I don't have many, Penny Reid is my one where if she writes it I reads it, and I have a few others where I will grab the books and read them if I want a solid easy read. Sarah Maas was one of those for a while but I JUST CANT anymore lollll. Anyway. Here are my authors, for those who are keen, and a brief description. Please add! Share! xxx
Penny Reid: wicked funny, gorgeous characters, cult following. Love her Winston brothers series with my soul. Knitting in the city is also awesome. Have read everything she has made and start her books the day they come out. SHE IS MY PERSON. RECOMMEND WITH ALL MY SOUL.
Rosamund Hodge: retellings of classic stories. Really good. Standalone novels except for her Romeo and Juliet. Not much sex but great love story telling and just a great read.
Tricia Levenseller: the shadow between us is freaking awesome. Just unexpected and so fucking good. Low on sex from memory, might be YA, but damn it was good. She is a great author but only a tiny collection
Misha Bell: hubby and wife author team that make wicked funny sexy books. I've only read 2 but I'm working my way through. Easy reading, funny, hot.
Ilona Andrews: honourable mention, some series are fucking awesome, some I didn't love. But hidden legacy series was just brilliant, and sexy as heck.
I'll add more as I think of them! I read a bit of everything so trying to sort through what was actually romance in my head lol!

I am a 29 year old Caucasian male living in the UK. I weigh 180 lbs and I am 6′1″ tall. I don't use recreational drugs and I consume about 2 alcoholic beverages per week. I have a history of high blood pressure, having being diagnosed with essential hypertension at the age of 14, and take 20 mg of Lisinopril daily as treatment.
Last week I saw an optometrist who identified possible optic nerve issues from an OCT scan of my eyes. Though I don't remember his exact wording, I believe the optometrist said that my optic nerve heads were raised. I believe the left was slightly more raised than the right.
I am a new arrival to the UK, and so my medical records from past exams are not readily available to local doctors. The optometrist stressed that, without access to previous medical records, it was hard for him to ascertain whether this was a congenital anomaly or something more serious (like a brain tumor). Therefore, I have been referred for an MRI which I should receive within 2 to 4 weeks.
Today I was able to contact my previous optometrist from back home, and obtained a copy of old retinal images from August 2022. I will be bringing a copy with me to my next UK appointment, but in the meantime I was wondering if someone could comment on whether optic nerve swelling is apparent in these old retinal images:
https://imgur.com/a/tE5kWSo
If so or if not, how worried should I be about this situation? Needless to say, I'm quite afraid that I may have a brain tumor.
Thank you for your time.
PS:
For additional context, here are some of the symptoms that I have been experiencing:
I have been suffering from easily-fatigued legs, persistent feelings of dizziness/unsteadiness (as if I'm on a boat), heart palpitations, perceived weakness in my right arm, and pressure on the roof of my mouth (especially when stressed). I have also had a singular spell of mild vertigo at bedtime, and have experienced mild nausea on multiple occasions (especially after eating). All of these symptoms began just weeks after a bad bout of food poisoning that I got from an Indian restaurant.
I have also been experiencing gradually worsening myopia in my left eye, which is what led me to seek the advice of an optometrist.

He said some very relationship and soul destroying things a while back that ultimately broke our relationship, likely in irreparable ways.
He says time and again that he doesn’t regret it because in his words, I was being a bitch and I deserved it.
I was indeed being very emotional and angry about the situation, but it was in reaction to him making a life changing decision without even consulting me and knowing that it wasn’t something I was okay with.
That something was moving in his family members to live with us permanently, one of them being an adult who was disabled and unable to work.
Keep in mind we are renting out my mother’s old home at the time. It’s not even our house. We can’t even afford to rent other places let alone buy our own house now.
We are also not married.
And he has a many other family members who could’ve taken these family members in, but they never offered and never gave us a single penny to even help with the situation.
I never got a single thank you from these people after spending thousands to help their family.
Yes yes. I realize I was being a fucking idiot helping these people out when I should’ve realized how little they cared about me or values me from the get go.
I thought I was being a good partner to my narc, which I was. But you know how it is with them, nothing you ever do is good enough and they continually demand for more until you can’t anymore and then they throw you away once you’re no longer useful.
I had made it clear from the get go that I was the kind of person that needed my own space and that I didn’t even want to live with my own family members so it’s nothing personal.
I have been actively working hard to increase my income so I can afford to live on my own and for a while thought he was on the same boat when he moved out to come stay with me when I moved away from our home town.
It’s nobody else’s job to provide for me. I will make it happen on my own because it’s what I want. That has been my mindset this entire time.
He never said anything about not agreeing to having our own space.
This was the real deal breaker for me because both our families are dramatic and can be toxic and overbearing and as an adult I’d don’t want to be trapped living in the chaos that others create again.
I can’t do it. I refuse to do it.
Well he decided to do it anyways. He talked it out with only his family members and moved them in permanently despite there being so many others in better positions to take these people on.
We even had an agreement that them staying was temporary because they truly needed help at the moment and I was trying to be a good and kind person by letting them stay temporarily.
His entire family was there when we agreed on it.
But then these family members decided they wanted to stay forever so the narc right in line with them.
Yes, he’s a narc but also an emotionally incestuous enmeshed mamas boy who is neglected by his family and only called upon when needed for something whether it be errands or his money which he doesn’t have anyways.
He told me he wants us to buys a house that will accommodate them and that we will be financially responsible for everything.
Who the fuck wouldn’t be upset?
This had so many layers of disrespect and fuck you all over it, I didn’t even know where to start.
The audacity of this person is astounding. I too, have no regrets about standing up for myself.
I wish at the time, I had better tools to regulate my emotions and handle it in a calmer manner, but then again this person has never ever validated my feelings or cared about my thoughts on things.
In an attempt to get me to comply to his selfishness, he threatened to cheat on me and replace me with someone else. He belittled me and berated me, telling me how he didn’t like me as a person and how he felt he could do so much better.
He knew very well that my father had an affair on my mom, leaving us behind and effectively replacing me, my sisters and mother with his new wife and her three daughters.
He gave them everything he promised to give us and barely was in our lives. He’d shame and guilt us for needing help and would constantly invalidate our feelings.
I see so much of my father in this narc and I hate him so much for using my deepest wounds against me. He purposely did it to break me.
At one point in time, the narc had become my new family. My hope for a better future. Hope that this time, a man would choose to stay and protect me.
He did for a time choose us. He did for a time help me so much and made our relationship a priority.
And it hurt so badly to learn that after all this time I was just replaceable to him. I gave him everything I had.
He told me that a wife is replaceable but his mother and family were not. That he doesn’t care if I was a part of his life or not.
It broke me and made me feel suicidal from how painful it was to go through this again.
In our text argument earlier he shamed me for crying, implying that I’m the weak one for showing emotions and vulnerability.
He shames and laughs at the pain he created and takes absolutely no accountability for how his actions created this entire mess.
He said he refuses to understand people like me which is basically the root of this issue on top of him just being an entitled asshole.
He’s also just a person who is callous and does not care. His morals are rotten and his values hypocritical.
He says he chooses to be happy and he does that by doing whatever he wants with no regard for me or our relationship or whatever hardship he creates for me.
He still has the gall to say he loves me and that he cares and doesn’t break up with me and the blatant polarity of his actions versus his words makes me sick.
He’s so full of shit.
The irony is he’s quite stupid and lazy and an underachiever. He wants a traditional wife but can’t have one because he can’t be a decent enough provider.
Instead he makes me take on all the hardship and responsibility, much of which he creates. He thinks he has all the say and he’s not wrong and that he somehow deserves a subservient wife who will always do what he wants.
Before you all tell me to leave, yes I am working on it. Finances and a lack of a support system (which landed me here in the first place) is why I can’t leave just yet.
The longer this drags out the more I just don’t want anything to do with this person which helps me immensely.
But fuck these assholes. I am beyond disgusted and frustrated with these walking talking hypocritical infantile meat heads.
It’s making me become a very unempathetic and impatient person because I just don’t have any patience for their stupidity and selfishness anymore.
Anyways I needed to rant.
I realized while writing this that I have gotten a lot of my power back and I see more clearly than before.
I have been under reacting for so long and I’m learning a solid lesson about awful people in your lives and what relationships not to pour into, when to put your foot down and to never give anyone else this much power over me again.
He is a walking taking shit show and I’d be more understanding if he was actually nice and understanding but he a big turd of an asshole too which makes it hard to be empathetic.
Do I love him still? To some extent. I care about him and wish better for him. But I refuse to be his victim and punching bag anymore.
His family can burn.

In case anyone’s confused, here’s what we know so far:
Domino sent out an email saying that shipping the 3xLP records from their store would be delayed because of a misprint. The error in question was that the title of “A Night At Mr. Raindrop’s Holistic Supermarket” was misprinted; “Pharmacy” was printed by mistake. The email says that each order would receive an additional corrected copy of the EP disc, as well as the original misprint, for no extra cost.
Cut to this week, and people are finally receiving their orders, only to discover that the misprint wasn’t corrected, both copies of the EP say “Pharmacy” instead of “Supermarket”.
Domino has been unclear about this turnout, and their communication has caused an understandable amount of confusion. I don’t represent them in any way, just a mod passing along the information.
As a side note: a number of people who have received their albums found that there’s a slight warping during “Penny Dreadfuls” that hasn’t been addressed at all by Domino.
For a release that has been anticipated for so many years, it’s baffling to see how this has rolled out. It’s doubtful we’ll ever get a candid explanation but for now the best we can do is collectively scratch our heads.
Hopefully everyone is enjoying their albums despite these issues, keep your eyes on this thread for any updates or developments.

I was doing some work east of the KC Metro this morning on I-70 and on the way back I stopped at a gas station for gas and I noticed an Indian guy in a grey honda minivan with his wife and 2 kids going around talking to people there. I didn’t think anything of it and got gas and as I left they pulled up next to me and asked to lower my window down. He said he was in the area for memorial day weekend, and headed back to California and his wallet either got stolen or he lost it and he needed money for gas and food to get back. I said I’d give him a few bucks but I realized I didn’t have any cash on me. He begged me to run in to the atm at the gas station. I wanted cash anyway so I offered to. When I parked he came up to my vehicle and started thanking me nonstop and offered to give me his gold necklace and he gave me his phone number so he could pay me back. I thought it made sense, since his license plate was from California and he had a California area code with his phone number. He wanted a couple hundred dollars since its a few day drive for gas and food for his kids. I guess i’m a sucker and an uncultured idiot cuz I found out its a pretty common scam. I’ve never heard of it before and it fooled me good. So ig this is for anyone thats never heard of it either and is generous enough to offer money. Also, I have a fake 18k gold chain if anyone wants it

Sorry for the English, I am Mediterranean
I went there as representative of my company. My job was selling our products to people hoping for investments or funding from venture capital or banks. I kinda liked it, I like doing it and negotiating with other people
Thanks to the event, I had the opportunity of analyzing in detail the demography of the people attending it
- There were only three type of people representing their companies at their stands; autistic male engineers, Indian engineers that casually became head of European companies in random places like Bratislava, and hot HR girls.
- Half of the companies present were interesting, the other half was demented and they were pitching absurd ideas or ESG brain monitoring stuff, hoping to receive investment from some shady NGO probably
- 90% European (obviously), 5% Indian and Asian, and 5% Africans. The last ones were divided in two different categories, the Africans from Ruanda and Nigeria presenting swarm tech drone technologies, and the Franco-Africans (?) cleaning the toilets
- 3/4 of the event was covered by companies and investors. The other 1/4 was covered by workshops and conferences. These workshops were exclusively stuffed by young female activists who spoke for three days straight about feminism and anti-racism (I heard everything because sadly my stand was in front of the theatre), while sharing their stage with a woman from the Clinton Foundation (!)
The irony that the uber-left activists were sharing the same event with ubercapitalists and Big Banks and Big Tech was completely lost to these young girls
- Ukrainians running around in faux military-fatigue, asking to everyone for tech that could be used on the battlefield. They were cool people.
- The entrance was covered by a giant globohomo sculpture, on it it was written "WELCOME, HEROES" or something like that, absolutely regarded. Double regardation, because directly in front of it, pointing in the direction of the regarded motto, there was a statue of General Joffre on horse, probably spinning in his tomb
​
Apart from all of that, Paris is still very cool. People are fit and hot and they smoke a lot, and I saw at least a dozen of giant rats and a pair of african drug smuggler

My friend Maya loved trying different foods. She never understood why so many people plod through the same meals every week, when such a vast range of exotic ingredients line the shelves of your local supermarket.
We shopped together about once a month. Maya always went straight to the international or health food aisles, and searched for jars of pickled baby squid, or cans of Polish energy drink. Nothing made her face break into a grin like a pack of lamb’s hearts.
Her birthday was a few weeks away, so I ran some searches online to find a top end weird supermarket item. All the suggestions were too milquetoast for such a special day. But several forum users insisted that to find something truly odd, you need to head down the snack aisle. By venturing all the way to the farthest end, you can find all kinds of weird stuff.
On our next trip I took Maya to the point where instant coffee met the tortilla chips, handed her a birthday card, and said to pick out whatever she wanted.
We went past the usual collections of salt and vinegar crisps. Through the popcorn, towards more bespoke choices. Pretzels. Pork scratchings. Breadsticks dipped in sesame seeds. Then onto the wasabi peas and canachur.
Most people have found their required item by this stage, and do not bother travelling further. But I trusted the forums, and led Maya to a point past where the corner of the supermarket should have been. A place where the packaging is muddy olive, and everything smelt of suede, and oily marks stained the floor.
Maya picked up something with a wasp on the logo. I understood the individual words on the packet, but they made no sense as a sentence. She confirmed her selection, and we moved faster than a walking pace to get back to the condiments.
The packet took three attempts to scan through the checkout, and cost less than a pint of milk. Soon we sat in my car, enjoying the heat of the sun, and opened our prize.
The smell that wafted out was lime soaked in cheddar. Dozens of puffed corn pyramids crammed together inside, each scarred with ridges and canyons. Maya offered me one, but I shook my head.
‘Not my birthday.'
She reached in. Then wrinkled her brow when her fingertips met resistance.
It took less than a second for the yellow and black banded hand to grab her wrist, and start pulling her in. Maya's arm vanished up to the shoulder with ease, and that is when the real trouble started. The packet was too small to allow anything past the collarbone in. Something creaked like ice against timber.
The smell of lime and cheese mixed with a new scent of rusted pennies. I squeezed the packet between my fingers in a desperate attempt to break Maya free. But where her elbow joint should have been was nothing but crunchy pyramids turning to powder.

I am unable to get the video out of my head. I keep thinking how easy it could have been to save the kid. Yes, she was a kid. A sixteen year old kid, the same age as my little sister. She would have just completed her 10th boards and this is what she gets after such a cumbersome year? This?
If only the red tshirt man had stuck around and helped after the first try. If only the others seeing the red tshirt dude have joined in and subdued that murderer. If only they had called for help. The could have shouted in a group, thrown stones, alerted more people, made a mob. Got a lathi or borrowed a knife from someone's house. This happened in a street full of houses not some dusty abandoned place.
The murderer did not stop after stabbing the kid 20 times. No, he kept kicking and jumping on her dead (or was she alive? barely grasping to life) body and brutalising it. But even that was not enough, he had to make sure his anger was sated 'cause she broke up/denied him. How could a woman, someone lesser not fall over begging for a man's love? He came back and then again kept brutalising her body. The people kept watching and moving on and only a poor stray dog remained there the longest seeing the real beasts that resides in this world.
Why are we like this? Why are we so apathetic to a woman's pain in this country? Animals, who we treat like shit have more empathy than people around us. They say we have to live in this society so conform to it or the society will never aid you. Lies, they have always been big fat lies but this, this just proves it. Indian masses will only unite together to throw sticks and stones on you, never help you.
We, Indian women are not even second class citizens here. We are not even human in their eyes. Our bodies are nothing but a trophy, a possession that is meant to belong to a man. Never loved, never cared.
Reading comments and threads have done nothing but made me lose hope further. People are saying it's the kid, the 16 year old kid's fault that she was murdered for talking to a guy at evening/night. That is was her fault for being involved with a 20 year old. For leading him on. For breaking his heart. How can people ask these questions? I don't expect anything from men but I have seen women comment how she should have not talked to guys and this would not have happened and the same old acche ghar ki ladkiya dialogue.
Our judiciary is going to fail again and the outrage will die in a hot minute. It will take years and years for him to even get a sentence (if he even does). If this murderer was below 18, high chances are that he would have been given a slap on the wrist and let loose (nirbhaya case minor is still out there somewhere living his life when she is dead). The delhi case where the girl was chopped and bagged is still getting sentenced, the hyderabad rapists are all back to their lavish life 'cause money and political connections are everything. There is no law.
Why are we women like this? Why are we still accepting this treatment? Why have we not radicalised by now? I do not think we could survive without it in this country. We let men run their mouth with 'not all men' and shit like 'ohh you get alimony and laws are in your favour' when this is our ground reality? That we are nothing, absolutely nothing.

Hi, So glad I came across this group with so much information from everyones different experiences. This is my first post so bare with me as it may be a little long.
So to start my cycle has always been bang on 30 days but the last 2 months it was 27 days. Last period was 1st may. 9 days before my due period i started having this dark brown discharge (21st of the 5th) which lasted around 3 days. On the 23rd my boobs got really sore and i was getting twinges in my lower abdomen (got this with my last 2 pregnancies )so done a pregnancy test on the 24th which came back positive. It was serious shock as we have our family and are making plans to travel in the coming months and years in a canpervan we are converting atm. We seriously debated abortion but after 2 agonising days decided we couldn't fo through with it. Just as we started to come to terms with it on Saturday 27th i was holding my 4 month old neice and she pushed her we foot down on the right side of my lower abdomen and there was a very sharp pain. When i went to the toilet again i was bleeding. Bright red blood. Its weird because all that day i felt funny and was actually ready online searching about eptopic pregnancy. I knew something was different this time in my gut. Anyway i started to get little light headed and panicky so my husband took me up to the A&E. Got bloods done to confirm pregnancy and an internal scan which obviously didnt show anything as im not far enough on. They couldn't find my right ovary but could see there was no active blood flow which i couldnt really understand as the bleeding lasted into the next day for roughly 24 hours in total, bright red but no clots. They rang the next day with bloods and said they were 100 Hcg (if thats right ive been in such a daze since finding out we were having another baby🙈) so called me back up again yesterday for more bloods and done another scan which again showed nothing and couldnt find my right ovary. Those came back last night (29th) after a very agonising wait and i was told the Dr thinks it seems like and early miscarriage but wants to confirm with more bloods tomorrow (31st). I was in a world of my own so didnt ask what the levels were this time. Im assuming they stayed the same or dropped/increased just slightly. Im really nervous about tomorrow as i just want and answer as to whats going on. Im due to go on holiday to Ibiza next Saturday with my cousin and sister and we have been really excited about it as the last holiday we planned got cancelled due to covid kicking off. Ive literally saved every spare penny i had to get on this holiday and with the way things are going with the cost of living i doubt very much i will be able to afford another anytime soon. I could deal with being pregnant on holiday and not drinking but after all this now happening i honestly dont think i could go and enjoy myself without drinking. If it turns out eptopic then its either gona be surgery or that injection from what ive been reading. I cant drink with the injection and i doubt i can fly after surgery. God forgive me but im kinda praying for a miscarriage if it has to be one of the 2. Just so i can go and try and have a good time and forget all this happened. I feel for anyone who has had to go through this or anything similar as the waiting is just brutal. I just want it to all be over with tbh. Just for context i have had pain in the right side a little in my chest and tonight a pain shot through my jaw. Most of the pain isnt overly bad so i dont know if its just my anxiety causing it. Ive also has bad lower back pain and pain in my right arm and shooting down my right leg where i suspect if its eptopic thats the side its on. All the symptoms of being pregnant are fading. Sore boobs and achy legs and the twinges i got with the other 2 pregnancies.
Has anyone ever experience these kinds of things with a miscarriage? I know people do loose the pregnancy symptoms some times but does anyone get the pain one sided? The short period off bleeding? The nurse told me that can happen with a miscarriage but i honestly think she was trying not to worry me.
Thank you for taking the time to read ❤

Demographics: Indian/Pakistani/Persian Male (50% Indian, 25 - 25 others) Apparently this allows me to put MENA on my common app.
Applying to college as a junior because I hate my life and I want to run away. I have guaranteed admission to UCM and UCR which is my worst case scenario.
My family thinks I'm fucked because I got 2 Bs. Residency: SoCal
Top Public High School in California
Income: >350k Intended Major(s): Political Science ACT: 36 (All Sections) UW/W GPA and Rank: 3.92UW/4.27W Top 15% Coursework: AP Chem (5), AP Calc AB (5), APWH (5), AP HUG (5), Intro Poli Sci (community college), Calc 2 (community college) Senior Year APs: AP Lang, APUSH, AP Bio, AP Stats, AP Psych Awards:
- Congressional Gold Medal
- PVSA Lifetime
- Eagle Scout
- County Academic League Winner
- School Character Award (Given to 2 kids per grade)
- Quiz Bowl Team Nationals 13th place
- AP Scholar with Distinction
- Duke Of Edinburgh Silver Award
(lemme know which ones to put) Extracurriculars (Help Me Condense these) Trying to make a story about American Politics:

1. Boy Scouts, Eagle Scouts, and ASPL. Have been in Scouting since first grade.
2. Political Science Research at a T100 UC near me. Doing this for 2 years. My name is on publication.
3. Political Science Research at Brown. Doing this for 3 months.
4. Political Science Research at a State School Online. My name is on Publication.
5. Internship with State Assemblymember.
6. Founder Of a Nonprofit that teaches kids political literacy at three of the local elementary schools. Nonprofit since 7th grade.
7. Vice President Of Quiz Bowl, Have been a part of since 7th grade. Served as Treasurer last year.
8. Captain Of Junior Varsity Academic League
9. President and Founder Of Model Congress Club. First Model Congress in the city.
10. Secretary Of Model UN.
11. Youth Fellow at National Democrat Organization
12. Member Of a National Civics-Based Youth Board
13. USA Head at a big global nonprofit.
14. Wrote and self-published a book on civic engagement for children. Sold over 1000 copies (don't ask who though)

Help me make my story, please
Essays:
8.5/10, gonna write about my struggles with eating disorders and how I lost 150 pounds after my family bullied me for my weight.
LORs: Brown Professor / T100 UC Professor (Depends on which school), AP Chem Teacher 7/10, APWH Teacher (11/10) - Notorious for only writing letters for only 3 kids. She is the advisor of Model UN, Model Congress, Academic League, and Quiz Bowl. In her letter of rec for my youth board, she wrote that I am the hardest working student she has ever had.
Schools: Brown (ED), Bowdoin (ED2), Uchicago EA, UVA EA, NYU (Gallatin) RD, Cornell RD, Dartmouth RD, Amherst RD, UMich EA, Emory RD, Williams RD, USC EA, UCLA, UCB, Harvard RD, Duke RD,
Please let me know what I can do to make my application stronger. I AM DESPERATE TO START A NEW LIFE!!

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Every night, against his will, Kenneth would relive every awful moment of it. Pulled back into his hellish youth through a dream. The same dream he found himself in once again. He was in a place now so familiar that he could actively acknowledge his unconscious state, but he could never wake up from it. Not until Steve had his fill. Not until he was satiated in his place from beyond the grave, firmly in charge of this horrific dominion within his victim's damaged psyche. It was an evil dreamland, somehow designed to re-inflict every harrowing humiliation and brutal torture experienced in the waking world. The disgusting past, revived.
Kenneth shivered as the cold wind battered against his scantily-clad body. The same as always, he was wearing his pajamas. Now far too small and disintegrating on his adult-sized frame, they tore and fell away as he walked, leaving him little more than torn rags for comfort against the elements. The harsh earth stung under his bare feet. Uniformly black, contrasting the sickening reddish sky which hugged cragged mountain tops on horizons far out of reach. A small light emanated in the distance. Following his usual robotic routine, Kenneth stumbled towards it like a moth to the flame.
The wind ceased almost instantly as he grew nearer and its howling was replaced by an intimidating silent totality. There was no sound left whatsoever besides the first whisper. Loud and clear, as if right in his ear. Right on que. There was nothing he could do.
"To come or go after and take or bring back.
All the children, wrapped up in black.
Venture forth or turn around.
A soul once entered is already bound."
It was his voice. It made Kenneth want to wretch, to empty his nonexistent stomach, but such reliefs weren't present. Not permitted. Stripped from Kenneth like so many other things before, injustices of which he'd now face all over again. His horror was an internal one. The ability to react, dulled and blunted, as if tranced. His foreknowledge of the impending trauma rained a great heavy dread upon the sullen atmosphere of the nightmarish place. A literal rain. Slimy like oil. The air hung heavy, further slowing his movements. Kenneth struggled on regardless, shuffling towards the second glow amidst the growing fog. The second taunting installment retelling his miserable history.
The light blinked out, plunging the landscape into darkness once again. The sky's pale crimson glow only slightly revealed his surroundings, occasionally lit up with bolts of unseen violet lighting. Not that there was anything for Kenneth to see. Nothing to do but obey. Steve's voice throbbed in the void around him. A cruel mockery, cawed in a distorted imitation of the man who'd destroyed his life before it even had a chance to truly begin. The monster who snuffed his innocence out forever.
"All alone the lady waits,
Devoid of a father, whom they now both hate.
House is empty, home is cold.
A shallow dream, eagerly sold."
Visions of his mother tore at Kenneth and he did everything he could to resist, to stamp them down and lock them away. But the more he struggled, the harder it was to keep them at bay.
"A sweet relief, a sweet reprieve. A lovely replacement,
named Steve.
Steve is kind, Steve is nice.
Kenny's mother, in a vice."
Another clockwork recurrence chilled Kenneth as he felt the eyes. Turning to meet them, the wind returned; crashing against him and sending him tumbling to the coarse desert floor. The ashen texture coated everything, acrid and burning in his nostrils. Piercing debris like shattered glass clung and then fell back to their place among the filth as Kenneth strained to get back up. To his relief, Steve wasn't moving yet. Just… standing there. Right on the edge of his visibility. Waving…
He didn't act like the Steve that Kenneth had known in the waking world. The rhymes, that was nothing like him. But the way he… it, would deliver them… that was just Steve all over. That smug cadence, made manifest in a demon now all too real. It cocked its head as it brought its hand back down to its side before extending it outwards. A long bony finger beckoned to Kenneth.
"No…" he whimpered. Desperate to escape the inevitable. "Just… go away…"
"He takes you away to a different place.
Leaves an awful mess all over your face.
'Tell a soul, my little whore,
Then you will suffer.
Your mother, and more."
"Do you remember, Kenny?" It began to advance. An onyx phantom, silhouetted and drawing nearer. "Do you remember the toolshed?" A creature, becoming clearer.
A shrill cackling laughter filled the night air, which immediately became much darker. Thicker. Like being underwater. The monster broke from a shamble into a sprint and fight or flight sent Kenneth running too. The shock that had held him in place cleared fast with the adrenaline, spurring him to flee. To escape that terrible place, once and for all. He could hear its heavy, lumbering footfalls advancing close behind. A sharp pain shredded through him from his bloody soles to his pounding chest, close to bursting, when a cave presented itself in the distance. Small, but safe. A false safety.
A tiny candle flickered dimly in its narrow entryway and as it finally became within reach Kenneth thrust himself inside and awaited his imminent punishment with clenched fists, but his monstrous pursuer was gone. For now. Picking up the fragile light source and shielding it with his cupped hand, Kenneth began to go deeper. The passageway was thin, but there was nowhere to go except forward. There was a strange feeling emerging from inside, one long awaited.
"Of inky black and rotten sack, a filthy mongrel answers back.
Tell him quietly, watch him whimper. Tell him loudly, hear him holler.
The mother tries to help her son. Steve is angry, he says he'll maul her."
A flash of righteous anger bubbled in Kenneth as he felt the presence behind him. Once again eager to give chase.
"And I did maul 'er. Didn't I, boy?" Kenneth heard it scrape its claws on the cold stone wall. Screeching like nails on an old, long abandoned chalkboard. "It's your fault what happened to her."
Another hideous cackle, only this time stifled, Kenneth's response overcoming it in the constricting chasm.
"Fuck off, Steve! You fucking piece of shit!" He'd always wanted to say that, it spewed out all frothy and furious like he imagined it would. A thirst for retribution fuelled him, flowed all through and inspired a long dead hope within. A puncture in its invulnerability. "I'm not afraid of you anymore!"
Kenneth believed it. He knew it, and so did the monster.
"Through Muffled screams and burning holes,
Steve continues, ignoring 'no's'.
Searing flesh, the work is done.
'Uncle Steve', has had his fun."
The cave walls began to rumble, and through some invisible quaking force they splintered and cracked, flooding the dim tunnel in a sea of sparse debris. Two round searchlight-like eyes beamed at Kenneth through the dusty mist as it extinguished his little candle. Silence once again, punctuated only by shallow breath before being interrupted by a deep penetrating growl. The eyes closed, and in the darkness of the tunnel the two's chase ensued. The passage grew slimmer and skinnier with each step and eventually the slick thuds of pounding steps on wet stone were reduced to grunts and pained moans as Kenneth squeezed and crawled and shimmied through dank shafts and up and down stairs and across chambers full of black crystal formations. Impossibly black. Blacker than the remotest void of space. Darker than a sea of dead stars. The sight captivated Kenneth, tempting him to stop and fall into it forever. To give into it. But as he was right on the precipice of the endless cosmic lagoon, about to start tumbling, he heard it stirring behind. Snorting and laughing. Clicking and mumbling incomprehensibly. Scratching and scraping its thick filthy claws in an effort to regain control. To prove its ownership. Kenneth was done. He wasn't scared anymore, he repeated it in his head like a mantra. Giving everything to believe it.
"Amber leaves and dirty knees,
A wife held down, who hardly sees.
Always stoic, mummy's soldier.
No escape from your enclosure..."
Kenneth ducked back and slid into a large crack in the wall as the monster entered into the small crystal chamber, the exit now blocked with its menacing presence. Kenneth held his breath, clamping his hands down tightly over his trembling bottom lip.
"Trapped again, little Kenny,
No escape without a penny.
Tell aloud, try to run.
Watch her suffer.
It's never done."
Thick slopping drool seeped from its distended maw as it lurched past Kenny's hiding spot in the wall. Mere feet away from taking him, bringing him back. Pulling him under. It cooed for him. Humming a sweet song, one he barely remembered. It made him want to give in, for the last time. But he didn't, refusing to scream. Refusing to give it what it wanted.
After a while the creature began to double back, creeping towards the exit from whence it came. As its sweet serenade slowly disappeared, Kenneth climbed out and made a break for it, trudging through the darkness using his hands as eyes. No more song, no more Steve. Kenneth crawled through the mud, desperate to leave. The cold cave air was becoming hot, and as Kenneth traveled ever deeper the walls began to rot. Flesh came away with each frantic grasp, choking poor Kenneth and making him gasp. The musky dead passageway was emitting a horrid miasma. It burned and it stung, rekindling his asthma. But push onward he did, embracing his chance. Ready to face down the monster for one last dance.
"A comforting weapon,
The cold steel gun.
In your tiny palm it weighs a ton.
Grip it tighter, hide it good.
Kill Uncle Steve like a hero would."
Kenneth was in control, a rhyme of his own. Ready to kill. Not maim, but dethrone. Just as in childhood, he felt the gun's weight. Now all the more lighter, and though the darkness remained, it was as if it grew brighter, empowered by the knowledge that he now was a fighter. So he clambered on through the decaying dark tunnel. The tunnel, it seemed, leveled out like a funnel. In through the mouth and down the thin trail. Then into a slide where he slid like a snail. The final hill of a terrible ride, when Kenneth popped out he was no longer inside.
"Childish lies, naievity.
No heroes at all in your nativity.
A growing hope, finally time?
Not so fast, you'll always be mine."
Kenneth got up and looked all around. High above the sea, and yet feeling as if drowned. A precarious mountain top, just him and Steve. A long way down, He could tumble with ease. Kenneth raised the gun, a shake in his knees. About to end the fiend that haunted his dreams.
"Think you're ready?
Think you're strong?
Uncle Steve knows that you won't last for long!"
"Maybe not… but at least you'll be gone…"
Spark and tinder, the monster did splinter. Cast down below, into the cold winter. Kenneth rejoiced, the gun by his side. The ultimate tool that helped leave him behind. Finally free, he yelled and he screamed. Feeling released in the ultimate reprieve. But as his cries carried all through the scorched mountain tops, blood began pouring. The sky weeped like a fountain.
"A trembling hand,
Another chance.
Little Kenny,
is 'free' at last.
Lost his mother, got no friends.
Always alone, no matter the ends.
So know this, my tiny child.
I am undying, forever beguiled.
And you, sad pup, are forever defiled…
I'll always be there. I have the means.
There's no escape, while I lurk in your dreams."
The celebration ended with the stark revelation. The gun met his temple to defy the cantation. Steve's mocking screech, the final desecration. And with a loud bang, he was back in his bedroom…
"Fuck!" Kenneth sprang up and fell to the floor. His shallow breathing leveled out as the pill bottle's lid joined him. He'd been there before. "Not again…"
He choked down six, triple the dose… Now back in this life, that he hated the most.

It's well worth a read, though I'm not sure exactly how well the late nineteenth-century anthropology holds up today. (Maybe somebody more knowledgeable than me can weigh in.)
The long and short of it: Engels examines how the structure of the family in a given society is contingent upon it economic and technological conditions, considered in terms of linear stages of development from "savagery" to "civilization." Group marriage, elective pair bonds, and matrilineality are typical of "primitive" societies, while ones that develop large-scale agriculture and specialized crafts tend towards patrilineality, driven by concerns over property rights:

We now leave America, the classic soil of the pairing family. No sign allows us to conclude that a higher form of family developed here, or that there was ever permanent monogamy anywhere in America prior to its discovery and conquest. But not so in the Old World.
Here the domestication of animals and the breeding of herds had developed a hitherto unsuspected source of wealth and created entirely new social relations. Up to the lower stage of barbarism, permanent wealth had consisted almost solely of house, clothing, crude ornaments and the tools for obtaining and preparing food – boat, weapons, and domestic utensils of the simplest kind. Food had to be won afresh day by day. Now, with their herds of horses, camels, asses, cattle, sheep, goats, and pigs, the advancing pastoral peoples—the Semites on the Euphrates and the Tigris, and the Aryans in the Indian country of the Five Streams (Punjab), in the Ganges region, and in the steppes then much more abundantly watered of the Oxus and the Jaxartes—had acquired property which only needed supervision and the rudest care to reproduce itself in steadily increasing quantities and to supply the most abundant food in the form of milk and meat. All former means of procuring food now receded into the background; hunting, formerly a necessity, now became a luxury.
But to whom did this new wealth belong? Originally to the gens, without a doubt. Private property in herds must have already started at an early period, however. It is difficult to say whether the author of the so-called first book of Moses regarded the patriarch Abraham as the owner of his herds in his own right as head of a family community or by right of his position as actual hereditary head of a gens. What is certain is that we must not think of him as a property owner in the modern sense of the word. And it is also certain that at the threshold of authentic history we already find the herds everywhere separately owned by heads of families, as are the artistic products of barbarism—metal implements, luxury articles and, finally, the human cattle—the slaves.
For now slavery had also been invented. To the barbarian of the lower stage, a slave was valueless. Hence the treatment of defeated enemies by the American Indians was quite different from that at a higher stage. The men were killed or adopted as brothers into the tribe of the victors; the women were taken as wives or otherwise adopted with their surviving children. At this stage human labor-power still does not produce any considerable surplus over and above its maintenance costs. That was no longer the case after the introduction of cattle-breeding, metalworking, weaving and, lastly, agriculture. just as the wives whom it had formerly been so easy to obtain had now acquired an exchange value and were bought, so also with the forces of labor, particularly since the herds had definitely become family possessions. The family did not multiply so rapidly as the cattle. More people were needed to look after them; for this purpose use could be made of the enemies captured in war, who could also be bred just as easily as the cattle themselves.
Once it had passed into the private possession of families and there rapidly begun to augment, this wealth dealt a severe blow to the society founded on pairing marriage and the matriarchal gens. Pairing marriage had brought a new element into the family. By the side of the natural mother of the child it placed its natural and attested father, with a better warrant of paternity, probably, than that of many a “father” today. According to the division of labor within the family at that time, it was the man’s part to obtain food and the instruments of labor necessary for the purpose. He therefore also owned the instruments of labor, and in the event of husband and wife separating, he took them with him, just as she retained her household goods. Therefore, according to the social custom of the time, the man was also the owner of the new source of subsistence, the cattle, and later of the new instruments of labor, the slaves. But according to the custom of the same society, his children could not inherit from him. For as regards inheritance, the position was as follows:
At first, according to mother-right—so long, therefore, as descent was reckoned only in the female line—and according to the original custom of inheritance within the gens, the gentile relatives inherited from a deceased fellow member of their gens. His property had to remain within the gens. His effects being insignificant, they probably always passed in practice to his nearest gentile relations—that is, to his blood relations on the mother's side. The children of the dead man, however, did not belong to his gens, but to that of their mother; it was from her that they inherited, at first conjointly with her other blood relations, later perhaps with rights of priority; they could not inherit from their father, because they did not belong to his gens, within which his property had to remain. When the owner of the herds died, therefore, his herds would go first to his brothers and sisters and to his sister’s children, or to the issue of his mother’s sisters. But his own children were disinherited.
Thus, on the one hand, in proportion as wealth increased, it made the man’s position in the family more important than the woman’s, and on the other hand created an impulse to exploit this strengthened position in order to overthrow, in favor of his children, the traditional order of inheritance. This, however, was impossible so long as descent was reckoned according to mother-right. Mother-right, therefore, had to be overthrown, and overthrown it was. This was by no means so difficult as it looks to us today. For this revolution—one of the most decisive ever experienced by humanity—could take place without disturbing a single one of the living members of a gens. All could remain as they were. A simple decree sufficed that in the future the offspring of the male members should remain within the gens, but that of the female should be excluded by being transferred to the gens of their father. The reckoning of descent in the female line and the matriarchal law of inheritance were thereby overthrown, and the male line of descent and the paternal law of inheritance were substituted for them. As to how and when this revolution took place among civilized peoples, we have no knowledge. It falls entirely within prehistoric times. But that it did take place is more than sufficiently proved by the abundant traces of mother-right which have been collected, particularly by Bachofen. How easily it is accomplished can be seen in a whole series of American Indian tribes, where it has only recently taken place and is still taking place under the influence, partly of increasing wealth and a changed mode of life (transference from forest to prairie), and partly of the moral pressure of civilization and missionaries. Of eight Missouri tribes, six observe the male line of descent and inheritance, two still observe the female. Among the Shawnees, Miamis and Delawares the custom has grown up of giving the children a gentile name of their father's gens in order to transfer them into it, thus enabling them to inherit from him. (...)
The overthrow of mother-right was the world historical defeat of the female sex. The man took command in the home also; the woman was degraded and reduced to servitude, she became the slave of his lust and a mere instrument for the production of children. This degraded position of the woman, especially conspicuous among the Greeks of the heroic and still more of the classical age, has gradually been palliated and glozed over, and sometimes clothed in a milder form; in no sense has it been abolished.

The short version of the conclusion: if the tangling up of property relations, economic brass tacks, reproduction, and romantic/sexual love has warped relations between the sexes, then the passage from capitalism into socialism and communism will allow men and women to stand on more equal footing. There's no point in smashing any patriarchy because there's no patriarchy to smash: just a period of historical development that needs to be brought to its conclusion and sublated by the next phase.

In any case, therefore, the position of men will be very much altered. But the position of women, of all women, also undergoes significant change. With the transfer of the means of production into common ownership, the single family ceases to be the economic unit of society. Private housekeeping is transformed into a social industry. The care and education of the children becomes a public affair; society looks after all children alike, whether they are legitimate or not. This removes all the anxiety about the “consequences,” which today is the most essential social—moral as well as economic—factor that prevents a girl from giving herself completely to the man she loves. Will not that suffice to bring about the gradual growth of unconstrained sexual intercourse and with it a more tolerant public opinion in regard to a maiden’s honor and a woman’s shame? And, finally, have we not seen that in the modern world monogamy and prostitution are indeed contradictions, but inseparable contradictions, poles of the same state of society? Can prostitution disappear without dragging monogamy with it into the abyss?

Again, short answer: yes. Engels maintains that the revolution won't deliver us all unto polyamory, but to happy and uncoerced monogamy:

Full freedom of marriage can therefore only be generally established when the abolition of capitalist production and of the property relations created by it has removed all the accompanying economic considerations which still exert such a powerful influence on the choice of a marriage partner. For then there is no other motive left except mutual inclination.

I wonder.
Been reading this lately. Thought I'd share some bits as conversation starters—and as a rebuff to the latest episode of "nobody duz Marxism no more."

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