar at the same time. He was much more relaxed and confident than me, but we had almost the same problems and life experiences, so we got off on the right foot with him. Even the results in the stupid tests on the uquiz were identical with us. We became good friends almost immediately. I always waited for his messages and his thoughts, because they often coincided with us. So the fact that I fell in love with him was not surprising and very natural. However, there were some things, which made me wary (although I constantly tried to throw anxious thoughts out of my head):

1. His name - Zhenya. I should admit that Zhenia is a short non-formal form of 2 names - Evgen/Evgeniy(male) or Evgenia(female). Therefore, this form of the name is quite non-binary and is used by both men and women. Also, I know that his real name was Julian (feminine form - Juliana, Julia), and he later changed it to Evgeniy in documents. But even here the form of the name Zhenya was used, although less often. (Sorry if I spelled these names wrong)
2. His pronouns - he/she. He said that he didn't care how people addressed him on the Internet, but he usually used the he/him, that's why we all addressed him that way. Zhenya also used the passive voice of verbs and the infinitive when talked about himself and if necessary, he used verbs in the masculine gender. In the chat, we addressed each other as "you" in a respectful manner (like "Sie" in German language).
3. He spoke very little. Yes, it was part of his character - he didn't like to talk about himself for no reason and that made him a great listener. Unfortunately, I only now realized that he did it also in order not to say something superfluous.
4. His interests, hobbies, and behavior fit more within the "boy" boundaries than the "girl" ones. Of course, this sounds very subjective and a bit stereotypical, but I've never met a girl or woman who likes Resident Evil games or old Japanese motorcycles (by no means judging female readers who like those things, I do too their). It was also about his behavior, manner of correspondence and experiences that usually happen with men.
5. Zhenya never sent his photos. There were photos of nature, the sky, the streets, anything but my own( he has just sent photos of his hand and eye). He promised us for a long time that he would definitely send them when he bought a new camera or simply when he could, but we never saw them. Of course, no one pressured him, but everyone was very interested. Honestly, me too, but even if there was far from the standard of world beauty, I wouldn't give up my feelings for him.

Probably all these points were pretty obvious cause for concern. And I was worried. Although my defense mechanism or just cockroaches in my head kept saying and saying that all this is complete nonsense and not worth my attention.
I reached such a peak of feelings for him that I was absolutely not concerned about the appearance , only the person himself and his personality. I only had to fall in love with the personality. But not everything was so terrible (I thought so), because Zhenya described himself in words. Yes, it was quite silly to believe this, but I was a fool in love. I sat like a policeman with my drawing skills (I studied for 5 years at an art school and graduated from it) and composed his photo robot. I didn't get anything( It was reminiscent of putting together the characters from books - you understood their features in appearance, but could not imagine them together.
As I said above, members of the chat have literally become my second family and close friends. They began to dream of me. Everyone was beautiful, alive, as if they just came out of photographs, and so real that I remember these impressive dreams down to the smallest details. Zhenya was there too, with a blurred face, his incredible reddish-blonde hair and with soft dark hands with thin fingers. One day he did dream clearly to me. I was able to see in my dream all the things that I could not put in a heap for so long. That day I cried a lot, literally everything that I had kept inside for so long came out of me.
When I was having a bad time, I saw him online and decided to write about my well-being. He did not mind and helped me a lot. I started writing to him in private messages more often. If someone looked at our correspondence, they would say "Damn, they've been dating for 100 years!" We very often wrote to each other "I love you", words of thanks and support. He loved to listen and praise me. Every day I wanted to confess to him more and more, but I was afraid of it. I was afraid of his reaction or that our friendship would simply end. I could talk about it for a long time, but one event melted everything into place.
It was May 28, 2023, we were celebrating the chat's birthday. After greetings and wishes, we just started texting and reminiscing about how the Internet led us. Then the girl from the chat wrote: "Just imagine what phrases we will say to each other when we meet for the first time..." I wrote "OMG, Zhenya is a woman???", and he replied "Well, it's generally canon" . We were stunned because we thought it was a joke. He said he would explain everything now and logged off. During the 2 hour wait, my internet friend and I texted about this situation. She said that she frankly did not care what Zhenya used in the toilet, but she was worried about how he would tell us about it if his "joke" turned out to be true. I agreed with her words, but a volcano erupted inside me. In short, and as you already understood from the title of the post, it turned out to be true. Zhenya was a girl all this fcking time. I crashed.
I decided to confess to him right away what I felt for him. He apologized a lot. I, in turn, said that it was not his fault, that I would accept him as he is and apologized for my stupidity. He thanked.
Three nights have passed since then, all these nights I had nightmares. During the day, as if out of habit, I thought about him, but at one point I suddenly cut myself off and clearly said in my head "Sofia, THAT Zhenya does not exist, you stupid btch!!!!!" I do not blame him in any way, he did not tell this not because he did not trust us, but because he was afraid of condemnation. I'm not going to dump him after he's opened his soul, so what kind of friend am I? He said that he was most afraid of my reaction, because he simply did not understand what it would be. We are too alike.
I will understand and forgive. Everything except his stupidity and naivety. Everything was so obvious almost immediately, but I was under the influence of emotions. It was my first such serious crush, and even now I continue to love Zhenya and I don't know what to do. I'm hoping to get a job this summer and start saving up to go see all my internet friends. I have to hug them all, not only in my sleep. I'm sorry that the post is so long and rambling, but while I was writing all this, I felt a lot better. Please, if you had a similar experience, share it with him. You are not alone, and your memories can help others. Be kinder to people, because “You can only see things clearly with your heart. What is essential is invisible to the eye.” ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince.

Just unlocked WotN and managed to craft and defile a master swordsman's dual swords with Star SotC and max ranks of CCD, CTA and FamBonus. Not quite sure where to skill from here. I thought about going elemental. I don't have a ton of umbracite on me, so I had to settle for wind 20, and managed to stack on a Wind Damage ~50%. I'd rather have fire since apparently I can boost that with fire damage on a cannon (freeing up a slot on the swords) as well as Ogress Mask, but wind is fine for now. However, I did some searching and it seems many people are recommending away from elemental stuff. Note I studied youtube hard before coming in and am quite proficient at a wide variety of cancels to speed up my stuff. I can do evasion cancels, sheath cancels and have decent zero ki combos, as well as using iai/SotC to punish enemies after a Shrike or grapple. So questions:

1. If elemental isn't recommended for endgame damage, what should my last two slots be? Final/Grapple doesn't appeal to me too much, and I don't use LW right now (that may change as I go deeper into the abyss). Ki damage for fun times? Guard pierce for fighting humans? What would help more against yokai? Critcal damage worth it? I'd rather not take overly defensive stuff if possible, so things like break weapon are also not the most appealing.
   
2. Are onmyo talismans better than inherent elemental even at lowish magic? I think I have ~35 magic right now. In a single test on ogress, the fire talismans hit for less than the wind I currently use, but Wind has the benefit of the +elemental damage skill whereas I don't have that for fire yet. Also I assume ogress has fire resist
   
3. I heard that critcal boosts used to be huge for LW before it was nerfed into not working during LW. Is critcal still worth if I take leeching and have tenacity recurrent damage?
   
4. Can I get those green skills that boost on evade attacks by tempering, or is that a forge/find only kind of deal? Should I aim for something like that for my final two slots?
   
5. Just to confirm: Carnage talisman followed by Steel completely negates the debuff from carnage, and then grants the normal buff from steel, correct? And if I were to cast steel first and then carnage, I would void my steel buff and simply have the debuff from carnage? It's not like the two defensive modfiers get added together, right? Swapping from pills/protection to a Carnage/steel/weakening setup was my most recent powerspike before I crafted these dual swords. This was at the beginning of WotW. It was initially a little tough, but after adopting these talismans it became basically a breeze.
   
6. What's up with some abyss floors not letting me use items after I touch down? It doesn't list it on the 4 debuffs. Is it just inherent after level 20? Should I get used to it? having no weakness talisman hurts and I get hit a lot 'cause bad, so I like being able to rebuff and cast more quick changes. Just git gud?
   
7. If having an elemental skill on a weapon is no good, then what's the best way of applying confusion? I know shots and spirit talis are recommended, but is it reasonable to just have two different elemental talis and try them both? I use Tonfa or single Kat as my secondary. I know tonfas can apply status well. Is it reasonable to proc confusion without taking elemental buildup skills or having set bonuses that increase buildup?
   
8. I know a bunch of fancy tonfa cancels, but I still struggle to deal with lategame humanoid bosses like Date or Sanada. I feel like I'm just dodging and taking a hit here or there, which is slow going. I end up just swapping to dual swords for greater returns for a similar style. Any tips on keeping pressure against bosses in LW while using tonfa?
   
9. I got a hino-enma helm and a transferable paralysis buildup. Would this be a decent final slot for dual swords? I like paralysis when I was doing it before, but I stopped speccing for it when I hit a point where I was liable to kill bosses before stunning them. I imagine things will get tankier again going into WotN and Abyss past 30, but I don't know if I'd be better off with something like boost after dash attack or boost after purification or whatever.
   
10. Speaking of boost after purification, I have "attack damage surge" and "damage boost" (or something like that). It looks like surge barely lasts any time at all, but I assume it's much stronger?
    

Sorry for the long list. I did searching but there is a ton of info, opinions differ, and some of it may be for previous patches. I'd love to know the modern opinions. Also is there a way to filer search to exclude Nioh 2? Haven't gotten to it yet and it fills my search results :/.

MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ mention of various forms of abuse including SA, mention of suicide in some detail, mention of death
PREFACE
I understand this is the internet and I cannot expect people to have grace or mercy on me for any of this. All I can do is ask that if you’re going to give me your input, that you try and be as kind as possible. My heart is hurting and I really don’t feel I am in a place to hear that I need to entirely -drop- this therapist right now. My background of abuse and trauma will hopefully explain why that is, but I am not ready to let go. I am mostly posting this to vent, but also hoping that if anyone does have any advice that could help me even just in the short term with coping, that it will be gently shared.
BACKGROUND
I will try and keep this as short and sweet as possible but there’s a whole lot of history here. I am 27F, and I grew up in an unimaginably abusive home. Sex trafficking, severe physical, sexual, and emotional abuse from my father and my older brother (very patriarchal family), and a slew of very complicated and scary health issues including a liver disease and cancer. My family set me up to never be able to move out or live independently because they genuinely have viewed me to be their property. The severity of this can hopefully be summed up in just a few example:

• Was never allowed to even get myself a glass of water in the kitchen or learn to cook • Was not potty trained and had to rely on my mom to go to the bathroom into my teenage years • Drinking only from sippy cups until teenage years • Location monitored on my phone • Every credit card transaction / finance watched closely • Could not move away from college 

My brother was allowed and able to do all these things, but I was not. My entire life, teachers and “adults” that were supposed to catch these things did not even bat an eye. They instead placed me in remedial classes and ESL assuming that I just had a learning disability or a language barrier (which I do not). When I told teachers in the past about my abuse, it was handled extremely poorly and no authorities ever got involved. My life felt worthless; meaningless. Like I could scream from the rooftops of my school that I was being abused and no one cared.
This past January, I did the unthinkable. I left my family and got my own apartment. Friends, therapists, coworkers, everyone who remotely knew me has been pushing me to do this for years and I genuinely thought I would die in my situation. I developed severe Stockholm syndrome so a huge part of my lack of leaving was due to my own internal thought patterns. I did it through the help of my current therapist, which is my… fourth? therapist that’s attempted to help. The last ones took advantage of how naive I was and hurt me (one of them has been arrested). This therapist, however, invested everything to get me out. He really wanted to see me free. And I am forever grateful for him.
MY CURRENT THERAPIST & BACKSTORY
I started seeing this therapist early in 2022 when I was still living with my family. I became severely bedridden and could not even go to the bathroom without my mom or dad escorting me. My anxiety and panic were at an all time high. I was on a leave of absence from work, and this therapist was the only reason I had for HAVING to get out of bed and forcing myself to drive, and most days I couldn’t even do that. He was patient, compassionate, and was willing to go to great lengths to help. Though mostly irrelevant, he’s 45M. He got into school for counseling later in life so when I started seeing him, he was just an intern under the director of the practice. At the time, the director of the practice was seeing an old time friend of mine (who happened to recently become my coworker). My friend had gotten concerned about why I wasn’t showing up to work and why I was struggling so much. I didn’t want to open up to her about it because I couldn’t open up to anyone at the time. However, my friend asked the director of the place if she knew anything about me. The director broke into my therapist’s file under the guise of “he is my intern, I can look at his stuff” and then relayed all of that information to my friend. It became an entire case against the state board and I fought tooth and nail to get that director in trouble. In the end, nothing was done and in retaliation, the director fired my therapist and I had to wait until my therapist found a new job in order to see him (he was pre-graduation by just a few weeks so he couldn’t ethically talk to me until he had another practice). During the worst moments of my life, I was without my therapist (no fault of his, and he checked on me frequently), but it was really only for a few weeks. To me that was a lot since I had been going 2-3 times a week, sometimes 4 because of my situation.
THE CRYSTAL AND THE SAGE
My therapist had gone out of town briefly and came back with a crystal he got. He told me when he purchased it he knew he wanted to give it to someone. And he said that it made him think of me and he wants me to have it. He said he wants it to be a reminder that he cares and others care and that it represents my truth to hold close. Months later, he went on another trip and said he got sage that someone gave him that was super special and he wanted me to have it. He was very invested in making sure I felt like he cares and has my back. I was never into spirituality in the same way as him so I respectfully accepted his kindness but kind of scoffed at him. It became more of a joke.
HOW MY BROTHER AND MY THERAPIST STARTED TEXTING
The director of the previous practice had tried to harass me with a fake number, as well as to my therapist. She wanted to try and get us to drop the case, I guess? When I continued to get texts from fake numbers, my therapist asked me to give him the number that was blowing up my phone. It turns out, timing was absolutely terrible. My brother (who moved out of state) was the one who started harassing me. My parents/brother allowed me to go to therapy to “work on my panic attacks” but they began hating the fact that my therapist was helping me become independent. My brother was outraged and texted me anonymously to kill myself. Because I still thought at the time that it was the director of the place, I went ahead and shared the number with my therapist. And that’s how it all began.
THE VIDEO THREATS FROM MY THERAPIST
Things got out of hand over the months. My therapist felt extremely protective of me and a “savior complex” kicked in. The reasoning for this is worth noting / important. My therapist lost his sister to suicide when they were young, and he also lost his father shortly after. His sister apparently had also been assaulted and my therapist had mentioned to me before how he views me as a friend, someone to protect, like a sister. He admitted his struggle with transference and said his main and only concern was to get me to move out of my family’s house. To take a leap of faith. He was desperate to do that. He offered to help me get an apartment near him so he could help me out, he offered to babysit my dog for me (my golden retriever is my emotional support animal that my parents have used as a bargaining chip), he offered to see me in therapy 5 times a week if I just moved. I just wasn’t ready. But my brother would not relent.
My therapist still does not know that I know this, but my brother showed me some of the videos my therapist sent him. Three separate threatening videos. In them, my therapist was shirtless with a ski mask on saying he was part of the FBI and that if my brother didn’t behave himself, that he would have his people come after him. My brother said that I was threatening him and that if I didn’t get this man to stop, it would be trouble. My therapist got extremely activated and decided to take it as a challenge.
My therapist also at some points asked my brother “how to assault me” because he wanted to know what my brother did/wanted him to admit it. But if an outsider saw the texts, it would seem like my therapist was asking to participate in assaulting me. It looked HORRIBLY incriminating.
THE MOVE OUT
I got the courage one night. Drove my dog over to my therapist’s house and moved in with a friend while I apartment hunted. My therapist was incredibly proud of me and poured so much love and care into my dog. I truly felt hopeful and optimistic and I eventually applied for my own apartment and got approved. Because of severe Stockholm syndrome and lack of knowing how to do ANYTHING, I would end up visiting home (somehow, they allowed that and I did not die!)
THE ASSAULT
Long story short (I am not super comfortable going into this part), people from the temple I was sex trafficked in (linked with my family), showed up and assaulted me at gun point in a van. I told my therapist. He was extremely upset on my behalf and called the police. He told me it was essential that I get restraining orders and that I stop going over to my parents house even if I have Stockholm syndrome. He said he could no longer be patient on that because I was actively being attacked. I told him I was still too nervous to go no contact and I could tell he was frustrated with me.
WHEN MY THERAPIST SECRETLY SAT OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT*
My brother / someone from the temple decided to start things up once he figured out the person he was texting earlier was in fact my therapist. He threatened my therapist and challenged him to meet up. My brother was bluffing but my therapist took it seriously. My therapist arranged to meet him outside my apartment at 9pm that night. I had a weird gut feeling so I texted my therapist that night and asked him not to do anything stupid, but I had no idea what he had up his sleeve. Without telling me, my therapist sat outside my apartment waiting for my brother (who never showed) to meet him. Why my therapist chose to meet him RIGHT OUTSIDE my new residence was extremely irresponsible.
I went to take my dog out to the bathroom that night and my friend and I were hanging out. She noticed a dark car with someone sitting and staring with a mask on. We walked closer and it was my therapist. I yelled at him because I was so worried he would’ve gotten shot or attacked and that he would get hurt as a result of trying to fight. My therapist apologized and was so embarrassed. He awkwardly said “you weren’t supposed to know about this…” and drove off full force. We hopped in my friends car and followed him to wherever he tried to run off to. He then promised me he would leave. About 20 mins later, my friend and I decide to go out to get food and we see him sitting in another part of my apartment complex still ready to fight. I was so upset that he lied to me multiple times and that he was risking his life. What would’ve happened if he got attacked? But my therapist apologized again and said “I just need to look him in the eye” implying he was ready to kill.
THE DREAMS ABOUT MY THERAPIST’S LATE SISTER
As my therapist had told me, his sister had passed away from suicide when they were young. He admitted to have transference in a way where he viewed me in a sisterly way. For a while, I continually had dreams about his sister and it was very weird. I told him I don’t believe in a lot of things like crystals or burning sage but that these dreams felt incredibly vivid. In the dreams, her sister was assuring me that my therapist was sent in my life to be the brother I couldn’t have. That he was sent to me as a brother, and I to him as a sister.
THE HOSPITAL
Just within the span of days after he showed up to my apartment, I was hospitalized due to complications with my liver, and I reached out to my family for help. My therapist was upset with me for interacting with my family at all. My therapist even visited me in the hospital and said that I don’t need to call my family for help and that I have him and my other friends who will have my back. After I was discharged from the hospital, I asked my therapist if I could take my dog back for at least a weekend (he took my dog in while I went to the hospital in order to help me. He said he would hang onto him while I recovered and caught up on rest). So when he gave me my dog for the weekend, out of guilt, I took my dog with me to visit my family. I just felt the need to run back. My dad manipulated me a lot about missing my dog so I felt obligated.
MY THERAPIST’S FRUSTRATION
I admitted to my therapist that I had taken my dog to my parents for the weekend (after I already gave him my dog back). My therapist was so upset about it. He had put so much love and time into my dog and helping me, and then I took him back to the hands of my abusers. This is when him pulling back began. He felt like he was doing all of this extraneous stuff for me and I was just taking steps back.
THE SUICIDE METHOD
As he got over his frustration a little bit, I became very suicidal to the point where I purchased a rope and planned it out. I made him the beneficiary of my bank accounts as a thank you to him for everything. He told me he would do what he could to help me. He said I could bring my dog back to him if I just need a life break. He didn’t know I had the rope but he knew I was thinking suicide. When I went back to drop my dog off, I admitted I had a rope. I gave it to him. He realized I was genuinely going to kill myself and was so grateful I told him the truth. He told me he would be there for me to help me through it. Showed me grace and compassion and everything.
THE MAJOR PULLBACK
No warning. No indication. My therapist immediately pulled back. Hard. He told me to call him later that week (I usually have therapy 3x a week but he was out of town), and so I did as he said and called him to update him. He immediately flipped out. “Ugh, I cannot be in anything extra to your therapy space. I am going through things on my own and I need to pull back. I can’t take calls any hour of the day anymore. I can’t take your dog. You don’t even listen to me anyway. You do what you want and go to your parents. So, I don’t know what to say. I am committed to you as your therapist but that’s it. If you feel suicidal outside of that, go to a hospital and get sedated.” I was absolutely crushed and felt so awful and guilty like I did something wrong. I didn’t want to bother him. I didn’t want to lose him. He made me feel loved and cared for (platonically, as a brother) and I felt so safe with him. Until this moment. He was very hung up on the fact that I kept going home to my family despite his efforts.
After calming down he explained how he feels like he needs to step back because his emotions shouldn’t affect my therapy and that he’s doing it to help me. But it felt very selfish. He over exerted himself by showing up to my apartment and sending threatening videos when I never asked for it, all because HE wanted to. And now he pulls back because HE wants to. None of his decisions were based on what I would feel, but what would best serve him.
THE RELAPSE AND THE DREAMS
Because my therapist stepped back so hard, I relapsed and said “screw it” / went back to my parents. I still had my apartment but I backslid majorly.
During this time I was so distraught. This therapist made me feel supported. And no, I didn’t attach onto him in an unhealthy way where he became my only hope. But he did feel like the brother I wished I had, and he felt like such a deep and important part of my life and I was devastated.
I started having dreams again about his sister and I cried. I felt like I was given this gift and then it was taken away.
THE BACK AND FORTH
My therapist began telling me that he thinks I should have additional support in this season especially while he “takes a break from extraneous stuff” with me. He said when he was younger and going through things, he had two therapists.
A week later I told him I found a second therapist and he said: “ummm I don’t know. I feel protective over that. Maybe don’t get a second one. Find a support group but I don’t want you seeing another one.”
I stood my ground and said I might still find one and he said “well then make sure the other one is a woman and is closely in touch with me.”
It felt very wishy washy and he did a lot of similar things like this for a while.
But when I listened to him and decided against a second therapist, he pulled back again. He said he wouldn’t take any more texts or calls outside of session once again and made me feel like an obsessed freak when I wasn’t even really doing much at all. Or asking for anything.
VISITING MY THERAPIST’S LATE SISTER’S GRAVE
My therapist is a famous author and singesong writer. Online, it’s very easy to find his sister’s name and I did some digging and found out where her grave is located. I was feeling really awful, like I was grieving the loss myself which is so incredibly psychotic. I know. But it more so felt like I was grieving the loss of this brotherly love I once felt from my therapist. But it’s been a couple months at this point and he still refuses to take texts or calls, and is very argumentative and angry in sessions. And I just wanted to take some flowers to the grave in private, not tell him, and just accept that he can’t be what I needed him to be for me.
MY FAMILY FINDS OUT
When I went to the cemetery, the place was huge. So I had to go into the office and ask for the location of his sister’s grave. They gave me a piece of paper with her name and grave location on it and I eventually just threw it in my wallet. My dad stumbled upon my wallet while I was at home one of the days and noticed the last name and asked me if I was still seeing my therapist. They don’t like him for obvious reasons. But I admitted to my parents that I do still see my therapist and that he’s more like family than they’d ever be. They abused me. But I stood in my truth. At the end of the day I will not deny that my therapist DID help me immensely and if that means I have to be abused for the truth, I’ll do it.
MY THERAPIST INSISTS ON INFORMATION
He knew that I was hiding something. I told him my family was abusive again but I didn’t say why. He spent an entire session saying he needs to know what happened. I said no multiple times and that I didn’t want to talk about it. He used language like “you have to tell me before you leave my office” and “if you care so much about me you’ll tell me.” He even told me he was going to take my hand and promise me that he won’t react. He held it and looked me in the eye and promised he’d meet me with compassion. I refused. He then asked me if I’ve been lying to him. Deceptive. It broke me and I felt like it was just such an insult. But I stayed strong and he apologized for bothering me about it.
Last week comes around and it feels like such a hindrance. He’s continuing to be short with me and not answer my texts, not taking emergency calls, and just… is continuing to be cold. I even texted him that I was genuinely feeling suicidal and he told me he can’t help me outside of session. Period.
So then after my latest session, I told him I’d text him what happened because I was too uncomfortable to say it. I told him I visited his sister’s grave, about the dreams, everything. I said I felt really hurt at his pullback and how it felt selfish.
He responded by gaslighting me endlessly and it absolutely crushed me furthermore. He responded as follows:
“Ok crystals and dreams? I don’t believe in them. I don’t believe that was my sister. I don’t know how I feel about you visiting her grave. I am not your brother and I can’t be your brother. And yes it was a nice gesture I guess but clearly you are focusing on the wrong thing. Let’s not talk about the weeds and the details. Let’s focus on you.” And completely shut down any further conversation about it.
In the past I have insisted and begged him to process him showing up at my apartment with me because I am still shaken up. He just always says “I never should’ve gotten involved like that but we are NOT going to talk about this ever again” and has always refused to hear how I felt about it.
He went back on vacation this past weekend and refused to take my call when I needed help, refused to text me, or anything. I called off work two days in a row because I was so devastated at his anger toward me and the gaslighting. It felt so unfair. I wanted to talk to him over the weekend because I was genuinely so hurt and felt like I truly lost him. He didn’t care.
WHERE TO GO FROM HERE?
I had an appointment in person tonight. First in person one since I told him about everything. I am embarrassed and feel so guilty that I visited his sister’s grave behind his back. It makes me feel psychotic. But at least I was honest and didn’t wait until I got caught / did not gaslight him.
I have a major surgery tomorrow and he won’t help me with my dog. I’ve gone back to my parents for now until I am recovered.
I want to tell him how hurt I am but I have tried that. He never understands. I miss him. As a brother.
I ended up going to session and he asked me why I feel off in therapy. He literally said “other than me slightly having to pull back right now what have I really done?”
I don’t know if I ever can get him to see my side or my pain in this.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Again I know the majority of people will want to come at my therapist or me for doing wrong things. I know it doesn’t seem like this, but he really isn’t intentionally manipulative or gaslight-y, he’s just trying to regulate himself.
I have grace for him. And for myself. So please, please try and respond with compassion. I don’t want to lose him. But I feel like I kind of am.
What are your overall thoughts, in the most gentle way possible? Was I wrong for telling him the truth about the grave?

My ex boyfriend and I dated for 2.5 years. He decided to end things about 7 weeks ago. We have not spoken since.
I am having a pretty difficult feeling navigating all these emotions, I know that it is normal to have all these feelings but I also think I am holding myself back from starting the healing process.
I am feeling lots of guilt, shame, and even embarrassment. I cannot help but take so much blame for the relationship ending. I keep thinking of everything I have done or did not do, and questioning why I could not give my best efforts and love. I wish I could say I gave it my all and 100%, but I know that I didn’t and I think that’s what is making the moving on process even more difficult. He had asked for more efforts specifically with physical intimacy that I really wanted to give but for some reason could never fully fix. I am having a difficult time noting my ex partners own mistakes and that this person was not perfect. I can’t help but feel like I am at fault for his actions as well. My ex struggled with anxiety and mental health issues and had gained a significant amount of weight in the years we dated (I never cared about this and always found him attractive), I can’t help but feel the stress I caused had caused this unhappiness in him. Or that I made his mental health worse.
Sometimes I felt like I was just going through the motions in the relationship even though I wanted to be happy together.
For the first 3 weeks of the breakup I focused on myself … gym, yoga, crying it out, journaling, and spending more time with family/friends. Now I am starting to feel less motivated.
I recently have been texting a guy I have met through a mutual friend a couple weeks ago. He asked to grab a drink/dinner tomorrow night. Is this too soon or is it ok to be open to having a fun night out?
How can I start to forgive myself to start really letting go and moving on?

Intro This is a guide for how to use Cisco 8800 series 3pcc/sip phones with Dialpad, based on my own experimentation. So far it's pretty stable, no issues making or receiving calls etc. This is not necessarily a scalable approach since there's no provisioning server and you have to go into each phone's web UI to configure, but someone who is more familiar with cisco cfg files probably could make a configuration out of this.
Known Limitations * Voicemail indicator light won't work * I haven't tried to get shared/bridged lines (aka dialpad executive assistant) working but I am doubtful
Part 1: Getting SIP credentials

1. Go to dialpad admin site > Admin Settings > make sure company/office name is selected in top left dropdown > Office section of nav > Desk Phones
   
2. Add a user phone > See more options > Other polycom phones
   
3. Give the phone a name and user
   
4. Select "The device screen does NOT display Dialpad Activate"
   
5. Select Next at the firmware requirements warning
   
6. Select "Older Polycom phone? You may need SIP Instructions."
   
7. On the SIP credentials screen, select "Need a shorter username" to shorten the username
   
8. Copy down the details shown somewhere secure.
   

Part 2: Configure your phone
This assumes your phone already has sip/3pcc firmware. Not running 3pcc/sip firmware? See instructions at https://www.cisco.com/c/en/us/products/collateral/collaboration-endpoints/unified-ip-phone-7800-series/guide-c07-742786.html and use the simpler "Cloud Upgrader" if you can.
I recommend MPP firmware version 12.0.2

1. Factory reset your phone by pressing the Gear button > Device Administration > Factory Reset
2. Navigate to the web UI of your phone by typing it's ip address in your browser
3. Switch to Admin mode, then Advanced mode, in the top right corner. You must first change to Admin, then to Advanced.
4. Navigate to Voice > SIP tab, and set NAT Keep Alive Intvl = 25
5. Navigate to Voice > Provisioning tab, and set the following:

• Provision Enable = No
• Resync On Reset = No
• Resync From SIP = No
• Resync After Upgrade Attempt = No
• User Configurable Resync = Yes This will prevent your phone(s) from losing settings accidentally after you get them set up.

6. Go to Voice > Regional tab, and clear the "Secure Call Indication Tone" field to be blank. Otherwise you'll hear annoying double beeps for the first minute of every call.
7. Go to Voice > Ext 1 tab and set the following:

• Line Enable = Yes
• NAT Keep Alive Enable: Yes
• NAT Keep Alive Msg: $NOTIFY
• NAT Keep Alive Dest: $PROXY
• SIP Transport: TLS
• SIP Port: This should be the port number given in the dialpad admin UI near your credentials in part 1, step 8.
• Voice Mail Enable = Yes (so your hardware voicemail button will call it at least, even if the VM light won't ever turn on)
• Secure Call Option = Strict (this is important!)
• Proxy = the Domain value from the dialpad admin portal (part 1, step 8)
• Outbound Proxy = same as prev step
• Register = Yes
• Register Expires = 3600
• Display Name = The user's name of this device (probably doesn't matter)
• Password = password from dialpad admin portal (part 1, step 8)
• User ID = username from dialpad admin portal (part 1 step 8, remember to get the shortened username as the regular one may be too long and truncated which leads to no registration)
• Auth ID = same as User ID
• Preferred Codec = OPUS
• Second Preferred Codec = Unspecified
• G711u Enable = Yes
• G711a Enable = Yes
• OPUS Enable = Yes
• All other codecs, e.g. G729, iLBC, G722, iSAC should be NO
• Encryption Method = AES 128

8. Navigate to Voice > Phone tab and set the following:

• Voice Mail Number: the full direct dial number of the user starting with country code

All done! When you save all of the above your phone should be working! Make some test calls and DM me if this was helpful/you want to buy me a coffee or need help with something.

I would send you this myself. But I have no idea where you are. You left. I wish I could find you. This year was the shittiest year of my life. We were both doing terrible, but we found comfort in each other. When I went to the hospital I remember thinking about how you would probably find it amusing that I tried to kill myself. Obviously you care but it's because I lived. You are a bitch but you are MY bitch. You were my rock this year. And in all honestly, I didn't realize how much you valued me until I came back and you ran up to me crying and hugging me. In that moment it made me realize how much I cared about you too. We only knew each other for what, 7 or 8 months? But it was a friendship I couldn't even begin to describe. We had a deep understanding of each other that I don't often find with other people. When you left school unexpectedly it only gave me a glimpse into what it was probably like for you when I basically vanished out of thin air after our last conversation had been about me wanting to kill myself. Nobody knows where you are. I have no idea where you are. It's a weird feeling. Are you dead? Did you end up killing yourself? I miss you. I want to know where you are. I have this weird and empty feeling when I think about how you just left. It has really been affecting me lately. It makes me feel scared to think of never speaking to you again, or not knowing what happened to you. We became so close in only less than a year, my friendship with you is indescribable. You leaving one random day out of the blue made me realize how temporary people can become. I just want to know where you are. I look back at old pictures of us in October and November, when we were both doing our worst. I can see it in our eyes when I look back. But we had each other. I think that is what created the strong bond we had. You will always be close to my heart, you were in my life in such a personal time. And I hope I meant a lot to you too. We were the only people able to confide in each other. I will never be able to talk to someone else the way I talked to you. I want to talk to you again. Even though November and October were the worst time in my life, I would go back in a heartbeat. Because it was horrible but also amazing, being around you and talking to you is what I most remember. Girl you little cunt I can't believe you left me. If I see you again or even find you and speak to you online, which is another problem because your parents barely let you do anything online and have probably taken your computer which was the only thing you had left. But if I speak to you again in any way shape or form I am definitely showing you this letter. I can already hear you saying I am cringey but that honestly makes me happy. I even miss you beating the shit out of me at school. God I know you would reply to that with "mommy" or something. You are the stupidest bitch ever but like we are both stupid bitches. Where are you I truly do miss you so much. Also potato head got more annoying if you can even believe that. Plus handsome squidward is still cringey as ever. Girl literally our friendship was so weird. I had a best friend of 4 or 5 years and I don't even think I was as close to her as I got to you in such a short time span. Our friendship was the best. I really really really miss you. I wanna talk to you again. I need to know you are okay. It sucks that I know there is a very real possibility you killed yourself. But I hope maybe you just got sent to that camp teenager troubled kid fucking thing your parents were talking about. Lowkey your random disappearance keeps me up at night sometimes. I wonder what you are doing right now. Also our "friends" talked shit about you after you left. Always knew they were fake but was still surprised. I'm taking finals now. I fucking hate my life girl. I feel like such a loner now cause you were my best friend and I hadn't really bothered with anyone else much this year and now you are gone. I really don't feel like I will be able to ever have a best friend replace you. I know people come and go. But I don't want you to. It just makes it so much worse. Nobody knows where you are. You vanished. I guess I will just have to stalk your mom's facebook and see if I can find any intel. Man I just wanna talk to you again. I wish things were different. We knew each other in likely the worst times in our life, both of our lives were falling apart rapidly, but we were able to find comfort in each other. I was able to talk to you about ANYTHING, and you talked to me about everything girl LMAO. Even the mango rice bed pants incident. I just want to hug you and never let you go. What if I never see you again? I can't even remember what our last conversation was about. When you first went missing I thought maybe you went to the mental hospital like I had, but then when our teacher told the class you unenrolled I was shocked. I miss you so much. I hope we talk again. If we never talk again know that I cherish every minute we had with each other. You were the best, best friend I had ever had, and ever will. I miss you so so so much. I don't even know how to explain the emotion I experience thinking about all of it. You leaving, our friendship, the things we went through, the jokes, the tears, the hopeless moments, the suicide pacts, the notes, the plans on running away together, the random men on emerald, the bus routes you looked up, the moutain directions you looked up so you could jump off it, the drawings we made of potato head. I still have that note you wrote me in the beginning of the year. I have the math test you gave me so that I could cheat, I found it when I was cleaning out my backpack, those are the times I miss. I remember how much we would help each other cheat on tests and homework, we were fucking bad girl, we are honestly probably the reason we didn't fail some of our classes. But we would both do anything for each other, didn't matter how little or how big. These memories are everything to me. We were there for each other when nobody else was, we were going through the shittiest times in our life together. We both shared our deepest darkest secrets with each other. Have you thought about me since you left? Or are you dead? I don't even want to think about you being dead. I am fucking scared girl. I hope I get the chance to send this to you so that we can laugh at it and make fun of how cringey I sounded. Goddamn girl. Fuck everything. You and us against the world forever. I love you so much girl I hope you know that. Literally so much you are the best. Fuck everyone else. Me and you girl. I miss you. I love you bitch please for the love of god don't be dead. Okay ending this note. I miss you so much I love you <3

I can literally give 100 examples of abuse / dysfunction but I can't be bothered to recall all of them. I just need reassurance that this is not normal. These are not necessarily the worst, just the ones I recall from the top of my mind:
1) There was this one time, I was maybe 8 or 9 years old, he picked me up at school and drove me around to. He would ask me to identify the trees and each time I go it wrong I was slapped hard.
DAD: "What's that tree called?"
EIGHT YEAR OLD ME: "A pine tree?"
*SMACK*
"What's that tree?"
"Hmm... an oak?"
*SMACK*
This went on for a few hours. I remember it was night time when we got home. The worst part is he made lose an episode of Dragon Ball.
2) There was this one time, I was maybe 6 or 7 years old, I got out of school at 3PM and instead of going straight to my grandmother's house a few feet away, I went to a classmate's house to play in his backyard, which was literally 15 seconds from my grandma's house. At around 5 or 6PM my distraught grandma found me at my classmate's backyard playing soccer. When she told my father, instead of him telling me "Your grandmother was worried sick. Never do that again. If you want to go to your friend's house you have to tell her first so she knows where you are." He could have told me that but instead he chose to beat the living shit out of me. Kicks, belts, slippers, screams, tears, rage, cowering under the bed, etc, which bring me to my next memory...
3) My father used to do this thing where he would beat the shit out of me and then he'd get tired because he's always been out of shape. So he would sit in the couch while I was cowering away in some corner, bawling my eyes out, hardly being able to breathe. He would say "Come here that I won't beat you". And in my mind I'd be like "Nah, that's a trap". And he'd insist "Really, come here, father won't beat you this time". And because any kid craves his father's affection and security, I'd slowly start walking towards him and when I was in reach he would slap the fucking shit out me. Like you would slap an adult who just spat in your face or . Of course all I did was being a stupid kid and thinking I can use toothpaste as hair gel or something. I remember there was also a time I got the shit kicked out me for putting bubblegum in my hair. Not only they had to shave my hair, they also had to beat the shit out of me.
4) There was this one time, I was maybe 4 or 5, I was taking a bath with my older brother and he walked in the bathroom yelling about some shit and he started whipping us with a belt. Like, straight up whipping my bare bottoms with a belt. I had no idea what was happening but I remember my brother cowering behind the toilet seat and my mother on her knees saying "Please no more! No more!"
4) I have these weird flashbacks where my dad used to beat up my mom when I was 2 or 3 years old (my older brother confirms it happened) and at some point my mother realized she could avoid a beating if she focused her husband's attention on me. I remember her face all twisted with rage and hatred as she told my father "Get him! Get him!" as he hit me for being "a piece of shit who will never amount to anything".
5) He would start yelling the words "Worthless son" and repeat that for what felt like forever when he was mad at me (or mad at something and taking it out on me).
6) When I was twelve I put an earring and took it off the same day. When I told my mother the drama queen told me the hole will never heal and that I ruined my life (that was common theme) and my father did the best he could: he slapped me no less that fifty times in the face.
7) My father has slapped me at least 250 times in my first 13 years of life but who's counting?
8) This one time I was home from school and I waiting to watch a new Dragonball episode. My father came home and said "Come! I have a surprise" and I was like "But Dragonball is about to start" and he yelled "COME WITH ME! I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU ACT?". So I got up and we got into the car. He drove to a school where there was going to be a clown show. And my father was like "See? A clown show" and I was like, not showing any emotion because fuck this shit I wanna go home and watch dragonball. but I also don't want to upset my father so I said nothing. So we came inside, watched the clown show. It sucked. I fucking hate clowns. I respect those who like them, I just think it's . Then on the way home I was quiet and almost in tears because it was the episode where Goku turned into a Super Sayan for the first time and I feel like a piece of childhood was robbed from me. My father asked "So, did you like it?" and I shrugged my shoulders and my father berated me the rest of the way home for not appreciating him.
9) He goes through my shit. He doesn't believe in privacy. "You want privacy? Get a job!". Dude... what?! Well, now I got a job and I still got not privacy so... He just walks in my room and starts opening drawers and reading my notes and dossiers. Receipts, bank account info and so on. Needless to say, I could never have a diary. Now I lock my door. They used to get inside my room using a spare key I knew not about. They are sneaky like that.....
10) This one time, I was maybe 6 or 7, I got into a fight at school. I was protecting myself and ended being beaten but I was feeling good because I stood up for myself. When I got home, my father beat me up. "This is not how we raised you!" It was the first time I made an association between the bully and my father. The same feeling of injustice and indignation arose. Except of course you can't beat up your father. That would be wrong. Only your father should be able to beat you, a tiny defenseless scared little boy.
11) My father turned me into a submissive bitch made boy. Trauma bond was effective. I didn't love him but I kinda hoped for his approval up until a point? Anyway, any bully knew I was soft and an easy target for mockery. They would drop my pants and call me names. Then in 7th grade I started listening to heavy metal and started rebelling. I was ready to stand my ground, ready for everything. I went really fucking crazy on the whole "troubled teenage years" thing. In reality I was a scared little puppy, showing my teeth so the bad wolves stay at bay. You know what? It fucking worked. But there were a few times I had to prove my worth. I fought, I drank, I did ALL THE DRUGS ON PLANET EARTH...
12) My father would always say "Your friend won't be there for you when you need them, family is all you have". I had few close friends, needless to say. I still don't trust anyone. I believe most people are like that "Family above everything". Except they had great families and I kinda understand the sentiment. In my extended family everyone hated each other. Not hate hate, more like... holy fuck! What is this? What's all this... yuck... this silence? These unresolved issues?
Oh, and you know what the best part is?
THIS TOTALLY NEVER HAPPENED!
IT'S ALL IN MY HEAD!
I WAS A PROBLEMATIC CHILD WITH LOW SELF-ESTEEM!
JUST NATURALLY A MELANCHOLIC CHILD!
At least according my gaslighting parents. If it weren't for my older brother I would have by now convinced myself I was experiencing false memories, maybe these were nightmares I had as a kid... but no... shit really happened...
Of course I became a 36 year old failure to lauch stoner who still lives with his abuser / parents because I have no drive for anything and quite frankly I'm addicted to weed and I can get it cheap and it's a way for me not to dwell on things. Plus, I live at their expenses like... yeah, my father thinks I like him because he pays for my gas. He has no idea how quickly and comfortable I would be not speaking to him ever again in my life.
I lived away from them for 6 years. First two years I spoke with them like twice a month. It was so peaceful. My mental health is declining since I moved back home a year ago (long story). All these flashbacks. All this pent up rage. All these unsaid words. And of course you can't say anything because my father is a narcissistic cry baby who takes any criticism as a personal attack and I'm sick of his presence being a trigger. And my mother is always ready to defend me and attack him. "There you go, talking about that shit again! Your father loves you!"
You know what, mom? Love is not enough. Lots of abusive husbands love their wives, lots of abusive mothers love their kids... it's not the intention that counts, you morons. You can't be like "But I love you" and expect everything to be okay. ARGHH!!!!! WHY GOD??? I DON'T EVEN HATE MY FAMILY, I JUST CAN'T STAND MY FATHER!
Why must a six year old wish his mother would divorce his father? Why would a six year old wish his father died? It's not normal!
The silence around these issues is deafening. What if it were sexual abuse? Would it be my fault as well? For wearing panties around my father? "You know how that makes him feel". I'm not joking. Sometimes I wonder...
I really want to go no contact but how the fuck do you even start... I just want some boundaries. Don't speak to me. Fuck off. Get out of my life. You ruined me. I hate you. I hate you both really! FUCK OFF!!!

Hi everybody, below is my list of anime, manga and light novels available for sale. I've tried to address most potential questions below, but feel free to ask me any questions.
Please comment on the thread before sending me a PM or Chat message, especially given the new feedback system in place. Please make sure your shipping address is updated on your PayPal account before sending payment.
No holds for longer than 1-2 days and throw out the first offer if you want to negotiate, though prices are firm for some things.
I won't split any sets unless it's stated otherwise.
I'm a Canadian seller that is willing to ship to most places on this planet. Prices are based in Canadian dollars - the listed USD price is provided as a reference, as FX rates fluctuate slightly every day. (PayPal will automatically convert your USD/local currency to CAD when you pay.) Local pickup and payment can be arranged if you live in the Greater Toronto Area.
Timestamp

Anime:

Prices include shipping and tracking to Canada & the USA for anime. If you live anywhere else, I will need you to provide me with your postal code and country so I can provide you with a shipping quote.
Pics
Blood-C: The Last Dark (Blu-Ray+DVD, SAVE Edition) - $80 CAD / $61 USD
The Story of Saiunkoku Season 1 Complete Collection (DVD) - $230 CAD / $176 USD

Books:

Shipping costs for single volumes of manga or light novels:
Canada - starts at $11 CAD with tracking, but can increase depending on distance, whether you live in an area that Canada Post deems as rural, and weight. I may consider shipping via Canada Post Lettermail ($7 CAD, no tracking provided) for books at or below $25 CAD if it fits within the size limits. Please provide me with your postal code for an accurate shipping quote.
USA - starts at $11 CAD (around $8.50 USD) including tracking for 1-2 normal sized volumes. Price will increase slightly for 3+ books and depending on weight and insurance.
Europe - starts at $15 CAD for one normal sized volume to most European countries. Please provide me with your postal code for an accurate shipping quote.
Anywhere else - I will need you to provide me with your postal code and country, so I can provide you with a shipping quote.
​
**Light Novels:**
Pics
Code Geass Lelouch of the Rebellion Stage 2 - Knight & Stage 3 - Sword - $150 CAD / $114.75 USD (Will Not Split)
The Asterisk War Vol. 3 - $130 CAD / $99.50 USD
​
**Manga - Single Volumes:**
Pics
20th Century Boys Vol. 22 - $100 CAD / $77.50 USD
A Drifting Life (spine has creasing) - $40 CAD / $30.50 USD
Biomega Vol. 3 - $75 CAD / $57.50 USD
Black God Vol. 11 - $40 CAD / $30.50 USD
Blood Blockade Battlefront Vol. 2 - $30 CAD / $23 USD
Boys Over Flowers Vol. 19 - $55 CAD / $42 USD
Boys Over Flowers Vol. 24 - $55 CAD / $42 USD
Casino Lily (BL, Sealed) - $40 CAD / $30.50 USD
Cowboy Bebop Vol. 3 - $30 CAD / $23 USD
Cross Game Vol. 6 - $52 CAD / $40 USD
Dr. Slump Vol. 16 - $110 CAD / $84 USD
Freezing Vol. 19-20 - $85 CAD / $65 USD
Haganai: I Don't Have Many Friends Vol. 8 - $45 CAD / $34.50 USD
He's My Only Vampire Vol. 4 - $40 CAD / $30.50 USD
Hey Class President! Vol. 1 (BL, Sealed) - $60 CAD / $46 USD
Highschool of the Dead Vol. 2 - $20 CAD / $15.50 USD
Innocent Bird Vol. 3 (BL) - $85 CAD / $65 USD
Inu x Boku SS Vol. 2 (front cover is bent inwards, but no creasing except for a small one by the X) - $20 CAD / $15.50 USD
Judge Vol. 6 (G3 condition) - $70 CAD / $53.50 USD
Kannazuki no Miko Vol. 1 (Sealed) - $40 CAD / $30.50 USD
Kill la Kill Vol. 1 - $35 CAD / $27 USD
Knights of Sidonia Vol. 15 - $60 CAD / $46 USD
Magika Swordsman and Summoner Vol. 5 (has black remainder mark on the bottom) - $25 CAD / $19.50 USD
Monster Hunter: Flash Hunter Vol. 6 - $75 CAD / $57.50 USD
Nodame Cantabile Vol. 13 - $50 CAD / $38.25 USD
Private Teacher! Vol. 3 (BL) - $183 CAD / $140 USD
Red River Vol. 1 - $25 CAD / $19 USD
Stay Close to Me - $70 CAD / $53.50 USD
Strike the Blood Vol. 6 - $50 CAD / $38.25 USD
Sunshine Sketch Vol. 6 - $95 CAD / $72.50 USD
The Testament of Sister New Devil Storm! Vol. 3 - $85 CAD / $65 USD
This Ugly Yet Beautiful World Vol. 1 - $40 CAD / $30.50 USD
To Love-Ru Vol. 5-6 - $60 CAD / $46 USD
Tokyo Babylon Omnibus Vol. 1 (G2-3 condition) - $35 CAD / $27 USD
Yowamushi Pedal Vol. 6 - $95 CAD / $72.50 USD
Yu-Gi-Oh! Millennium World Vol. 1 - $20 CAD / $15.50 USD
**Manga - Sets:**
Prices for sets include shipping and tracking to Canada and the USA. Other countries, please inquire for a shipping quote. Sets will not be split up unless stated otherwise!
Pics
Blood Blockade Battlefront Vol. 1-3 & 5-7 - $600 CAD / $459 CAD
Breath Vol. 1-5 (BL, Complete Series) - $500 CAD / $382.50 USD
Eyeshield 21 Vol. 1-37 (Complete Series, Vol. 21-22 are sealed) - $1300 CAD / $995 USD
Fruits Basket Vol. 16 & 18-21 - $95 CAD / $72.50 USD, Vol. 16 available separately for $25 CAD / $19 USD including shipping to Canada and the USA
Gunsmith Cats Revised Edition Vol. 1-4 and Gunsmith Cats Burst Vol. 1-5 (Complete Series) - $750 CAD / $574 USD
Hey Class President! Vol. 1-2 - $185 CAD / $141.50 USD
Kamichama Karin Vol. 1-7 (Complete Series, Vol. 1, 4 & 6 have faded spines) - $65 CAD / $49.50 USD to the USA, $70 CAD to Canada
Love Com (Lovely Complex) Vol. 1-15 - $690 CAD / $528 USD
Madness Vol. 1-2 (BL, Complete Series) - $40 CAD / $30.50 USD
Monster Vol. 4-6 (singles) - $95 CAD / $72.50 USD
Monster Vol. 4-6, 12 and 15 (singles) - $135 CAD / $103.25 USD; Vol. 12 separately is $50 CAD / $38.25 USD including shipping to Canada and the USA; Vol. 15 separately is $50 CAD / $38.25 USD including shipping to Canada and the USA
Please Tell Me! Galko-chan Vol. 1-2 - $115 CAD / $89 USD
Rabbit Man, Tiger Man Vol. 1-2 (BL) - $195 CAD / $149 USD
Tegami Bachi Vol. 2-7 - $95 CAD / $72.50 USD
The Big O Vol. 1-6 (Complete Series) - $217 CAD / $160 USD
Tokyo Babylon omnibus Vol. 1-2 (Dark Horse release) - $175 CAD / $134 USD (separate Vol. 1 available)
Toriko Vol. 1-6 (Vol. 2 is in G3 condition) - $120 CAD / $92 USD
Triage X Vol. 1-11 (Vol. 11 is Sealed) - $550 CAD / $421 USD)
xxxHolic Vol. 1-16 & 18-19 - $350 CAD / $268 USD

Curious for other people's inspirations and ideas on a homebrew campaign.
Running my group through a mostly home brew campaign. I'm running them through a heavily modified version of Against the Slave Lords (2nd edition ad&d but updated for 3.5 ed).
The party has been disrupting the Feetla and the Slave Lords' plots bit by bit. They're uncovering that the Slave Lords are running an entire underground empire. The Slave Lords are preparing to launch all out war against divided kingdoms and independent lords in a bid to found their own official realm where they can proudly conquer others and lead in the open.
But this is all just surface level evil. The Slave Lords have been in league with of a coven of witches and hags. The Slave Lords are sending the majority of their slaves to the coven. In return, the coven is providing the Slave Lords with the edge they'll need to conquer entire kingdoms. The Slave Lords' underground empire is also the coven's route for sending their dark magics out into the world and unsuspecting innocents. Feetla and the Slave Lords will be more like the final bad guys at level 10. This coven and their evil master(s?) will be the final enemies at the end of the campaign/level 20.
Now here's my question: who do you think the coven of witches are? What dark power do they serve? What are their plots and the plots of their master (e.g. the level 20+ final boss of the campaign)? I have lots of ideas but none of them motivate me. I'm hoping someone has an idea or some inspiration to share!
For context, here are a couple of parameters I'm working with: 1. No demons or abyssal focus. Our group has done 2 campaigns where the main bad guys were demons. We need a new direction. 2. There's heavy themes of nature and the wild. I'm leaning toward evil fey/hags but I'm also open to other evil gods, yugoloths/daemons, devils, etc 3. A major theme of the campaign is that the group are gladiators/adventurers. Every few sessions they have an official gladiatorial arena match. I also try to make unique combat situations in dungeons that naturally feel like a gladiator match without forcing it. This informs and sets the tone for the campaign, but not every aspect of the campaign needs to be directed by the gladiatorial theme.
Thanks everyone! Happy to share my ideas with you guys too!

MASSIVE WIP.
​
Name : Kama Kawa Kurossa
<>
Gender : [They/Them]
<>
Age : [25] unable to properly age.
<>
Species : Physical spirit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Character Level: LV1 [0 Quests completed]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Appearance :
A young looking adult with blackened hair and a streak of green in it. Stood at 5'8 or 1.78 m. Skin is a pale looking sickly green. Their eyes a dull shade of a similar hue.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
STATS: 1212

• Strength: + [2] "It’s not easy getting fit when I’m dead lay off!-"
• Constitution: + [1] "Flesh is like... Reaaaaally squishy. for us."
• Dexterity: + [2] "I can do a flip. Like a so~"
• Wisdom: + [2]
• Intelligence: + [2] "Ya get to do a lot of things in the time it takes for you to revive."
• Charisma: + [0] "A person that looks like a corpse isn’t very flattering of a sight."
• Spirit: + [3] "A ghost not connected to their spirit is a fool."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Proficiencies/Extra characteristics: [pending]
​
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
INVENTORY :
>>> Kaladanda

• A thin Katana made from a green hued glowing metal. Imbued with a high amount of spectral runes. This blessed blade is one that has book ended many tales of tyrannical demons. Now the responsibility of such a sword falls to Kama
• Deals 5% slashingaether damage, multiplied by user’s spirit stat.
• Has the ability to bypass resistances and shields of targets who possess any kind of Aether, or soul in their system.
• Restores Kama’s health for the equivalent damage he deals. [5% for 5%]

<>
>>> Spiritual wayfinder.

• A compass like object made of a metallic substance. A green spectral material comprising the needle. A highly enchanted object, belonging to Kama. With an opening on the back.
• Able to take any trace of a person, including parts of important objects, organic matter, or remnants of their soul.
• Once a target has been decided. The compass shall lead to the place of their soul. The largest sum.

<>
>>> Ember Lantern. [pending]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Balance: [10,000]
"A sum saved during years of work as an apprentice investigator."
<>
HSD contents :
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Racial Traits: [pending]
​
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Core Passives:
>>> Night boat to Cairo.

• Upon the death of Kama’s body, Their corpse vanishes entirely, returning somewhere else, allowing them to regain a physical form over the course of two [actual] days.
• No items are lost by this. However the quest is considered to be failed.
• [3] slots

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Core actives: [pending]
>>> One step beyond.

• Can perform a dash in any direction over 10 meters, not hindered by line of sight, and becoming intangible in the process, unable to be hit by physical attacks.
• Can be used to phase through non magic surfaces that are under the 10 meter limit. And is unable to become ustuck in spaces that can’t handle his size.
• One round cooldown for each time it’s used.

<>
>>> Dust Devil

• ​

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Weaknesses: [pending]
>>> Ghost train.

• ​

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BACKSTORY:
[pending]

Hi, all! First post in a while, so bear with me.
My gorgeous girl is an adult right now, close to 5 feet. Her age is unknown, and she’s never been sexed before, so she very well may be a male. Anyway, recently, and by recently I mean the past 3 weeks, she’s refused food. Nothing has changed in her feeding schedule, no shed in between, no tank change, nothing. She’s a very friendly snake who’s never bitten before, super docile, and almost always a good eater. I would chalk it up to breeding season, as she very well may be a male, but isn’t it a bit too late in the season to go off of food? I was thinking that she could potentially be egg-bound, but I felt her lower body up and didn’t feel any lumps that felt like eggs, nor could she have been exposed to a male. Partho is also unlikely.
She has a 55ish gal? That she can spread her entire body around, about half her body in height, tons of sticks and clutter, aspen to burrow under, and consistent 80s on her warm side. Her UVB and heat lamp are on every day for 12 hours from 7am-7pm. Any ideas?
I’m not worried because she hasn’t lost weight, it’s just that this is unlike her, so I’m not sure where to go from here.

Hi everyone, I am 30F in the very early stages of R with my BP 30M
It’s been a little over 30 days since D-Day of my affair and I can’t express how remorseful and awful I feel about having done it in the 1st place. Me and my BP have been together for 5 years and they have been a wonderful experience, what we had was genuine and true but somewhere along the lines I grew resentment and detachment from him due to a lack of understanding of his depression-which he has communicated was due to my lack of effort in the “investment of our future” (think of buying homes, saving money, mortgages, investments, credit etc) more on that in the next paragraph. His depression changed how I viewed him and affected our relationship. He grew bitter, angrier, detached and grim…it was hard, I wanted to help him but feel like I had no impact on his happiness. I felt useless..
I’ll admit: I’m not the most knowledgeable in that field (financial) I know little to nothing about it in fact, it’s the way I was raised, poverty, lower class, homelessness, terrible credit, government assistance, check to check you name it. The whole nine yards. Fast forward to now, I have a six figure job in the city, a credit score in the high 700’s and a better understanding of the finance world. This was all possible with the help or my BP, I couldn’t be prouder of myself, I owe my success to him! I told him that once I get myself settled comfortably financially that I will engage more in the future and planning etc…I hoped this would make him happy.
Fast forward to after the affair we agreed to reconcile. I notice he is becoming angrier as the days go, he’s been all over the place
And please I UNDERSTAND WHY he’s feeling this way and I will never hold it against him!
But I need advice from any parties here who may have had a similar experience…
How do I manage when my BP reduces me to filth? I’ve been called average, normal, offers nothing to the relationship. Nothing special, Been called low value and NOW he’s comparing me to other women he works with…it’s discouraging me and hurting me.
So far I haven’t gotten angry and blown up at him. The most I’ve done is cry and go silent/shut down. I’ve at most been curt in some replies but nothing out of line.
I’m trying hard to reconcile but what am I allowed to tolerate and where do I draw the line?
For context-the AP I had constantly made jabs at my BP and I never stood up for him….I think he may be using this as a tool for retaliation. Which-again-I understand but I can’t help but feel hurt! What do you think?
Should I speak up or let it be?